Her phone rang and Nini smiled like a teenage girl. She hated that Ricky had this power over her. But she couldn't deny the butterflies she felt in her stomach whenever she saw him. No matter how much time had passed, no matter what he'd done to her, she still felt the sparks between them. Recently, she and Ricky had been spending a lot of time together working on their project, and they were supposed to meet again tonight.
"Richard again?" Kourtney asked coldly. Nini had forgiven Ricky, but Kourtney held grudges.
"Yes. That was Ricky." Nini said. "He was just calling to ask what I wanted for dinner."
"You're meeting up again?! That's the third time this week..." EJ said frowning. He was also not very fond of Ricky. He did punch the curls off Ricky's head the first chance he got to.
"We're just friends." Nini said. "We're just working on this project together."
"For now." Kourtney said.
Gina was the only one who didn't judge or question Nini's relationship with Ricky. "Guys, she's a grown ass woman. She can meet up with whoever she wants to, whenever she wants to without having to explain anything to us."
"We're just looking out for her, Gigi. Why don't you get that?" EJ asked, slightly mad at his girlfriend. "Didn't you see how much Ricky hurt her?"
"Babe, it's none of our business-"
"Guys, stop." Nini raised both her hands. "Hey, I appreciate your concern, but Gina's right. I'm an adult. I know what I'm getting into. And you all know by now, I'll never .... stop being in love with Ricky. Right now, we're just friends and I have no idea where we're headed.. but I really hope that no matter where Ricky and I end up, that all of you will be by my side."
"Of course we will." Kourtney said. "But you let us know if he hurts you again. EJ will be ready to knock him out."
Gina sighed. "No he won't. Right, babe?"
"I won't." EJ said unconvincingly. "I was just trying to protect you. I hope you know that."
"I know." Nini said squeezing his arm. "I know what I'm doing. I promise. I mean it's Ricky, you guys. I know him better than I know myself."
___________
She really did know him well. The moment she stepped into his Brooklyn loft, she could tell by the way his shoes are messily arranged by the door that he had probably arrived at home not long before she did. He also forgot to lock the door, which is dangerous. The apartment smelled like noodles and something else... tapioca.. which meant that he didn't just get dinner, he also got her favorite bubble tea from Midtown. She could hear his gentle humming, but no sounds of water, which meant that he just finished his shower and was probably doing something with his hair. (Because it always had to be on point) If the whole publishing thing didn't work out, she could probably be a detective (or a paramedic... she was a multi-talented independent woman).
[a/n : sorry guys, i've been watching lots of crime shows]
She decided to sit on the couch and play with her phone while waiting for him, but suddenly an ear piercing scream interrupted her candy crush session.
"HOOOLY CRAP, NINI!" Ricky screamed carrying a... lamp in his right hand. "HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? YOU SCARED THE BEJEEZUZ OUT OF ME."
"And first thought was to ... bludgeon me with a lamp?" Nini laughed. "It's a very nice lamp, by the way.. Pottery Barn?"
"Yes..." Ricky said clutching his chest dramatically. "I mean... HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!"
"You didn't lock the door, it wasn't even fully closed." Nini explained. "And you were in the bathroom for how long? You should be thanking me.. Someone could've killed you, or stolen all your things, what with your excellent taste in lighting and furniture."
Ricky looked down sheepishly, his face was red with embarrassment, and quickly shoved the lamp aside. "Umm.. you hungry?"
_______________
"Here, give me that." Ricky said taking the bubble tea off her hands, making Nini frown. But then he tore the plastic seal off his own cup and started transferring the tapioca bubbles into hers. "I know you want extra boba on yours."
Nini smiled and Ricky felt like he just accomplished some sort of mission. "You remember."
"Of course I remember." Ricky scoffed. "I've known you almost all my life... I've been in love with you since high school... I know all these little things about you, Nini, and I don't think I'll ever forget. We were together for .... nine years."
