⚠️ w a r n i n g ⚠️
!! anxeity !!
!! depression !!
!! suicide attempt !!
!! self harm !!
____
"you could've done better, princess. i'm not saying it's bad or anything. but y'know this not a great a score..." namjoon says, smiling a little with his lower lip tugged between his teeth out of nervousness as his eyes look up from the report card to aera's face, noticing the smile from earlier gradually falling down.
she gulps her saliva, looking down and nods her head, "you're right, i should've done better." she hushes out, smiling at him as if it were a wax statue smiling, for the smile didn't reach her eyes.
she sighs softly, feeling namjoon's hand on her shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze of assurance which nevertheless feels nothing more than a mere formality. instead of going to show the progress report to jimin, she folds the paper quietly and puts it in her pocket, not having the courage to hear the same set of words again.
"aera," yoongi's voice calls, causing a wave of anxeity to cripple over aera's body slowly. she blinks a few times, heading to the kitchen where yoongi is standing by the stove, wearing an apron as he cooks something that smells delicious. "ah you're here, come have a seat. taste the spaghetti and tell me how's it."
"i'm not hungry," aera says, fiddling with her hands. the paper in the pocket of her jacket suddenly started digging holes on seeing the smile on yoongi's face and the fondness in his eyes when he smiles, telling her to sit.
"how is that possible? you haven't eaten anything after breakfast. so just sit here, and if you want appa can feed riri hm?" he smiles, leaning on the counter on his elbows, bumping his forehead against aera's, making her smile drop gradually in confusion, for she could foresee yoongi being disappointed later when he comes to know about her academic reports.
she looks down, not saying anything and stands up, "i'm not hungry," her voice says almost like a whisper, before standing up nd making her way upstairs.
tears blur her vision and the steps become faster, hoping to reach her room as soon as possible. however her feet stumble, bumping into a taller and stronger body. a tear drops from her eye, making her hand lift up swiftly, wiping it before her brother sees it.
"i'm sorry," she says quickly, picking up jimin's phone that he dropped mid-motion and hands it back to him, ready to head her own way without any extra exchange of words.
"wait," jimin says and she looks at him, stopping on her track.
"your teacher called me." he states, "and i hope you know what you did this time?"
"what did i do?" aera blinks a few times, her hand cautiously moving to the pocket, clutching onto the paper.
"really?" jimin crosses his arms, maintaining a sharp gaze and sighs deeply, "this is so disappointing, aera. is it fun getting scolded all the time? you don't do your work, argue with others, take your martial arts for granted, and even your scores have been dropping. what exactly is wrong with you? if there's any problem, talk to me, aera. being like this isn't a solution."
"i'm sorry," she says softly, "i'm really sorry... i'll do better oppa, please don't be mad. i won't fight anyone and score good, and do everything... i'm sorry for disappointing you,"
jimin sighs, realising how wrong his words sounded and curses at himself for not minding what he said. he opens his arms, hugging the sister tightly and closes his eyes, "i'm sorry i didn't-" he's cut off by his phone, making him hiss in annoyance as it's from the same annoying client who has been trying to approach him since the last three days. "i'll see you later, lemme fix this once and for all. please don't be mad at me, okay? i lov- aish!" he sighs taking the call finally and walks away.
"love me?" aera completes his words, staring at his back, suddenly feeling like crying. but when her eyes look around, there's nobody to hold onto. she can hear the voices of the boys from living room, laughing and chatting. jimin's voice too as he talks on the phone, and yoongi cooking with sizzling sound faintly prominent in the background. "oppa..." her lips mumble out, staring at jimin's door with teary eyes, however her feet doesn't let her go any further towards him.
she blinks a few times, rubbing her eyes and changes her destination. instead of entering her toom, she opens the door to the one in the right, tears intensifying on seeing the gaming computers, a big tv, the fluffy bean bag and a few of aera's stuff on the side. she enters in quietly and closes the door behind her, covering her mouth as she inhales deeply the scent of jungkook lingering at every corner and everything in this room. just jungkook himself is not there.
aera sits on the bed, pulling out her phone which has the first number of him in the log, although for an unexplainable reason she feels her thumb trembling whenever she wants to call him and ask him to come back. he had some issues with the elders, which is still unknown to aera as she remembered being sent to her room when jungkook came home drunk and injured that day, looking bad as if he faught someone to death. yoongi had told aera to go upstairs while they have a word with their youngest boy. for one obvious reason, she knew it wasn't a pleasant night, jimin and the rest were mad for whatever reason, and jungkook was more mad, for the next day he had packed his bags and left the house.
