“Aly, are we on time? Anong oras na ba?” I couldn't myself but to ask Aly.
We're currently on the Marina Bay Sands in Singapore to meet the Singaporean business man regarding their newest building. Ilang minuto na kaming naghihintay.
“I think it's him Ma'am.” Aly said as she pointed at my back.
Lumingon naman ako at sumalubong sa akin ang mid 50's na lalaki. He greeted me and I greeted him back.
“My apology, Miss...”
“December Avellaneda, Sir.” I introduce myself.
“Great name! Suit your personality.” He said. I thank him.
We began to discuss about the project. I also give him about our company background for him to have idea about our architectural firm.
He orient me about his building. That's huge and wide pala.
“Ms. Avellaneda, we're still thinking about the architectural firm that may do the design of our building. My business partner is on his way together with the other architectural firm. My apology.” He said.
Napatango ako. I understand.
This project is not quite easy. They should think of it especially malaking halaga ng pera ang papakawalan nila.
But to tell the truth, I myself, will focus all of my attention and time to this project if our architectural firm chose.
Hindi ko sila bibiguin. I will do anything as much as I can. Hanggang saan maabot ng utak ko.
“They're here!” Mr. Chua announce.
Dalawang lalaking nakasuot ng business suit ang huminto sa aming harapan.
“We're late! I'm sorry.”
“Have a sit.” Mr. Chua speak. “This is Ms. December Avellaneda, the CEO of unique.clo architectural firm in the Philippines.”
Nakipagkamay ako sa kaharap ko na kadarating lang at sa katabi ko.
My eyes suddenly widened as I recognize the man beside me.
Umurong ang dila ko't agad naibaba ang kamay ko. I felt something on my chest right now.
“This is Mr. Arth Scheineder, my business partner.”
“This is Mr. Mateo Lazarus, the CEO of Aspirant Architectural Firm of UK.” He said.
Silly! God, why was that? What the hell is happening right now? Why is he here?
I felt my heart broke into pieces again. Seeing him right now make me hurt. In pain, for the second time around.
I close my eyes as I tried to calm my nerves. I have to act professionally infront of them.
“Here's our firm's background, Sir.” I calm myself as I handed to them the white folder.
I tried to ignore him and act calmly. I have to get this opportunity.
“As you can see, Sir. Our architectural firm was almost a decade. Our employees are well trained and hardworking. And if our firm to be chose as your architectural designer of your building, we will do our job in appropriate manner. We will fulfill our responsibility and focus our hundred percent attention to the said project.” I thank God for saying those words, perfectly.
Kahit na sa totoo lang ay nanghihina ang magkabilang tuhod ko.
“How about you Mr. Lazarus?” Mr. Chua ask.
“..I think Ms. Avellaneda's proposal suit your project Sir.” I heard him mumble.
“What do you mean, Mr. Lazarus?” I kept my mouth silent.
“Her proposal is perfect. I mean you can have their firm as a designer of your project.” He said. I saw him from the side of my eyes, look at me.
“Okay, Mr. Lazarus if that's what you want. We will accept your proposal, Ms. Avellaneda.” Mr. Scheineder said.
Earth to December!
“Sir?”
“Congratulations!” Mr. Chua greeted me as he extended his hands.
Isa lang ang nasa utak ko. Nakuha ko ang project na 'yon.
I saw them sign our contract. Pagkatapos ay ibinigay sa akin iyon.
“Congrats Ms. Avellaneda.” Mr. Scheineder told me.
“Thank you, Sir!” I said. .
Oh my gosh! Really?
Gusto ko yata magtatalon ngayon sa pagkatuwa.
“I hope you will do it better, Ms. Avellaneda. We trust you!” Mr. Scheineder added. Sunod sunod na lamang akong tumango sa kanya.
I thank them for the opportunity.
Nagpaalam kami sa isa't isa. I didn't mind my ex boyfriend.
“Hala Ma'am. Ang galing niyo talaga. Congratulations!” Aly is smiling from ear to ear.
“Thanks Aly.” I smiled at her too.
We should celebrate! I should celebrate for this achievement of mine.
We head back to our hotel. Pero bago pa man ako makasakay sa sasakyan namin pabalik sa hotel ay mayroong kamay ba humawak sa aking braso na ikinahinto ko sandali.
“Can I have a minute with you?” He said using his baritone voice.
I directly look at his eyes using my serious look.
“Why Mr. Lazarus?” I ask him.
“December...please.” his voice low down.
“You know what Mr. Lazarus, I'm a busy person. I'm sorry but I refuse you.” I told him.
