146. He’s Sick
YiHan quietly panicked. He thought back to how he’d been behaving for the past 2 weeks. How could he say he didn’t do all that without the slightest urge for revenge? He deliberately refused JingYuan’s marriage proposal. The reason he gave was awkward and ridiculous. He intentionally avoided JingYuan’s touch and wouldn’t go to JingYuan’s office with the man. He could handle watching JingYuan get disappointed. He told himself he was going to set JingYuan free but the sight of JingYuan’s drooped shoulders sparked off some glee deep within his mean heart. Did fYiHan not love JingYuan as much as he thought he did?
JingYuan did all of this for him. While the man lied to him, the man sacrificed a lot too. What right did he have to “revenge”? He really was that selfish Bai YiHan from his last life. Even when he’d been taught lesson after lesson and was given a brand new chance, he was still unable to change his innate nature.
“HanHan, just what is it?” JingYuan worriedly asked upon not receiving an answer from YiHan. “Can you tell me? What happened? We can resolve it together.”
YiHan absolutely could not tell JingYuan. If he spoke up, everyone would feel awkward. Was there a need for that?
YiHan sighed and pushed JingYuan back down on the bed. He tucked the older man in and gently replied, “Nothing happened. Don’t think too deep into it. You’ve been standing outside for so long that the chill has set into your bones. I’ll pour you a cup of hot water. Once you finish the glass, rest up. Don’t catch a cold.”
YiHan got out of bed to get him a mug of hot water. As JingYuan watched YiHan walk back to the bed and stand by it, holding out the cup, all JingYuan could feel was a ball of frustration get stuck in his chest. It wouldn’t burst out of his mouth nor would it settle down. It felt so uncomfortable.
The older man finished the water in the mug and laid back into his pillow. His eyes slid close. The bed dipped slightly as YiHan climbed into bed too and laid down beside him.
“Sleep,” YiHan whispered, laying a hand against JingYuan’s forehead to check his temperature. “Don’t think of all that nonsense. You have work tomorrow.”
JingYuan’s eyes remained close as his hand shot up and grabbed YiHan’s retreating hand. He pulled it to rest on his chest, right above his heart. Not a word was spoken.
When YiHan woke up on the next morning, JingYuan, who was usually up by then, was still asleep. His brows were locked together. He didn’t seem to have slept well. Their linked hands were still placed on top of JingYuan’s heart, as they were when they fell asleep last night. YiHan sighed. How could the man have slept well with a weight pressing down on his heart?
YiHan tried to pull his hand out but JingYuan’s grip tightened instead. Helpless, YiHan could only lay back down in the same position as he woke up in. Time slowly ticked past but JingYuan showed no signs of waking up any time soon. The bed was also getting rather hot. It wasn’t early morning anymore. The Mu Group office building was rather far from the old Mr Bai’s house. Even if JingYuan woke up now, he’d still arrive late at the office.
YiHan gently shook the sleeping man. “JingYuan, wake up. It’s getting late.”
YiHan shook and shook but JingYuan remained asleep. YiHan’s heart sank. He shook JingYuan with all his might and shouted, “JingYuan, wake up!”
The man merely frowned harder. He still didn’t wake up.
YiHan couldn’t hold back any longer. He forcefully tugged his hand out of JingYuan’s grip and got up, wanting to call for some help. However, the moment YiHan pulled his hand away, JingYuan’s eyes shot open. They were bloodshot. The man’s hand hurriedly began groping around until he found YiHan’s wrist. When he had YiHan’s hand in his once more, the man let out a sigh of relief.
“What time is it?” JingYuan rasped.
YiHan placed a hand against JingYuan’s forehead. “JingYuan, you’re burning up!” he gasped. “I’ll go call for the doctor now.”
YiHan was about to leave the bed when JingYuan pulled him back. “No need to make a big fuss,” JingYuan hoarsely said. “I feel fine. I’ll be okay after I take some medicine for it.” He turned around to glance at the clock. “Ah. I’m late. This place is quite far from the office.”
“No way!” YiHan shouted in anger. “How could you act so nonchalant about your own health? Your forehead is as hot as can be. How can you go to work?”
“But there’s a lot of important things I have to attend to today,” JingYuan said.
YiHan didn’t have it in his heart to pull his hand away from JingYuan’s grip again. “When do you ever not have important arrangements? You still stayed at home day after day before we came here.”
“That was to be with you,” said JingYuan with a straight face. “How can it be the same?”
“What kind of logic is that?” YiHan glared at the man with wide eyes. “You being with me is just hanging out with me. There was nothing to be done but you took a day off just because you wanted to. You even told me, ‘I’ve paid for so many workers. I don’t need to do everything myself’. Now that you’re sick, you still want to go to work? Do you not know how to prioritise?”
“Of course I know what’s important and what’s not,” JingYuan said. His face blatantly told YiHan the man thought he was throwing a tantrum again. “This is not some serious fever. How can I delay work for it?”
YiHan was shocked at how unphased the man was. His voice couldn’t help but grow louder as he asked, “So hanging out with me is worth delaying work for?”
“Of course,” JingYuan glumly replied. “You still liked hanging out with me, fooling around with me, back then. Right. Do you want to go with me to the office today?” As he said so, the man pushed himself upright with a hand against the bed.
It was only then did JingYuan realise he’d been holding YiHan’s wrist hostage the entire time. He hurriedly checked it over. He only let it go when not a single bruise or mark was found.
JingYuan was about to put his slippers on and stand up from the bed when YiHan grabbed him by the back of his shirt. A tug from YiHan was enough to send JingYuan hurling back onto the bed. The man’s head was throbbing before his fall. After the fall, his head began spinning as his vision went black.
YiHan’s two hands held on tight to JingYuan’s scalding face as he darkly said, “Since my mood is so important to you, I’ll tell you right now that I’m not happy. I want you to stay at home with me.”
The spots in JingYuan’s eyes were dispersing as his brains slowly processed through YiHan’s words. Once the words clicked in his mind, his headache suddenly didn’t feel as bad as he thought.
“Okay,” JingYuan said, eyes gently gazing at YiHan. “I’ll stay home with you.”
The older man’s eyes were teary and hazy due to his fever. The sight made YiHan’s heart clench in agony. He couldn’t help but dip his head down, wanting to kiss the other. However, just as their lips were about to meet, he stopped. All of a sudden, an awkward silence dominated the room.
JingYuan smiled and poked YiHan, softly pushing the younger man away. “Don’t get so close to me. You might get sick too.”
YiHan’s hands clenched at the blanket. Then, he stood up and went downstairs to call for the family doctor using the house phone. He then headed back upstairs to help JingYuan lower his temperature via wet cloths. He was bustling to and fro until Dr Chen’s arrival. The doctor came and gave JingYuan some fever medication. He also hooked JingYuan up to an IV saline infusion. Perhaps the pain-relieving properties of the drug had sedative effects. The man also didn’t sleep well the night before. Soon after Dr Chen’s visit, JingYuan fell into a deep sleep once again.
