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Kara
I was about to make a huge mistake.
I have one or three of them I regret every year or so and looked at them as a kind of subscription fee I had to pay for breathing the air and enjoying gravity on this Earth. Thank God they weren't a monthly thing.
I had weighed the risks on what I was about to do, the pros and cons, and I was sure I might get it right this time. Besides, it didn't matter whether I go through with this or not, I assured myself, because the thing I would lose would come back. It would always come back.
Dramatically, I raised the scissors in the air and, with all the conviction in the world, took a deep breath.
And snipped my bangs.
It wouldn't cut all the way. "Motherfucker."
I howled in horror when I noticed a few strands flying in the air, then closed my eyes. When I opened them, I discovered my bangs looked like a jagged letter J lying on its side. I willed the wheel of time to turn around.
"It's fine, it's fine. If I swept it to the side, it's not even noticeable."
The important thing here was the length. As long as it could still blend with my hair and not reveal half of my long ass forehead, it was fine.
One down. Two huge mistakes to go this year, huh?
Before I could decide what to do next, my cellphone honked a text. Taking it as divine intervention, I put the scissors down and picked up my phone.
Damon: Huge favor. Please bring my blue towel and spare shirt? It's in my bay. Bottom drawer beside my huge red not blue toolbox. Here at Adam's Bridge. Join us. Free beer. Will wait.
My phone honked again.
Damon: PLEASE HAVE MERCY DARLING KARA
I rolled my eyes. My childhood best friend, Damon, the gorgeous drifter, the mechanic, the singer, the handyman, recently came back home. Usually, he'd only be gone a few months at a time, but this time he'd stayed away longer. I wasn't sure what kind of demons he was running away from this time. Or chasing. And I worried about him.
I had no idea when he'd takeoff again, so sprinkling some mercy, I replied that he was lucky I was still in our auto shop, and I could deliver the items he'd asked for.
Then I paused, gripped my phone against my chest.
Will he be there? The shadow that crept on my porch the other night. Like the Prince of Darkness from an old black and white horror film, he would mysteriously appear in a cloud of smoke when I least expected it. Just the thought of him wreaked havoc inside me, and I hated it.
The invite posted on social media came from the basketball team, so there was a chance that he might show up. But I knew he wouldn't be there. Like Shrek, he never liked crowds.
I had nothing to do with him anymore. Whether he was there or not would not matter to me at all. At all, I thought as I reapplied my lip gloss. He was like the pieces of eggshells from a boiled egg you peeled. The rotten outer leaf of lettuce you discard. The annoying sticker that wouldn't peel and left traces of glue on a new picture frame. Irrelevant.
I remembered how my heart used to skip a beat whenever he was around. It was pretty dead now though. Then I looked up and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
My puffy eyes mocked me. They were still a little swollen from the crying jag I had that night he oozed out of his portal and on my doorstep.
So what if it staggered me when I saw him standing on my porch? When I was staring at the despair on his devastatingly beautiful face. After he'd cut me out of his life so brutally, why would he look at me like that?
Like what?
Like I was the sky. And the sun and the moon.
Please stop. Part two of the horror film, coming soon to a theatre near you. Don't buy a ticket, Kara. The reviews were bad, and everybody died in the end.
Why did he come back?
Maybe to get his underwear back. The one you stashed in a box under your bed along with the other things he didn't bother to pick up after he... abandoned you.
Shut up. We don't talk about that box. Besides, he rarely wears underwear.
But why now? What right did he have to come see me? When did he come back? Did he come back for... me?
Why would he come back for you?
I don't want him to come back at all. I hope I never see him again.
That might be the last time you'll ever see him again though.
My heart sank. And now I was furious because it made me aware how much he could still affect me even after all this time. And he shouldn't anymore. It should make me happy if that was the last time that I would see his face again. It should...
"Hey."
I squeaked and turned to find Trip behind the counter.
"You scared the shit out of me!"
"I did? Sorry." But he didn't look sorry and, judging from his I-know-girls-love-me grin, he looked like he enjoyed it. "Haven't seen you in a while. How's it going, Kara?"
