"I know who you pretend I am"
* * *
Stepping inside the prison gave Bella crude flashbacks. The dull interior, the guards with permanent frowns, and the sleazy inmates that weren't afraid to make nasty comments or stare for too long.
Bella ran her fingers through her hair and adjusted her outfit. She made sure not to wear any makeup, she knew that she would only cry it all off anyway. Her heart felt like it weighed a million pounds as she approached the small desk with a small barrier that separated her from Spencer.
He had now been in there for almost a month now, and he still had 3 months to go until they could even see trial. It killed Bella every single day to wake up alone. The bed was cold. It was empty. She would have dreams about Spencer being there, only to wake up and realize that it was all just her brain.
She sat down with a sniffle, hiding her eyes until she heard the door open. Glancing up, she felt as if she had been punched in the gut. Spencer walked out, his eyes tired and full of misery. He wore the prison-issued pants and top, his hair beginning to grow even longer.
"Bella," Spencer smiled, wishing he could reach out and touch her. "Hi, honey."
"Spence," Bella whispered, trying not to cry. "You...are you eating enough? Sleeping enough?"
"Yes," Spencer lied. "I--it's so good to see you."
"I've missed your face. I miss everything about you, Spence. I miss your touch. I miss waking up next to you. I-I miss you so much."
"I miss you too, Bells. I think about you day and night. I think about Emma day and night. How is she?"
"She's really good. I've been slowly weaning her off of the pacifier and she's been really good about it. She--her vocabulary is expanding. She's brilliant, Spencer. She is absolutely brilliant."
"Of course she is," Spencer chuckled, tears glistening in his eyes.
Bella reached into her pocket, digging out a photo she had recently taken of Emma. She held it up to show Spencer, a tear falling out of his eye as he stared at the photo.
"She's getting more hair," he smiled. "It's still so curly."
"Yeah," Bella nodded. "She looks more and more like you every single day. I love it because when you're not there I can just...look into her eyes. It's like looking into yours."
Spencer's bottom lip quivered, "Are you reading to her?"
"Mhm, and playing her classical music. She's going to be very creative when she gets older, I can feel it."
"Of course, she will. She'll write an entire musical and cure cancer all before the age of 20."
Bella chuckled, "She will."
Spencer sniffled, "My mom? How is my mom?"
"She's good. She is kinder. She loves spending time with Emma. Sometimes I take them both to the park just so they can get some fresh air. You should see the way her eyes light up once she holds Emma and talks to her."
"That's good, I am so happy to hear that. Where did you--where did you tell her I was?"
Bella pressed her lips together, "The beach."
"The beach?" Spencer chuckled.
"She seemed to enjoy that answer," Bella shrugged.
"As long as she thinks that I'm anywhere but here."
"Right."
Spencer looked at Bella with sad eyes as she hung her head. He bit the inside of his cheek, longing to be able to reach out and gather her in his arms.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm ok," Bella nodded.
"You're taking care of everything by yourself, Bella. I'm so sorry that I'm not there. I'm so sorry you're alone."
"I'm not alone, the team helps. Rory helps."
"How is the team?"
"Still badass. Still fighting like hell to get you out of here."
Spencer grinned, "Good."
Bella smiled, "I--uh--I ended up catching Luke and Aurora in bed together. Doing...the nasty."
"Are you serious?"
"Mhm. I had to scrub my eyes hard afterward."
"So, are they a thing?"
"No, they're just hooking up, at least that's what Rory told me."
Spencer shrugged, "I mean, they seem good together. Luke is a great guy. I think this can be a good thing."
Bella grinned, "I think so too."
The two doctors laughed together, something they felt like they hadn't done in a long time. An inmate glanced over at Bella, his tongue gliding over his teeth as he sneered.
"I'd love to get me a piece of that," he called out, winking at Bella.
Bella scoffed as Spencer glared at the man, hate and anger burning in his chest. Bella shook her head.
"It's ok, Spence," she said. "It's not my first time in a prison. I can handle it."
"I know," Spencer said. "I just don't like them looking at you. I don't want them to look at you."
"I don't either but if that's the price I have to pay to see you, I'm ok with it."
Spencer sighed, "I'm sorry for everything, Bella."
"Spencer, I know you are."
"I miss you so much and I just wish I could hug you right now. I miss everything about you, Bella. You are so strong. Thank you for being there for me and being there for my mom. I don't deserve you, you are absolutely ethereal."
"Spencer, I would never turn my back on you or your mom. You don't have to thank me, ok?"
"I just want to get out and hold you again."
"And you will. We're going to get you out of here, Spencer. I promise."