YiHan dazedly stared at the saline solution in the IV drip before his eyes slowly turned to JingYuan’s face. A few moments later, he stepped forward and tucked the man in. He then left the room and headed downstairs.
Ma Bai spotted YiHan as he descended down the stairs. “How is JingYuan doing?” she worriedly asked.
“He only caught a cold,” YiHan replied. “It should be alright. He’s already asleep.”
“JingYuan’s body has always been a strong one, why did he fall sick out of the blue?” she sighed. “He was doing fine yesterday.”
YiHan pursed his lips and paused for a second before replying, “Perhaps after his shower last night, he got sick while enjoying the breeze.”
“Why was that child so careless?” Ma sighed again. “You too. Why didn’t you remind him? HanHan, love is a two-way street. It can’t just be him being concerned for you, him taking care of you. You have to care for him and worry for him too. No matter how strong one is to the outside world, he’ll always need a lover’s care.”
YiHan kept silent and nodded.
“HanHan’s an adult now,” the old Mr Bai said. “I’m sure he understands these concepts. There’s no need to go on about it. Those who should be heading back, go. HanHan will be staying to take care of JingYuan. Even if you guys stay here, you can’t help with anything.”
Once the rest of YiHan’s family had left the manor, the old Mr Bai patted the seat beside him and called out with a benevolent smile, “HanHan, come and sit beside Grandpa.”
The old Mr Bai then waited until YiHan sat down before asking him with a smile, eyes glancing up the stairs, “HanHan, tell me. Are you and JingYuan fighting?”
YiHan was stunned. “No,” he hurriedly said. “Why do you think that?”
“Your grandfather has been through all this before,” the old Mr Bai chuckled. “Ever since your arrival yesterday, I’ve been observing the couples in this family. Your brother and sister are doing alright with their partners, but you and JingYuan… Hm, how shall I say this? You look fine on the surface but you two…” He then pointed at his own eyes and laughed, “Your eyes never met even once. JingYuan was acting normal but I could see he wasn’t in a great mood. And then there’s you, my dearest little one. You weren’t happy either. I knew you two must’ve argued. Back when your grandmother was around, we acted the same way too. When everything was going fine, we were as sweet as honey to each other. When we’re angry, dark clouds would loom over our heads. I’m very familiar with such a situation.”
“Is it that,” YiHan stiffly asked, “obvious?”
The old Mr Bai gave another chuckle and patted YiHan on the hand. “Of course it’s obvious. You might look like a smart kid but you’re actually quite straightforward and frank. You don’t know how to act at all. Your parents are careless people. I won’t even speak of your brother. He’s just a walking plank of wood. He’s lucky Jiang Hua’s eyes weren’t that good. It’s the only reason he could get a boyfriend. Your sister’s an observant girl but her heart is now always hanging onto Chen TianYang. The only reason they didn’t notice was that each one of them was foolishly oblivious. Your grandfather might be getting on in age but my eyes are still fine. I could instantly tell you two were upset with each other. Right, little one?”
YiHan bit his lip and said nothing.
The old Mr Bai tilted his head as he looked at YiHan. “A couple can fight but they cannot wage a cold war. This would hurt your love and your bodies. Look at JingYuan. As your mother said, his health had always been the best. Why did he get sick so easily?”
The hands laying on YiHan’s knees balled up into fists.
“There’s a saying among traditional Chinese medicine practitioners,” the old Mr Bai continued. “The fire in one’s heart is the source of all illnesses. He’s feeling down on the inside. The pressure building up in his heart had been whirling in him. Just one little prod is enough to make him crumble. Last night’s ‘cold’ was that tiny push. JingYuan’s an adult. His parents passed away early. He’s much more mature than most kids. How could he not know to take care of himself? If not for his preoccupied mind, why would he run out and enjoy the breeze just after a shower? HanHan, no matter what arguments happen between you two, you can’t ignore your bodies. He’s sick now yet you’re the one who hurts most on the inside. Yes?”
The old Mr Bai paused and observed the emotions on YiHan’s face before saying, “Back when your grandmother was around, I’d be the one apologising first every time we fought. Think. How could someone be forever in the wrong? This is a compromise between a couple. Someone must take a step back and apologise before your happy lives can continue on. Your grandmother had an explosive and impulsive temper. She was also thin-skinned. I love her so what’s wrong with compromising a little? She knew I backed down as a compromise. Every time I did so, she’d treat me even better than before. Just as your mother said, love is a two-way street. As a man, isn’t it normal to compromise so your partner won’t be upset? It’s the same logic. HanHan, as you were growing up, it’d been JingYuan doting on you, loving you, letting you win. Now that you’re an adult, what’s wrong with backing down for once?”
Translator’s Notes:
Pain-relieving properties…sedative effects: The actual translation here is “perhaps there are sedative components to the drug”. However, that’s largely untrue for drugs used for fevers. The drowsiness is due to the pain relief properties (analgesic). Drugs prescribed for fever are rarely classified as “sedatives”.
147. Moving Back
YiHan’s mouth opened and closed. He sadly rebuked, “Grandpa, you wouldn’t understand.” We can’t be true lovers. Everything has been a lie.
“I certainly don’t understand about what’s going on between you kids,” the old Mr Bai interrupted. “However, you should know just how JingYuan has treated you all this time. I can see it. He keeps trying to get close to you but you keep rejecting him. It’s just tragic. It hurts a lot. No matter how strong and powerful he is outside the house, the softest side of him has always been exposed to you. Every move you make, every word you say, they can hurt him. As a lover, you should protect the soft, weak part of him. You shouldn’t use your advantage to hurt him. Right? Mn. Of course, if he did something wrong and made my precious little one upset, he must be punished in some way or other!”
But JingYuan didn’t do anything wrong. Still, who should be blamed for their current situation? YiHan leaned his head against his grandfather’s shoulder. His head was a mess. When the agony that came from knowing the truth faded away and his heart slowly calmed, it wasn’t like he hadn’t doubted it. Those minuscule acts of love between JingYuan and him were too realistic. If JingYuan was merely pretending to be his lover, then the man had put in too much into his act. His actions, his gaze, those flirtatious lines filled to the brim with love and the passionate frenzy that occurred in their bed; were they all fake too? If the man only thought of him as a younger brother, how could the man act so natural while doing all those things?
When JingYuan spoke of their marriage, his eyes were glimmering bright like stars. When YiHan rejected him, he was as dejected as a big, fluffy dog that’d been abandoned by its owner. Did the man fake all those reactions?
YiHan could easily sway JingYuan’s focus, control his emotions. Was that something a “younger brother” can do? YiHan couldn’t resist thinking back to everything that had happened between them. He remembered clearly everything they’d done together, everything down to the most minute details. Every time he recalled those memories, he couldn’t help but think what he’d overheard that day was just a prank. Nevertheless, he knew what he heard was the truth. Ever since that day, his mother’s mood was noticeably brighter. She would be smiling day in, day out. His father was the same. Bai FuRen was visibly more carefree, more relaxed. YiHan knew it was all because he was going to be “better” soon.
