Waking up in the comfort of your own room still brought a warm feeling to you. Every time you returned from your time at Hogwarts, that very first night you went to bed in your own room you felt like a bird finally returning to its nest after a long day looking for food. The familiarity of the color in your walls and the feeling of the soft fabric of your pillowcase against your cheek was something you could never find at Hogwarts, the soft mumbles of your parents in the living room of your house talking about how their daughter was home again. Nothing could ever compare to that bright feeling inside your chest.
Still now you craved something else.
You had always missed Hogwarts when you were home and vice versa. But now Hogwarts held something else within your heart, something you had only lived there. Better yet, someone. That first night you went to sleep with the low murmur of your parents talking outside of your room, somewhere around your house, your heartbeat louder and harder against your ribcage with the excitement that you were home once again, but with the cold feeling of your hand and the missing tingling sensation of your lips.
For the first time in weeks you went to sleep without the promise of Sirius Black to see you in the morning.
*******
"Morning." you yawned, stretching your arms over your head as you walked the last stairs down and entered the kitchen.
"Morning, sweetie." your mother said cheerfully, holding her cup of coffee halfway to her mouth so she could smile in your direction. She remained like that for a couple of seconds, her face falling in disbelief as she turned to your father. She stared at him, placing her cup down with a little too much as you giggled at her. "Hello?" she said, making your father finally raise his eyes from the paper in his hands, looking at her through the brim of his glasses. "What?" he muttered in confusion, as his eyes moved to you "Oh, yes. Morning, darling." he smiled.
You did a little wave in his direction, smiling brightly as you filled a cup of coffee for yourself. Moving to the small table in the kitchen, you sat next to your mom, who couldn't move her eyes from you. You sipped your coffee, never breaking your gaze from her. "Hi, mum." you laughed, placing your cup down.
"Hello." she beamed, moving her chair closer to you as she held her head over her hand, knuckles holding her chin.
Your eyes danced between her and your dad, who seemed oblivious to your mother's behaviour. You cleared your throat nervously, your fingers drumming on the sides of your mug as you avoided the question that would rile up your mother into a questioning of your time away.
"So what's happened lately here?" you asked with a smile, turning to both of them.
That seemed to capture your father's attention, who folded his paper in half as he placed it over the table. Just about as he was to mutter a word your mother waved a hand in his direction, successfully shutting him down as he turned to her with a frown.
"Nothing, really." Your mother said, shrugging her shoulders in dismissal, "Work's been busy, your father does the same things every day, the neighborhood has been really quiet, you wouldn't believe it."
"Actually..."
"What about you?" your mother asked, blinking rapidly at you.
You just let out a breathy laugh, turning to your dad as he shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Mum." you called, and she nodded "Is there something you want to ask me?" you said.
"No." she said, sitting back on her chair as she shook her head. Her hands played with her own mug, taking one glance at you and your raised eyebrow "Nothing at all." she muttered slowly.
"Dear, just ask her already so I can have a chat with my daughter without you cutting me every minute." your father said.
Your mother gasped, turning with an offended look on her face "I did not such a thing." she excused, turning back to you with a smile "But now that you insist, when are we meeting the lucky one that captured your heart?"
Your eyes widen instantly, gathering your hands that have been resting over the table on your lap and under the table. Your father turned with equal surprise, glancing in between you and your mother. "What?" he asked, settling his full attention on you.
Your mouth opened, the mix of all the words you wanted to say getting stuck in your tongue leaving you speechless and frozen in the spot.
"Y/N?" your father called, looking at you "What is your mother talking about?"
You smiled nervously, chuckling under your breath "I thought she would've told you by now." you breathed out, playing your most innocent face. "In my defense my letters are addressed to the both of you, it's not my fault she keeps them all to herself."
Your father tilted his head, a knowing smile on his face "Tell me what, darling?"
Your face resembled the one who just got a taste of something bitter, turning to your mom who looked like a child seeing the Christmas lights for the first time. You let out a long sigh, looking down at your hands as you avoided their eyes, spitting the words as fast as your tongue allowed you to "Imightpossiblyhaveaboyfriendnow."
Your mom squealed in excitement, the words captured perfectly in her brain as she turned to your father. "What was that, darling. I didn't quite catch it." he said, enjoying the red on your cheeks a little too much.