it's been almost three months to that day, and aera can't bring herself to live without jungkook. the most they talk is when jungkook calls, after a frustrating day, ranting how he misses her hugs and kisses. aera would smile, never gathering enough courage to tell him about her own mess when he always sounded so enthusiastic to talk to her. she couldn't help but have a smile on her lips too, hearing his voice, or asked him to sing for her sometimes because she couldn't sleep.
jungkook would chuckle at the request and sang one of his songs, magic shop, which often was a big source of comfort for aera. but these days it only made her cry more. now she wonders if there's actually anything that would help her relax, not make her cry, but something that would make her feel safe and sound, as if giving her a pat of assurance, saying it's okay, just close your eyes and sleep. it'll be better when you wake up. i'll make it better. don't worry, i love you.
aera rubs her eyes, getting rid of the tears and stands up, leaving the room without any heavy meltdown, just a few tears and a lot of thoughts.
__
two weeks later
"this is mr. byeol, your new tutor." jimin says with a smile, "he'll look after your academics, since we don't really get much time. he has been a scholar back in school and college."
"hello aera, it's nice to meet you." the man smiles warmly, holding out his hand for her. however aera doesn't reciprocate the level of interest he has which the elders notice and smile nervously.
"say hello, kiddo. he's your teacher." yoongi pats her back.
"hello," aera says briefly, "nice to meet you sir,"
byeol smiles, patting her head and nods, "i've heard a lot about you from mr jeon and mr min, and i'm sure you're as bright as they told me."
aera glances down, not having anything to say as instead of words, the numbers on her exam papers and remarks she got from everyone from around her fills up her mind. she nods slowly, wishing for a magic to happen and she would turn into dust rather than living on false hopes and high expectations of her oppas.
"what subjects do you like to study?"
aera stays quiet, not having an answer which makes her re-think if it was the question that was problematic. but when it changes to what she finds hard, she still doesn't have an answer. blinking a few times, she rubs her eyes, pulling herself together and glances at the tutor who is awkwardly waiting for an answer.
"i don't know," she says.
"well, that's alright. we can figure it out once we start studying together. would you mind if i ask a few questions from your course?"
aera nods subtly, giving him the permission while jimin and the others are standing by the couch, watching proudly when she gives all the answers without any hesitation or even emotion. it's almost like a deadpanned rapid fire game that leaves byeol impressed by the end as he turns to jimin and smiles amusedly.
"why do you wanna hire a tutor for her? she's doing great on her own."
"yeah, but a tutor will help her manage studies more efficiently. she'll get to learn something new." jimin smiles, glancing at his sister.
"hm and she's been messing up a little recently. she never did that before y'know? our aera has always been the best in everything, and now from the last few months, she's kinda slacking off." namjoon says, chuckling a little with the other boys who nod, showing that they agree with his words.
"well, okay if you think that. i'll try my best to help her out with any study related query." byeol smiles hesitantly, glancing at aera who is not looking anywhere other than the carpeted floor. "i'll take my leave for now. see you at four tomorrow. bye aera."
"bye," the kid looks up, glancing at him for the second and the last time ever since he came.
"what's wrong aera?" jimin sighs, sitting beside her and takes her hands in his, "i'm seeing you acting weird these days. please don't do this, princess. where's my favourite smile hm?"
aera nods slowly, smiling for him once and stands up, pulling her hands back. which is when her phone rings in the pocket of her pants, making her flinch. she fishes it out, sighing softly on seeing jungkook's name popping up along with his smiling face displaying on the screen.
"answer it," jimin says.
aera nibbles on her lower lip, answering the call and puts it on speaker as the rest of boys are standing there quietly, hearing their youngest brother's voice beaming out a hello to aera.
"hi," she says softly in response. there's silence for a moment and jungkook's happiness gradually settles down.
"where are you? are your busy right now? should i call later?"
"no, i'm at home. how are you?" aera asks, staring at his smiling face with the timer counting seconds and minutes of their call.
"i'm good. what about you? happy and healthy?"
aera stays quiet, eyes moistening at the fondness of his words, suddenly reminding her of how much she misses him. she rubs her eyes, sitting on the couch, keeping her gaze on the phone and nowhere else. jimin frowns at her behaviour, noticing something off with the way she's been behaving lately.
"hello?" jungkook says, "baby, you there?"
aera hums faintly, nodding her head as a tear flows down from her cheek. "aera, what happened honey? why are you crying?" jimin asks, shifting near her and goes to wipe his tears, only to be stopped mid-way when she pulls her head back.
"you're crying?" jungkook says, "are you okay?"
"i'm not crying," she sighs, wiping her tears.
