"No, really." Peter whispered under his breath, leaning on his elbows as he had fallen to the ground just in between James and Remus "Did that just happen?" he asked, pointing his finger towards you and Sirius as his eyes looked for James and Remus.
Remus' jaw would have touched the ground if it wasn't for the previous knowledge he had that Sirius loved you. He knew from the moment Sirius didn't stop talking about you after one month that you had something on him or he was really head over heels for you. It turned out the second one was the correct answer as you didn't even glance in his direction, which amused Remus to no end. To finally see Sirius do the chasing instead of the other way around. However, his mouth was open in a perfect circle, his eyes bulging from his head as he heard you say the three words everyone desired to hear from the one they loved, to hear those feelings were reciprocated. You said it first. He could come up with thousand of reasons why you had done it, the thrill of the moment, the adrenaline pumping through your veins, because you saw it as the perfect moment to do it, but in the end he came to the conclusion it was right there and then that you realized that what you felt was love, love for Sirius. And he had the honor to see the realization explode behind your eyes with a thousand fireworks and the bursting giggles of those three words.
James was grinning like an idiot. He had been the last one to get there, tripping over the overgrown roots of the trees and rolling down to the grass. Then he heard it, his best friend finally telling you he loved you. His body immediately jumped from his fallen state on the ground, holding his upper body with his elbows as his grin became bigger and brighter. Sirius had his back at him, only seeing the back of his head and how his arms disappeared from his sides to hold you close to him. He could see a small peak of you over his shoulder, just where the shade of your hair color melted with his. Your eyes were closed as you rested your head over his shoulder, until your head perked up and your eyes fluttered open, meeting James' bright gaze. He winked at you, your warm smile only cut when Sirius let go of you.
His grey eyes gleamed, you couldn't tell if the glossy look on them was from the happy unshed tears or simply his emotions reflected on them. You didn't care. You were certain your eyes mirrored his. His hands found your sides before they moved to cup your cheeks. "Wake me up." he mumbled, resting his forehead against yours with his eyes closed.
You let out a breathy laugh, finding his own cheeks with shaky palms "You're not dreaming." you told him in a whisper.
His thumbs ran over your cheekbones before he pulled you to him, his lips finding yours in a slow kiss, one both had been longing for since you first got a taste from the other, a kiss that didn't last long enough as he pulled from you. You didn't expect him to star peppering kisses all over your face, making you burst in a fit of giggles as your arms found his waist, trying to cover from his attack in the crook of his neck, but even there he managed to find the side of your head and the corner of your cheek. He finally gave up, wrapping you in the warmth of his arms, moving you slowly until your back was to his friends and he was facing them.
"What are you idiots doing here?" he asked then, glancing at every one of them in their spot on the ground as their eyes snapped away from the couple as soon as they saw Sirius' glare.
No one answered and you wiggled yourself out of his grasp to turn to them "Didn't you hear?" you asked him "They followed us here." you repeated, looking at them who now scratched the back of their heads.
"In our defense," defended James with a confident look "No one would have confessed their love for someone in the midst of a chase."
All four faces turned to the curly haired boy as he finished, Remus' judging look in his direction enough to make him shrug, as if his look carried something he didn't want.
"You're the least appropriate person to say that, Prongs." Peter said, tilting his head "You have yelled that you love Lily in the middle of pranks, sometimes when she's not even there."
James shushed Peter quickly, waving his hand in front of him to distract him "But Lily flower already knew, it was just a reminder." he said matter of factly, pointing to you and Sirius "They hadn't even kissed yet. Who makes the first confession so out of the blue? What happened to finding the perfect time?!" He turned his head, eyes looking for you "You could've done better, littl- They're not here." he said dryly, letting his hand fall to his side as he turned to Remus "How long have they been gone?"
"I don't think anyone cares about your thought process, Prongs." Remus said, patting his friends back as he jumped to his feet.
James followed close, helping Peter to his feet. Peter just shook his head at James and went to catch up with Remus. "Rude." was the only word that left James as he started walking. James thought he was brilliant.
A couple of meters ahead from where Remus and Peter walked and chatted together, you walked right beside Sirius. Your hands were clasped together, swinging them softly in between your bodies.