Trip had been friends with Damon since high school and would sometimes hang with us back then, until he left for college and rarely came home. I heard he graduated and was now taking over his family's business. His brown eyes always sparkled with trouble, and sometimes he'd recklessly look for it. The tiny silver cross on his ear glinted when he tipped up his chin, eyes lighting with pleasure as he studied me.
"Your hair's shorter," he said.
Face falling, my fingers automatically touched my bangs in dismay.
"It was down here when I saw you last time." He tapped two fingers on his waist. "Wasn't it?"
Ah. That's what he meant. "Oh, yeah. I read on the internet how I'd get smarter if I cut it."
"And did you?" He rested his elbows on the counter, his face inching closer to mine and looking like he'd want to stay there all night.
Okay, he was hot. I'd give him that. He'd always been. He was half Filipino and half Ukrainian with thick, dark brown hair that was always charmingly dishevelled, and suited him just fine.
I rolled my eyes because I knew flirting was like breathing to him. "What are you doing here? We're closed for the day, Casanova."
"Then why is your door still open?"
I shot him a smile. "Laziness."
"I get nowhere with you, Kara."
"Sure you do, Trip. You can come with me to my cash register."
He chuckled. "I was gonna drop off my keys in your drop box, then saw the light in the shop. Figured I'd say hi, hand them in person."
"You got an appointment?"
"Come on. What are friends for?" He brandished his keys, wiggled them.
I sighed and grabbed them from him. "Shop's full. We won't be able to look at it till day after tomorrow. Are you okay with that?"
"Sure. I'll be out of town for a few days anyway."
"What are you bringing it in for?"
"Need a safety. Selling it and buying a new car."
"Super. What kind of car you buying?" I hung his keys on the board, went back to my desk, turned on the computer and opened a work order for him.
"That sporty ride outside yours? Dylan mentioned it."
I looked up. "Is Dylan trying to sell you one of his classic trucks?"
Dylan had finally fixed Bertha, the old and rotting GMC truck in our lot and had sold it to one of his friends. Now he was on a mission to fix another and was already looking for a buyer. He'd been... unavailable lately.
"Nope. I want a car. Thinking of buying the same one as yours. You gonna let me test drive it?"
"With the payments I'm making on it, I wouldn't even let the Pope drive it."
"What if I become a priest?"
I rolled my eyes. "Don't you think it's too late for that? There's not enough holy water in Esther Falls to purify you, Trip."
"Aw. Come on, Kara. I bought you your first beer. Remember?"
I gave him a look of regret. "I'm going to Adam's Bridge after this."
"Really? Well, aren't you the lucky one? I'm heading there to see Damon and the guys."
I shot him a dry look. "How were you planning to get there? Magic carpet?"
"I can definitely show you the world," he said, smiling. "And I'll give you a ride."
I raised my brows at him, confused. "In your car?"
"I can give you a ride," he repeated, smile turning into a grin, "in your car. Keys?"
***
The scent of smoke and grilled burgers filled my nose as Trip parked my car on a lot beside the old railroad bridge. Even with Drake's song blasting from speakers somewhere, I heard the faint sound of Taylor Swift singing about a boy who broke her heart as a red car zipped by.
The place was packed. People scantily dressed surrounded a bonfire as big as a dragon, rubbing their hands together, warming themselves. I watched a group of guys playfully push each other, laughing maniacally as they jumped off the bridge and landed with a loud splash on the lake below. They howled and cheered and yelled.
Who in their right mind would jump in the water in this weather?
It didn't get freeze-your-balls cold at night anymore, but it wasn't exactly bikini season. Even if someone paid me a million bucks to swim in that lake, I would never... On second thought, for a million bucks, I would. I definitely would.
"So?" I turned to Trip. "How was the magic carpet ride?"
He grinned in reply.
I reached for the paper bag where I stashed Damon's things, handed them over to him.
"Hey, Trip. Can you give this to Damon? Maybe I'll find you guys later."
"Going to see your secret lover first?"
"No," I said. "My priest."
He guffawed, tucked the paper bag in his arm like a football, then slid out of my car and ran around it, stopping in front of my open window. He crouched so his face was level with mine.