Almost immediately, Ricky noticed the way Nini's expression changed. "Almost nine years." Nini said not meeting his eye. "You broke it off on our anniversary, remember?"
"Sorry." Ricky sighed. "We've never really talked about it, huh?"
"What?"
"The break up. Maybe this is a good time to hash it out,"
"Ricky.."
"Hear me out, Neens. I just think it will be good for us, moving forward, to talk about it. Just so that there are no unanswered questions." Ricky said. "Don't you ever wonder what happened?"
"How can you even ask that?" Nini looked at him now, eyes glassy. "It's a question I ask myself every. single. day. But I've managed to come this far without letting our break up drag me down. So I'm sorry if I'm not too excited to talk about it."
"Neens, I know I hurt you, and I'm lucky that you're here, talking to me, helping me with this project... but please let me explain." He took both her hands in his. "Please. My intention was never to hurt you."
"Ricky..." Nini warned him and withdrew her hands. "Don't. We have a good thing going here. We're working on our project and we're friends again. It's good."
"It's not enough. Please don't tell me that you haven't thought about it. We can't go back to being just friends after everything we've been through. I know I wan't more... don't you?"
"I've learned that what I want doesn't matter." Nini said getting up from her seat. "I'm not even sure you really want this... you did say you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, but then you changed your mind.. and where does that leave me?"
"I never-" Ricky stood up and got in her way. "I never said that I didn't want to marry you. I said I couldn't."
"Can't we just let bygones be bygones?" Nini walked towards the door, but Ricky grabbed her wrist, making her turn around. He could see the tears threatening to fall, and he hated that he was always the one making her cry. He would give anything to take back what he did.
"Please just let me explain. Give me five minutes. Please." He got down on his knees this time, practically begging her. "Don't go. Please."
"That's what I said last time, and you still left me anyway."
With that he let go of her and she went on her way home. Why'd he have to open his stupid mouth?! It was too soon, she wasn't ready and he'd pushed too hard. They'd been making a lot of progress but now it feels like it's one step forward and three steps back. Ricky slumped backwards and just lay there in his apartment floor.
"I'm an idiot."
_______________
They don't talk for a week. Ricky has called and filled up her voicemail, but she just won't talk to him. Their 'anniversary' was coming up, and Ricky had wanted to spend it with her. He figured that even if they were just friends, they would still be together on that day.
Nini on the other hand was trying and failing to keep Ricky out of her mind. She had to talk to him at some point, but when he talked about being with her for nine years, it just brought her back back to that park. Nini crying, begging him to stay, and Ricky leaving her anyway.
She needed to talk to someone. But Red was busy with the babies, Kourtney and EJ would say 'I told you so', so that leaves Gina.
"Hey, you.." Gina picked up on the first ring.
"Hi.." Nini sighed loudly.
"Trouble in Rini land?"
"Rini land ?" Nini asked.
"Ricky and Nini ... Rini." Gina explained making Nini chuckle slightly. "What's up?"
"When we had dinner last week, everything was going well, and then I just had to bring up the break up." Nini said. "He ended up wanting to talk about it, and I guess I snapped and bolted out of his loft. We haven't talked in a week. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid. It makes perfect sense actually."
"It does?"
"Nini, it was a traumatizing experience. You've lost a lot of people in your life.. and the one person you trusted most, someone you thought could never hurt you that way left you. He broke promises. He broke your heart. And now he's suddenly everywhere, and back in you life. He's offering answers to all your questions for the past year.. It's all happening too quickly and you're not ready to talk about it."
Nini stayed quiet, that was actually spot on.
"Neens? You okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry, that was just really spot on." Nini said. "I don't know what to do, G. I love him so much, but I don't wanna get hurt again. I want answers but what if .. what if it's not what I want to hear.. what if I end up hating him or hating myself. What if it was my fault?"