"One day you'll tell me why you call each other those names." you said with confidence in your voice "I know James is Prongs and you've called Remus Moony sometimes."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, it was true that the nicknames elected for the Marauders to call themselves had slipped his tongue on more than one occasion, he didn't think you were paying that much attention to him.
"You can always dream, love." he said, squeezing your hand.
"I'll find out on my own." you said, a smirk forming on your lips as you turned to him "I'll get it out from one of them, one will break with time."
He chuckled at that, lowering his head as his hair fell to the side of his head. "Hogsmeade." he blurted out, throwing his head back. You reached your hand to get the few stray pieces out of his face, watching as the ideas formed in his head. "What about Hogsmeade?" you asked before the thought left his mind.
He turned to you excitedly "Go to Hogsmeade with me." he said
You gasped playfully, placing a hand on your chest as you batted your eyelashes dramatically at him "Sirius Black, are you asking me on a date?" you asked.
He scoffed playfully, rolling his eyes while you dropped the act with a laugh "Did you miss all that happened back there?" he pointed back to the hills in the direction of your hideout "I don't think we're actually following the established schedule for dating."
You smiled brightly, the thoughts running fast in your head as the smile quickly turned into a grin "So we're dating?" you asked, taking one brief glance at him and the sudden panic that flooded his eyes.
"Are we?" he suddenly asked, making you laugh immediately.
"This is a mess." you laughed, taking short breaths as you waved a hand in front of you. "Let's get this one right, okay?" you said, not waiting for an answer as he gave you a nod. "Sirius Black, would you like to call yourself my boyfriend and therefore say we are indeed dating?"
He looked to the sky, brushing the pads of his fingers against his chin in thought.
"You're taking too long. I take back my offer, goodbye." you joked, letting go of his hand as you rushed a couple of steps forward.
He didn't even have to make an effort, taking two long steps to sneak behind your back. You squealed when his arms snaked around your waist, lifting you up in the air as he spun you around, the surprise sounds turning into soft giggles.
He let you down, and you swiftly turned to face him, your hands on his chest as he held you by the waist. "Nothing to think about." he said firmly "But did you have to use my full name?"
"Sirius!"
*******
"I can' believe you're actually dating!" Félix said, dropping the pile of books on the table, making dust lift from the surface as you blinked rapidly.
Quickly you reacted and shushed Félix, making him frown as he sat down on his chair "You sound like Madame Pince when you do that."
"And you sound like-like a parrot!" you whisper-shouted "How many times have you said that you can't believe it? Take time to process it, then."
"For someone who just found the joy of love, you're really bitter." he mumbled and you pushed his shoulder with a pout.
"I'm not bitter." you established, changing the book before you for one over your own pile, opening it at a random page "It's just new, I'm trying to assimilate it before the entire world knows."
He glanced at you with disbelief in his eyes but said nothing, changing his page with a bit of an attitude "I'm not the entire world." he said, stretching his neck while glancing down "You could have told me it wasn't a one sided crush."
You glared at him, shaking your head as you found the content page on your book "You weren't supposed to know anything, Félix. Not yet." you murmured, glancing at him at the same time he shot a hurtful look at you "You weren't supposed to see me kissing him goodnight, that was an accident."
He shrugged, taking his quill as he started writing. You thought maybe he had let go of the subject and you could finally get down to work. You should've known Félix better. "You weren't exactly hiding." he mumbled nonchalantly.
You placed your palms down on the table, leaning on the table with narrowed eyes. "You found out because you're a nosey little shit and you know it." you hissed, making him turn with wide eyes at you.
He closed his book, turning his body towards you "Watch how you talk to your only friend, Y/N."
You tilted your head, a menacing look on your face as you scoffed, leaning back on your chair "I have more friends." you stated, crossing your arms.
"Then remind me, who's the one who helps you with herbology?" he started, making your eyes widen as he listed one more thing with the lift of one of his fingers "Who scanned the halls of the entire school and created diversions so you wouldn't run into one certain Black brother or who feed you and brought all kind of goodies for your miserable state after one particular fight that we will not mention."
