Andy hurried through the corridor, her heart racing trying to wrap her head around how her first day as captain of station 19 turned out with their ex chief dying in front of them, her coworker and friend injured and their chief in the hospital. She was walking through the hallway visably distressed from everything that happend just hours prior. Quite frankly she needed to see a friendly face who could calm her down a bit. Looking through the hallways fidgeting with her hands she finally spotted a familiar face. Robert was pacing back and forward in front of a hospital room.
Andy took a deep breath before getting closer to him, she could still read him like a book. His eyes were filled with worry and something else she couldnt quite figure out yet. Sensing his distress Andy approached him quietly. "Robert" she said softly while placing a hand gently on his shoulder. Robert looked up and his tense expression softened the second he saw Andy's caring eyes. "Andy" He sighed "That's some first day as captain huh?" His lips curled up just enough for Andy to notice "Tell me about it" She looked throught the tiny window of the hospital room and saw her chief laying there with all kinds of machines checking if she was alright. "How is she doing?" Robert looked through the window and back to Andy. "They're still doing check ups but the doctors told me she'll be fine eventually" He started pacing again trying to hide his feelings and not wanting to breakdown in the busy hospital hallway.
"That's great news" Andy whispered relieved. Not getting a reaction from him she realized there was more to the story. "Robert i know you, i know when something is bothering you, believe it or not i still sense it when you're upset. I'm here to listen"
"It's just.. " His hands found his head as he tried to keep his frustration to the minimum. "I never thought it would come to this again, seeing her like this it made me feel the loss of Claire all over again, what if just like with Claire i was a few minutes too late, what if.... i'm not sure i can do this" he looked at her with tearfilled eyes "Robert hey" she grabbed his hands to try and comfort him "she's safe, she's still here. You saved her, you got her out of the rubble, let the doctors do their work and trust them when they say she'll be allright" her eyes trailed from Robert to the busy hallway to her chiefs hospital room seeing her chief moving restlessly she nodded to the room.
"You got this, i'll be here waiting for you" She nodded to the waiting room a little further down the hall "Andy you don't have to" he whispered not wanting to be a burden knowing how stressfull her first day has been already "I insist, take your time" her hand wrapped around him tightly as he pulled her into a hug. Finding comfort in her touch Robert leaned closer to Andy, no distance between them. After all this time it still surprised him how well she fit in his arms it's been years since he felt that safety. Something in him got overwhelmed by it, by the love he still has for her. He took a few deep breaths as he relaxed in her arms.
After a minute or two they slowly seperated finding comfort in each others eyes. Robert's hand was still on Andy's waist as he nervously played with the laces of her dress. She noticed the nervous habit he always tried to hide and never would admit. Her hand found his as she squeezed lightly trying to comfort him as she looked over to her chiefs hospital room whispering "you got this, i'll be here when you're ready" as her hand left his and she walked towards the waiting room she looked back once more to see him opening the door to the chiefs room.
He walked in closing the door as slowly as he could before turning around. There she was, the woman he broke up with hours prior, saved her life and told her he wants to love her back, her face was full off bruises and there were some bandages on her arm. She looked tired, fragile even, not like the woman he knows so well. She tried to smile his way but quickly stopped as the pain got the best of her. "You're still here" she whispered. "Yeah i am" he sat down on the chair beside her bed. "No one deserves to wake up alone in a hospital room" not sure what has gotten into him he felt distance from the woman he spend so many nights with. Something changed, he remembered the feeling of relief after him breaking up with her the feeling of finally hugging the woman he still loved for the first time in over a year. He shook his head trying to get rid of his thoughts. Whatever he was feeling this wasn't the right time or place.
"How are you feeling," he asked
"Never been better" she said with an attempt to make a smile. "I didn’t just fall down 6ft into rubble" Robert laughed as this helped to eased the tension. "I’m good, I’ve suffered worst"
Speaking of "You know, i think it might be drugs but I’m pretty sure that was Herrera standing with you for a while outside my door"
"Yeah…..to be here. She felt like it was her duty as captain to stay and make sure everyone is okay."
"Would you tell me if you still had feelings for her?"
