If I wasn't still riding the high of satisfaction, I might have been in a bigger hurry. It was no surprise that we had an active lifestyle when at all possible. The key players who I was concerned about had already gone, who else was there to hear? "Shit, the door." I hiss, pushing away from my soggy husband as if somehow we could undo the volume at which our love-making had reached.
"Perhaps that'll teach you to keep a lid on your libido until we can be alone." He comments, plucking at the soaked shirt. I tilt my head to admire him, licking my lips at the gorgeous being before me. I would have to remember to get him wet more often, he was quite the specimen. His voice lowers as he hesitates, bringing me to pause, we are both still as I listen to the shuffle of feet down the hall.
"What's that?" I ask curiously, we both exit the room to tread down that hallway. I hear the distant conversation of our companions downstairs and note the voices. The muffled conversation rolls under the door from my office and I give Verando a worried look.
Gritting his teeth, he opens the door quickly.
Young Randy sits on the desk, pupils enlarged, wavering in consciousness as Caspian stands between his legs. His lips find the man's neck, the youth obviously drugged out of his mind given his lack of response or even acknowledgment of the action.
In a single second, time stops. I see him, for the vulnerability that is there brings my warlord in a full circle. He is clean, crisp, and controlled because when he's out of control he's absolutely spiraling. The young man is checked out, gone outside of the drug use, and accepting his fate for his worth sits in the palm of the Spanish man's hands. Caspian tilts the drifting man's head, kissing him before looking over his shoulder at us with a look of resentment.
"Always something." He scowls. "How could I help myself after such a tempting display?"
The knife appears in my husband's hand and I quickly grab his fist. "Stop! You could hit yourself."
"If you weren't fucking so loudly, I might not have considered taking my chance. If you can claim what's yours, I felt it only fair to claim what's mine." Caspian mutters bitterly as I rush over, pushing him out of the way to grasp young Randy's face in my hands. The dull eyes watch me with a slow blink, the warmth of my hands stirring him from his trance.
"What did you give him?" I ask desperately.
"He was upset, he didn't trust me anymore, I gave him some pain killer." So dismissive, as if the youth was an inconvenience. As if his action was to our benefit. Caspian looked as though we should be thanking him.
Randy giggles, reaching up to touch my face, "I like you." He snickers, wrinkling his nose. "Shhh- They'll hear us." Clicking his tongue, he shudders and moves to slide off the table. "It's s'fine. I'm fine... totally... fine." Slumping to the floor, it's surprisingly easy for me to guide him down.
Verando grips Caspian's wrist, threatening to break the man's arm. "Did you learn absolutely nothing? Are you so selfish that you'd risk changing the past? How did I block out what an absolute lunatic you are?"
"You never tried!" Caspian shouts bitterly at him, tears welling up in his eyes. "God be damned, Randy... I'm going to fight for this until my dying breath. Would you stop being so damned difficult?! Just let me love you!"
Disgusted, Verando shoves him away, shaking his head in disbelief. "Go fuck yourself, Caspian. This isn't about you and your bloody obsession with me."
I can't allow their bickering to mess with the young man any further, glancing up at him with a look of concern, I clear my throat to get Verando's attention. "We need to call the medic, that medical unit could have anything, we don't even know what these drugs could do to you. You're sensitive enough as it is." Checking the man's pulse, it's deathly slow as he stares vacantly ahead of himself.
"It's s'fine. I feel.... good." Looking at his hands, he quickly closes his fists, "Just stop touching me." Pushing away, he attempts to stand, only to scramble into the bookshelf, sending the whole shelf cascading onto the ground. "I don't want to. Just leave me alone." I reach for him and he quickly stumbles away. "Why are there two of me?!"
"Randy, take Caspian and send the medical crew. You both need to get a grip and stop triggering him." I command him quickly, between Caspian's selfishness and Verando's self-loathing, the youth truly had no one in his corner but for me.
"I'm Randy!" The young man snaps, desperate for validation.
Verando's lips part but he stops himself, grabbing Caspian's arm and shoving him out the door. I can't risk anyone else harming this poor youth, there was nobody else I trusted with him but me. "Hey. It's okay." I whisper, keeping my voice soft as I hold out my hand to the trembling man. His chest heaves, watching the pair leave. "They're gone."
Sliding back to the floor, Randy slides his knees to his chest, thumping the back of his head against the bookshelf with a look of despair. "Damn it." He curses, shutting his eyes tightly as his palm pressed to his forehead. "Why. Why am I like this?"