"Thank you." you mumbled darkly.
"See! I even know that." he added excitedly "I faked the rumor of your death so Sirirus would leave you be."
"You did?" you asked in surprise.
"Professor Flitwick asked me about it, he was more concerned about me than you." he told you, his eyes lowering in remembrance as he fell silent. "My point is that I'm your best friend, you could trust me with things, you know?"
It was your turn to fall silent, watching at the kid who stuck to your side the moment he got sorted into Ravenclaw, the one who looked for you whenever he needed help or felt like having some comforting company. You wondered what he would have done had he known what Regulus did, what he was. A muggleborn Ravenclaw who had enough nerve on his system to face a third year Slytherin like it was another wednesday.
"It's kind of pathetic, though. Even I can see it." he said, breaking you out from your thoughts.
"What is?" you asked, still with your thoughts blurry.
"That your only friend is a first year from your house."
You glared at him, getting one book as you got up. "It's not pathetic." you said, rounding his chair as you ducked your head in front of him "And I have more friends."
He chuckled but let you go, continuing his writing as if he was the only one with some common sense in the entire library. He was right, but you wouldn't admit it just like that. The people you hung out with in class were hardly your friends, they could only be described as classmates, you could talk about nothing more but school work and professors. Félix was so important to you, you hadn't even realized it until he pointed out all of the things he had done for you. A sudden heavy feeling of guilt fell over you as you reached the front desk.
"Miss Y/L/N." a firm voice called, making you jump in your place. You were taken aback Madame Pince knew your name but said nothing about it.
You placed the book in front of her "I would like to take this one, please." you said to her, her pale hands reaching for it while glancing over the brim of her glasses at you. She said nothing and got to work silently.
A chill crept up your spine, making you twist your neck. She had a strong energy, and you couldn't help but feel intimidated by it.
Not more than a couple of seconds later she gave you the book with the card inside of it. You took it, whispering a thank you as you turned to leave, only for her voice to call your name once more. You faced her with a nervous smile, walking back to her desk as she refused to raise her voice in the slightest.
"Do tell Mr. Black that he should have returned the book he borrowed a week ago by now." she said, a cold look on her face.
You frowned "Sirius?" you scoffed, remembering who you were talking to and turning more serious "He wouldn't have stepped inside the library even if-"
"Not him." she cut you off, taking out a note as she read "Regulus Black borrowed the only copy of a very rare book about the founders of Hogwarts a week ago. He must return it."
You stared at her, not knowing why you expected her of all professors to know about the fall of your friendship with Regulus.
"I'll let him know." you lied, only leaving when she gave you a firm nod of her head.
*******
Sirius leaned patiently on the wall outside of the door that led into the Ravenclaw common room. He had seen students go out, their eyes glued to him the moment they saw him there, he couldn't help the smile that they drew on his face. The wise students of Hogwarts looked at him, some even flashed him with smiles and soft waves of their hands, their voices rushing into whispers as soon as he got out of their sights. Many wondered why he was there, others had guessed right and got to the conclusion he was waiting for you. He didn't realize so many people knew who you were.
The door creaked open once more and he recognized your form as you walked backwards, closing the door as you talked to someone behind it, it seemed as if you wanted to keep a dog inside from escaping the room. He certainly knew the feeling.
"Oh you're here." you breathed out with a smile, your body relaxing as you took him in "I thought we were meeting at the courtyard."
He offered you his hand, one you took with a smile as you walked down the long stairs "I thought I'd better wait for you here." he answered simply, returning your smile as you reached the hallways. "You Ravenclaws are funny."
You chuckled "What makes you say that?" you asked.
He shrugged his shoulders, pointing his thumb back to the Ravenclaw tower "All the people who got out of there looked at me funny, some even gave a lost puppy look."
"It is weird to see Gryffindors outside our door." you admitted "You'd be one of the few. How long were you out there?"
"Not long." he said.
You both fell into a comfortable silence as you walked outside the castle, the bustling crowd of students waiting for their friends to get there to finally leave for Hogsmeade making you smile. This was your first time going to Hogsmeade on a date and you could feel your body vibrating in excitement.