"Tash," his voice soft and uncertain
"Sully, you can tell me. I can sense these things, it took me a while to see it but I can clearly see she still has feelings for you…the question is do you?"
Robert looked away for a sec feeling conflicted “So you do…” Tash tried to sit up awkwardly in her bed. Robert's hand found that smooth spot on his head where his hand would go if he was deep in thought. He struggled with how to answer this question. He knew he was in fact in love with Andy.. But equally, he didn't want to hurt Tash anymore after what she'd been through. "Sully, I'm injured not blind... I'd rather you tell me the truth." He paused and tried to look away, his eyes betraying a mix of emotions. "I, I..." he stuttered. "Let me ask you one more time. Do you, or do you not, still have feelings for your ex wife?" Robert turned his back to her and dropped his head, his hands on his waist. "I'm sorry Tash, I'm so.." "Don't apologise for the truth." Her voice was soft but firm, a mixture of pain and understanding lingering in her words
" Tash, I love what we have as friends and it was really great having someone who knows my background and what I’ve been through. You understand what we had to endure in the marines and knew Luke. I tried my best to love you, i want to…but the bond I have with Andy will always be there. i'm sorry" this wasn't how he planned on telling her, somehow he felt relieved to tell her but something in him also felt guilty for telling her while she's in the hospital after a near death experience, but still he couldn't help himself and continued talking.
"She's been by my side for every awfull thing that's happend since i moved back to Seattle. When i got injured, when Luke died, when i stole drugs, when i lost my job and so much more. Andy was always there in my corner making sure i was allright, taking care of me in ways i never even realized, making sure i go to meetings and see Richard regularly. Even divorced she still is.
It's impossible not to care...... she's impossible not to love." Without even realizing it his lips curled up while talking about her. She truly had him wrapped around her finger without even realizing it.
"That's what i thought, it's okay sully. I’ve watched you both from the sidelines for over a year now.
Trying to love you more and more and get you to love me back was selfish on my part i realize that now" she took a sip of her water before continuing. "Don’t get me wrong, i have loved our time together, but you and herrera are clearly meant to be, and if this near death experience has taught me anything, it’s that you have to live for what you believe in. And you two clearly believe in the immensity of eachother. Sully all i want is for you to be happy, you deserve it after all the shit you've been through. So go, please, find her and don't wait for the right time, tell her how you feel. It'll be okay."
They sat in silence for a few minutes untill Natasha fell asleep again, her little snore got Robert out of his thoughts. This was his cue to leave. "I'm sorry" he whispered once more before leaving her to rest.
Robert started wandering around the hospital trying to collect his thoughts. Somehow he found his way to the reception finding one of the coffee machines. Maybe that would do him some good he figured. He watched the coffee fill the little plastic cup and zoned out trying to lean on the machine but suddenly was made very aware of his height. The conversation he had with tash kept repeating in his mind. He wasnt sure what exactly this meant. Had he lost both women who he felt things for? Was Andy even ready to start things back up again? Was this all a mistake that would end up with him being alone again? He wanted nothing more than Andy back as his wife although he know they had a long road ahead and Tash as his close friend.
His coffee had gotten cold as he kept stirring in the cup. He hadn't even noticed one of the residentie arriving, waiting for coffee herself.
"Sir, Lt. Sullivan is it?... are you , okay?" she asked with a kind voice.
"Sorry, sorry I was miles away, here, what can I get for you, my treat." "Oh I’m not here for coffee, the cart outside is much better.. But your firefighter colleagues are wondering where you’d gotten to… having walked past you for the fourth time now without you moving, I thought maybe you’d zoned out completely."
"Oh, i'm sorry" Robert said, nervously. "I better get to them, thanks!"
He looked up at the signs to try and figure out where he was, before looking back at the resident for her subtle guidance. She pointed to the left, he nodded in thanks and made his way back to the waiting room.
"There you are i was wondering where you went" Andy stood up and walked over to Robert whose mood visably changed since he went into the hospital room to check up on his girlfriend. "Robert hey" She gently placed one of her hands on his arm finally getting a response. He looked confused and exhausted whatever happend in that room stirred up dust. Andy grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hallway. "Where are we going?" He asked in confusion "Do you trust me?"
Part 2 is coming in a few days