"aera wai-"
she doesn't listen, holding the phone close to herself as she makes her way upstairs, keeping jungkook on the line. he sighs softly, waiting for her to speak. aera reaches her room, closing the door which jungkook probably heard and now decided to ask what's going on.
"i don't know," aera says almost like a whisper, then breaks into a sob, laying on her bed and hugs the pillow.
"hey, relax, talk to me kiddo."
aera cries and whines, hitting and kicking nothing but the bedsheets and the empty air, groaning and wincing as if she's hurt physically. jungkook stays quiet on the line for a while until a faint closing of door and an the dinging sound of the elevator is heard.
"aera, can you hear me? are you there?" he asks, gaining the girl's attention as she stops for a second, glancing at her phone and breaks into another sob. her eyes shut tight and hands clutch on the pillow where the tears are getting absorbed after flowing a river down her face.
she groans loudly, nails digging in her own skin with a heavy voices burdening her head telling her how she can never be enough, no matter how hard she tries. her mind repeats the short flashes of all the moments when jimin forgot to tell her that he loves her; when his eyes full of expectations looked at her with disappointment; when yoongi who can scold everybody else for aera, felt the need to scold her because he believed she could do better; when namjoon told her this isn't enough; when hoseok said she should work a bit more harder; when taehyung gave a her a life lesson, saying this world only knows the person who comes first, anything other than that is considered a waste.
for once she wanted to be appreciated; to be hugged not because she scored 97%, but because she deserves the affection and appreciation. but the elders' behaviour towards her full of constant reminders that she needs to work harder to achieve something or she'll be left behind, only managed to convince her that whatever she does, she's not enough and cannot make her oppas satisfied.
a few more minutes pass by crying into the pillow and questioning if it would make anything better, if she could just disappear instead of wasting time and money, and disappointing her brothers. aera sits up slowly, wiping her tears, not hearing jungkook's voice but when she glances at the phone, the call is still going on. he didn't hand up.
she sniffles, rubbing her eyes and stares at her lap, "oppa," her voice calls softly.
"yes? i'm here. are you feeling better now?"
"would you be mad... if- if i did something stupid?" she asks, ignoring his question and blinks her tears away, "please don't be mad... i love you a lot, oppa... i love all oppas, okay?"
"what are you saying honey? don't talk like that, i'm coming in five minutes hm? don't worry." jungkook says cautiously, probably fearing his sister's tone of voice and choice of words. "i love you okay? just wait for me."
"i'm tired," aera wipes her tears, standing up and glances in the mirror.
"no, you're not, just talk to me kiddo." jungkook says, sounding quite desperate as he curses at someone, telling them to drive faster. "aera, listen to me, where's jimin oppa?"
"i don't know,"
"do one thing, open your door and go to his room."
"no..."
"please baby, i promise everything will be okay."
"i don't want anything to be okay." aera lets out like a whine mixed with a sob, "i just... i just wanna stop now. y'know my head hurts so much, and i feel like i can't breathe.... why am i not enough? i tried so hard every time, i promise..."
"i know, and i love you for that." jungkook says, sighing deeply followed by a door slamming in the background. "i know my princess tried and gave her best."
"then why am i being a disappointment?"
___
"then why am i being a disappointment?"
"you're no-"
"jungkook?" jimin frowns seeing the younger brother rushing inside the house with a tormented expression.
"aera needs help," he says, keeping his phone down and heads upstairs followed by jimin and the rest of the boys who understand less but judge by the stressed atmosphere that it's indeed something serious.
jungkook stops in front of her room, grabbing the door knob and twists it aggressively which makes him realise that aera locked the door from inside. his eyes fill with tears, taking a deep breath as he knocks on the door, "ri, open the door." he says, getting no response from inside, giving an uneasy feeling in his chest.
"please open the door, princess. won't you let oppa in? you said you missed me right?"
"oppa?" aera hums from inside.
"yes baby? oppa's here, open the door." jungkook says, ignoring the perplexed gazes from his hyungs for one he didn't want to argue right now, and for two he didn't want to blame them for his little girl's condition.
"what happened?" jin asks.
"no..." aera mumbles from inside.
"okay, it's just me. no one else will bother you." jungkook says.
"what are you saying?" jimin looks at him with a frown.
"nothing," jungkook focuses on aera and sighs, "please leave us alone for a minute, i'll call you once she's calm."
"wha-"
"please listen to me this once, hyung. i can't even imagine a kid as young as her can be thinking this. please... you might end up regretting everything if she takes a wrong step right now." jungkook says to jimin, making elder go silent. he nods slowly, gesturing for the rest of the boys to move aside and let jungkook talk to aera.