Inalis ko ang kamay nito sa akin.
“December, I just want to talk with. Just five minutes.” He insist himself. “Five minutes before I go back to UK.” He added.
I can't even speak right now infront of him.
Nalaman ko nalang na sumunod ako sa kanya patungo sa isang restaurant.
Tahimik lamang ako hanggang sa pumasok at maupo kami.
“I just wanted to say sorry.” He started.
I smiled bitterly.
“..I still love you..” He reach for my hand.
“Mr. Lazarus!” Binawi ko ang kamay ko.
“..you matured a lot and I'm so proud you awhile ago.” Muli akong natawa ng pagak sa sinabi niya.
This is your fault kung bakit ako naging ganito. Kung bakit kita tinatrato ng ganito.
“That's why you give way for me to get that project? You should compete fairly.” I told him.
“You deserve that. And seeing you awhile ago makes me glad. I just made my right decision.”
“Mr. Lazarus just tell me what do you want from me? I have a lot of things to do.”
“I want you back, December. I really do.” He said seriously.
Sunod sunod akong napailing sa kanya.
“And you really think that I can obey your command? That's why you didn't compete with me awhile ago? Ganon ba? Yon ba ang kapalit, Mr. Lazarus?” How dare him!
“No, babe!”
“Stop calling me with that endearment. As far as I know, our relationship ended already since you left me. You left me without thinking about my feelings for you.”
Sa tingin niya ganon lang kalimutan ang ginawa niya sa akin? Sa tingin niya ganon lang kadali magdesisyon? Fuck him!
“I'm sorry, Mr. Lazarus. But honestly speaking, I don't want to see your face anymore. Please don't meddle with my life right now. Huwag mo na ulit akong saktan. Kasi hindi mo alam kung gaano iyon kasakit.”
After I said that, I left him.
Tuloy tuloy kong nilisan ang restaurant na iyon. Ngunit nasa pinto palang ako ng restaurant ay sumalubong sa akin ang humahangos na lalaki.
I stared at Seve seriously as I decided to walk away.
Fuck him! Fuck them! Anong ginagawa ng lalaking to dito? Palibhasa wala silang pinagkaiba.
Pagak ulit akong napangiti at marahang pinunasan ang takas kong luha.
“Ma'am..”
“Let's go, Aly. I'm tired already.” I told my secretary as I go inside the car.
Napapikit akong sumandal sa head rest ng sasakyan. I let my small tear fell.
For the past 9 years, I never cried again. The last time I cried was during my break up with Mateo.
The time I was begging for him not to leave me. Kasi mahal ko talaga siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya.
But hell, I wanted to curse myself for crying. Lalo na't wala namang kabuluhang bagay.
He don't deserve my tears.
I will never let him in my life, again. Never! Even he promised me that he will comeback. Tama na ang sakit na dinulot niya sa akin. He broke my heart. Really really bad.
As I reach our hotel, I walk directly towards the bathroom. I let the water filled my body. Napapikit akong hinayaang tumulo ang aking luha kasabay ng tubig.
Matagal ko na siyang kinalimutan. Matagal ng panahon noong tinanggap kong wala na talaga kami. My love for him already faded.
At ngayon, ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapag isip ng matino. I think, I'm falling for that playboy. I'm falling for Seve. I'm falling for our lust relationship. And I'm so scared to take a risk again. I don't want to be hurt, again.
I don't want to see myself crying because of a guy.
Because I don't deserve to be hurt! Hindi ako masamang babae. Wala naman akong sinasaktan, physically and emotionally.
I'm being a good girl to them. But, but they keep tearing my heart into pieces.
After I took a bath, I walk towards my things to get clothes.
I'm happy yet hurt. Nakuha ko nga ang project na iyon, bumalik naman ang sakit na naramdaman ko noon. How ridiculous it is.
I was busy choosing what to wear as I heard the door suddenly open. Kaagad bumukas iyon at iniluwa ang lalaking kinaiinisan ko ng dalawang araw.
Since that incident happened, I never talk to him. I never call nor text him. Fuck him, sagad.
I was about to speak when I saw a blood on his side of his lips.
“Nakipag away ka?” Tanong ko at nagbawi ng tingin.
Kinuha ko ang manipis na puting damit at short.
“I'm calling you. I'm texting you yet you're not answering any of those.” His serious voice suddenly filled the four corner of the room.
“Who are you to obey your wants?” I glare at him.
“December!” The first time I heard him called my name.
“Fuck you, Cervix Nicklaus. Fuck the two of you. Umalis ka na.” Bago ko pa ibato ang maleta sa pagmumukha mo.