You groaned, throwing your head back "Don't make me say it again." you mumbled at the ceiling. Sitting right once more, your father was smiling, the raise of his eyebrow making you put on a blank face. You muttered under your breath, looking down as you gathered all the courage hanging out with four Gryffindors left on you. "I have a boyfriend, okay?" you said as firmly as you could, lifting your face to see his reaction as you said.
He lifted his mug to his lips, placing down as he kept his chin up "A boyfriend?"
"Yes."
He hummed, nodding his head slowly. "And who is this new boyfriend?"
Before you could answer, your mom placed her hands flat on the table, raising from her seat as she went to the fridge from where she got a white envelope "I assume," she said as she handed the envelope to your father, movements too quick for you to read as you stretched your neck with no luck "It has to do with certain Mr. Potter."
"What?!" you and your father exclaimed at the same time, your father lowering his gaze to the envelope. "Euphemia Potter." he read, glancing up at you before he got the letter out, reading the lines superficially as his eyes scanned the handwriting up and down. You stared in shock, waiting for your father to finish. "I must say I'm impressed." he muttered, and you looked at him expectant of his next words "I would have never thought James Potter was your type."
"Y/F/N!" your mother exclaimed, but you placed a hand on his arm before she could say anything else.
"He's not." you said before they could go any further with this mistake "My type or my boyfriend."
Your mother pout was unmistakable as she turned to you "Then why is her mother inviting you to her home for the summer?" she asked.
"What?!" you asked, eyes bulging from your face as you reached your hand to your father. He placed the letter on your hand form across the table as you practically snatched it, reading quickly.
"Someone's popular." your father whispered, nudging your mother's side as they stared at you.
"I know." your mother said excitedly "I recognized that name the moment I got the letter." her hands moved in the air, making a rainbow shape in the air as she muttered "The Potters."
You finished reading just a second after. Euphemia Potter was inviting you to spend one week of the summer in her home, apparently eager to meet the newest friend of her boys. You smiled at that, knowing how much it meant to Sirius.
"He's just my friend." you clarified, folding the letter back as you faced your parents "I met him through Sirius." you said, watching carefully for their reactions "My boyfriend."
"Sirius?" your father asked with wide eyes.
You nodded.
"What?" your mother asked, a witness in the staring between you and your father "What is it?"
"I thought you had cut all ties with the Blacks" he said.
The pit in your stomach opened once more, the insistent void inside of you taking all of the gleeful feelings in you "Regulus and I aren't friends anymore." you said flatly.
"Same family, a few years of difference."
"They are nothing alike." you snapped, the immediate guilt rushing through you "I'm sorry. They're just not the same."
Your father considered it, his face neutral "I don't like that family." he said, turning to your mom "They always brought trouble with them. One of them has already hurt you." he reminded you, the overprotective side of being a father taking over him.
"Sirius is different." you defended quietly, not with the energy you would have liked "He- he is not with his family anymore. That's why Mrs. Potter wrote to you, he is living with them."
They stayed silent, having a conversation with their eyes as you could only stare and wait.
"I still think you're too young to date." he said, crossing his arms as your mother rested her hands on his shoulder.
"Oh, don't be like that." your mother said with amusement "You and I met when we were her age."
"And didn't start dating until years later."
"Please." she said, placing a kiss on his cheek as she stood "Don't mind your father, honey. He's just jealous that his little girl is in love."
Your eyes widened again, watching as your father raised his head "In love?" he asked. You jumped from your seat, rounding the table as you too placed a kiss on your father's cheek "Love you, dad."
Before he could say anything you ran back to your room, closing the door behind you as you slipped down, Mrs. Potter's letter crumbled on your hand.
*******
"So what do you think I should take to the Potters?" you asked your mother from your seat in one of the stools of the bakery, a book on different herbs forgotten long ago before you.
Your mother hesitated, placing the cake she had just finished decorating on the display "Cookies are your specialty." she said. You made a sound that captured her attention, making her turn as the cake was safely placed in its place "What is it?"
"I make cookies all the time." you explained.
"Exactly, that's why they're your specialty." she laughed.
"I know, but I make them cookies all the time in Hogwarts. I want to try something else."
Your mother stayed quiet, looking over all the shop in the looks of an answer. The bell of the door sounded, making your mom move to the customer that had just arrived. It was a good fifteen minutes before she returned to you.
"I had an idea." she said, sitting on the stool on the inside of the counter just across from you "Grandma's special recipe." she said with a smile.
