Forty-one years was a long time. Far too long. Shuriki's first, last, and only estrus had been the night she'd let her future chancellor have his way with her. Since then she'd felt little pleasure with other lovers. She wanted to taste the ecstasy of release-hers and his.
Shuriki licked her lips at the memory. She swore to Maru she could still feel the warmth of his hands, one holding her wrist, the other her hip to keep her from squirming as he'd ravished her. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture the scene as it had been four decades ago.
The sorceress bit her bottom lip as images filled her mind. Esteban's young, lean body pinning hers, the muffled sound of fabric brushing up against skin as he lifted her layered skirts and yanked her panties down exposing her more mature body to the elements.
Shuriki clenched her jaw to stifle a moan as she kept thinking about the moment he'd laid claim to her. Her breath hitched as she invisioned his fingertips pressed into the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.
She could still see it so clearly, Esteban's handsome face full of determination as he spread her legs, his hips rubbing up against hers as he fought to align their bodies. She'd made him work for it. The sudden, sheer force of penetration, and the way his lengthy shaft had stretched her to the breaking point, still made her quiver even after all these years.
Shuriki felt the heat of arousal flood her veins. Her feminine loins grew so damp she swore some of the gathering dew dripped out of her onto the floor. She shrugged out of her robe and slid under the covers needing to feel the hardness of his still able body close to her smaller, softer, colder frame.
She couldn't help breathing him in. His scent was the most intoxicating mixture of spices and woodsy male musk Shuriki had ever inhaled with hints of cardamom, basil, pepper, violet leaves, cedarwood, vanilla, citrus, and vetiver. She wished she could immerse herself in it.
Esteban was jolted awake when he felt her bury her face in the crook of his long neck. He seemed to be confused at first, then his eyes filled with fear when he realized who it was nuzzling his pulse.
"I'm not here to punish you," she assured him in a whisper. "I know you fear me, but you don't need to, Esteban. I'm upset, yes, but not at you. It's natural to fear what you don't yet understand or are unfamiliar with. I won't fault you for your reaction to my more preternatural appearance. I want you to know that I forgive you for your actions earlier this evening and that I'd never harm you or our little Isabelita." She ran her fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm and comfort him. "I need you beside me, Estebanito. I've told you before the idea of you leaving me is something I simply cannot abide. Is it truly so difficult for you to believe that my affection could be genuine?"
Esteban turned his head when Shuriki tried to kiss him. "I know your affection is a ruse to keep me complacent. Let's be honest for once. You don't care about me or mi primita. We're tools, nothing more. Cristóbal abdicated which makes Isabel and I the last living legitimate members of the royal familia. You only want both of us here to secure your rule."
Shuriki frowned. "That's not true."
Esteban glared at her. "This is true. I've seen you use your false charms and your beauty to entice others into doing things they would never have done otherwise. I know exactly how your mind works, so don't try any of your tricks on me. I won't fall for them anymore. You don't give a damn about our marriage."
"Esteban-"
Esteban turned over onto his side hoping to get Shuriki off of him. It worked. She slid off and fell over onto the empty side of his bed.
"Esteban!"
"I saw you, Shuriki! Grisha's hands were all over you! You sit here and claim you have no intention of hurting me, but that is merely another of your numerous lies, because you already have!" His head and voice lowered. "Pain and grief are all you have given me since the day we first met. I love you and I hate myself for doing so. I should loathe you, but I don't. I have a plethora of reasons to detest you, and I want to despise you, but I can't. All of the pain and the sorrow our association with one another caused, and still causes...just makes me wish that our paths had never crossed at all."
Shuriki scowled. "Don't say that!"
Esteban looked over at her. "Why? Am I not allowed to have feelings of my own, Your Grace? Or is it voicing them aloud that offends you?"
"The fact that you doubt the sincerity of my affection for you is offensive to me," she snapped.
"Of course I doubt the authenticity of your affection for me! Why wouldn't I? How could I not when you've gone out of you way to break every single promise you have ever made to me? You stood in front of everybody and vowed to 'forsake all others' only to bring another man into your bed. You also swore that mi familia would not get hurt when you took over as queen and we both know how that went!"