"Hey, do you think we could stop at Honeydukes?" you asked Sirius once you walked the busy streets of the small town.
"Sure." he said, getting the door for you as the sweet smell of sugar hit your face. You walked the shelves and along the tall walls stuffed with all kinds of candy of every flavor you could imagine. Ten minutes had gone by and you had your arms full, Sirirus taking some of them from you as he took some for him as well.
"You had a sweet tooth," he said with a smile.
You glanced at him with a big smile "Not all of this is for me." you shared, stopping in front of a shelf for a moment before continuing "Félix can't come to Hogsmeade yet so picking up some of his favorites."
He nodded, picking up the box you had just walked by "You don't like these?" he asked, showing you the box as you stared at them, your smile falling slightly as Sirius only grew "They're my favorite."
Your eyes moved immediately to him, taking one last look at the box before you felt your heart shrink inside your chest. It was a simple purple box of soft caramel, the most basic type of candy in a magic shop, nothing special about them. They are Regulus favorites as well.
"I do." you said, putting on your best smile "They're my favorite too. I always keep some in my bag." you said softly, watching as he took the box with him.
His smile never faltered, following you around as you both ended with your arms full. One visit to Honeydukes turned into an entire day visiting each and every single shop you could find on Hogsmeade, some you only entered to watch as if they were museums you could visit and others you ended running around the small shops. You discovered Sirius looked dazzling in a long coat and you looked like a royal in a crown.
The day quickly came to an end, the sky turning all shades of a soft orange and light purple as you both sat near the Black Lake. You stared at your reflection on the water when you got there, an old wound you thought was healing slowly completely ripped open by the single memory brought back to you by none other thing but candy. You refused to let the small void in your heart ruin your first date and decided to put the suffocating feeling aside.
"I love the night sky." you whispered from where you lay on the grass, Sirius stretched out right next to you.
"I was named after a star." he said, and you turned your head to him. watching as his eyes focused on the sky "I don't think we can see it right now."
"Of course not." you said, as if it was something obvious. Your body turned to its side, throwing your arm over his middle as you nuzzled on his side, his left arm wrapping around you as he looked down at you "You're right here."
He nodded with a lazy smile "I'm a star."
"And according to James I'm a little bird." you remind him.
Your heart eased into a safe space, with Sirius holding you close to him. You could close your eyes and drift into a dream where all was well.
*******
It was the middle of the week and you were done with it. You could feel the summer break breathing close to you and still reach your hand and find nothing but all the work you had to be done with first so you could declare yourself free from school for the summer.
You were walking out of transfiguration class with Anne, your roommate and the one of the girls you felt closest to. She had shiny warm eyes and a permanent kind smile, her blonde hair always in soft waves over her shoulders. You wondered what it was about you that had drawn her to you.
"We could do the potions research together." she offered with a soft voice "I've heard it is difficult and it might require more than one brain." she laughed.
"I'd like that," you smiled at her "Maybe today after class?"
"Sure!" she said, turning on the door with you by her side.
"Miss Y/L/N!" you heard, stopping with a confused look at Anne "A word, please." called professor McGonagall.
Your stomach dropped but nodded in her direction "I'll catch up." you told Anne, a nod from her as she mixed with the crowd and you lost her from your sight. You entered the classroom, walking to professor McGonagall's desk as she looked at you. "Can I help you with something professor?" you asked.
She nodded, getting a piece of parchment from all the papers she had spread over her desk. "I believe you are aware that the final assignment for my class is worked in pairs." she started explaining "I had made all the arrangements for the pairings however your partner has requested a change."
You started to feel uneasy, shifting your weight "I understand." you said to her.
"Yes, I cannot assign you new partners so this will- Oh, Mr. Black, perfect timing, come on in."
Your head snapped to look behind your back, seeing Regulus stand on the arch of the door, his eyes glued to you as he walked to the desk.
Your initial burn to glare at him soon faded as he grew closer to you, the light reaching his form and making your heart drop. The skin on his face clung to his bones, he seemed weaker, almost sick. His posture was perfect, as usual, but the way he hung to the side made you believe he was dizzy, like he couldn't find his footing. Dark colors painted the skin under his eyes as his gaze seemed unfocused, then too sharp.