Before, he was sent reeling in shock by the sudden arrival of a happy life that he completely gave up on his brain. It was never smart in the first place. When he found out about the truth, he’d spent several minutes going through his memories. Only then did he realise everything had been so easy that it felt deliberate. Now that he thought about it, those “happy times” that made him feel as if he was dreaming were probably all arranged for by his family. It was their “cure”.
The only person he couldn’t understand was JingYuan. His disappointment and bewilderment were too real. His overwhelming passion and love were too genuine. It was all so genuine that he couldn’t resist wanting to believe it. However, he didn’t dare. He was too afraid to trust it anymore. When he was freshly reborn, JingYuan’s attitude broke through all previous expectations. YiHan thought it was because he was a fool in his past life. He only looked at the surface and brushed past the one he loved in life. What he heard that day changed that perception once more. What he overheard cruelly told him the perfect love he had was just a lie, a trap. It was deception he couldn’t even get angry at.
JingYuan’s love for YiHan was as deep as the seas, so everyone said. But every time he heard that another knife stabbed into his heart. He wanted to believe in it. He didn’t have the courage to. If there’s no hope, there’ll be no disappointment. If he experienced disappointment once more, then he’d fall into a spiral of despair. Leaving everything awkwardly hanging in the air, unsaid, also made the both of them upset. He so dearly wished for an end to things between them. He didn’t care if that meant breaking up or getting married.
To be honest, he very much hoped what he overhead was just a misunderstanding. However, the chances of it being true were slim. It was so very slim that the tiny hope didn’t dare to shine bright or it’d be snuffed out. It was so slim that YiHan suppressed it and pushed it into the back of his mind.
“Give me some time,” YiHan faintly whispered to his grandfather. He was so lost and so tired. “Indeed, we can’t drag things on any longer.”
The old Mr Bai’s heart clenched hard at the sorrow he heard in YiHan’s voice. He gently patted YiHan’s back and replied, “Alright. Don’t be sad, my dearest. I won’t ask anymore. I’ll leave your matters to be resolved by you two. You’re an adult now, HanHan. You can take care of many issues by yourself. If there’s anything you don’t understand, you can come and ask me. Your grandmother and I have thrived together in happiness for years. I’m very experienced.”
YiHan wrapped his arms around his grandfather’s neck. “Okay.”
***
YiHan planned on having a discussion when JingYuan was fully recovered from his fever. He wanted to end it all quickly. Secretly, without telling anyone, he bought a place. He’d be moving out soon after everything. Perhaps he could ask someone to act with him to prove he’d fallen in love with someone else, just like what XueQing and JingYuan did when they broke off their engagement. He’d then move out with the excuse that he wanted some private time with his new partner. This was the best way to avoid letting anything slip as time went on. Everyone would be happy. No one would be troubled by it. However, XueQing’s love with TianYang was true whilst his would be fake. Even so, what did it matter as long as everyone was fine?
The plan, however, never really came to fruition anytime soon. Everyone said those who rarely get sick would suffer terribly when they do. Perhaps there was truth in that. JingYuan’s fever was so serious that the illness took as long to leave as someone unravelling a silk cocoon one strand at a time. After two whole weeks, the man was still sick. JingYuan grew as thin as a rake. His sensual collarbone now jutted out of his skin. It was a harsh sight to behold.
When it came to work, it was mostly done via Chen Hong. The man would send the important documents over to the Bai family home. Every day, JingYuan had to perk himself up for a video conference and ensure the company continued working as usual.
In the Bai family home.
“HanHan, is JingYuan still asleep?” Ma asked with a frown. She was lounging on the living room sofa with her husband and youngest son.
“Yes,” YiHan replied, a hand rising to massage his forehead. “He was coughing the whole night long. He only fell into a proper sleep at dawn. He’s still quite warm today.”
“We’ve been to all the major hospitals,” Ma sighed. “We’ve asked the family doctor to check on him again and again. JingYuan had his pills. He’d been injected with anti-inflammatory drugs. Why is he still not getting better? He’s going to wither into nothing but skin and bones soon.”
She then caressed her youngest son’s worried face. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you? You’ve been taking care of him. Look at you. You’re also quite thin. Why don’t you go take a nap while he’s still asleep? If he wakes up, Aunt Yang and I can take care of him.”
“I’m fine,” said YiHan, smiling. “I’m not tired.”
“My son’s all grown up,” Ma lovingly chuckled. “He knows how to care for someone now.” Her gaze slowly wandered across the room and, upon sweeping by the staircase, froze. “JingYuan,” she exclaimed in surprise, “you’re up. How do you feel?”
JingYuan was standing on top of the stairwell. His face was a pasty white. His lips were equally as pale. He had put on his usual black collar shirt and black slacks before he left his room. That made him look even more sickly and thin. His slightly downcast eyes were staring straight at YiHan.
“I’m fine,” JingYuan replied to Ma, forcing a smile as he said so. “I’m much better now.”
“You say that every time. Are you hungry? Aunt Yang made some congee. Have a bowl,” Ma huffed.
JingYuan softly cleared his throat and slowly descended as he coarsely said, “It’s fine. I’m not hungry.”
FuRen who’d been keeping silent the entire time then frowned and spoke up, “Look at you. You’re sick. How can you not eat? How will you get better?”
YiHan rose to support JingYuan as the older man reached the bottom of the stairs. While JingYuan’s head was still drowsy from the fever, he still was conscious enough to not want to burden YiHan with his body weight. JingYuan merely used the chance to clamp down on the hand offered. The two walked back to the sofa YiHan had vacated. Even then, JingYuan wasn’t willing to let go. He kept a tight grip on YiHan’s hand and turned to FuRen.
“Maybe it’s because I just woke up,” said the man with a smile. “I truly don’t feel hungry at all. I’ll have some later.” The man had actually been awake for a while. He’d just been spacing out.
YiHan’s hand unwitting clenched around JingYuan’s.
The older man turned to him and asked, a happy little lilt in his voice, “What is it?”
“Nothing,” YiHan said, turning to look away.
JingYuan’s eyes lowered as he pursed his lips. He softly coughed and turned to YiHan’s parents. “Uncle, Aunt, I plan on moving back tomorrow.”
YiHan’s head shot back to look at JingYuan.
“Why do you want to move back all of a sudden?” Ma asked in shock. “There’ll only be you and your servants there. What are you going back for? Anyway, you’re sick. Who’d take care of you if you go?”
“I’m a big man,” said JingYuan with another smile. “It’s just a cold. I don’t need to be taken care of all the time. Anyway, I have a family doctor and some servants over there. They can check in on my once in a while.”
Ma glanced at the upset expression on her youngest son’s face and gently replied, “Everything’s going well here. What made you think of moving back and now of all times?”