"Thanks for letting me test drive it." He paused, looking like he wanted to say something more.
"What?"
"You tell me." He tipped his head up a little, searching my face. "What's wrong, Kara?"
"Just grown-up stuff." When he just kept looking at me, I gave a short laugh and pushed his face away from the window. "Stop. I'm fine. Go drink with the boys."
"Can't. Early day tomorrow."
"Right. Don't worry about me. Go have fun."
"Will do. Just one thing," he said.
I raised my brows.
"Meeting a secret lover is more fun than that look in your eyes right now. Or if you want," he winked, pointing at himself, "a priest."
He gently flicked the tip of my nose with his finger then he was off. I let out a sigh and got out, leaned against my car as I watched Trip slink his way through the crowd to his friends.
I wanted to call out to him and ask what he meant by 'that look in your eyes.' What did he see?
Maybe I should've went with him and hung out with the guys instead, but I wasn't feeling very social anymore tonight. In fact, I decided, I should just go home, order a cheesy veggie lasagna, take a relaxing bath, and call it a night.
As I walked to the driver's side, a movement on the bridge caught my eye. Standing on the railing of the bridge, looking like a gorgeous daredevil, was Caleb Lockhart. He looked very attractive and confident—more than a guy in his boxers had a right to.
He moved his head down, looking at a girl with long black hair. I couldn't see her face, just her back. She was on the ground, standing in front of him, head tilted up. Watching him, probably.
I leaned against my car, ready to enjoy the show. The look he was giving the girl left no doubt that he was very attracted to her. How long that would last, I couldn't say. Except for Beatrice-Rose, a Tinker Bell who looked like Miss Perfect, I've always seen him with a different girl. But even Tinker Bell I hadn't seen in a while.
Caleb spread his arms wide, sent the girl a reckless grin. He had this wildness about him that told everyone he couldn't be tamed. As though to prove it, with his eyes still on the girl and his back to the water, he let himself fall.
I laughed when I heard his yell of victory. "Show off," I said, amused at him.
Caleb and I hadn't spoken much since his best friend's sudden disappearing act. I avoided him because he reminded me too much of... Cameron. There. I said his name. Cameron Jeremiah Son of Satan Saint Laurent.
No, no, no. Don't say his name. It's cursed. Now you are too.
It hurt to be reminded of him, and I was trying hard to forget. I think Caleb realized that. When I'd see Caleb in the campus halls, it seemed like he wanted to tell me something but stopped himself. Then he'd just smile at me and go his way. Somehow, he knew even without me telling him.
Maybe when you break up with someone, you kind of break up with the people around them too. Maybe, maybe not. In my case, it felt like it.
I knew Caleb took it hard when his best friend left. The first few months of the breakup, I barely functioned. The pain was indescribable, but even through the haze of it I still noticed the sadness in Caleb's eyes every time I saw him. But now the sadness was not there anymore. Caleb had moved on, gotten over it.
And there was no reason for me not to feel the same.
"The hell with it," I muttered under my breath. "I'm staying."
I pushed away from my car, looked up. And sucked in a breath. There, just a few feet in front of me, was both my dream and nightmare.
Like a lion languorously sprawled on top of a tree watching everything with cool indifference, Cameron sat on his motorcycle like he didn't give a damn: muscular arms folded over his chest, long legs stretched in front of him, ankles crossed.
His big, masculine build alone could command attention, but it was his eyes that would stop anyone in their tracks. They were electric blue, almost eerie and overwhelming in their intensity.
He looked relaxed, but I knew if I looked closer, I'd see a wariness behind the striking blue of his eyes. A danger, a strong animalistic instinct he couldn't completely hide.
Just like the first time I saw him on campus, he was dressed in black. Black leather jacket, black T-shirt, black jeans, black combat boots.
His head was turned to the side, looking at the direction where Caleb was. A strong breeze whipped his dark hair, but he remained unmoving.
And then he turned his gaze directly to me.
And held it.
I stumbled back a step.
Steel, baby. I'm made of steel.
Wiping every emotion on my face, I turned and walked away to the opposite direction. My heart was pumping so hard against my chest that I could feel it in my ears.