Shuriki bristled. "I killed Averchenko because he was the one who presented the false accusation that led to my exile from the Northern Islands! And I slew your wretched aunt and uncle because they murdered our child while it was still in my womb!"
Shuriki and Esteban both froze and grew quiet upon realizing what she'd just said.
Esteban stared at her, his eyes wide, his expression one of complete shock and confusion. He opened his mouth, but closed it again after it dawned on him that he didn't know what to say, or how to proceed. Neither did she.
They sat in silence for a while before Esteban mustered up the courage to speak. "You never told me about the bebé. Why would you do that? Keep such a thing from me? Did you think I'd run away from my responsibilities as a padre? Or did you not want to be a madre? Were you even going to keep the child or did you wish to rid yourself of the pregnancy?"
"I loved our baby," Shuriki murmured. "I didn't want to tell you until I was sure the child was going to survive. The first three months of any pregnancy is touch and go. I was afraid something might go wrong. I didn't want to get your hopes up too soon."
"What happened?"
Shuriki closed her eyes trying to keep the tears at bay as she hugged herself. "I don't know how, but your aunt and uncle learned that I was in Avalor, and found out about my condition. They sent Alacazar over to the cottage. He claimed he merely wished to discuss any possible negotiations. Like a fool I agreed to hear him out only to find later he'd spiked my tea with a blend of silphium and tansy so my body would reject the child that was growing inside of me. I tried to stop the miscarriage, but I couldn't. It hurt so badly...watching my womb expel the life we'd created...I was in so much pain. It was horrid enough that Raul and Lucia backed Grisha and his falsehood about how I was trying to usurp King Lazar's throne back in the Northern Islands. I lost my position as court sorceress and was banished from the only home that I'd ever known due to Grisha's schemes and your aunt and uncle's inability to decipher the truth from lies." Shuriki clenched her fists. "They'd never even met me before that farse of a trial! And then they have the audacity to rob me of my first born?" She shook her head as hot, salty rivulets flooded her emerald eyes. Her efforts to keep the tears from falling were in vain. They poured down her pale, weary face staining her cheeks a translucent red.
Esteban watched in horror. Shuriki had never cried in front of him before. He'd always believed the sorceress incapable of sincere emotions, except perhaps the negative ones such as fury, vengeance, jealousy, or hatred. He found himself reaching towards her before he even realized it or could stop himself.
Shuriki jumped at first unsure of his intentions until he rested his hand on top of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. No words could've describe what they felt in that moment. All they could really do was cling to each other's hand as they grieved and tried to come to terms with their combined loss.
"I'm sorry, Esteban," she whispered. "I never wanted you to suffer. I know it wasn't right, but I wanted everyone who'd wronged me to pay for what they had done. I'll never be able to give you back the family I've taken from you, and I apologize for that, but I can give you a new family if you'll let me - our family."
Esteban shook his head. "You've been carrying this secret burden all of these years. We'll discuss the topic of making amends and familia later. As of now you need to rest."
"But-"
"We both do," he said in a tone that left no room for debate.
Shuriki sighed. She started to reach for her discarded robe, but Esteban placed a hand on her arm.
"Where may I ask do you think you are going?"
Shuriki shrugged. "Back to my own rooms. I figured you'd prefer it if I wasn't here given everything I've put you through. I'm intelligent enough to sense whenever I'm not welcome or wanted, Esteban."
Esteban surprised Shuriki by pulling her into his lap. "I think your senses are a bit rusty, mi reina."
He wiped away the lingering tears from her cheeks. Shuriki didn't know how to react or what to say. She let Esteban take her with him as he leaned back against the pillows. He had to guide her head to his chest, but once it was there, the witch slowly relaxed and even permitted him to stroke her hair.
It wasn't exactly the fierce or passionate consummation that she was hoping for, but they needed to start somewhere, so why not here?
Proving she could be trusted seemed like the best way to go. Shuriki placed a gentle kiss upon his chest where she felt and heard his heart beat then closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Esteban, a bit taken aback by her rare display of affection, closed his eyes and eventually did the same.