"aera," jungkook calls, "they're gone, open the door now." the boys gradually fall into a zone of fear, their hearts thumping in a weird fashion as the possibilities of what aera might do haunts them to death.
"where's the key?" jungkook blinks a few times, turning to his hyungs, who nod in response, one of them rushing to get the key while jungkook stares at the door with a scared look. his palm presses on the surface, calling for his sister again.
aera hums faintly this time, sounding close to the door, which gives jungkook a second to breath in relief, as he closes his eyes, "are you okay?" he asks.
"i don't know..." aera sighs, sounding far away from being angry or hurt which scares the boys more, hearing her voice as if she's exhausted.
jungkook blinks a few times, seeing hoseok returning with the key. he takes it instantly, opening the door and steps inside, praying for aera to be fine. he scans around the room, sighing in releif when his eyes locate her sitting on the floor by the wall.
"aish!" he breathes deeply, allowing himself to drop on the floor next to his sister and hugs her tightly, kissing her face several times, "god, you scared me to death today..." he whispers, holding her close, "my child, don't ever talk like that again. do you know i was dying all the way here?"
"i'm sorry," she hugs him weakly, "i'm sorry i was going to..." her eyes move to the side and jungkook follows finding a blade lying on the floor, making him gasp and turn to aera, checking her from head to toe for any possible injury.
aera holds his hand, stopping him and looks down, letting out a few tears as her hands tremble at the thought of what she was going to do. she shifts away from the blade, breathing deeply a few times and wipes her tears, mumbling out apologies for a reason that jungkook failed to understand. he hugs aera tightly, pulling her in his lap and strokes her back, assuring her that she's okay.
"i don't wanna die, oppa..." she sobs out, clutching on the fabric of his shirt as she sticks to him, scared that she might end up hurting herself. "why did i- i..."
"shh, you're okay." jungkook holds her close, turning her to face him and cups her cheek, "oppa's here, nothing wrong will happen. don't worry."
"no, i- i was taking that and- to hurt me. i said i hate myself... i didn't want to disappoint anyone oppa, i promise. i didn't want to- to be a bad girl..." she muffles out between sobs, looking around the room then stops staring at jungkook, "i'm so sorry, please tell jiminie oppa i'm sorry... he was upset because of me..."
"he's not upset," jungkook says, blinking his tears away and hugs aera tightly, leaning back against the bed frame and sighs softly, "i love you, just remember that hm?"
he strokes aera's back gently, letting her cry, whine and complaint about anything and everything, from the elders who weren't able to understand her, to the school teachers who kept calling jimin to complaint about her, to the kids who often said she has a great life being good at everything and having a rich family. jungkook listens to all that, anger building up inside him for all the people who forgot that his sister is not a robot but a human with feelings and a saturation point like anyone else in the world.
but more than the outsiders, he felt mad at his hyungs who failed to see aera struggling for so long, and let it get so bad that now is a time when she just wants to disappear away from this mess. he sighs softly, glancing down as aera's quiet now, resting her head against his chest and rubs her eyes to remove the fresh layer of tears.
"do you wanna go with me for a few days?" he asks, stroking aera's hair as he gives a soft smile to her.
"you come back..." she mumbles, "all the oppas are always so stressed, since you left. and i miss you too, why don't you come back?"
jungkook falls silent, lowering his gaze for he too, knew it was anything but easy to stay mad at the people who he's been so close to. but the last time he walked out of the house, he remembered nobody stopped him, moreover their attitude of being the "elder" pissed him off even more. when they told him to stop being so bratty and act like a grown up, instead of fighting people around like thugs. jungkook can swear on his life, they still don't know the reason he was at that man's throat.
meanwhile the rest of the boys are watching from the door, still trying to figure out where they went wrong and what exactly was hurting aera so bad. jimin has tears in his eyes and confusion laden on his face, as he recalls aera's tired face from the last few days and hardly any exchange of words with him. a sigh heaves out of his lips, clearing his throat as she gets up from jungkook's lap and sits on the bed with him.
"jimin," the eldest pats his shoulder gently, earning a glance from jimin. "don't-"
"i'm okay," jimin says, looking back inside the room and rubs his eyes to get rid of the tears. he breathes deeply, lowering his head and takes a step back, walking away.
___
"where's ever-"
"how's aera? is she okay now?" jimin asks as soon as he approaches the younger brother, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder only to be shrugged off, "jung-"
"no, don't talk to me. where's everyone? call them here tight now."
"jungkook, how's aera?" yoongi arrives, and soon the rest of the boys do too, staring at jungkook with hopeful eyes.
