"I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more." —Angelita Lim
NINA KAPOOR
With all the courage I could muster at the time, I spoke praying for my voice to not break.
"I want a divorce."
Finally having the strength I lifted my head very slightly to find Arjun with a expression that screamed pure and utter shock.
No one saw this coming, did they?
"W-wha-what?" he choked out between his uneven breaths.
"You heard me," I whispered, I could not bring myself to say that awful phase again without breaking into tears.
"You don't mean that," his voice sounded close.
I glance up to find him making his way slowly to me, taking each step with caution.
I hold my hand up and move back, if he's close the entire plan will be ruined. I can't let that happen.
Maybe you should just tell him Ninu. He can help you, please don't do this, you both lo-
Stop talking, please...stop talking.
I breath heavily keeping my eyes anywhere but at him.
"Why are you doing this all of a sudden? We were good till now...right?" he frowned looking at me.
I sighed silently.
"Just sign the damn papers and leave Arjun." I state gulping again for the 100th time already.
"No." he stated firmly with a hard expression.
"I'm not doing this without a reason." with a swift move he backed me up against the wall and closed all gaps between us by pressing himself against me.
He dipped his head down and touched my forehead with his. His scent took over overwhelming me completely.
My eyes remained close throughout all this and it took every-freaking-thing in me to not end up hugging him and rambling about all this.
"I have a reason for doing this, but I just can't tell you that."
I whispered without meeting his eyes while his eyes bore holes on top of my head.
"If you tell me maybe we can solve it instead taking such a foolish step." he caressed my cheek.
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying my eyes out.
"No, no I can't, we can't." I shook my head refusing to do so.
I can't tell him.
"Why not?" he questioned in the gentlest tone making my already racing heart go faster.
"Because you'll hate me." I answer in a low tone keeping my voice as steady as I could at the time.
He sighed "Angel, I could never hate you." he whispered gently lifting my head.
Finally my eyes met his which was whirlpool of emotions ranging from love to confusion to unhappiness to some hope to heartbroken.
It hurt to see him like this, to see him vulnerable.
I hate it but I don't have a choice.
That's when it suddenly hit me, camera. Damn it.
Pushing him away from me, I speak.
"Sigh the papers and leave. Please." I say desperately glancing to my window uneasily then the door where Veer might be waiting on the other side.
"If you're stubborn so am I. I'm not signing them without a reason." he answered coming closer.
"Don't come near, stay away from me Arjun." I say with my voice on the verge of breaking.
"Why?" he whispered.
I sighed.
"You'll not sign them until I tell you the truth will you?" I ask gulping and preparing myself to tell the biggest lie I have ever told.
"Yes," he nodded as his face lit up with a little faith.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.
He waited while I tried speaking.
He just shook his head.
"See, you don't have a valid reason for all this non-" he started speaking and walking at the same time.
"I don't love you anymore." I choked out.
He halted in place while his face went from confusion to shock to disbelief.
"Your lying," he uttered.
"I'm not, I don't love you anymore Arjun. I never did and I will never be able to so please...just let me go." I exhaled and closed my eyes.
I am so so sorry Arjun, I honestly don't have a choice.
I'm so sorry.
"You don't mean that." he stated.
"I do," I whisper keeping my eyes fixed on my table behind him.
"If you mean that, you wouldn't be avoiding eye contact like you are right now." he came forward and stopped a foot away from me.
I released a breath and closed my eyes.
I can do it, come on Ninu.
Slowly meeting his eyes, I say in a hard tone.
"I don't love you, never did so please sign the paper and leave." hopefully he'll believe me now and go.
Please do it Arjun, I beg of you.
It broke my heart to see his face which clearly resembled pain.
"So all this was a lie?" he asked gesturing between us.
I shook my head.
"No," I smiled unconsciously remembering everything he ever did for me and continued.
"I do love you Arjun but not the way you want me to. I never did and I never can. I love you as my friend, someone who unknowingly helped me in one of my darkest phases and by getting me out of that so-called house of mine and I cannot be anymore grateful to you.
You are honestly the most trustworthy and caring person I have met, who stayed.-" confusion crawled on his face but I continued.
"- You saw me at my weakest and helped me, not everyone would do that for me. You knew when and what I needed and always made sure I got it no matter what. After so long I felt loved and special. You were the one person I opened up to so easily other than Kajol, you managed to let me feel everything I ever wanted."
"So why are you doing all this?" he cut off with a desperate tone.
"Because its always you doing it for me. I've never done anything for you. All I ever did was take your advantage because that's who I am, a selfish and self-centered person who cares of no one but herself. Its always been you giving me your everything while me? I just took them all without hesitation and never bothered to return them back.