What the hell was he doing here? He shouldn't be here.
"Kar!"
I closed my eyes in defeat. I was planning on escaping.
Bitch, please. You're at a party. Stop being all doom and gloom.
Pasting a big smile on my face, I turned. "Hey, Crystal. How's it going?"
I caught the beer tossed at me before it hit me in the face.
"I haven't seen you in ages! I miss you! Let me know if you need cash. I can still hook you up with a couple of shifts at the club. Damon's playing there again, did you know? Of course, you do. You guys tell each other everything! Hey, Prisha, Kara's here!"
She tried to throw a friendly arm on my shoulder, but she couldn't reach, so she ended up wrapping an arm around my waist instead. I hugged her back. When she smiled up at me, I realized how much I missed Crystal.
"Kara? Kar! Bitch, where ya been?"
I grinned. "Hunting Bigfoot in the mountains."
"Really?" Izumi bounced on her feet behind Prisha, her eyes widening. She flipped her long black hair behind her shoulder. "Omigosh. It's real? Pics or it didn't happen!"
I was handed another beer even before taking a sip of the first one, then suddenly surrounded by a group of happy drunk girls I used to work with on one of my many old part-time jobs in town.
All of us grew up with only one parent in the household, struggled to help our families and pay bills. All of us had gone through if not exactly the same, then similar struggles in life. Because of that, there was an understanding and solidarity between us despite our differences.
They asked about Dad and Dylan, about the shop, and before they could ask about my love life, I switched the topic and demanded an update about them.
Prisha's parents hated her boyfriend, told her to break up with him, but she and her boyfriend decided they'd do everything in their power to convince them they were right for each other. She was going to meet with him later tonight. Crystal recently hooked up with someone she met on a dating site after breaking up with her boyfriend of three years, and Izumi was yelling how she had a bad experience with dating sites and would never date anyone there again. She vowed to be on a relationship diet for the next two years. No one believed her.
It was good to hang out with them again that I almost forgot that he was in the vicinity. Almost. I thought that he was never coming back, that I would never see him again, so the thought that he was actually close to me was... overwhelming.
If I allow it. Which was never going to happen.
"Let's go down the bridge, check out that big bonfire," Crystal suggested.
"Big bonfire. That's what she said," Prisha interjected just as Izumi said "I can't! I got heels on, girl."
"So take 'em off. Daddy at Kara's nine-oh-clock."
All heads turned, not even caring to be discreet, while mine felt stiff and frozen. I knew who Crystal was pointing out even without looking. Obviously.
They didn't know about him. I haven't hung out with a lot of people since I met him, and especially not after we broke up either.
"Big, hot daddy. Dibs."
"Dibs."
"Dibs."
Slowly, I turned my head in his direction. He was still there, sitting on his motorcycle. I watched as he shoved his hand in his silky hair, the blue-black angel curls sliding to touch the sides of his face. He had it in a man bun the last time I saw him, but it was down now, stroking the collar of his shirt and framing his gorgeous face. He'd also shaved, the scruff on his face gone, exposing the sharp angles of his jaw. And his mouth.
He raised a bottle to his lips, stopped. He didn't drink, just stayed still. His eyes weren't on me, but I could tell his attention was, knew he was listening to every word in our conversation. Suddenly I had this burning urge to prove how great my life was without him. And I needed him to see it.
"Guess what?" I said, my voice unnaturally high and cheerful. "I'm gonna get shitfaced drunk tonight! Who's with me?"
Delighted with my declaration, they screamed and hollered with enthusiasm. I'd just catch a ride with Damon since he was the DD tonight, I decided as we raced down the hills to check out the bonfire, laughing at Izumi who refused to take off her heels and was crawling like a snail down the sloped hills. When she fell on her ass then her face, Prisha took pictures on her phone.
If I laughed too loud, talked too much, I blamed the alcohol. Whenever a boy flirted with me, I flirted right back. I was the friendliest person at the party, best fucking friend award of the night. To anyone observing from the outside, I looked like I was having the best night of my life.
When I spotted Caleb again, he was in his briefs and the girl he was with looked like she was wearing boxers. Were those his? What the hell? I laughed.