"You called for me, professor?" he asked, not glancing at you once.
"Indeed, I was telling Miss Y/L/N that you had requested a change of partner for the final assignment, however I cannot do that."
"It was I who asked him to ask you for a change of partner, professor." you interfered, glancing in his direction "I don't feel comfortable working with him." you said.
Professor Mcgonagall looked at you with wide eyes, nodding her head "I understand that but I'm afraid all students already have a partner. You will have to work together or by yourselves."
"I don't mind working alone." you cut in before Regulus could say anything.
Professor McGonagall couldn't shake the surprise from your attitude, turning with a questioning look to Regulus "Mr. Black?" she asked.
He hesitated, looking at her after a couple of seconds "I'm fine with working alone." he said calmly, his voice normal and even. He didn't wait for the professor to dismiss him, turning on his spot and walking to the door.
You quickly said your goodbyes to professor McGonagall, rushing out of the classroom, looking in both directions until you saw the back of Regulus' head. You marched in his direction, holding with white knuckles the strap of your bag.
"What the hell was that?" you demanded as you were at hand reach from him. He turned sharply on his spot, his eyes void of any emotion as he stared at you. He said nothing. "No matter what you think you are in no place to ask for another partner, Regulus." you said, eyebrows furrowed and fire burning in your eyes "Believe it or not, you are not above every single student here."
His eyelids moved so slowly you thought he looked like he was falling asleep on his spot, but his eyes were focused and present, his lips pressed in a line before he said "I thought it would be more comfortable for you." was his excuse.
You shook your head, placing your hand in front of you "Don't make this about me." you said firmly.
"Y/N-"
"Don't." you stopped him, standing taller "Do whatever you need to do, Regulus." you told him, moving to his side to leave but turning one more time to face his side "Just leave me out of it."
*******
The end of the week was finally there. The halls of the castle buzzing with the freedom the weekend carried with it. Secret parties, forbidden meetups, discrete games of Quidditch, the possibility to go to bed early knowing you could wake up late the next morning. Fridays for you meant long night talks with Sirius in the astronomy tower. You met there a couple of hours after dinner was over, when the owls first started to sing and the twinkling stars were fully visible. That day you got to the tower when the sun was barely hiding and the crowds of students were still visible from your spot in the high tower.
Your encounter with Regulus had left you more shaken than you could explain, some alone time was much needed for you, far from the gazes and whispers that still lingered in the mouths of the students. You hadn't let them affect you much, with Sirius by your side it was easier, but the weight that they carried was set loose once you let your thoughts wander.
A constant comparison had settled in the public eye between Sirius and Regulus. All because of you. You had told yourself that they did that even before you entered their lives but now the whispers circled you as well. To you, it felt as if they had traded places in your life.
The sound of steps coming up to where you were makes you run your hands over your face, turning immediately as the footsteps neared you.
"I didn't see you at dinner." Sirius said as a form of greeting, standing next to where you sat. He looked down, seeing your knees folded close to your chest and the way you placed your chin over them. "What 's wrong?" he asked as he sat down in front of you, putting aside the small mountain of food he carried with him.
You purse your lips, putting on your best smile with the tilt of your head "Wrong? Nothing's wrong." you answered, your voice high as he gave you a knowing look.
His features softened, as he grabbed some of the crackers he had brought for you, handing you one. "You're always putting on a brave face for everyone." he noted "Always pretending." he said like he had said many times before.
"I'm not pretending." you said back, taking a bite of the cracker "I don't want to bother you with my dark mood."
He laughed shortly, "That's not a dark mood. you should see Moo-Remus, when he's upset. That 's dark." he said with a shiver, making you chuckle. "You should let the world know how you feel."
"What use would it be?" you asked.
"I, for once, would like to know what is going on with you without having to dig it out of you." he said, booping your nose as he did.
You scrunch your nose, smiling at him "You're more outgoing than I am."
"Says the one who almost starts a fight in the middle of the hall." he mocked with humor, raising a knowing eyebrow in your direction.
"You promised you would let that go."