“It’s not really easy for Chen Hong to come here every day,” said JingYuan. “It’s also a bother. If Anyway, I’m always coughing through the night. HanHan is a light sleeper and he’s so close to me all the time that I’m worried I’d pass the cold onto him. I’ve asked him to sleep in his own room for a good night’s sleep but he refused. I’m now too afraid to cough at night but I can’t even hold them in. He has been disturbed by my coughs so often that he’s so much thinner now. His body is frail. It can’t handle going through this any longer. I want to head home. Once I’m better and if…HanHan wishes for it, I’ll move back here.”
There was a moment of silence before FuRen suddenly asked, “Did you two fight?”
JingYuan reflexively tightened his grip around YiHan’s hand. He remained silent. He couldn’t say no.
“Of course not,” YiHan rebuked with a strained smile. “We’re fine. He didn’t discuss this with me either about wanting to move back.”
“There’s nothing strange about a couple fighting. Something has been off between you two lately. If JingYuan truly wants to move back home, YiHan can follow along to take care of him. JingYuan cannot go back alone. You’re both adults. We might be your elders but we can’t help you when it comes to relationships. You two communicate and resolve your issues,” said FuRen. “Alright, YiHan. You don’t need to explain anything. Your father’s not a fool.”
148. Do You Still Love Me?
JingYuan looked at YiHan. The younger man didn’t look like he was feeling well.
“HanHan doesn’t need to go with me,” JingYuan hurriedly said. “Let him have a few days of rest.”
“You’re sick,” said FuRen. The tone in his voice brooked argument. “There’s no way we can let you go back alone. Anyway, HanHan’s worried about you. Even if he doesn’t go with you, he couldn’t rest easy. Why not let him follow you? He’d be much more at ease. If you’re really upset over his fatigue, then get better faster. Right. JingYuan, you still have a fever. You look very sickly. Go lie back down.”
JingYuan stood up and, with the help of YiHan’s support, wobbled his way up the stairs.
“Why did you say yes?” Ma asked in confusion. Her gaze followed the two young men’s figures as they ascended to their room. “There are more people here. It’d be much easier to take care of JingYuan. HanHan wouldn’t need to work so hard. When they’re back at JingYuan’s place, HanHan will be doing it all alone. How could he do it all by himself?”
FuRen sighed and replied, “XiaoRan, you must notice it too. There’s something off between them. I’ve noticed it before but it was all in the back of my head. Dr Zhou said HanHan was getting better and JingYuan said he truly loved HanHan, that he wanted to be married to HanHan. There was so much good news that I didn’t think anything bad about it. However, ever since JingYuan fell sick, the air between the two grew worse. Quarrels between lovers aren’t scary. What’s worth being afraid of is this kind of stiff awkwardness that doesn’t go away or intensify. JingYuan doesn’t have a weak body. If not for something in his mind weighing him down, this fever wouldn’t have dragged on for so long. Look at how JingYuan acted just now. He’s adamant on leaving. If he really left this home by himself, their relationship might turn sour. Why not let them both go? Without any outsiders, those two can fully focus on resolving whatever’s keeping them apart. They’re a couple. There’s nothing they can’t overcome. They just need to be honest and communicate.”
Ma sighed, “But HanHan, he…”
FuRen embraced her around the shoulders and said, “Don’t worry, dear. Do you not know how JingYuan treats HanHan? Even if they fight, the man won’t let our son suffer much.”
Ma nodded. “True. Ugh, these two kids make me worry so. Children really are a burden on their parents.”
FuRen gently patted her on the shoulder and softly said, “That’s why I chased them out. Let’s leave them to it! They’ll resolve this matter themselves!”
Ma couldn’t help but chuckle at that as she gave her husband the side-eye.
The night passed without another word spoken on the matter. On the next morning, Chen Hong rushed over the first thing he could. He hurriedly packed the two young men’s belongings into his car before waiting in the car.
JingYuan’s fever had died down that same morning. His forehead was still covered in a thin sheen of sweat as he walked down the stairs with YiHan’s hand firmly in his.
“Once you’re back home, remember to rest often,” Ma said, stepping up to the two as they walked off the stairwell. “Don’t worry too much about work. Rest well and take it easy. Only then can you get better faster.”
“Okay,” JingYuan replied with a smile. “Don’t worry, Aunt.”
Ma then turned to YiHan. As she gently smoothed out YiHan’s collar, she said, “HanHan, you’re an adult now. Don’t keep throwing childish temper tantrums. JingYuan’s still sick. You have to take good care of him and yourself. Don’t cave into your emotions.”
YiHan tugged his hand out of JingYuan’s to wrap his arms around his mother. “I know, Ma.”
JingYuan’s hand clenched around where warmth once was but he remained silent.
The couple then walked towards the car. Along the way, YiHan’s feet dragged across the ground as he kept sneaking glances back at his mother.
Beside him in the car, JingYuan whispered, “Do you not want to leave? I know. You’ve rarely left your home. You must not be used to it. Why don’t you stay? I’m fine going home by myself.”
YiHan turned to look at JingYuan. The man was as thin as a rake.
“It’s fine,” said YiHan, heart aching at the sight of his love. “I can’t stay there forever. I also can’t help but worry if you’re alone.”
JingYuan sighed. His fingers twitched as the urge to grab YiHan’s hand rose again, but his hands remained where they were. The journey to the Mu family home was spent in silence. The mansion was huge and very empty. Only a few servants were occupying the place. They kept the mansion clean. The entire place felt rather desolate.
JingYuan led YiHan to a room. “You’ll stay here for now,” he warmly said. “I’ve made a call last night. Everything in this room has been changed and refreshed according to your preference. What do you think? I’ll be staying next door. If you need anything, just call for me. You know Aunt Liu, the cook. If there’s anything you wish to eat, let her know. You’ve visited this place before. You should still remember where everything is. You must be tired, right? You didn’t sleep well last night and you woke up early this morning just to pack. You can take a nap first.”
YiHan didn’t step through the door JingYuan was holding open. The man turned around to look at the sickly man and asked, “Aren’t we sleeping together?”
JingYuan lifted a hand to ruffle YiHan’s hair and said, “How many times do I have to tell you? It’d be easier for me to pass this cold to you if we sleep together. Anyway, I’m always coughing at night. I’d be disturbing you. If you’re here alone, you can have a good night’s sleep. I’ve also had the servants work overnight to install a bell by your bed. It’s connected to my room. If there’s anything you need, use it to call for me.”
“Did you bring me here for a vacation?” YiHan asked. “What’s the difference between me staying home and staying here then?”
“HanHan,” JingYuan sighed, “listen to me. You look pale and you’ve grown thinner. You need proper rest.”
“I’m not a child!” YiHan huffed in frustration. “Listen? My face is pale because your fever just won’t go away. I’m worried! I’ll be fine once you are! If you sleep by yourself, who’d hand you water when you have a coughing fit?”