Spencer sniffled and pushed back more tears, wiping his eyes. A guard stepped forward, his eyes scanning the inmates.
"Visiting time is over," he boomed. "Inmates, line up."
Bella felt her heart drop as Spencer glanced back over at her.
"I love you, Bella," he said. "I love you so much, darling."
"I love you too," Bella said, tears threatening to strangle her. "Spencer, be strong, ok? Keep your head down. Please stay safe, ok?"
"I will."
A guard grabbed onto him, forcing him into line as Bella watched through tears. Spencer kept glancing back at her until he disappeared through the door.
Bella buried her face in her hands as she began to cry.
* * *
With a sigh, Bella fished a couple of dollars out of her pocket as she walked towards the vending machine. She inserted the money, pushing the button to get a water bottle. With a thump, it fell to the bottom of the machine. Bella reached in, grabbing it before turning around only to bump into Luke.
"Sorry!" he exclaimed. "I--uh--sorry. I wasn't paying attention."
"You're ok," Bella said. "You have a thing for bumping into people, Alvez."
Luke chuckled nervously, his cheeks red as Bella gave him a perplexed look. She gripped the water bottle in her hands as Luke dug into his pocket, fishing out quarters before dropping them all to the ground.
"Shit!" he exclaimed, falling to the floor to pick them up.
Bella bent down, helping him gather the quarters. She handed them to him, his hands sweaty as he took them, only to drop a few again. Sweat beaded off of his forehead as he stood up, Bella furrowing her eyebrows as she stared at him.
"Luke," she began. "Are you feeling ok?"
"Me?" Luke asked. "Yeah! Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I? Look at me, I feel great. Just great."
"You're rambling, you're sweating, you're dropping everything, and you're stumbling over your words. What the hell is going on?"
"I--nothing! I always act like this."
"Uh...no you do not."
"What do you mean? Yes, I do. This is just my personality."
"Luke, you're one of the smoothest men I have ever met. This is not like you at all."
With a huff, Luke swallowed roughly, "I don't know what to say, Bella."
Pressing her lips together, Bella nodded before stepping closer to Luke. He swallowed nervously, wanting to take a step back but feeling like his feet were glued to the ground underneath him.
"Is this about Rory?" Bella whispered. "Because if it is...I'm not upset or anything."
"Oh that whole situation," Luke whispered back with a nod. "Yeah, that was...that was embarrassing."
"You have no reason to be embarrassed, Luke. Actually, you have every reason, but don't let it hang over your head. I've honestly forgotten about it! Well...I'm trying to at least."
"I'm just really sorry you saw that. We--um--it was kind of just a spontaneous thing. I don't think of your sister as just a fling, though! I mean, we aren't dating, but I'd be willing to."
Bella widened her eyes, "Oh?"
Luke's face paled as he closed his eyes, "Please don't tell her I told you that."
"Your secret is safe with me. It's a nice secret, though. You should tell her."
Bella patted Luke on the shoulder before walking away, opening up the bottle of water and taking a swig out of it as she made her way back to her desk. Luke's face slowly lit up as he turned around, jogging to catch up to Bella and hanging on her heels.
"You--uh--you really think so?" Luke asked.
"Yeah," Bella nodded. "Rory has a hard exterior, but she's soft. She loves love. She loves affection. I think you two would be a great couple."
Luke felt himself blushing, "She has a lot of personality."
"And so do you."
"Are you saying that we're soulmates?" Luke joked.
"I don't know about that, but try it out. I say give it a shot. Or just...keep sleeping together if that's what you're into. It's not any of my business."
Luke gave a thin smile, "So it's ok that Aurora and I are...a thing? You're ok with it?"
"Why wouldn't I be? It's not my life, I have no say in what you two decide to do with each other."
Luke sat down, resting his chin on his hand as he grinned to himself. The thought of being with Aurora made his heart flutter. The thought of being more than fuck buddies made him feel warm inside.
"How long have you and Spencer been together?" Luke asked.
Bella cleared her throat, "I met him almost 12 years ago, started dating him almost 9 years ago, and married him almost 6 years ago."
"That's beautiful."
"It is beautiful."
Luke closed his eyes and imagined a life like that with Aurora.
* * *
Bella chewed on her fingernails as she paced back and forth in the conference room, the door opening quickly grabbing her attention. Her head perked up as she looked over to see Tara and Gus walk into the room.
"Any news?" Bella breathed, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"Since Tara holds a Ph.D., she was able to conduct a cognitive interview with Spencer," Gus said.
"And it went well," Tara said with a smile. "In fact, it went really well."
Bella clutched her chest, "Really?"
"At first, his memory was a little fuzzy," Tara said. "But as we kept talking, more and more started to come out."