"how's aera?" the youngest repeats, gritting his teeth as he glares at the six, "she's not okay, not even close to being okay. you know why? because she thinks she cannot be enough! she can never make y'all happy with anything she does! why did you this? she's so young, hyung... just a kid."
the boys remain silent, staring at jungkook as they make out the meanings from his words, taking bullets straight to their hearts. jimin looks down, feeling a strange squeeze inside his chest as if his heart is having trouble functioning. but jungkook doesn't stop. wiping his tears, his eyes hold a look of disappointment and regret.
"she was going to kill herself... do you understand that? i don't get what's wrong with you guys, so what if she scores a little less? if she wants to go out with her friends or asks for videogames? she has every right to ask for anything from you, but you don't have the right to take her hobbies and interests for granted. i can't even imagine hyung what could've happened if she didn't stop on time, if i didn't arrive here... we would lose aera forever. and why, for what? because we never appreciated her presence?... weird right? you love her, you all love her, but none of you could assure her that you care about her more than the marks on her exam papers.
"did you hug her recently? just because she looks cute or did something silly or just like that without a reason? did you kiss her or asked her if she's okay? no..." jungkook breathes out, looking at each of his hyungs, "because you forgot she's a kid, because you assumed she's okay, she's strong, a bright student. of course, you remembered all that, but forgot that she's your aera. you compared her with other kids, and told her that she could've done better even when she was actually doing her best. congratulations, she's not even trying anymore, because what's the use? you won't be satisfied either way. you made her doubt herself, she thinks she's not enough and just a disappointment... even now she was apologizing because jimin hyung was upset with something she did."
"what did she do?" he asks, looking at jimin who felt having his words stuck in his throat beneath the bile burning, sending warm tears to his eyes. "i'm sure it's not anything so bad that she's being punished like this is it?"
jungkook waits for an answer, never getting one so he moves to the next person, "tell me, what did she do so wrong?"
"nothing," jin hushes out after a lot of thinking and admitting that there was certainly nothing wrong that aera did other than underscoring in her tests. she wasn't disrespecting anyone, smiled whenever the boys smiled at her and was polite with her words.
"nothing... great, and do you think she deserves this? do you think anyone deserves this? don't get me wrong hyung, but i've seen people giving up because they feel their scores and results matter more than their presence. one very good example is you hyung, dad overlooked our efforts and you know how that hurts. please, i'm begging you don't do this to aera... try appreciating her efforts instead. make her believe that if she can get here, she can go for more. maybe then she'll understand your words better and actually feel like putting more effort in a more positive way? please hyung, you're the ones who taught me and aera to keep our mouth shut if we can't say anything good about someone, then why are you doing that to her?
"i know you love her a lot. it won't be that hard, please love her and acknowledge her little achievements even the ones as small as her cleaning her room or doing the laundry on her own. i can't see my sister losing herself while chasing after marks that won't even matter that much in future."
jimin glances at jungkook, not saying anything as tears still blur his sight, but he can make out jungkook in front of him, angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, everything by the tone of his voice. the elder steps forward, nodding slowly and his hand lifts up gradually to cup jungkook's cheek, "i'm sorry," he says almost like a whisper, "i'm really sorry... to both you and aera."
"i know," jungkook nods, not pulling away yet as he glances at the elder's hand and sniffs softly, taking a deeply breath, "you always say we're like your kids... yeah, but i wanna say that you're our everything hyung. me and riri have no one else, and i know you're a human too not a superhero, mistakes happen and it's okay. but talk to me, i'm not fifteen anymore remember? i'm sorry i didn't want to blame you for what happened today, i was just so scared that aera was actually about to do something like that..."
"it is my fault, whether i admit it or not. first i didn't listen to you that day. i should've stopped you, but i didn't. i should've called you and talked to you, but i didn't. then with aera, i didn't even realise when things got so bad. really, kook, you know i wouldn't say anything if i knew it was breaking her like this. if you ask me to choose between my aera and a 100% result, of course i would choose her without any second thoughts. i must've been crazily blind to not see her suffering all this while..."
jungkook says nothing, but hugs his hyung tightly, as if giving him the support he needs right now and telling him that it's okay to break sometimes. the younger glances at yoongi who has tears in his eyes as he mouths 'sorry' to him and pats his head like he always did ever since jungkook was much younger.
jimin pulls away, wiping his tears and smiles at at jungkook through glassy eyes, "you've grown up,"
jungkook nods slowly, "you wanted me to,"
"not like this," jimin sighs, ruffling the younger's hair as another line of tears slides down his cheek, "i wanted to you learn through things, understand the responsibilities you have because that's how we should grow up, not as a burden or forcefully."