“It’s just a cup of water,” JingYuan calmly replied. “I can get it myself.”
“You can do anything by yourself, so what do you need me for?” YiHan questioned.
“I just can’t bear to see you suffer,” said JingYuan.
“And I can’t bear to see you sick,” YiHan said, pushing the man away from the room. “While you’re not bothered by coughing fits, hurry up and take a nap in your room. You didn’t sleep at all last night.”
JingYuan was shoved into his own room. Upon noticing the two’s entrance, Chen Hong swiftly finished packing away his boss’s belongings and stealthily left the room.
YiHan pushed JingYuan to sit on on the bed. He turned to search for a set of the older man’s sleepwear. He then brought the clothes back to JingYuan, intent on helping the sick man change into them.
JingYuan laid a hand over YiHan’s to stop the other’s movements. “I can change by myself. Go take a nap in your room.”
“I won’t. I’ll sleep here,” YiHan sulkily said. Having said that, he raised his hands once more to unbutton the other’s shirt.
JingYuan laid his hands over YiHan’s once more and sighed, “Behave, HanHan. Go on. I can change my clothes by myself.”
“There’s not a spot on you that I haven’t seen before,” YiHan pouted. “What’s there to be embarrassed about? Hurry up and get changed so you can sleep!”
YiHan then changed JingYuan out of his clothes and into his sleepwear. His actions brooked no arguments. YiHan didn’t spend an extra moment looking at the other’s body and his hands did their best to keep away from JingYuan’s skin. The change was swift.
“Now, sleep,” YiHan exhaled. “I’ll be playing with my phone on the couch.”
JingYuan reached out with a skinny arm and grabbed YiHan by the wrist. He had tried to hold the urge back but he failed.
“HanHan,” JingYuan blurted, “I don’t get it. Just what went wrong between the two of us? Why are we like this now? Can you tell me? If I did something to upset you, tell me. If you…you…If you’re regretting this, I…”
YiHan had been suppressing his emotions for a while now. The stress and JingYuan’s words made him burst out, “Can you stop thinking about all this rubbish all the time? How many times have I told you? It’s fine! I’m fine!”
JingYuan bitterly smiled. He’d already spoken up about it. Might as well just get to the core of the issue.
“Rubbish?” JingYuan softly said. “It’s been over a month. Your rejection of me is written all over your face. You wouldn’t be intimate with me. In this entire month, we’ve only done it once. You even… Every time I asked you, you said you’re fine. However, I can feel that you’re unhappy. You wouldn’t tell me anything though. We slowly drifted apart. Now, I’d have to think and hesitate for a long time before I even touch you. Before your family, we can maintain the facade. But once we’re in our room, you’d rarely even talk to me. Did you know, HanHan? I’ve thought about this for a long time. I wanted to much to force an answer out of you no matter the consequences. But I’m scared. I’m scared once I ask, we can’t even have this peaceful appearance. Until now, I’ve yet to muster the courage to even mention marriage again. We can’t keep going on like this. We can’t live out the rest of our lives distant from each other. HanHan, do you still want to live out the rest of your life with me?”
YiHan smacked himself hard on the head as he seethed, “JingYuan, you’re sick. Sick people love to think about all sorts of nonsense. Take a nap. Sleep well and recover soon. We can talk about this once you’re all healed up, okay?”
JingYuan raised his voice. “Why are you always avoiding my question? You bought a place behind my back. What is your plan? HanHan, just what are you thinking? Must you torture me so? HanHan, do you still…love me?”
JingYuan’s continued questioning made YiHan’s will to suppress his anger crumble. “How dare you ask me! What about you? Do you have to courage to say you truly love me? I know you did a lot for me. I’m very grateful but I don’t want that kind of sacrifice anymore! I’m tired too!”
JingYuan was stunned. His grip around YiHan’s hand loosened. YiHan immediately tugged his wrist out of the other man’s hand, hard. JingYuan looked down at his empty palm.
“Just what do you mean?” JingYuan hoarsely shouted. “Why would you doubt my feelings for you? I love you! There’s no question about it. I can say that to you regardless of the time!”
YiHan had been beating himself up over letting his emotions overwhelm him to the point of letting his mouth slip. Upon hearing JingYuan talk back, YiHan decided to just let it all out.
“JingYuan,” YiHan said, “we’re already at this point. You don’t need to keep acting. I know you’re doing this for me but I’m fine now. I don’t need you, the ‘cure’, to save me!”
JingYuan shot to his feet. The sudden movement had his head spinning but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about it. Ignoring the dark spots blooming in his vision, he hurriedly stepped forward to YiHan.
“What are you babbling about?” yelped JingYuan.
“Babbling?” YiHan asked. “Mu JingYuan, do you have the guts to say everything we have right now isn’t all a lie? Of course, you all lied to me out of the kindness in your hearts. You want to save me, yeah? You’ve made a great ‘sacrifice’ in order to save me. You gave up on your engagement with my sister. You had to held in your disgust as you dated a man. You even had to act all lovey-dovey with me. You’ve gone to the extremes just for me. I know you’re good to me, but this ‘sacrifice’ is too much. It’s too heavy. It’s not something I can bear. Heh. You moan about how I won’t do it with you. Actually, what’s there for me to care about? I’ve done it with you plenty of times. What’s there to be prudish about? In our relationship, I am the one who has the upper hand. I am the one who has gained the most. I am being considerate here. I’m decreasing the burden so you don’t have to ‘sacrifice’ so much!”
JingYuan’s breaths were coming out in harsh pants now. His eyes were open wide as he roared, “Where did you hear all that? Who told you?”
149. Massive
Misunderstanding
YiHan wasn’t afraid of JingYuan at all. They’ve already broached the subject. There wasn’t anything to worry about anymore. At the thought of that nightmarish day, his eyes went red.
“Last time, when Dr Zhou came to give me a check-up, you were all hiding in the study room, talking about it. I left my room in search of you. I accidentally overheard what you guys were saying. JingYuan, how I’d wished my life had stopped that day. How I wish it’d stopped the moment I stepped out of my room so I would never have to know of your ‘cure’!”
JingYuan stepped forward to engulf YiHan in a hug. Heedless of the other’s struggle, JingYuan held tight and rumbled, “You must’ve only heard the start of our conversation, HanHan. You must trust me. My love for you has never been faked. I don’t know when it started but I’ve fallen in love with you. I fell in love with you long before my deal with XueQing, long before you dated Tao Qi. Do you know why I would agree to XueQing’s suggestion? Because I thought there was no way we’d be together, ever. It was just an engagement in name. What did it matter? HanHan, you can’t doubt me like this. Can’t you feel my affection for you?”
YiHan’s struggle proved fruitless. “JingYuan, look,” he sighed, all strength drained out of him. “It’s because you can say that without any hesitation or pressure that I’d believe what I overheard. I know you’ve doted on me the whole time we were growing up. I’m sick. You’re afraid I’d suddenly close my mind off and decide to end my life with one slash. You want me to hold beautiful hopes for life. You’ve worked too hard for my sake. JingYuan, I really don’t need all of that. I’m telling you, right here, right now. I won’t attempt suicide ever again. I will live a good life. Your mission is now complete. You can return to your ‘normal’ life!