You look at her, tilting your head "I've made those before..." but then it settled on you. You had made them but not for Sirius or any of your friends but for Regulus.
"Have you?" your mother asked in surprise, "I never thought you would have made them for anyone."
You stayed quiet, looking down at the words of the pages.
"Y/N?" she called, lowering her head to look at you "What is it?"
You lifted your head, moving your hair out of your hair as it let the glossy in your eyes show, your mom face sadly as she walked around the counter. You tried to pull a smile that shone blue as it pressed a pang in your chest, your mother's arms coming around you. "I take it more happened than just your first love story."
You chuckled, a single tear rolling down your cheeks as it landed on the sleeve of your mother's shirt.
"So much more." you muttered, resting your head on her chest as she softly ran her hand over your hair.
"Is it about Regulus?" she asked, pulling her head to look at your face.
Your lower lip started to tremble as you nodded "I tried." you said, voice cracking as you chest visibly shook from the effort of keeping your tears at bay "I wanted to believe him, to know he didn't believe in blood statuses and that stuff." you said, pointing a hand in the air "But every time he gave more reasons to walk away."
Your mother just gave you a sad look, nodding her head softly.
"He hurt me in ways I didn't know he could." you muttered, looking down "And all I can do now is see him hurt with the knowledge that I can't do anything."
"I won't pretend I completely understand your world, yours and your father." she started, taking your hand "But I know you. My baby." her hand came to cup your cheeks, caressing your cheekbone as you leaned into her touch "You have always had a bigger, greater intuition for people and I don't think you would have befriended him if it wasn't because you saw something in him."
You smiled bitterly, straightening your head "All lies." you murmured.
Your mother laughed, "I don't think so."
"He was pretending the entire time." you said back.
"Did he tell you that?" she asked, the question proppred in the raise of her eyebrow.
You purse your lips, narrowing your eyes "He didn't have to." you said, looking suspiciously at your mother "Are you defending him?" you asked suddenly.
"I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt." she stated calmly.
"Well, he already had that with me and it only proved to be worse"
"You forget I got to meet him through your letters." she said, pointing at the small basket in the back where she kept all the letters she received at the bakery "You wrote about him more than you have ever written about anyone else. I saw him through your eyes, he didn't strike me as the type that would just use you, call you names and then leave."
You cleaned your cheeks with the back of your hand, biting the inside of your cheek as you reached your hands in the air, your mother knowingly taking the jar of cookies under the counter and passing it to you. "But that's exactly what he did." you said, plopping your head over your fist as you took one bite out of a cookie.
"And you have every right to be angry, to curse his name and scream into your pillow."
"Thank you." you said pleased.
"But...."
"No buts, mom." you groaned.
"But," she said more firmly, "He was your best friend, you even told me he was the brother you always wished for."
"Don't bring that up." you mumbled, crossing your arms over the counter as you hid your face there, the only thing visible being your eyes.
"If he comes around, he might need help and a friend."
"He can go and find help with his new friends."
"You say that because you're angry." she reminded you "But think, if he actually needed you, what would you do for him?" she asked. The bell rang again, the sound morphing with all the voices and the momentarily noise from the street that found its way inside the shop, then it all fell to the voices that lowered in volume until the only sound left was the one of your voice inside your head.
What would you do for Regulus Black?
"Anything." you muttered to yourself, the hard truth washing over you like the water from a storm.
*******
"You have everything you need?" your mother asked, following you down the stairs "Jumper? Toothbrush?"
"Yes, mom!" you said from down the stairs, looking up as she had returned to your room "Mom?" you called.
"Wait!" she yelled from upstairs. The loud noises of things falling and your mom tripping making your father chuckle as he waited by the door. When your mom emerged from your room once more she had another blanket on her hands, handing it to you.
"Mom, I already have a blanket with me." you told her, pushing it back to her hands. She pushed back "They said in the news it was gonna be a couple cold nights." You pushed back "I'm sure if I get cold I can ask Mrs Potter for another blanket."
"Y/N, just pack the damn thing. Your mother won't rest at night if you don't have it with you." your father said, taking the blanket himself as he threw it inside your suitcase. "All done." he said.
You turned to your mom just as he opened her arms, and you went to hug her just as you had when you first saw her at Kings Cross "Have fun, honey. And be careful." she whispered over your head, kissing your forehead.