"well, i guess i grew up fine then." jungkook jokes, wiping his hyungs tears away and smiles, "now smile, if aera sees you crying, she'll definitely hit me hard."
jin chuckles from the back, hugging both the brothers together, "how old is jungkook again?" he asks, making the rest laugh lightly as join the hug too.
"twenty-five," jungkook emphasizes and pulls away, "now listen, aera's having stuff really messed up and we- more like you, have to help her out of that."
"why aren't you included?" taehyung questions.
"i am, it's just my apartment is a little far from here. so i won't be available all the ti-"
"you're moving back in," jimin says.
"no, who said that?"
"me," jimin crosses his arms.
"wow," jungkook shakes his head, "okay, but i'm still mad and you get me a new car."
jimin sighs deeply, wanting to say no but something inside hin makes him give in to the request for it had really been long since he actually heard one of jungkook's expensive demands to make up with him. so he finds himself nodding, and jungkook quickly adds more, saying he needs new cameras too.
"okay," jimin agrees, "anything else?"
"no- yes! riri likes hoverboards, and i came to know she's not getting it."
"y'know make a list, and give it to my manager." jimin sighs, "anyways, what is she doing right now?"
"sleeping," jungkook says, "and just so you guys know, she's not mad at anyone. she's fine, just feeling a little lost and alone, but she's not blaming or hating anyone."
the boys nod, sighing in relief but still deep somewhere jimin knew it was him who caused this worsened mental health of his sister. he forces a smile, deciding to cook all of aera and jungkook's favourites and try his best to make it up with his kids no matter what it takes.
by the time of dinner he felt nervous, making sure everything was ready on the table. jin and yoongi too, help him set the table while taehyung calls the rest of the boys for dinner. they sit together, still glancing at the two empty chairs as jungkook and aera are not here yet.
"i'll go and see," jimin says, earning nods from the boys, "you guys should start eating."
"no, it's fine, we're waiting." yoongi says.
jimin smiles, heading upstairs to aera's room where he finds the door open and hears a soft laughter. he opens the door with a knock, grabbing the youngers' the attention which slowly makes him smile when he sees aera sitting and doing jungkook's hair into pig tails while he was busy using his phone.
"oh hyung?" jungkook looks at the door, "why are you standing there? come in,"
"dinner's ready," jimin says and jungkook nods, getting up as he removes the rubber bands from his hair, making aera gasp and hit his arm.
"ow! you can do it later again," jungkook hisses, "now get up, let's go and eat."
"yeah, come, you both must be hungry." jimin says, entering the room on noticing that she's not looking at him and keeping her eyes low. he sighs softly, sitting near her and cups her face, "are you mad at me? i'm really sorry, kiddo."
aera shakes her head quickly looking up at him and pouts, "no, i thought you're mad at me... i thought you and appa, and all oppas will be upset with me. please don't be upset oppa, i'll work very hard and do better like how you want me to. just, i don't know... give ne some time? one or two days? then i'll start studying for the next test. i don't feel like studying right now."
jimin smiles a little, pulling her into a hug and kisses the top of her head, "my child, you can take as long as you want. i just want my riri to be a happy kid, that's all. i should've said this earlier, but i'm saying it now, your scores don't decide who you are, your hard work and honesty does. and we know our princess gave her hundred percent in both of those things right?"
aera looks down and nods slowly, fiddling with her t-shirt as she speaks, "but everyone said i could do better... means i didn't do good enough right? i was so confused when you said that and joonie oppa and even my teacher said that. i thought i didn't do good and you all are upset because you expected more. my teacher said i'm becoming a bad kid and she'll complaint to you..."
"you're not s bad kid, aera. your my champ, both you and kookie. and we're not upset with anything. yes we wanna see you excell in life, but not at the cost of your well-being, princess. you matter to us more than anything else, i hope you know that. these tests and exams will keep coming and going, but my riri is my only child, and i can never imagine what i would do if i ever... just ever lost you, baby. i'm sorry that i couldn't see through all this for so long, i've been a bad brother, but i promise this will never repeat. i'll make sure my babies know that i love them much, much more than anything and anyone in the world."
aera looks at him, nodding her head and hugs him tightly, "so you won't be mad if i accidentally get one or two percent less?"
"no, never," jimin shakes his head, "i'll never be mad at my baby whatever be the reason."
"and you're not disappointed?"
"no, in fact i feel proud when i look at you."
"really? i didn't know that," aera gasps, "you're not saying that just to make me happy are you? please don't lie okay?"