"I just wished I had been there to see it." he lamented himself, his head peeking up "See! I want things for myself, like watching you start a fight." That caught your attention, making you raise your head as you mumbled on the cracker in your hand. His mood had suddenly lowered as well, his fingers twisting the only ring in his hand "I guess I'm selfish that way." he mumbled.
You wanted to cry and laugh, throwing your head back "You're not selfish." you said assuringly.
"You say that because most of the time you don't want to hurt me."
You smiled, taking his hand and placing yours against it. "I mean it." you said, a sudden seriousness in your voice. Sirius just nodded, watching as you played with his hand, enjoying the way they molded together.
"I talked to Regulus." you confessed, glancing quickly at him before you returned your attention to your hands.
He didn't seem surprised, the look in his eyes not moving one inch "What did he have to say?" he asked. You didn't know if he actually was curious or he was letting you talk. You didn't care.
"I don't think he meant for it to happen." you said, chuckling bitterly as you intertwined your fingers with Sirius', moving your eyes to him "He asked for a change of partner in McGonagall's class. We were both there."
"It doesn't surprise me." he admitted, and you glanced at him with a dead stare.
"I know it doesn't. It still feels foreign to me." you said, glancing at the sky to avoid Sirius's eyes. You felt your lower lip start to tremble and you bit down on it, however your eyes betrayed you when you felt the first tear trail down your cheek.
"Y/N?" Sirius called but you didn't move, the soft sniffs from your nose alerting him even more "Love." he said, moving your hair to get a better look at your face.
You moved your hand, cleaning your face with the back of it as you turned to him with your lips pressed together. He tilted his head, the hurt you felt reflected on him as he hated seeing you like that. He opened his arm to you, and you crawled to his side, resting your head on his shoulder as the silent tears fell freely.
"I hate to see him like this." you whispered, voice raspy as you spoke "He looks so tired, so sick and I can't do anything. What if it's my fault?" you asked, lifting your head, panic flooding your eyes.
"Hey, hey," he shushed you, holding your face in his palms. "It's not your fault. It 's not."
He held your eyes, the grey color in his grounding you enough to brush your hand against his cheek. "I forget how alike you two are." you whispered, moving your hands to take his away from your face "I want to tell you something."
He looked worried, confusion written all over his features "What is it?"
You smiled sadly at him, taking his hand and placing a chaste kiss on his knuckles "You know I love you, right?" you reminded him, his soft nod encouraging you to continue "And I love you for what you are. Because only when we met you scared the hell out of me and you found joy in it, because you never gave up on me even when I did everything in my power to make you understand it wasn't going to happen, because you believed in what we could be when I didn't. The one that gets in trouble seven days out of the week and has never stepped inside of the library, the one that wants me to be friends of his friends or the one that borrows a record player from his friend just to play the first song we ever danced. I love you because you care about me, and you're patient and understanding and the one that has made me the happiest I've been in a long time, even in these dark times."
His face was a mixture of emotions, his trembling eyes going down to your hands "Why are you telling me this?" he asked shakily.
You took a deep breath, your voice breaking with the emotion "I don't want you to feel like you are replacing Regulus somehow." you said, tears falling down your cheeks again. You squeezed his hand, moving closer to him. "He was my best friend and I love him very much, it hurts me deeply to see him like this and what happened between us but there is no comparison in how I feel about you." a more bright chuckle left your lips, the ghost of a smile on your lips "I love you, Sirius. And even if I was still friends with Regulus, nothing would change that.
He closed his eyes, letting out a breathy laugh as he brought you closer to him. He held the back of your head close to him, placing a lingering kiss on your forehead. "Thank you." he mumbled against your hair, letting you melt against him as a weight was lifted from his chest. He didn't know what he did to deserve you, but he would do anything to never lose you.
*******
The envelope sat with a heavy weight before Regulus. The yellow color and perfect edges did not fool him as he stared at it with dread.
There was no avoiding it as he reached for the letter addressed to him in neat cursive handwriting. He broke the wax seal and got the short message from inside, reading the lines over and over until he had memorized them.
The signature under the message brought no comfort to him, no sweet name or pet name was waiting for him at the end of the letter, just one name.
Walburga Black.