"You're not like anything," I tell him firmly, carefully moving to rest on my knees. "I'm going to get you some help."
Crawling towards me in a quick move, he shoves me onto my back, straddling my hips. "I don't need help. This is what everyone wants, right? Stop trying to save me and just do what you need to do already." He must think I'm Caspian, the way he looks past me, there is no life behind his words. I place my hands carefully by my side, unwilling to give him any leverage.
"I don't want that from you. I want you to be better."
"Why is everyone convinced there is something wrong with me?" Sitting on my hips, he crashes his hands against my chest, gripping my shirt. I'm impressed by his strength yet floored at the weakness of a werewolf compared to my lycan form. "I'm fine, absolutely fucking fine! I took the damn pills, what more do you want from me?" The wetness begins to form around his eyes and he sighs shakily, rubbing roughly at his eye with the back of his hand. "Damn it. You're ruining my buzz."
"Randy-"
With a sad laugh, he cuts me off, "Why do you keep calling me that like you know me? You don't know me and if you did, you would stop trying so hard. I'm fucked up, there's no reason to keep up this charade that everything is going to be ok. I don't know who that guy you were screwing was, but that's not me. Not now at least."
Propping myself up on my elbows, I can only take him in. Verando struggled with his worth, with his appearance, with his value. He wanted to control everything, be in control at all times, he was so afraid of letting me in and seeing this side of him. I feel like now I can understand why, not even he could accept this version of himself. How rejected and alone this young man must feel.
"Opium makes me emotional." He sighs, wrapping his arms around himself, still seated over my hips.
"I'm not leaving you. We are going to get through this." I tell him firmly, offering him the only comfort I can.
Scoffing, he nervously scratches his neck. "You're trying like hell to send me back, that's leaving me, love. I've already fucked this up, I destroy everything that I touch, it's kind of what I do. This future isn't waiting for me when I go back. Your pain killers here suck, I'm not even... that.. high. I'm just easier to manage when the edge is taken off, people seem to like me more when I'm wasted."
It fractures my heart. Propping myself up on my elbows, I frown at him, resisting the urge to touch him. This Randy isn't mine, not yet at least. I want to tell him everything, I want to reveal to him how much he is loved, how many people adored him, how he is the light of his granddaughter's world and the love of my life. I would do anything to let him stay here, but my love for him forces me to acknowledge that he had to live this life to get to me.
"You are more important and more special than you will ever know. You just haven't gotten to that part yet." I promise him. "Do not forget that, do not let Caspian poison that part of you."
Looking up at me, I admire the light eyes now reflected in a stormy blue. The high cheekbones, I remember him telling me he used to look like Tonic and now I can believe it. He hadn't come into his own yet, he was still trying to figure out who he was. Taking a short breath, he stoops, pressing his lips into mine as he throws his arms around my neck.
Wide-eyed, I resist the urge to kiss him back as I carefully leap up onto my feet and drag him with me. Placing him on his feet, I press my hands to his chest to separate us, clearing my throat. "Well." I'm not quite sure what to say.
"You don't want me?" The rejection tugs at my fragile heart. I grip his arms, flushing darkly.
"I will want you every day for the rest of my life, but this is not our time. Besides, your future self will kick both of our asses. Randy, you're just going to have to trust me."
Randy takes a step back, conflicted as the medical staff steps through the door. "What did you take?" The doctor asks, flabbergasted. I flinch, holding up my hand to her.
"Go forward with dignity, he's healing," I tell her sternly. "Can you do what they ask? I've got to go check on Caspian." Reluctantly he nods and I offer him a small smile, slipping out of the door and padding down the hall, descending the stairs with a knot in my throat. What had I done? Had I ruined everything?
How would this affect the future? It wasn't supposed to happen this way, he wasn't supposed to feel this way? I pull out my phone, shaking some of the water out of it with a frown. Perhaps I was overenthusiastic with the water sports. "Stefan." I murmur after dialing the number. "Any news from Darrius? Anything else?"
"No, he's asleep. Why? What happened?"
The words almost come out but when I look up, I see Verando's concern and stop myself. "Don't worry about it, please keep an eye on them for me. I'll call back tonight for bedtime. Thank you, Stefan." Hanging up, I enter the kitchen to see Caspian is chained.
"Tell your dog to free me." Caspian spits. "Or I'm not helping."
"You're already not helpful." I snap back. "Can he not be gagged?" Verando doesn't find me funny, the stress clear on his face. I place my hands on his chest, once more marveling at the size difference. "It's ok. You're going to be alright, the medics are tending to him now."