You wanted to assure her she had nothing to worry about but knowing you would be a week in the presence of Sirius and James, probably Remus and Peter too, with no rules from prefects of school teachers, you knew it was completely possible for you to return with a broken bone or a couple of bruises.
"I'll be careful." you assured her. You turned to your dad, who had his arm ready for you to take.
"Ready?" he asked.
You gave a firm nod "Ready."
Then it all became blurry, the world before you twirled a thousand times, the ground underneath your feet disappearing as you felt like your entire body turned inside out. That feeling lasted a second before the ground reappeared as the feeling of tall grass tickling your ankles.
"Not bad for your first time." Your dad said, "Many vomit."
The feeling hit you just as he said it, resting your hands over your knees as you doubled your body a little "A warning would've been nice, dad." you said, voice a little deeper.
"I asked if you were ready." he defended himself.
You rolled your eyes playfully, standing straight as you stumbled slightly.
"Take your time, darling." he told you, stretching his hands in your direction.
You waved both hands in front of you, placing one in your waist as you looked at him "I'm alright." you assured him, picking up your suitcase from where you had left it. You had started to take one step when o¡your father took you by the shoulders, turning you in your place.
"That way." he pointed, making you drop your suitcase again.
"What!?" you asked, mouth in a perfect circle as you stared at the house in front of you. Although house was putting it lightly. The walk to the double door looked like it would take at least a few minutes, and even considering the distance the construction looked massive, the beige color of the stone only more astonishing with all the vines that grew from the rooftop and fell around the windows. "That 's James' home?" you asked in a hushed whisper as you followed your father who had started walking without you.
"I thought you would know." he said, taking one glance at you when you catched up with him.
You looked up with a frown at him "And how do you know?" you asked defensively.
"Fleumont and I go back to Hogwarts." he said like it was nothing. "Different houses, of course, but we were on a first name basis."
"You've never told me about your time at Hogwarts." you said, a little hurt now that the realization hit you.
"I never thought you'd care about it." He answered honestly, "And of course you took interest just when you're about to leave for a week."
"It's not like I'm never returning." you chuckled "You'll tell me when I go back?"
He looked down at you "Anything you want to know." he said with a wink. "Here we are." he announced, not even giving you a time to catch your breath when he had already rang the bell.
"Dad!" you squeaked "Give a minute to breathe, for Merlin's sake."
"I'm sure Merlin is fine, darling." he said, staring at the door.
You laughed sarcastically, running your hands through your hair to smooth the tiny hairs that had risen with the soft wind. "Very funny." you mumbled.
"Do you think this young man, Sirius, would answer the door?"
"I hope not." you said, holding your father by the arm "Dad, please. Don't say anything to him."
"Of course not." he muttered, just as the door opened wide.
"Little bird!" James yelled, opening his arms as he raised you from the ground in a crushing hug "Oh, how I missed your frown of confusion." he said, placing you down on the floor as he touched your forehead, then turning to your father. "Sir, such a pleasure to meet you." he said, offering his hand to him. "I'm James Potter."
Just as your father shook his hand and introduced himself you saw Sirius walking out of a room on the right, his eyes widening as his entire face lit up within the second of seeing you. However his emotion wasn't met as you widened your eyes and shook your head, glancing in your father's direction as James kept him occupied. Sirius forze like a deer on headlights, taking careful steps back to the room he had walked out of.
"Darling?" your father called, making you turn to him completely lost.
"Hm?" you said, an innocent look on your face.
"I was saying that I better leave now."
"Right." you said, going to hug him goodbye. "Love you dad."
"Love you too. Have fun!" he said, ruffling your hair.
"Don't you worry, Sir!" James yelled as your father got farther away "I'll take good care of her!"
Once when your father had apparated back to your home, James turned to you "You think he believed that?" he asked, taking your suitcase from the floor as he walked you inside.
"Probably not." you answered. Just then your feet separated from the floor once more, familiar arms holding you from your waist as they spun you around. He placed you down on solid ground, placing his chin on your shoulder "Hello." Sirius whispered. You turned your eyes down, seeing only his bright smile. You shook out of his hold as you turned to face him, throwing your arms around his neck. "Hi." you said back.
"Are you done?" James asked from the side, watching you two.
"Shut it, Prongs." Sirius said, holding you close to him as he glared at his friend "You'll be the same or worse once Evans is here."
"Lily is coming?" you asked, a gleam in your eyes.
"In a few days." James said with a bright smile, "I'll put this in your room." he said, lifting your suitcase as you nodded.