I could see their profile, but Caleb was too tall and blocked half of my view from seeing her whole face. They were too far for me to get a clearer view anyway. Amused, I watched them for a moment.
She stood a little away from him, her arms crossed over her chest as a group of people tried to get Caleb's attention all at the same time. I couldn't tell if she was uncomfortable with the crowd, maybe just uninterested. Maybe just shy. Caleb handed her a burger. It was interesting that it took her a few seconds before taking it from him. Before I could analyze more, I was pulled to another conversation.
If my eyes started to look for him, I told myself that I was only being careful. When there was an unidentified flying object buzzing around the area, it was necessary to know where it was at all times so I could dodge it if it tried to beam me up.
But it was exhausting. Why was I doing all this? I asked myself angrily. What was the point of all this?
"Found you."
I looked up. I was nursing a drink, sitting in front of the bonfire. Trip crouched beside me. He looked winded, his hair wet, his cheeks rosy. His white T-shirt under his jacket was damp.
"You jumped with the crazies, didn't you?" I asked accusingly.
"Did you think I wouldn't?"
"Stupid question, huh?"
He shrugged one shoulder, then continued looking at me. "Are you drunk, Kara?"
His face inched closer. Had he always had those gold flecks around his eyes?
I stood. "I don't get drunk on a few beers, Trip. See? I can walk a straight line. Straighter than your eyebrows," I teased.
I thought I did a perfect line, but I heard him laugh. I looked over my shoulder.
And had my heart stumbling when my eyes zeroed in on Cameron.
Is this a joke? Is there a magical invisible fucking magnet attached to my eyes that keeps on forcing them to meet his?
The last time I saw him, he was at the parking lot and by himself. Not anymore. Now he was surrounded by his teammates. And there were a lot of girls.
It might look strange to others how even when he was with a group, he didn't look a part of them. Not to me. He looked intimidating, unfriendly, and sinfully beautiful. He stood out. He always did.
Girls noticed. It was either they stayed far away from him or helplessly couldn't resist him. I noted a redhead looking up at him, trying to get him into a conversation.
He'd rather turn into a fairy than talk, but good luck! I thought acidly.
With a roll of my eyes, I turned back to Trip, deciding to give him my full attention and completely forget the one with the blue-black hair and eerie blue eyes that hinted of secrets he would never tell anyone.
Not even me.
"Here. It's cold out."
Trip placed his jacket on my shoulders, and I gratefully accepted it. "Thanks. You got my heart tripping, Trip. Got my heart tripping."
I looked at him when he didn't respond. Trip's cheeks were rosier than before.
"Where's your posse?" he asked.
"Sucking faces with their dates somewhere."
"Sounds fun. Where's yours?"
I could feel the weight of Cameron's stare. I looked up, caught his gaze, but I turned away. Heart in my throat, I looked up again. He caught me, but this time he was the one who turned away.
I watched as he swiped his mouth with the palm of his hand, down to his chin then curled to the back of his neck. The redhead moved closer to him. He looked at her. I gritted my teeth and looked back to the fire.
"You're not having fun, are you?"
I took a sip of my drink. "Sure, I am."
"Naw. I can see you're trying. What's the matter, Kara?"
"Nothing." I laughed when he just kept looking at me with a smile that said he didn't believe me. "Why do you keep asking me if there's something wrong? Nothing's wrong and I'm having the best fucking night ever. It'd been too long since we hung out, Trip. You don't know me anymore."
"I want to."
I blinked at him. Paused. Feeling a little drunk, I blinked again. "Sure. Damon's back now too. We can all hang out again. Like old times, right?"
I stepped back and nearly spilled my drink when two very excited blonds shivering in their neon bikinis bumped into me.
"Shit. Sorry!" I squawked. They ignored me.
"I can't believe he's back! Did you see the man scruff before he shaved all of it? Sooo hot. He's a whole ass snack! I can't. I swear I'm going to sleep with Cameron tonight!"
My stomach dropped. It was clear which Cameron she was talking about. And maybe he would take her home and sleep with her. So the hell what? He could sleep with anyone he wanted now. He probably already slept with different girls many times after our breakup. I'd heard of his wild history with women before we dated. And I don't give a damn...
