The shock didn't fully set in until I walked out onto the streets of New York City. If I had to guess, it was around one, maybe two, in the morning. The sudden silence of the city compared to Mount Olympus crashed around me as I stood in front of the glass doors of the Empire State building and watched the lone cars drive by on a normally packed street. I slid to the ground and sat crossed leg on the sidewalk, feeling the silence sink inside me and wash over the numbness. "What am I supposed to do now?"
Avalanche didn't respond, but sat down beside me and pressed her warm body to mine.
My whispered question rang through the air and was quickly swallowed by the city. As I stared out over the street, empty of pedestrians, I thought about how tiny and insignificant each person was in this huge world. All of our problems nothing more than a mere speck of dust. Our lives temporary. And yet, it was a wonder how permanent and massive they felt to us.
The ice inside me shattered and hot, burning pain and anger poured in, bringing with it a river of emotions that I didn't bother to control. Not that I could have, anyway. Not as the full realization of what Athena had told me sank in. For sixteen years, all the Olympians and even my mother had kept information about myself from me. They had no right to do that. None. Who I was hadn't been the growth of my own accord. They'd shaped and moulded me to fit whatever descriptions Zeus had wanted, and I knew it wasn't who I would have been.
"You had no right to do that!" I screamed at the sky, though I knew no one would hear. "No right, do you understand?!"
I clenched my jaw and bowed my head, letting the tears flow in silence.
What was I supposed to do now?
I couldn't go back to Olympus without marching up to Zeus and beating him up. That was plain suicide.
Going back to the ship and having to face Luke wasn't an option either, not when I now knew that he'd been right all along. If I went back, I was scared that I might make a decision that I'd regret. In the heat of the moment, everyone's impulses came out. I needed time to cool my head before facing any choices.
But I couldn't exactly sit here forever.
A sudden gust of wind blew by me, sending an empty plastic Starbucks bottle rolling by. My eyes landed on a flyer that flew by me, locking on the months-old strawberry picking advertisement from August.
I knew where to go. I swiped my eyes and stood up, feeling the roaring anger subside as level-headed determination and purpose pushed it aside.
I should have done this last summer when I was still at camp, I thought. It's time I visited the Oracle.
***
The woods were silent. It was the middle of the night, but not even an owl hoot or the sound of nocturnal animals rustling through the undergrowth could be heard as Avalanche and I climbed the hill to the pine tree, where a huge, scaled beast was curled around the base, watching over the fleece that shimmered silver in the moonlight.
The dragon cracked open a yellow eye.
"Hi," I whispered cautiously. "I don't believe we've ever met, but I'm not a threat."
It huffed a sigh through its nose and closed its eye.
I sighed and beckoned Avalanche to follow and we crossed the boundary, feeling the ripple of magic as we entered camp grounds.
I paused for a moment at the top of the hill, taking in the view of the slumbering cabins, the dark mess hall, the silent arena, and the stillness of the snow that covered the camp. Everything had been so simple back then. But now, even if I could, I wouldn't change a thing. That Clarianna had still been complacent in her bubble, unknown to the outside world. Say what you might, but being with Luke had truly opened my eyes. In both good and bad ways, I supposed.
The bronze brazier in the centre of the cabins was still burning bright, and the porch light of the Big House still shone, but everything else was silent and asleep. Well, except for the harpies that fluttered through the camp, searching for demigods that dared to break curfew.
"Stay here," I whispered to Avalanche once we reached the strawberry fields, covered in thick snow. "I'll be right back."
Avalanche pressed her nose reassuringly against my thigh and I smiled at her, grateful that I had at least someone who would never leave my side. She yawned, showing off sharp white teeth, and padded in a circle before nestling down into the pile of snow and disappearing, her white fur effortlessly blending in.
I made my way quietly towards the Big House, hoping that Chiron was asleep.
"Who are you?"
I grimaced. Dammit. I was three metres away from the porch.
I blamed the snow crunching underneath my feet.