You turned around you, the wide hallway where you stood leading in at least four different directions. For such a big house it felt really warm and welcoming, everywhere you turned you could see signs of life. And more voices.
"James!" you heard, making you snap your head in the direction Sirius had walked out when your father was there "Sirius! Was that the door I heard?"
Then from the room you identified as the kitchen, a woman with a bright smile and beautiful dark curls walked out, she clasped her hands together as she gave a small nod in Sirius' direction. He only gave one in return as he let go of your waist and held your hand "Mom, this is Y/N." he said, the fact that he called her mom striking you as a surprise.
But it didn't last long as her smile grew on her lips "So you're the famous Y/N." she said.
"Famous?" you asked, taking a step towards her as Sirius pulled you with him.
"Sirius does not shut up about you." she said with a laugh "Ever."
You turned to Sirius with red in your cheeks, a not so shy smile on his face "I do talk a lot."
You laughed softly turning back to her "It's really nice to meet you, Mrs. Potter." you said, offering your hand. She smiled, taking your hand and pulling you towards her for a small hug.
"I say the same thing, dear. And please, call me Mia, Mrs. Potter makes me feel old." she said with a smile, "Make yourself at home, Y/N. Dinner would be ready soon."
*******
One day. You had been with Sirius and James for one day and you already felt like it was worthy to take a visit to Madame Pomfrey. You wished Madame Pomfrey was there.
"Wake up, wake up, wake up." the banging on your door never stopped until you opened it, making Sirius trip inside your room as James stood outside your room with a grin.
"What?!" you groaned moving inside your room as he walked inside.
"Someone is not a morning person." James laughed.
"I already knew that." Sirius said, sitting in your bed as you went to sit beside him, letting your head fall on his lap with closed eyes. "Ready for the day?" he asked, brushing your hair out of your face.
"No more Quidditch." you said, pointing a finger at him as you glared at James.
They both chuckled, nodding with satisfaction "You just fell from your broom twice, and you weren't even that high."
Your glare only hardened on James "You hit me with a bludger."
"Fine." he said, raising his hands in surrender "No more Quidditch."
You stood, walking inside the bathroom as they waited. When you went out you had changed from your pajamas, your hair was still a mess but you knew getting it done like you usually did was a waste of time with the company you kept. You still had a glare from the hour you had been forced to wake, though.
"C'mon," James said, almost running down the stairs "I think mom made pancakes."
Sirius held your hand, walking right next to you as you heard James getting further and further away. You rested your cheek on Sirius' shoulder, still carrying sleep in between your feet.
"When you said you weren't a morning person I just thought you loved to sleep in." he chuckled "Not that it took you hours to fully function."
You mumbled something under your breath, lifting your eyes at him for a second "I have been compared to a bear, that should mean something." you said, voice still raspy "Beside you weren't exactly gentle in waking me, I could have punched you."
"I'll take it into consideration." he told you, guiding you through the house "What if I wake you like a princess?"
You nodded, a pleasant sound leaving your mouth "I am a princess."
"A kiss then." he stated, looking at you "To wake you just like in those stories you like."
You rolled your eyes playfully, pushing his cheek softly to the side as you entered the kitchen. "Good morning." you said upon seeing Euphemia standing next to the counter.
"Morning, sweetie." she said, moving to place a cup of coffee in front of you "Sirius did say you are difficult to wake in the mornings but I believe that should help you."
"Thank you." you said, noticing Sirius sitting next to you, holding you hand under the table.
"Oh, Y/N?" Euphemia said, walking to you with an envelope in her hand "This got here for you earlier this morning." she told you, handing the paper to you with a small smile.
You took it with a frown, thanking her as you turned it to you. Sirius was looking over your shoulder, reading as you did. Then you sat up straighter, forcing Sirius to move as you kept reading.
"Everything alright, Y/N?" asked James from across the table.
You turned to him, nodding your head too eagerly. "Perfect." you lied. You folded the paper and put it in your back pocket, never noticing how your hold on Sirius' hand had too much force in it until he squeezed back.
"You okay, love?" he whispered to you, the worried tone of his voice not going unnoticed by you.
You shook your head softly, barely noticeable "We need to talk, alone." you murmured, putting on a smile.
He then moved to look at you, facing the side of your face "What is it?" he asked, looking up and down your face.
You bit the inside of your cheek, swallowing hard as you shuddered out "Regulus."