But my eyes did another sweep around me, looking for him, and when I didn't find him, panic filled my throat. The redhead was also missing.
"Trip, I—" My heart was knocking painfully against my chest. "Sorry. I need to find Crystal. I'll see you later, okay?"
I bolted. Hands shaking, I fished my earphones from my pocket, put them on without playing music. A habit I started after the breakup so people would stop asking me where he was and why I showed up without him. So they would stop asking how I was doing once they found out we weren't together anymore. So they would stop telling me I was better off without him, that I'd meet another guy who was so much better.
I wished they'd just leave me alone. I hated it. I hated him.
I didn't want to tell anyone that he'd broken my heart and I wasn't sure I'd ever feel like myself again. I barely remembered who she was. But I'd picked up the pieces and made another version of myself, and I was starting to like her. I do like her. Until he showed up and I was reminded of my old self again.
That old self that had a deep wound that never healed since he left. And that wound started bleeding again when he showed up.
I kept walking without thinking which direction I was going.And when I was out of breath and my legs felt like the couch potato legs that they were, I crouched on the ground and closed my eyes.
I felt...drained. Exhausted. Desperate for home. I wished I didn't come here at all.
All night I had been on high alert, unbearably conscious of the weight of his stare, feeling like I had to prove something and send him a message: I didn't need him to be happy, I was totally over him and I had moved on.
But every smile and laugh tonight took away the peace that I had worked hard to get back. How easily he had destroyed that peace.
I must've walked quite a bit, I realized as I started noticing my surroundings. I had blindly followed the trail beside the lake. On the other side of the lake was the forest, and on the other side of the trail was the highway. I could still hear the sounds from the party, but it was faint.
There was no way I'd go back to the party. I hadn't had proper sleep since I saw him on my doorstep. I had no more energy left to fight. If a dinosaur showed up right now, I'd just plop down and offer my limbs.
But something else showed up. I watched a tiny bug on the ground by my feet, creeping its way to the safety of the grass. See, even the bug knew when to escape. There was nothing wrong with escaping. Within reason.
"Hey, where are you headed?" I asked. "Maybe I wanna go with you. Just for tonight."
But it just kept going until it disappeared from my sight. What a jerk.
I rose. When the wind suddenly blew behind me, I froze. Because it brought the scent of memories tinged of heartbreak with it. The unmistakable scent of blue: deep and sensual like the ocean. Clean and slightly sweet. Intoxicating.
Cameron had followed me.
Relief poured into me. He was here. He didn't leave with the redhead.
And that's not any of my damn business.
I stood there for a second, two, then turned my head to the side, making sure not to look completely behind me. Scared that I'd meet his eyes again. His reflection was on the water, illuminated by the bright moon and the streetlights. He was behind me, hands in his pockets, looking straight ahead. Looking at me.
The entire world wasn't big enough to shield me from him.
I had so many things I wanted to ask him, to lash him with, but they had all melted on my tongue. Maybe because I had no more energy left to fight tonight.
We were surrounded by nature: the wind in the thick trees, the calm water in the lake, the scent of earth and grass, the dark sky pinned with stars and a full moon.
Maybe there was something about this night, this place that made me want to abandon the heartache between us. As though all that pain had been pushed into a bottle and sealed with a tight lid.
It felt like we could pretend here. I was just Kara; he was just Cameron. We were just two strangers who had never hurt each other. He wasn't the one who broke my heart and left me. And I wasn't the girl he no longer wanted and left behind.
"Kara."
I closed my eyes. His voice could still arrow straight to my heart. I hadn't heard him say my name in so long.
Cameron saying my name used to be my most favourite sound in the whole world. Used to be.
"Was it everything you thought it would be?" I asked.
"No," he said after a moment. His voice was gruff, and I thought I heard grief in it.
I waited. When it seemed like he wouldn't say any more, I started walking on the trail again. This time I strolled slowly, painfully aware of Cameron walking behind me.
"You're freezing. Why don't you wear this?"
I clenched my hands into fists, gritted my teeth. Despair pulling at me from the memory of him handing me a leather jacket, following me on my walk home after... after our first kiss. A long, long time ago.