“I never planned on speaking a word of this. I thought I could play along. This whole show will act out smoothly and I’ll soon ‘get better’. You’ll then step out of the show as planned and I can head to my little nest. Everyone will go their own way. How nice would that be? No one would find it awkward at all. Wouldn’t it be the greatest outcome for us all? Why, just as I take a step back, would you not step out of this situation? You’re clearly lying to me! Why must you press me to stay committed to this act? You’re talking of marriage again? Don’t you think it’s hilarious for you to mention it at this time?”
JingYuan was so angry that his dark spots in his vision had bloomed into a field. His arms tightened around YiHan as he said, “This is your secret? What is your ‘little nest’? That house? You want to hide in there all alone and leave me forever? Do you think I think of myself as a medicine to cure you? HanHan, I’m really not that heroic! If not because I love you and I want to be with you, how could I have agreed to this? Did you know how ecstatic I was on the night of the old Mr Yan’s birthday party? It was the happiest day of my life! I’ll admit. I am hiding something from you, but it’s absolutely not about my feelings for you! Yes, when your parents found out you were mentally ill, they wanted me to comfort you. But we had already gotten together by then. I didn’t say anything then. I was afraid they’d object to our relationship. It was just an opportunity for us to go along with it. I know now I was wrong. I shouldn’t have used such a method to gain their assent! If I’d just came out clean to them about our relationship, such a massive misunderstanding wouldn’t have happened!”
The long bout of fever JingYuan was going through had his strength waning out not long after the fight started. Soon, YiHan could struggle away out of the man’s embrace.
“A misunderstanding?” YiHan asked, head lowered as he took a step back. “JingYuan, I truly don’t dare to believe you anymore. My mind is not as smart as yours. There’s no way I can tell which of what you said is the truth and which is a lie. If you truly thought of me as a younger brother, if you truly love me, then stop lying to me. I only want the truth. I don’t want to live in a dream that’ll shatter in an instant.”
When YiHan shoved himself out of JingYuan’s embrace, the impact also pushed JingYuan backwards until he sat back down on the bed. The man sat there, head in his hands. He looked like a shrivelled shell of who he used to be
“YiHan, you don’t trust me,” said JingYuan, “With just a few incomplete sentences, you’ve declared all of my feelings for you false. Were all the moments we’d spent together worth nothing to you? Why do you have no faith in me? XueQing knows of my feelings too. Do you trust your sister? Or do you think everyone is working together to fool you?”
YiHan twisted his head to the side. “I know you’re all doing it for my sake. I’m not blaming you. There’s just no need for us to keep dragging both of us down to a halt in our lives. You should have your own life. You’ve done enough for me…”
JingYuan’s head snapped up. His eyes were bloodshot as he shouted, “Bai YiHan!”
YiHan was startled.
The other man swiped a hand across his face. It was now stuck in an emotionless state yet a tear slowly rolled down his cheek.
“I’m sorry,” JingYuan hoarsely rumbled. “I didn’t mean to shout at you. But you… I don’t understand. How can you so easily say you’d give up on me? I thought you loved me. While you might not love me as much as I do you, but i-it’s also love. Was I thinking too highly of myself?”
YiHan stared into JingYuan’s red eyes. The man’s face was pale and devoid of blood. His fingers were quivering. There was a tear streak on the face, something that should never appear on the man’s face. YiHan could feel his heart shattering from the pain of it all. This was the man he’d loved for two lifetimes. How could YiHan just let go of him? However, YiHan’s love was too strong and too deeply embedded in his being. He didn’t know what was the best choice for the man he loved. YiHan could play the fool to make JingYuan stay by his side. As long as he doesn’t “get better”, JingYuan would stay by his side. A day more with the man is better than nothing. Still, he didn’t want JingYuan to waste away the prime of his life. He didn’t want the man to sacrifice anything for him. He thought by setting the man free, only one of them would have to deal with the agony of being separated. But why was the other man in so much pain? Did he truly love YiHan?
YiHan’s breathing came out in harsh, rapid pants. His mouth opened and closed again and again but he never could muster the courage to voice the question. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he dashed out of the room.
JingYuan stared at the closed door. His mind blanked out as he sat there in silence for a while. Suddenly he shot up and swept everything on the headboard off. As the items crashed into the floor, his chest heaved up and down in quick succession. Dark spots grew once more in his vision. He stood still, body swaying, as his mind slowly whirred. He then picked up his phone off the floor and made a call.
“No matter the circumstances, do not let Little Master Bai leave the house,” JingYuan rasped into the phone. He then paused for a brief moment before adding on, “Remember, don’t frighten him. Also, anyone who dares lay a finger on him will be killed!”
The man then hung up. His figure slid down to the floor beside his bed as his head drooped down. He sat there, slouched and unmoving.
As for YiHan, he’d rushed about in the hallways in a panic from the moment he’d left JingYuan’s room. He returned to the room JingYuan had arranged for him. Pushing open the door revealed a room that made his heart race in distress once more. He hurriedly turned and dashed down the stairs, hoping to get some fresh air in the gardens outside. Every room in this house had signs of JingYuan’s presence. The aura threatened to engulf him.
However, the instant he reached the front doors, two men in black suits appeared out of thin air to block the door. They were two exceedingly large and muscular men with faces so strict and solemn that they looked like guardians of hell.
“Little Master Bai, please turn back,” one of the two men uttered in a deep and low voice.
“What’s the meaning of this?” YiHan shot back with a frown.
“Little Master Bai, please turn back,” the man repeated.
“Why?” YiHan’s hands were clenched into fists. “Is this JingYuan’s order? Does he want to imprison me?”
“Little Master Bai, please turn back,” the man robotically repeated.
YiHan took a step forward. The two men took a step backwards too.
“Little Master Bai, please turn back!” repeated the man once more. This time, his voice was lower and there was a hint of threat in it.
YiHan stopped. He stood there and stared into their eyes for a solid minute before his shoulders drooped and he turned to head back into the room he was assigned too. With a loud bang, the door was slammed shut behind him.
The two men at the door stood there in silence for a long while. Then, the man who’d spoken to YiHan gently patted the other man on the shoulder.
“Pan Wen, don’t be scared,” said the man in the same robotic voice he’d used with YiHan. “It’s fine now. He shouldn’t be back anytime soon.”
The other man immediately crumpled. He was caught by Wei Wu, the man beside him, who had been ready for Pan Wen’s reaction. Pan Wen leaned his head into Wei Wu’s shoulder.
“Waah, that was so scary!” meekly sobbed Pan Wen in a coarse, harsh voice. “He nearly walked right up to us!”
“I was scared too,” Wei Wu replied, voice still the same as before. “Thank goodness he didn’t continue pressing forward.”
