We need to talk.
I sigh as I read the text from Terrence.
The kiss that we shared was special but I also know that it was wrong so I told Michael about it and he flipped out on me. I didn't tell him who it was with because I didn't want him to go looking for his best friend but I let him know that I kissed somebody that I cared about.
He thought that I did it to get back at him for kissing Petra and maybe I did but there's also a part of me that just wants to be desired. With my illness, Michael is just so fragile with me and at times it feels as if he stuck around because I'm sick.
I bite down on my bottom lip as I look at an old image of Terrence and I from when we first started dating. The way our relationship came about was from him protecting me from Michael's abuse and just being a good friend to me.
What would have happened if I married Terrence?
"Oh Luxe, that daycare is perfect." My mom smiles as she walks into my living room with two glasses of orange juice in her hand and I quickly exit my photo gallery before locking my phone. I thank her as I take a glass from her hand
"Maya has been there a couple of times as part of a trial and things look good." I smile as I think of my two year old who will soon start attending daycare. She is at an age where she needs to socialise and learn things that I can't teach her at home.
Since I'm not going to Mexico for work, I need to keep her preoccupied while I fight this illness. Michael is still going through the custody battle with Adonis which is why we have not been able to enrol him into daycare.
"Hopefully Mike will win the custody battle." My mom tells me as she sits down besides me and I smile at her. "What's been going on with the whole instagram thing? I heard that you both unfollowed eachother."
"Michael has been acting weird so I just decided to unfollow him and then he told me that he cheated on me with Petra." I roll my eyes and my mom lets out a dramatic gasp. "They kissed at some event."
"Luxe, I'm so sorry." My mom gives me a hug and I rest my head on her shoulders. "How are you feeling?"
"It made me feel like shit." I tell her honestly. "He broke my heart so I went ahead and kissed Terrence J last night."
Her eyes bug out, "What the fuck?"
"He doesn't know that it was him but I told him this morning that I did kiss another man." I take a sip of my drink. "I'm not proud of it but it made me realise that I'm not happy and he probably isn't either."
"Why do you say that?"
I smile sadly as a tear rolls down my face, "My illness. This stupid illness that is ruining my life, so much has changed in our lives because of it and we're unhappy. I'm trying to make the most of things but I can't help that I'm not as strong as I used to be, I'm not the woman that he married and it just seems as if our time is coming to an end."
"Don't say that." My mom sets my glass down on the table before pulling me in for a long hug. "You guys will make it through this hardship but you need to communicate your issues. I don't want you doing anything crazy like filing for a divorce when you haven't had that conversation."
"I feel ugly." I confess and she tightens her grip around me. "I feel so ugly and weak. Everyday is a struggle, I have to look at my husband who is healthy... and I envy him because he doesn't realise how lucky he is. Michael's life is guaranteed but mine isn't because nobody knows what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm so fucking tired, I can't sleep, I can't eat and I cry every night because I don't want to leave my daughter behind."
"Luxe." My mom starts crying as she cradles me in her arms and I begin to cry as well. "We're going to make it through this, we have to keep trying and praying."
"I'm so tired." I cry harder. "Hasn't God punished me enough?"
"Oh baby."
"My ex boyfriend put me in a wheelchair, I struggled to conceive, Michael physically abused me, Terrence dumped me after proposing, I got sick and fell into a coma." I tighten my grip around her. "I lost my baby and now I don't even have the option of conceiving a child because my uterus was removed. Why am I being punished? What did I do wrong?"
---
LuxeLopez: SURPRISE SURPRISE!
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tagged: LuxeSkin
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Earlier this morning, Christian had me meet with some of the best doctors around the world to talk about this illness of mine. This entire week, I have a bunch of tests scheduled which I've been told will be very draining on my body so I shouldn't make any plans.
I'm scared.
Truthfully, I'm scared that they will find out what it is and realise that I can't be saved. You can have all the money in the world but even that can't save you from illnesses or diseases without a cure.
A smile forms on my face as I pose for pictures with my brothers, we are here to celebrate the launch of Quincy's phone app Q+. It has been in the making for sometime now and people are always wondering what app he uses for his pictures so it's nice that he was able to create something that will elevate peoples instagram game.
"I'm so proud of you, Quince." I smile as I hug my brother who chuckles at my enthusiasm.
"Thank you, sis." He gives me a small squeeze before pulling away. "I appreciate the support."
"You better because who's going to support that dick you're sporting on your head." I make reference to his current hair style which I am not a fan of.
Justin and Christian burst out laughing while Quincy looks at me in disbelief.
"Oh, so you got jokes now?" Quincy attempts to get me into a headlock but I jab his side repeatedly until he stops. "You're lucky that we're at my launch party or I would kicked your ass at pokemon."
I gasp, "Pokemon? You could never."
"Ya'll are nerds." Christian says while adjusting his cap, "Where's dad at?"
"He's setting up the afterparty, he'll be here in like twenty minutes." Justin answers as he checks out the instagram models walking around.
Some rapper starts performing on stage and a crowd starts forming around Quincy who is now dancing. My brother definitely has his own way of dancing that has me laughing but it makes him happy so I don't say shit. Christian pushes Quincy out of the way and they begin to engage in a dance battle so I walk away with Justin to grab a drink.
"How are you feeling?" Justin asks as we receive our drinks from the bar and I rub my lips together. "Has Michael been giving you trouble?"
"I've been avoiding him." I confess. "Things are pretty tense between us but once we come back from Miami, I'll have a long conversation with him about our future together."
"Be careful though." Justin looks into my eyes. "I don't want him laying a hand on you again and if he does then you need to let us know. Don't keep shit in thinking that you can handle it because we're you're family and we want to be there through everything."
"Awe Justin." I throw my arms around his neck while keeping a steady hand on my glass. "You're the cutest and I can't wait for you to find a good woman."
"Me too." He takes a long sip of his drink. "Shit, I need to get my life figured out."
"Anything you need, I've got you."