I was wearing a different jacket now, from a different boy.
But that night from a long time ago, I remembered feeling overwhelmed from what happened between us in his living room, and I came apart. Feeling furious, scared, and confused, I let him know that I'd been walking my whole life without him and that I wasn't going to start needing him to find my way back home anytime soon.
But it didn't scare him off like I expected. Other people would have been. Instead, he walked me home.
He shouldn't have. He should have just left me alone.
Because before that night, I didn't know what it was like to have someone I wanted to want me back watching over me. I didn't know what it was like to have someone blocking the cold wind from my body as I made my way home. I didn't know how good it felt that someone would care enough to make sure I got home safe. During that walk, even if it was just for a few minutes, I was someone's priority.
It...shattered me.
And after that night and the nights that followed it, for many of them, he was there to hold my hand and walk me home. But then he left.
The fucking end.
Or it should have been the end. So what the hell was he doing here again?
"I don't need to know anymore," I snapped.
Although his steps were quiet and I could barely hear him move, I could sense that he'd stopped. The wind blew again, and it seemed as though I could hear all the leaves in the forest rustle, as though they were moving for me, trying to tell me something. But I had lost the message.
"Is this what you wanted?" I demanded quietly.
Something cool and wet fell on my cheek. It was raining. Before I could take shelter, I felt him move behind me. My breath caught in my throat as he stopped in front of me.
It had been a long time since I felt him this close. I stood still, hearing nothing but the gentle patter of rain and my heartbeat. Seeing nothing but him. His neck. His jaw. His mouth. His nose. But he refused to give me his gaze.
Before I could demand what the hell he was doing, a car honked behind me, breaking the intense moment. I jumped in surprise, looked over my shoulder and found Trip in my car on the street. Realized he still had my keys. He was watching us.
A gentle pull made me turn back to Cameron. Without a word, he took off Trip's jacket from my arms, shrugged out of his, and put on his own jacket on my shoulders, pulling up the hoodie to shield me from the rain.
Then finally he raised his eyes and met mine.
"Kara," he said softly. "I only ever wanted one thing."
He looked at me for a moment longer. As though... he burned for me. Yearned for me.
Eyes still on me, he walked one, two, three steps backward, before he turned around and walked down the trail. I stood there, my heart breaking all over again, staring after him before he turned on the curve and disappeared from my sight.
A/N: Hello loves. What did you feel reading this chapter? Send me emojis!
How are you today? Forgive me for the wait. Thank you for understanding and for being patient. You know I always give my 100% every time I post a chapter for you. This chapter is about 6k words and has significant pieces of my heart in it.
The last part of this chapter felt painful to me, especially when Cameron said "Kara, I only ever wanted one thing." I could just picture everything and what he was feeling. (Confession: There was more dialogue between them here, but I removed it because it didn't feel like it was the right time yet. I'm reserving it for a later chapter.).
When Cameron removed Trip's jacket on Kara though... sigh. And when Kara and Cameron kept looking at each other during the party... double sigh. And when she was remembering the past... triple sigh. What am I going to do with my kids? I love them so much. But it's not going to be that easy...
What's your favourite part of this chapter?
To my Chasing Red readers, I hope you enjoyed that bit about Caleb and Red! I wanted to write new details in this chapter that weren't in Chasing Red. It feels so good to write about them again. I must admit that the thought of Caleb always puts a smile on my face :)
Have you noticed any details here that connects with Chasing Red? Let me know in the comments!
Exciting news! Reckless in Love has joined the Paid program! I'm so happy to be a part of it. It gives writers like me a chance to keep writing and earn a living from the hard work we've put into our books. For me, RIL has been the most challenging and steamiest book in this series I've ever written. (But ask me again after I finish Wicked in Love!). I've spent so many hours and given so much of my heart writing RIL, and I wouldn't change a thing. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to finish it. Thank you for giving me a chance and reading my books. I hope you support me and buy a copy so I can continue writing Wicked in Love.
I hope you are well and happy. As for me, I'm just glad to be back here with you again. I hope you know that I really miss you. Love, Isabelle