"i'm not lying honey," he presses a kiss on her palm, "it's okay if you don't believe me right now, that is my fault too. i should've told you all this more often."
"it's okay, i'm not mad." she tells him.
"thank you my love," jimin smiles, "now let's go, everyone is waiting for you."
aera hums in response, getting up from the bed and holds jimin's hand, smiling when jungkook chuckles and ruffles her hair, heading downstairs to the kitchen where the rest of boys have been waiting. they smile at aera, keeping the conversation normal as they didn't want to make anything awkward or uncomfortable for her.
dinner became fairly good as aera occasionally spoke on being included in the talk and smiled more than she did in the past few days. jungkook too, had a great dinner after a long time where he had his hyungs and sister with him, instead of sitting alone in the open kitchen of his apartment, eating straight from the pan because who would do the dishes?
jimin felt himself getting full just by watching the younger two eating, even though aera still remained quiet despite jungkook cracking jokes for her, he knew she ate moderately fine and wouldn't starve at night at least. the widest smile aera flashed was with a gasp when jungkook said he's staying over. she held his hand, hugging his arm and declared he would sleep with her.
"are you done or not?" aera flinches on hearing jungkook's voice, while she's standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection, still trying to figure out if the situation was actually that bad to have all the cuts on her arms, waist and thighs.
she blinks a few times, eyes suddenly holding tears and her stomach churns inside, sending a wave of nausea along with a shiver up her body. she groans lightly, touching her head that hurts as though someone was hitting her with a hammer. she bends down by the toilet, throwing up the dinner, feeling an aching burn in her throat and tears almost blocking her vision.
"aera?" jungkook calls again while she's coughing and panting on the floor, clutching on the nearest faucet tightly.
the pain in her body makes her groan out and cry, now feeling those bleeding cuts that she had decided to ignore so no one would notice. she gasps for air, trying to sit up and rummages through the cabinet below the sink, finding the blade she used a week ago. grabbing that between her fingers, her hand clutches into a fist even before she brings it close to her wrist.
she sighs deeply, blinking a few times, watching the blood slowly dripping from her palm and between her fingers on having the blade clasped tightly in her hand. tears keep flowing from her eyes and ears perceive one sound, the one which tells her she'll never be enough and the boys just pity her now. she groans to herself, leaning forward as she vomits again.
"aera, are you okay?"
"no..." she breathes out, coughing and wipes her mouth, resting against the wall. "i'm... i'm so tired..."
...
jungkook frowns at the door, hearing aera coughing again, bewteen sobs. he shakes his head, opening the door and gasps at the sight, rushing next to the girl quickly, "ri, what-" he stops, noticing the blood on the floor and glances at his siter with fearful eyes.
then he checks her, realising it's from her right hand. he unclenches her fist slowly, wincing at the deep cuts which he didn't know were on other places too. blinking away his tears, he takes the blade away carefully and glances at her face, seeing the tears still flowing like an endless river even though her eyes are closed.
"hyung!" jungkook calls loudly for his brother, while making aera sit properly and wakes her up, "hey, look at me aera."
aera hums, hearing him, letting him know that she's still conscious, "i'm tired, koo..."
"you can rest later, just look at me for now." he says, patting her cheek and she opens her eyes.
"hug..." she mumbles, rubbing her eyes and leans forward. jungkook nibbles on his lip, embracing the kid as warm as possible.
"you're fine. don't worry, koo will make everything okay." he whispers, stroking her back gently as he straightens himself a little, hugging her with one arm, and takes her bleeding hand in his.
aera winces at the touch, glancing at her hand and sighs. she flinches a little, getting closer to jungkook when the bathroom door opens again. jungkook caresses her side, glancing at jimin and sighs in relief, "hyung..." his voice comes out as whisper, nodding towards aera, making jimin gasp as he stares at the young girl almost looking like she would pass out, her hand bleeding and cheeks wet with tears.
jimin kneels down near the two, stroking aera's hair with his own eyes staring at her with a moistened gaze. jungkook holds her hand a little away and jimin gently washes the cuts, wincing at the sight as he blames himself again for being so ignorant to his only sister. he washes off the blood slowly, glancing at jungkook who has his eyes fixed on aera, stroking her back gently and talking to her in a tender voice.
"what were you doing?" he asks, making her sit up properly and wipes her tears.
"i was upset," aera mumbles, "i wanna be good, but- but i can't do it... it was hurting a lot... in my head, and hand... everywhere,"
"so you hurted yourself?" a tear leaves jungkook's eye as he spares a brief glance at jimin and then back at aera, "what if something happened to you? do you have any idea how hard it would be for us, knowing it's because of our carelessness that our sister is suffering like this?"