“Aah,” Pan Wen continued sobbing, “Boss’s order is so tough! We can’t let him leave and we can’t touch him at all! Thankfully, Master Bai didn’t force his way through. If he insisted on leaving, what should we do? Do we hurt ourselves to scare him back?”
“The master said not to frighten him,” said Wei Wu.
“That means,” Pan Wen mewled, “we can’t even scare him off. We can only wait for death. Say, if he wants to leave again, do you think we can force him back by suddenly kneeling and begging?”
Wei Wu turned to Pan Wen and said, as monotone as ever, “You don’t need to do that. I’ll kneel.”
Pan Wen paused, shocked. He then slammed a punch into Wei Wu’s chest as his face blushed red.
“Oh, you’re so mean,” Pan Wen coyly responded. “You’re trying to sweet-talk me again…”
Wei Wu choked on his own breath from the impact of the other man’s “bashful” punch. He had to clear his throat a few times and let out a long exhale before he regained his normal, deep voice.
“It’s no sweet talk,” Wei Wu said. “I’m serious.”
Pan Wen leaned against Wei Wu with a face filled with bliss. “Alright,” he sweetly murmured. “I know what you mean. There’s no need to keep telling me. It’s quite embarrassing, you meanie~”
“Unfortunately,” Pan Wen continued with a sigh, “we’re on the job right now. We can’t go and do it. What a waste of a nice atmosphere.”
Wei Wu’s bronze skin was overtaken by a blush that made him glow. “T-T-Tonight, we’ll be changing shifts with Qin Ying and the others.”
“Oh, you beast,” Pan Wen demurely pouted, “you’re never satisfied. I feel like I’m being shattered to pieces with how you torment me.”
Wei Wu: “…”
YiHan threw himself onto the bed in his room. His hair was in a mess with how his hands kept ruffling and tugging at it. What was this? Imprisonment? Everything is out in the open now. Why did JingYuan still want to trap him in here?
YiHan wrecked all of the brain cells his tiny mind could gather to think hard about everything that had happened between him and JingYuan. The more he pondered, the more of a mess his thoughts were. He couldn’t even hash out a single clear train of thought. He desperately wanted to believe everything JingYuan had said but he was too scared of being disappointed again. It would push him off the cliff into the deep end of despair.
Hands wrapped around his head, he collapsed back on the bed.
“JingYuan,” he muttered, “JingYuan, why must you always give me hope? What if I truly believe you but you were fooling me once more? I would surely loathe you then.”
150. Dream
Perhaps it was because YiHan hadn’t been resting well lately. Perhaps it was because a tiny flame of hope was lit up in him. YiHan actually drifted off to sleep soon after he laid down on the bed.
Hazily, he saw JingYuan looking into his eyes. The other man’s eyes were filled to the brim with love. In the deep and mesmerising voice unique to JingYuan, the man repeatedly spoke into his ears.
“HanHan, this really is my dream life. I hope our lives can stay the same even as we grow old. Just like today. We’ll shower together in the evenings and dry each other’s hair.”
“I like to dry your hair. I like to wash your face, wash your back. I like doing anything and everything for you. When I was taking care of you at the hospital, your parents would often say I’m running myself ragged. However, I felt so happy. You’d obediently sit on the bed and wait for me to wash your face with a wet towel. You were just so adorable. I like it even when helping you in the toilet.”
“HanHan, before, I could still control myself. But ever since I’ve gotten together with you, I’ve realised I’m becoming more and more of a pervert. I want to hold you every single moment of the day. My hands never want to part with your skin. I’m always thinking about kissing you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your hair or your feet. I also want to be in the bed with you forever. When you change clothes, I want to lean in and take in your scent. HanHan, I might be touched starved or something worse. I want to turn you into a tiny version of yourself so I can bring you with me everywhere I go. I don’t want to be parted from you, not even for a minute.”
“HanHan, the other half of my life’s goals consists of loving you, protecting you, grow old with you and do my best to live just a little longer than you so you’ll never feel lonely.”
JingYuan repeated those lines over and over again. Gradually, the love in his eyes turned into sorrow. His voice slowly deepened and softened.
“HanHan, you reject being intimate with me. You reject my kisses. HanHan, do you…regret being with me? Is that it?”
“You wouldn’t marry me. You refuse to be near me. HanHan, I…I’m terrified.”
“I thought you loved me. While you might not love me as much as I do you, but i-it’s also love. Was I thinking too highly of myself?”
“Must you torture me so? HanHan, do you still…love me?”
“YiHan, you don’t trust me. With just a few incomplete sentences, you’ve declared all of my feelings for you false. Were all the moments we’d spent together worth nothing to you? Why do you have no faith in me?”
“I don’t understand. How can you so easily say you’d give up on me? I thought you loved me. HanHan, what am I to you?”
JingYuan just stood there. His eyes were overwhelmed by sadness. His face, attacked by immense frustration. Bloody tears streaked down the man’s cheeks.
“HanHan, I whole-heartedly loved you,” he mumbled, “but you’d treat me like this. I don’t want to love you anymore. You’re like a stone that I can never warm up. You’re so very cold…”
YiHan felt a pang in his heart. Panic rose in him. He wanted to embrace the other man. He strained and strained but his body just wouldn’t move. He wanted to shout out, “Don’t be sad! I love you too! I never wanted to give up on you!” but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything but watch as JingYuan became more and more depressed. The man grew more and more disappointed in him until he finally turned and left him.
YiHan’s mind was in a mess. He panicked. He did his best to shout for JingYuan, to chase after him, but his legs just wouldn’t move and his voice just wouldn’t work. All he could do was stand there and silently roar over and over again, “JingYuan, come back! Come back!”
***
JingYuan sat on the floor for a long time. He didn’t know how long. All he knew was chaos ruled his mind. He thought he’d given YiHan all the love that existed within him. Why did YiHan cut off everything between them without a single question? Was YiHan that eager to leave him because he felt as though he’d been cheated? Can YiHan ever trust him again? How should he explain things so YiHan would believe him?
His mind buzzed with random thoughts of how to explain himself, how to save their relationship, how to resolve this misunderstanding standing between them. At least he now knew why YiHan suddenly distanced himself from him and began rejecting his affection, right? He could only plan properly once he knew the reason. This was an improvement, JingYuan consoled himself.
He seemed to have made up many plans, yet it seemed like he couldn’t think of a plan at all. He only knew he absolutely can’t let YiHan leave. They were so close to being together forever. JingYuan can’t let go! He won’t let go!
JingYuan sat there on the icy cold floor for hours, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t even shift or twitch during this time. The longer he sat there, the heavier his head felt.
What was HanHan doing now? Was he asleep? Did he try to leave? If so, would he be even angrier at being stopped by JingYuan’s men? What should JingYuan do to be forgiven? HanHan had his guard up against him. HanHan wouldn’t believe a single word he said. How should he prove his love for HanHan was true?