"Hey. It's not your fault. Don't ever say that. You were all the way into that relationship, and you did everything you could to love Ricky and be a great partner to him. He said it wasn't you, and I don't know him as well as you do, but I know he loved you. He just really thought he was doing what was best for you." Gina said. "But he's right, Neens. You have to talk to him at some point. It's okay if you're not ready, but I think it'll be good to hash it out. It will give you closure about the break up, and allow you to reevaluate where you stand right now."
"You should be a therapist."
"Tell that to yourself."
Nini laughed, "So you think I should call him back?"
"I think you want to." Gina said perceptively. "You're just scared, and that's okay. Call him when you're ready."
"Thanks for the advice." Nini said. "And Gina, I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Why?"
"I know it can't be easy taking my side in this whole Ricky thing.. I know EJ-"
"EJ's a big boy. He will be fine, and I'm allowed to disagree with him." Gina said. "If we have to fight every time we disagree about something, then we need to work on that."
"I'm.. I have nothing to say. You're amazing and so mature ... and when I grow up I wanna be like you."
Gina laughed. "I love you so much."
"I love you too. Thanks, G. Really."
"Don't mention it."
Nini felt a lot better after that phone call and decided to take Bob out for a walk while she thought about her situation.
_____________
"Wow, you really took your time today, buddy." Nini said taking Bob off his leash as they reached the apartment. As she reached for the doorknob, she noticed something stuck onto her green front door.
It was an envelope with her name on it, and she could decipher the handwriting immediately. Her ex-fiancé had clearly given up trying to reach her through online communication, and decided to write her a letter.
She entered the apartment and plopped down on the couch. Taking a deep breath before opening up the envelope and unfolding the contents.
Nini,
You won't return my calls or texts, so I figured this is the best way. I'm sorry about that night, you weren't ready, and I shouldn't have pushed. I'm sorry about everything else too. I'm always messing up and hurting you.
Breaking up with you is the single most cowardly thing I've ever done. Instead of being honest with you I ran away, and I broke all my promises. Then, I came to New York, unannounced, which can't be easy for you, but once again, you've welcomed me with open arms.
The fact that you forgave me after all that baffles me, and I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to have you in my life. I would be lying if I said that I came here just for a job, just for my dreams... because I definitely came here for you, too.
I'm going to win you back, again, and this time I'm not letting go. I'm trying to do what you've always asked of me ... I'm being brave. For you. I'm not asking you to get back together with me, that's your choice, and I know you need time. But I would really like the chance to explain everything to you.
Our anniversary is coming up, and I hate the thought of spending it without you. I know I was the one who ruined it. I'm asking for a lot. I know. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, yet again, please come to the Bethesda Terrace, I'll be at the fountain at 7 pm. I'll wait for you, Neens. Like you waited for me. I don't care if it rains or if I have to wait til morning. I'll be there. And if you don't show up, I'll be there the next day, at the same time. It's my turn to wait.
Love,
Ricky
What was she supposed to do now?! She'd like answers, but being with him on their anniversary, which is also the anniversary of their break up, would be too much for her.
____________
Kourtney, Gina and EJ had been keeping her occupied, trying to get her mind off of Ricky. They'd decided to have a slumber party at EJ's, and Nini tried to think of anything else besides Ricky waiting for her at the park.
After dinner, Kourtney wanted to have a Spiderman marathon, and it took her mind off the curly brunet for a while. Until it started to rain... She wondered if he was still there like he said he would be. Hopefully he won't be a stubborn idiot and take shelter in the terrace instead of standing around by the fountain. She knew Ricky though, he was her stubborn idiot... Still. She'd made her decision and she was going to be strong.
They were almost done with the second movie when the sky thundered. She can't do it. She was weak. She can't let him stay out in the rain waiting for her. She could've at least told him that she wasn't coming. She'd been on the other side, after all, waiting for someone and not knowing if they were coming at all...
"Hey EJ, can I borrow and umbrella?" Nini said suddenly as she stood up.
"What? Where you goin?" He said standing up as well.
"She's going to see, Ricky." Gina smiled knowingly. "Where else would she be going?"