"no..." aera frowns, "i love you oppa. that's why i don't wanna die... because i don't wanna leave you. but i'm so tired,"
"don't say that, aera" jimin says, cupping
her face, "i told you, honey, we love you a lot. and we would never want our little girl to keep hurting like this."
aera hums faintly, closing her eyes and snuggles onto the nearest person who happens to be jungkook, "thanks koo... you saved me,"
jungkook hugs her tightly, closing her eyes, letting out salty tears as he kisses aera's head a few times, mumbling continuosly that he loves her the most. jimin pats his back, gesturing him to be careful when he sees more scares on the skin of her arms.
after getting her cleaned and applying an antiseptic cream on the cuts, jungkook carries aera back to her room, following after jimin who sighs softly, making the bed and grabs a another t-shirt for aera from the closet. he sits on the bed, beside aera who is almost fast asleep, probably tired after using a lot of energy.
"ri, get up for a second. wear this shirt, then you can sleep." he pats her head.
"mm" aera turns away, snuggling into a pillow, carrying on with her sleep.
"get up kiddo, it'll take just a minute." jimin strokes her back, slowly pulling her to sit up, earning a cranky whine. he nods in response, assuring her that this is all she has to do. but when she doesn't move and huffs with a pout he sighs, making her wear the t-shirt on his own. "okay, done. you can sleep now." he says, letting her lay down.
"oppa..." her voice mumbles, eyes closed and breathing calmly making jimin smile. he leans down, pressing his lips on her forehead.
"my baby, you're more than enough. you're a blessing to your oppas, kiddo." he whispers, kissing her hand as well, before pulling away and turns to look at jungkook, who seems lost, standing nearby and staring into empty space. "kook, are you okay?"
"hm? yeah," the younger nods, glancing at aera and sighs, "i feel so bad for her hyung. i wish i could just take all this pain away from her... she's so young, hyung... you've heard her right? she doesn't even understand what's going on."
jimin nods, agreeing with his words and stands up, placing his hand on jungkook's shoulder, "i understand, but we need to stay strong right? even if she doesn't really understand this, she knows when we're stressed. and we don't want her to think it's because of her do we?"
jungkook nods, hugging the elder tightly, "do something hyung, it really hurts me seeing our riri like this. i don't even know what to do to help her out."
"don't worry, just be with her. rest i'll manage."
jungkook nods again, "now i can imagine how hard it must've been for you when we were younger."
"i hate that it's repeating,"
"hm, i hate it too..."
jimin pulls away gradually, glancing at the sleeping sister and pats jungkook's head, "you should get some sleep too. go and rest."
"i'll go to my room, you should stay here with aera. but call me if she wakes up or you need something."
jimin nods, giving an assuring smile to the younger, telling him not to worry too much as he watches jungkook closing the door quietly. the elder sighs, sitting by aera again and smiles softly, wondering if he would ever be able to tell her that with every tear leaving her eyes, her brothers cry too; when she's hurt, they feel the pain too; and they see her suffering, a part of them dies too.
aera shifts in her place, her hand moving to her face to remove the hair, then goes back to her comfortable position, sleeping peacefully. jimin chuckles a little through glassy eyes, removing her hair from her face and lays down beside her, careful not to wake her up. but a little movement is enough for the girl to lift her head up, looking around with squinting eyes, still half asleep, "oppa..." she mumbles.
"hm? turn this side," he says, smiling when she quickly turns around and hugs him. "did i wake you up?"
"a little bit," she speaks in a somewhat hoarse voice, and clears her throat, "i saw a dream,"
"oh, what did you see?"
"you were there... and i was there, you said we're going out for a drive."
"ah i see," jimin smiles, "so riri wants to go out for a drive hm?"
"yeah," aera nods, "can we go tomorrow?"
"of course, and we can do some shopping as well."
aera hums, adding more to the plan as she says, "and appa will go with us..."
"alright, we'll take appa too. but let's sleep now, we need energy for tomorrow."
"yeah, good night oppa. love you,"
jimin smiles, patting her back in a slow pace and looks at her with fond eyes, "oppa loves you more,"
____________________
a/n- this was so long 😭😭😭😭😭 pls vote and comment if u liked the chapter. pleeasseee do thag, it took a lot of effort and tears to write this chapter. because i honestly relate so much with this chapter. (not the self harm part, but feeling that i'm not enough and parents don't understand.) ik many of you will relate too, so that was the biggest reason i wanted to do this chapter. to let you know that it's okay to score a little less sometimes. i wanted you to hear (more like read) these words that ik your parents probably don't say to u.
love you, take care ❣️