JingYuan thumped his head hard with a hand. He wayed to his feet and shuffled out of his room. He didn’t want to be all alone anymore. He desperately needed to look in on YiHan. Just a glance.
He walked to YiHan’s door. He stopped. His hand raised, poised to knock on the door. He hesitated. If HanHan was asleep, would a knock on the door wake the younger man up?
He bit down on his lip and decided to just open the door. The handle turned and the door opened. It wasn’t locked. He let out a soft sigh of relief as he bitterly chuckled on the inside. He had fallen so far. He wanted to cheer and giggle at how YiHan felt safe enough not to lock his bedroom door.
JingYuan gently swung the door open. As expected, YiHan was fast asleep. However, the younger man wasn’t sleeping properly at all. YiHan’s head was laying on the mattress with no pillow underneath it. His blanket was still folded away. The man slept horizontally across the bed with his normal clothes still on.
JingYuan’s heart throbbed. Thank goodness he’d come to take a look at the silly young man. Autumn was here. If YiHan had slept through the night as is, the man would’ve caught a cold. In what JingYuan thought to be a “quick walk”, he walked over to the bed. His arms stretched out, about to carry YiHan up in his arms, when he heard a slurred mumble. He froze. Thinking YiHan had been woken up by his entrance, JingYuan looked down in guilt. Contrary to expectations, YiHan was still asleep. But the man’s brows were locked in a tight frown. YiHan’s fair, smooth forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat. Tears streamed from his closed eyes.
Fear struck JingYuan’s heart. He hurriedly knelt down by the bed and attempt to wake YiHan up with a few shoves.
“HanHan?” JingYuan called out. “Is it a nightmare? Wake up!”
In YiHan’s dreams, he was staring at JingYuan’s back as the other man gradually disappeared from his view as YiHan was stuck helpless. YiHan felt as though he was drowning in a deep, dark void of despair when he suddenly heard a panicked voice shouting into his ears.
“HanHan?” the voice shouted. “HanHan, wake up! Wake up!”
It was JingYuan! YiHan’s eyes snapped wide open to be greeted with JingYuan’s flushed face hovering above his. The dejection and sorrow YiHan felt in his dream surged to the front of his mind. YiHan threw his arms around the older man’s neck.
“JingYuan!” YiHan sobbed. “You’re back! You came back…Don’t go. Please. I beg you…”
The force of YiHan throwing himself at JingYuan nearly toppled the sick man. JingYuan swiftly sat up on the bed and wrapped YiHan in a similarly tight embrace.
“I’m not going anywhere,” JingYuan couldn’t help but say. “You’re here. Where can I go? HanHan, was it your dream? Don’t be scared. It’s just a dream, a lie. It’s fine. Don’t be scared. It’s all my fault. I shouted at you and force you to sleep alone.”
YiHan’s hands clutched at the back of JingYuan’s shirt. His mind was still drowning in the bits and pieces he remembered from his dream. His entire body was trembling. His shirt was soaked through with sweat. JingYuan felt as if he could die at the sight. Before he knew it, a hand raised to wipe the tears and sweat off YiHan’s face.
“Don’t cry, babe,” JingYuan softly cooed, his other hand gently patting YiHan on the back. “Don’t cry. Nothing in your dream is real.”
YiHan lifted his hands and stroked JingYuan’s face. “JingYuan,” he muttered, “I’m not a rock. You can warm me up.”
JingYuan’s mind sluggishly tried to comprehend YiHan’s words. “What did you say?” he mumbled back. “Who would dare say you’re a rock?”
As YiHan’s hands lingered over JingYuan’s face, he suddenly realised JingYuan’s temperature didn’t feel right. That thought dragged him out of his dreamy haze. He was wide awake now. He hurriedly touched his forehead against JingYuan’s. All he could feel was a broiling heat. JingYuan’s skin was boiling. YiHan shot to his feet and hopped for the phone on his bedside table. Then, he ran back to press JingYuan, who was staring at him in confusion, back onto the bed. Only then did YiHan turn his attention to the phone to call Dr Chen. As the phone rang, he stomped and paced in circles.
“JingYuan has a high fever!” YiHan barked into the phone the moment he heard someone answer the call. “It’s particularly bad! Hurry over! Wait, no! We’re at the Mu family home! Come to the Mu family home!”
YiHan hung up and threw the phone aside. Then, YiHan “pounced” on the bed. His hands fluttered all over JingYuan’s face and body. Every inch of skin he touched felt hot to the touch. YiHan was so distressed that he could cry.
“Why is it so bad all of a sudden?” YiHan repeatedly mumbled. “It just died off this morning…”
The younger man climbed out of the bed to search for the thermometer. After thoroughly sanitising the device, he shoved it in JingYuan’s mouth. He then hurried away to fetch some wet towels to wipe the man down in an attempt to lower JingYuan’s temperature.
“Why hasn’t Dr Chen arrived yet?” YiHan muttered as he fussed. “He should be here by now. Why isn’t he here yet? Is traffic bad?”
YiHan took the thermometer from JingYuan’s mouth and glanced at it. It was nearly 40 degrees Celsius. His hand shivered so hard that he nearly threw it away.
“Let’s not wait for Dr Chen,” YiHan said, turning back to JingYuan. “How about we head straight for the hospital?” As he said so, he turned away to look for a change for clothes.
JingYuan’s hand shot out and grabbed YiHan by the hand. “It’s fine, HanHan,” said the man. His eyes shimmered from the tears his eyes had produced in response to his fever. “I’ll be fine after taking some aspirin or something. We’ve been to the hospital before, haven’t we? They found nothing wrong with me anyway. If we go, they’ll only give me a saline IV drip and some pills. Dr Chen can do that.”
YiHan’s hand turned and held JingYuan’s hand in return. “Your fever wasn’t so high before,” YiHan said, his other hand reaching up to grasp at his hair. “Just why did it suddenly worsen?
We have to do a thorough check at the hospital. They have all the equipment we’d need there. Let’s hurry.”
“It’s fine,” JingYuan insisted, hand stubbornly pulling YiHan back. “I don’t want to move right now. I know my body. There’s nothing to worry about at all.”
“The heck you know that!” YiHan roared in fury. “You say you know your limits every time! In the end, you’ve been sick for weeks! There’s not an ounce of flesh on you anymore! You’re all skin and bones!”
“It’s not that bad…”
“Stop wasting time,” YiHan said, tugging his hand back. “Come with me!”
JingYuan pursed his lips. He said nothing but he didn’t let go either.
With how high JingYuan’s fever was, he was nearly out of strength. If YiHan really wanted to get away from JingYuan’s grip, there was no way JingYuan could stop him. However, that tiny flicker of hope had just been reignited in YiHan’s heart. Combined with the dream he just had and the red flush overtaking JingYuan’s face, how could YiHan bear to truly struggle away? How could he when JingYuan was so visibly unwilling to let go? YiHan couldn’t do it, so they were stuck in a stalemate.