But he just stay still as he look at me.
“...he's the one who broke your heart. Yet, you're comparing me to him. That's not good, December.” He talk.
Napangisi akong lumingon sa kanya.
“Why? Tama naman ako diba? You're just like him at wala kayong pinagkaiba. You'll break my heart like him, am I right?” I tsk at him as I rolled my eyes. “Soon, you will break my heart. So please, just leave. Leave me alone!” I added.
I wear my clothes infront of him.
“That's why in the past two years being together, hindi mo manlang nakita ang good side ko? Kundi lahat ng pambababae ko't pangkakama ko sa kanila, December.”
“That's not my point here, Cervix Nicklaus. Wala kong pakialam kung ilang babae ang ikama mo, wala akong pakialam kung ilang babae ang maanakan mo. You can't change the fact that you'll be forever a playboy.” I told him while looking at him.
Natuod ito at hindi nakapagsalita. He's just looking at me without any emotion in his eyes.
“..then why are you still having sex with me, December? Why are you always in my bed if you're aware that I am a playboy. Look, day by day I'm trying to change myself but how you can do it if you're comparing me with your fucking ex boyfriend. First and foremost, I'm not like him.” He insist.
“Leave, Seve! I don't want to fight with you!” Tinalikuran ko ito ngunit maagap niyang nahawakan ang kamay ko.
His eyes become watery.
“Why are you always like that? Why are you always accusing me even if you know about me. Tangina, I'm serious here, December. I wanted to change just because I love you...”
I remain speechless as I look at him. And seeing him serious like this makes me stunned.
“December, kailan mo ba ko mamahalin? Kailan mo ba ko pagkatiwalaan? Fuck, December you're making me freaking crazy...”
Napasabunot ito sa kanyang buhok.
“...mahal kita December. Tangina oo gago ako pero pagdating sayo seryoso ko.” he added.
I close my eyes as I let my tear fell down to my cheeks.
Napayuko ako sa sinabi niya.
“Are you for re–al?” my voice broke.
“Of course!” mabilis na agap niya.
I finally lift my head to face him but I was stunned as he immediately claim my lips.
Mabilis niyang siniil ang labi ko ng malalim na halik. Napahawak pa ako sa mga braso nito sa panghihina ng tuhod ko.
I remain stunned of what he said.
We've been already two years ngunit hindi ko pa narinig ang tatlong salitang iyon galing sa kanya.
“Mahal mo ko?” I look at his eyes as I tried to cupped his face.
Kasi ako, as time goes by I'm falling for you deeper. I really mean it.
Gusto kong sabihin iyon sa kanya. Gusto kong malaman niya rin iyon.
I've been hiding my feelings for him years ago.
I can't admit to him the truth. Kasi ayoko ko na ulit magtake ng risk. Ayoko na ulit masaktan at mabigo.
“...baby, I love you. December, I really do. I fucking do!” His tear fell. Kaagad kong pinunasan iyon. “I'm willing to change myself from being playboy to be a good guy for you...kase I'm scared for letting go of you.” He caress my face.
Napapikit ulit ako.
“...I want to prove to you that I'm not like your jerk ex boyfriend. I won't leave you. I will forever choose you.” He added.
Nagmulat ako ng mata at sumalubong ang malamlam niyang titig.
“Ta—laga?” My voice crack.
He kissed me once again as his answered to me. He even pulled me closer to him taste me more.
Nalasahan ko ang dugo sa kanyang gilid ng labi.
“Yes. Freakin' yes, baby...” he whispered.
Nakagat ko ang aking labi.
I wanted to cry. Not because I'm hurt or whatever.
I want to cry because of happiness. And I'm so overwhelmed to hear that words from him.
“..fill me!” I whisper at his ear as I closed my eyes.
“You sure?” Tumango ako.
“Uhuh!” I nod my head to him. “I want to feel you right now..and forget my ex boyfriend.” I kiss his jaw.
It will never change the fact that Seve already took many hundred times. And being with him makes me forget everything.
Dinadala ako sa lugar kung saan makakalimutan ang masasaklap na nangyari at kakaibang sarap lamang ang pinapalasap sa akin.
Mariin lamang itong tumitig sa akin na tila ba'y inuusisa ang itsura ko.
“Ayaw mo?” I stop kissing him as I bit my lower lip.
“No, I mean I want you to....fuck this.” He just curse as carry me towards the bed.
Initsa ako nito na para bang sako ng bigas.
Lord, guide me from falling deeper with this man. Please, guide my heart also lord.