You don't deserve me, you deserve someone way way better than me because you are a good person while I'm not. You need someone who can return you all the warmth and love you provide her. You need someone who knows how to comfort you when you need it, who knows what you need just by a look on your face. Someone who can protect you as well, be there for you, help you when you need her. I won't do any of that and I admit it. That is who I am, I never help others, I take their help and leave when they are of no more use for me.
That is who I was, who I am and will be forever and there is no chance of me changing even the slightest.
I don't want you suffering later because of me. This was never a happy marriage Arjun, you think I agreed for you or mom or dad or Annie? No, I agreed so that you won't end up destroying my mom or dad or me for that matter. The power you hold is immense so I was scared of how you would twist that power of yours and use it against us. No matter how bad my parents are or how they treat me, they are still my parents who gave me food and shelter, so I will go to any lengths to repay all that." I finally finish and now all his face shows is betrayal.
It broke my heart to see him like this.
"I'm not doing it, I love you Angel." he walked closer and pulled me by my waist and before I could react, his lips were one mine.
I stood rooted in my place taken my surprise, he stayed still as well, neither of us moved our lips, just touched them to each other when it hit me again.
I pushed him off of me and glared at him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I managed to bring my voice down before I was too late seeing that I was still in the hospital.
"Look who's asking me that," he exclaimed, frustratingly running his fingers through his hair.
"I'm not sighing them, I'm not giving up on us." he stepped closer again.
"Don't come close!" I say moving more back creating some distance between us in my extremely tiny room.
"Everything you just told, is a lie." he stated with a blank face.
"Its not," I fire back.
"It is," the firmness in his voice made me happy that he actually trusted me but not the time.
"So what you can read minds now?" I ask sarcastically.
"No, but your tears throughout you little speech gave it away," he stated shrugging.
My hand flies to my cheek on its own and I do find wetness there.
"Just sigh them and leave, please." I say desperately.
"No. Ninu you think you haven't helped me but your wrong." I cut him off immediately.
"No stop just...just please do what I'm asking you to and get the hell out of here."
"I don't understand why you're doing all thi-" I cut him off again.
"Because I'm broken!" I yell yet keep my voice low as tears roll down my cheek again.
"There, I said it." I whispered looking at the ground.
"Your not broken Ninu," he said in a low voice firmly.
"Oh ya? Then please explain this." finally pushing the sleeve of my shirt behind I forward my both my wrist full of lines ranging from faded to bleached to dark ones.
His eyes went wide open. He immediately grabbed both my wrists gently and took a closer look while I was on the verge of a panic attack.
"You really think I'm not broken? I cut myself to distract myself from all the suicidal thoughts that are in my head 24/7. I cut myself to stop myself from killing me, this is my escape. This is how I escape from mental pain. Why? Because I'm weak and stupid." I say and pull my wrists from his grip.
He still looked taken aback. I walked past him and grabbed the papers and a pen and stood behind him.
Tapping on his broad shoulder, I take a deep breath as he takes him to turn around.
"Why would you do that?" he asked as tears filled his eyes as well.
"You really think everyone has a happy life as yours? Loving parents, supportive sister and friends. You had everything you wanted, you never got bullied in school because you were fat, you were never compared to your sister and were asked to be like her. People all around you never once told you that you were worthless or useless or that you should just kill yourself do everyone a favor. You don't know what my life was before I got married to you. Saying my life's a mess would be the understatement of the century." I blurted all the wrong things out.
Shit!
"Wha-?" he looked even more taken aback and the loss of words just added on.
"Arjun you said you love me, so please do me this favor sighing then and letting me go, please" I begged him.
He just shook his head.
I closed my eyes and glanced at the window again.
Acting quick I face my back at the window and talk at the speed of light.
"Please sigh then, Veer will tell you everything about it, I promise." I whispered and went baxk to my previously occupied position.
"Wait what?" he got even more confused.
"Arjun, this is were I'm gonna ask you to do something which will seem impossible, but please trust me." I just give him a look.
"I love you," he replied and snatched the paper and pen from my hand and sighed furiously abd stormed out.
Veer freaked out on the force at which the door opened.
The minute he left, I fell on the ground and Veer was immediately by my side.
He held my shoulders and spoke fast.
"Do not more an inch, I've called Kajol and told her everything. She's on her way to pick you just stay put while I make sure he doesn't get himself killed." I nod my head.
Veer left in a hurry closing the door behind him which again opened in less than a minute and a very furious Kajol stood in front of me.
"What the actual fuck is going on?" she questioned while all it took for me to break into tears was look at her face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am so so so sooooo sorry for the late update. Offline school started and now my entire schedule is messed up.
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Word count- 2128
Love,
RP🖤