"Really, Neens?" Kourtney crossed her arms in disapproval. Nini knew she was just being protective, but she's had enough of this.
"Yes. I'm going to see Ricky." Nini grabbed her coat and started putting on her shoes. "Look, Kourt,I know Ricky, his dumb ass is gonna stand there in the rain instead of going home. I've been where he is right now. It sucks to be left in the dark.. and I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
"Not even Ricky Bowen?" Kourtney asked rolling her eyes.
"Especially not Ricky Bowen." Nini said. "I know you just wanna protect me, but Ricky's probably gonna be in my life forever. That's a given. I've tried my best to forget him, avoid him, cut ties with him, but he always seems to come back. We're godparents for God's sake... whether we're in a relationship or not, it's clear the universe wants us to be in each other's lives... if it were you, I'd support you no matter what."
Just as she stepped out the door, EJ grabbed her by the arm. "Hey." He handed her an umbrella. "Don't want you getting wet."
"Thanks, Elton."
"Can I have a hug?" EJ asked sheepishly. "I promise I won't hit your ex again... Gina's right. You're right. It's your decision to make. We're entitled to our own opinions, but in the end, it's your life, and who am I to stand in the way of you and the person you love most.. It's just that.. you're kind of like my little sister. I get overprotective."
Nini slipped her arms around his torso. "Thank you. I hope I wasn't too harsh back there."
"She needed to hear it. She'll get over it." EJ shrugged his shoulders then gave her a light push. "Run along now. Call me if you need anything."
"Love you!"
______________
Ricky had been standing near the fountain for nearly three hours, and still no signs of Nini. And now it was starting to really pour. He was foolish to think that she would come at all. Maybe she didn't want to remember their anniversary, because he broke her heart last year on this day. He couldn't give up, though, he can't lose her again. He thought about taking shelter in the terrace, but it was dark, what if she couldn't see him. Last time he was here, he'd proposed to her, told her he would take care of her for the rest of her life and that he would always come back to her. At least he can still keep that last promise.
Suddenly the rain stopped... wait no it didn't? Everywhere else was still raining except on his spot ... he turned around and suddenly his heart was going to explode. It was her. She's here. She came. She's beautiful and everything he's always needed and wanted. And she's here! And she looks angry...
"What the hell are you doing standing in the rain?! There's literally shelter if you just walk that way... You're gonna get sick, Ricky... Don't you remember the last time you went out in the rain?! I had to bring you soup and meds and you're such a baby when you're sick...."
She trailed off and all Ricky wanted to do was kiss her. But he knew it was too early... he it didn't feel right.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Nini asked and then placed her hand on his lips.."You know what? Save it. Let's go to my place and get you dried up and then we can talk."
Ricky nodded and followed her.
_____________
"Here... these should fit you." Nini said handing over a T-shirt and sweatpants. Ricky frowned, and wondered whose they were. If other guys had been staying here with her.... "Red left them when he visited me last time. In case you're wondering."
It was like she could read his mind, and all he could do was blush and say thank you. Afterwards, he felt better, but he was slightly lightheaded due to spending all that time in the rain.
He stepped out into the living room to find Nini busy in the kitchen. He sat on the counter, nervously shaking his leg, waiting for her to finish. He'd practiced what he was going to say for months, and he wasn't going to screw it up. He was going to be completely honest with her, and it made him nervous.
"Here." Nini handed him a cup of warm tea. "I put in some of that honey you like from the farmer's market."
"Thanks." Their hands brushed as he took the cup from her, causing him to look up at her to find that she was already looking into his eyes. "Thanks for this... for coming tonight, for letting me stay, for even talking to me..."
Nini nodded. Ricky took a deep breath, this was his chance to finally tell her everything. Nini smiled reassuringly and to his surprise, took his hands. "It's okay. It's just me... we used to be able to tell each other everything, remember?"
"Yeah. But that was before I ruined everything..." Ricky said dejectedly. "Promise me you won't hate me, okay?"
"Promise."