"How are we going to do this?" He asks me, voice heavy with concern. "We are changing too much, Nic we have to send them back. I can't... I can not risk changing the future. Gods if I-" I stretch on my toes, pulling him down to kiss me. Chaste but reassuring, I hold him until I feel his body relax a fraction of an inch.
"We are still here, we are still together. We are going to fix this." It was my turn to be the rock. Yet, it couldn't stop the worry from creeping in. My usually strong and confident warlord had been shifting, uncertain, more on a hair-trigger. What if we were changing him? Changing who he was as a person? What if these unconscious moments were altering his personality? Blinking away the stress, I force myself not to dwell on it.
Caspian mocks a gagging sound. I casually grasp a wooden spoon off the counter, clocking him on the forehead and smiling sweetly.
The barracks of our new headquarters were cramped. It had to be so that young Randy and Caspian could be watched more closely. With Caspian on lockdown and Randy once more forced to detox, we were surrounded by stiff medical personnel. Verando idly cooks as Landon sits at the table, going over all the possible options.
"I think this is all going to boil down to something we are missing. There has to be a hole somewhere, a reassurance that a being could kill Caspian and Fenrir would be trapped in the underworld once more."
"Nevermind the all-out war that is going on around us. How long before they come for our heads?" Verando grumbles, stirring the sauce for the pasta with determination for perfection.
"Positivity please," I beg him, before eyeing the screen Landon produces of our known facts. They were surprisingly few.
"And there's nothing in the lore?" Landon questions.
"Verando, at one point, possessed both the spirits of Shadowcast and Whitewind. But with Whitewind gone and Shadowcast dormant, there is no way to figure out if Echo has Acer's ancestor. The order is all mixed up." I murmur, feeling my warlord stiffen. I know he didn't like it, but it was the best use of our time.
"What if Caspian killed himself?" Landon suggests.
"And risk breaking the timeline?" Verando scowls.
I sigh, rubbing my temples. "That would still release Fenrir. Killing Caspian with Fenrir inside of him is not going to work unless we do it right."
"There has to be something we're missing." Landon and I glance towards the stiff back of my husband, he tosses the spoon down under the weight of our eyes and snags his wine glass.
"For the love of the gods, I don't remember the damn lore! Ask the two who are living it, if you wouldn't mind!" Storming out of the room, I flinch as the door slams. It had been nearly impossible to talk about this around him, to get past this block. Every time we brought it up, it resulted in these outbursts where one of the Verando's became too overwhelmed. Something was missing, the trauma here could not be excused.
Landon purses his lips. "He knows something or doesn't want to know something. Nic... can you talk to him?"
I was at a loss for what to say. The man was beyond stressed, I wanted to still have a marriage when this was all over. "Landon, I'm worried if we keep pushing I'm going to lose him forever. Something isn't right, besides the obvious of past selves and what have you. I'm worried that this wasn't an accident, that the universe is trying to show us that we are missing a part and it happened in this time frame."
Raising an eyebrow, Landon considers this. "Why on earth would the universe help us?"
"Because she's a cruel mistress?" Sighing, I move to finish cooking the sauce and strain the pasta. Pouring Landon a serving, I touch his shoulder. "Get some rest... maybe wear your earplugs."
The young man retreats to his room and I follow after my husband, down the hall. Cautiously, I peek in to see young Randy is resting surrounded by a team to monitor him. Caspian's door is still firmly locked, I slip into our room and know by the pacing that he's uncomfortable being locked underground once more.
Moving quietly across the space, I sit down on the edge of the bed and watch him. "Are you okay?"
Flashing me a strong look, he sighs, resuming his pacing. I wait, tracking him with my eyes, noting he'd finished his wine. After a moment of silence, he throws me the pill bottle and my heart lurches into my throat. "What-"
Shaking his head, he stops me. "I didn't take any. Just... keep this away from me for now, yeah? I'm not myself."
Stuffing the pills into my pocket, I stand, going to him to put my arms around his waist. Relief floods over me like a tidal wave, I had never expected he would revert but I was so beyond pleased that this was beyond any expectation of truth in his limitations. "I'm so proud of you," I whisper.
"For being weak?"
"For being so strong," I tell him firmly. "Please talk to me."
Bending, he kisses me, slow and timid. "I would rather do anything else."
Deflection.
I think back to his playbook, taking a slow breath. I needed to get him to talk.