I turned around to see a shadowy figure standing just around the corner of the porch. "Wouldn't the better question be, who are you and what are you doing so late past curfew?"
The figure stepped into the light and I gasped in surprise, just as his mouth dropped open upon seeing my face.
"You," we both said at the same time.
He blinked. "So I wasn't seeing things. I knew I saw you that day at the school. Bianca didn't believe me, but I knew you were there. Who are you?"
I hesitated, then decided to hell with it. "Clarianna Sinclair."
"Are you a demigod, too?"
"Well, I'm here, aren't I?" I gestured around me. "So yes." I forced down the thought of how Athena had told me I wasn't human to the back of my head. Now was not the time, not when I was facing the son of Hades.
"Who's your godly parent?" he asked excitedly, a smile forming on his face.
"Hecate," I replied. "The-"
"Goddess of Magic!" Nico smiled happily. "She has two thousand attack power and an awesome spell that deals five hundred damage points!"
"Oh-kay," I said. "That's great."
"Yeah," Nico replied. "So, Clarianna, why are you here? Are you a hero too? You weren't there when my sister and Percy went on their quest, but you've gotta know something, right?"
To my surprise, a laugh forced its way out my throat. "Woah, hold on. Too many questions at once. I'm here for the Oracle. And yes, I'm a hero. Everyone's their own hero. You're one too, you know."
"If I was," Nico muttered, his smile gone. "I would have gone with them. Because," he hesitated, then said, "I had nightmares."
"Nightmares about what?"
"My sister," he replied and sniffed. "She died in them." He looked at me. "She's gone, isn't she?"
"That's not for me to say," I said, reaching out to grip his shoulder. "And even if she was, death isn't such a bad thing, you know?" I let go of him and stared at the stars twinkling in the sky. "Our loved ones will remain with us forever. In here." I touched my heart and looked back at Nico, who was staring at me attentively. "And here." I tapped him over his heart. "She'll always be with you."
"You . . . don't think death is scary?"
I smiled. "No. I think it's rather cool. I have a friend whose mother is Melinoe, the goddess of death. She's one of the coolest people I know."
I leaned in conspiratorially. "In fact, I have a few tricks up my sleeve with death too."
Nico grinned. "Really? Can you show me?"
I laughed. "Sorry, not today. I have things to take care of." I looked pointedly at the Big House but winked at him. "Find me again some other time, and I'll show you. I promise."
Nico grinned and I found myself forcing back a wave of sadness at his innocence, knowing full well that it wouldn't last. Life was so cruel.
"Okay! Good luck with your quest," he said. "I'll see you around!"
"Thanks," I smiled. "See you around."
Nico waved at me and headed back to the cabins. I watched him trudge through the snow, a ten-year-old plunged into a mythological world come to life until he vanished behind the Hermes cabin.
It was so messed up. This was so messed up. But that was the life of a demigod. I sighed and took the last few steps up to the porch, walked up the stairs, and stood for a moment outside the door debating whether or not I should knock and let Chiron know I was here. I didn't feel like facing him, but I doubted that I'd manage to sneak up the attic without him knowing.
I was spared from the decision when the door swung open and Chiron appeared in his wheelchair, clearly fresh out of bed as he was still in his pyjamas. Horse pyjamas.
"Um," I started, blinking at him. "It's a long story. But I need to see the Oracle."
Chiron peered at me for a long moment and I forced myself to hold his gaze. This is important but I'm not going to talk to you about it, I conveyed. Let me in.
He sighed. "Alright. No questions. Just go upstairs to the attic."
"Thank you," I said gratefully. "And please, I was never here."
He nodded. "Very well. Just remember that no one, least of all the Olympians, are perfect. We all make mistakes, and being stubborn to not admit it doesn't mean they're ignorant of it. Good luck, Rianna."
With that, he turned and wheeled himself back to his room, leaving me alone in the room. I shut the door behind me and headed up to the attic.