"That night at the gala, Ben told me something that changed everything." Ricky took a sip of his tea. "I wanted to marry you. I really did. If I didn't think of our friends and family, or that it should be a special separate day of its own, we'd have gotten married right there at the terrace after I proposed. But.."
Nini was frowning now. "But what? What did Ben say?"
".. you know how I was job searching?" Nini nodded. "Well I had been getting rejections... I only told you about a few of them, but in reality it was so much worse."
He sighed and continued. "I knew if I told you, you would keep encouraging me, and you would say that you're proud of me-"
"I was. I am."
"But I've always had a hard time believing that. And Ben... he said you were the one that got away, and I was the lucky guy."
Nini scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "I don't get it."
"Did you reject a job offer from him.. years ago?"
"Yeah... I remember that. He wanted me to write Features for him. What's this got to di with anything?"
"When did you reject him? Why did you ? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Umm I don't know. Years ago I guess." Nini couldn't quite remember. "It wasn't what I wanted at the time, I was very one dimensional those days.. I only wanted to report the news. It wasn't until a few years later that I became a columnist.. and I would've had to leave New York. I guess it just never came up, Rick."
"Was it before or after you promised you'd never leave me behind?" Ricky asked not daring to look into her eyes.
"After."
He looked up at her, trying to find the courage to confirm his worst fears. He took her hands in his.
"I need to know this." He held her hands so tightly, he was afraid he'd hurt her. "Did you give up that job because of me? Because you said you didn't want to move to New York, and Ben said you stayed because of your family. I assumed that meant ... me."
"Yes and No." Nini said. "I couldn't leave you and I didn't want to. You were going through so much. But honestly it was me too. Going to New York seemed wrong at the time. I'd lost everyone except you and Red, and you guys were my family. I was afraid of losing you both if I left. And like I said, I was strictly a journalist, a news reporter, I didn't want to be a columnist or write features ... The old Nini never thought she'd be Editor of a lifestyle magazine..."
"I thought... I thought that maybe you'd given up on your dreams all those years ago because maybe I guilt tripped you into staying. I started thinking that maybe if you'd taken that job, you would have been Editor way sooner or be more successful. Here I was getting all those rejections, while my girlfriend was rejecting God knows how many job offers...."
"Ricky, I stayed because I wanted to. I made that promise because I loved you and I truly wanted to be with you."
Ricky felt a pang in his heart when she said loved. Past tense. Loved. He wanted to ask if she still loves him even now, but he knew he had to take it one conversation at a time.
"And who knows where I would be if I took that job. Yes, maybe I would be more successful, or maybe I would end up getting fired and ruining my career forever. Maybe I'd be so successful I wouldn't have time for any friends or family, and I'd be unhappy.... I'm rambling but the point is... Nobody knows and it doesn't matter anymore, it's in the past, you can't do anything about it. I wanted nothing more than to be with you."
Wanted. Ricky sighed. "I didn't want to hold you back. I didn't want you to pass on opportunities because of me. You're amazing and successful and I was just the boyfriend."
Ricky could see that she was beginning to tear up now. "We could've talked about this. You didn't have to give up on us... You were never just the boyfriend, you were my boyfriend. The person I trusted most, the person I always want by my side, the person who inspires my heart, and I don't know how else to convince you, but I'm proud of who you are, Ricky."
"I know. I know that now. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on that scrapbook... but it was too late. You'd cut off all ties with me, and I didn't want to cause you anymore pain." Ricky felt her warm hands on his cheeks brushing away his tears. He looked into her eyes, silently begging for her to tell him that it's not too late, that she still loves him, that she would do anything to go back to where they were before...
"No more crying. The past is in the past. We're in a good place now." Nini said. "We're finally talking again. We're friends. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is what's best for us, right now."
Ricky wanted to protest.. he wanted to say no, this isn't what's best for them, they should be together, they're meant to be... but he suddenly felt light-headed and warm but he was shivering. His vision became slightly blurry, but he could still faintly make out Nini's concerned expression.
The last thing he remembered was Nini pulling on his arm and leading him somewhere.
_________
When Ricky woke up, he was met with the best view, Nini was hovering over him, her eyes twinkled in the dimly lit living room. He realized he was lying on the couch, he must've passed out earlier, and there was a piece of wet cloth on his forehead.
"Hey..." Nini brushed the curls away from his eyes. She's the best. Was this a fever dream? "You were out for a while. You have a fever, and that is why we don't stand around in a rainstorm, Bowen."
He just smiled at her and admired the magic that is Nini. "Thank you."
"You scared me." She said as she dabbed some water on his forehead and gingerly placed the cloth back. And she was doing it yet, again. She was looking at him... differently.
"Why do you keep doing that?"
"It's a cold compress.. to bring your fever down."
Ricky grabbed her wrist, causing her to halt her actions and look at him. Their faces were so close, and if Ricky had no self-control, his lips
would be on hers already.
"Not that. Why do you keep looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like you used to. Like you love me. Like you're in love with me... but you only do it when I'm hurt, or sick, or crying..." Ricky whispered.
"I..." She didn't know what to say.
"I don't want you to love me only when I'm hurt..."
"Ricky... what you're asking of me... I care about you but I'm not ready. I'm not there yet..."
"Do you think you'll ever get there again?"
She didn't answer. Ricky took it as his cue to leave.
"Maybe I should go. I've troubled you enough for the night..." He tried to get up, but Nini stopped him with a hand on his chest.
"Don't go, Ricky. It's still raining out there, and it's like 3 am. You still have a fever, you need to rest. Just stay the night, please..."
The last time she asked him to stay, he'd left her, and he couldn't do it again. Truth be told, Ricky couldn't stand the thought of staying here with her looking at him like that... it was just too much... but he was going to do everything in his power to win her back.
"Okay." Ricky said relenting.. "But only if you get some rest as well, okay? I don't want you getting sick because of me."
Nini nodded and headed off to her room. Bob took her place and cuddled with Ricky until he dozed off.
____________
It was 5 am when Ricky opened his eyes again. The fever had mostly gone down, but Bob was whining and anxious. He licked Ricky's nose, successfully waking him up.
Ricky looked out the window, and it looked like it had been raining and thundering all night. Thunderstorms are not Bob's favorite... Ricky tucked him close and tried to comfort him. "It's okay buddy, it's just thunder... it won't hurt us."
After a while, Bob was still shaking and whining. Ricky had an idea... "Why don't we sing a song? that'll make you feel better."
Ricky went into the guest room where Nini kept her guitar, but when he got there he was surprised to find that it had been wrecked. The neck was broken, there were dents in the body, it was like she was trying to destroy it. He was curious to know what had happened, but he figured he'd asked enough questions for the night. He took the guitar with him, making a mental note to get it fixed and bring it back to her.
"Well Bobby, I guess I'll just have to sing to you without a guitar..."
_______________
Nini woke up due to the thunderstorm, and decided to check on Bob, but as she opened the door, she could hear Ricky singing.
if I could go back and change the past... be a little braver than I had... bet against the odds, would I still be lost...
She watched fondly as Ricky sang to Bob, comforting him, and she decided to watch from afar, not wanting to ruin the moment.
"You can be brave too, Bobby. I'm still learning, and it's a scary world out there, but she's worth it."
She smiled and retreated back to her bed. She thought about what he said earlier. Didn't he know that she would always love him? She just needed time. She had just gotten back on her feet and she could already feel herself becoming vulnerable whenever she's around him.
If she stopped listening to her brain and let her heart make the decisions. She would've told him that she still loves him, that she nearly lost her mind trying to get over him, that she would forget everything that's happened between them so they could begin again.
But she didn't want to go too fast. She wanted to be sure that he would be in it for good this time. He was a different person... he was more open, more willing to take risks, more confident, she was still getting to know the new Ricky, and she didn't want to rush things. If they were going to do this, they would do it right.
__________