"Really?" Bella gasped. "Anything good? Anything helpful?"
"Spencer was able to recall that he was sprayed with a mist. But, he was able to make out the gender of his attacker. It wasn't a man, Bella. It was a woman."
"A woman? Are you serious?"
Tara nodded, "Spencer was able to recall a woman being in that room, attacking him and spraying him with that mist."
"Oh my god."
"This is a huge break," Gus said. "Bella, this is great news for Spencer. This gets us closer to finding out who attacked him."
"A woman?" Bella questioned. "Why would a woman attack him? Who would want to attack Spencer?"
"That's what we're going t have to find out," Tara said, looking between Gus and Bella. "I'm going to go tell Hotch, he'll be glad to hear this."
"Tara, thank you so much," Bella said. "I can't thank you enough."
"Hey, what are friends for?" Tara winked. "I'll see you two around."
Bella and Gus waved goodbye to her as she exited the room. Gus turned back to Bella, a grin on his face as she pulled him into a hug. He widened his eyes, shocked at first, before easing up and hugging her back.
"Thank you," Bella whispered. "Thank you for fighting for him."
"He's part of the team, of course I'm going to put up a fight," Gus laughed.
Bella pulled away from the hug, "We're getting closer and closer to freeing him."
"Yes, we are. We'll get him out soon, Bella. We're getting closer and closer by the day."
"This is amazing," Bella chuckled. "Come over tonight, we'll have a couple drinks."
"Oh, I don't know. I might go to bed early tonight."
"Oh, come on! Just a couple drinks. It doesn't even have to be alcohol. We should celebrate!"
Gus gave a thin smile, "Ok, ok. Only for a little bit."
"Yay!"
Letting out a laugh, Gus shook his head and left the room.
* * *
Diana and Emma slept soundly upstairs, both falling asleep early. This was great news for Bella, for once she could finally have some peace and quiet. For once she could finally have some fun and let loose. For once she didn't have to worry.
Glasses of champagne soon turned into vodka as Bella and Gus laughed downstairs, talking about crazy people they've dealt with on the job and on past jobs. Bella gushed about Spencer and how she felt like everything would end well. Gus smiled and listened closely, taking in every word that she said.
"This feels good," Bella laughed. "I can finally have a grown-up drink!"
"Grown-up drinks are the best!" Gus laughed, his chest feeling warm and bubbly. He took off his tie, tossing it back onto the sofa mindlessly.
They laughed, staring into the fireplace in front of them as the fire crackled and sputtered. The warmth from the fire sept into their skin, mixing with the alcohol and lighting them up internally.
"I'm always so stressed," Bella sighed. "I wake up so early every day and take care of Spencer's mom. I always have to convince her to take medication and dodge a few punches as I try to help her get dressed."
"Does she take martial arts?" Gus slurred. "She sounds tough."
"She is tough, I'm scared of her."
"You're the one with the gun!"
"I don't want to go to prison for murder, Gus. I don't want to end up like Spencer."
Gus snorted, "That's so bad."
Bella laughed, a hiccup following, "My husband is a murderer and a drug lord, isn't that crazy?"
"That is so crazy."
"SO crazy!"
"SO CRAZY!"
Bella continued to laugh, "Then I have to take care of poor Emma. She misses Spencer so much and all she does is CRY! It gets so annoying and I just have to listen to it. Then Rory is sleeping with Luke, which is a mess."
"Rory is sleeping with Luke?" Gus gasped.
"Shoot, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."
"I won't tell. I'll keep it secret."
"You promise? Pinkie swear?"
Gus held up his pinky, Bella looping hers with his. They laughed, Bella's head falling onto Gus' shoulder.
"Spencer doesn't even write me!" Bella exclaimed. "Can you believe that?"
"Why doesn't he?" Gus asked.
"I don't know. He has so much free time, I don't understand why he doesn't."
"That's strange."
"Maybe he doesn't love me anymore."
"Bella!"
Bella shrugged, "Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he fell out of love. Or maybe he was too scared to ask for a divorce and this is all an elaborate way of avoiding me."
"He loves you!" Gus exclaimed.
"Yeah?"
"Of course!"
Bella sighed, "He just--he makes me upset sometimes. He lied to me for so long. He kept so many secrets from me. He made me feel crazy. He was so mean for a while."
"I'm sorry," Gus said, quietly.
"Now he's in jail," Bella scoffed. "I tried warning him that he'd get into trouble somehow! I tried! He didn't listen. He never listens to me, his ego likes to get in the way."
"Does it?"
"Mhm. I miss him a lot but...I wish that he would trust me more."
"He doesn't trust you?"
"It doesn't feel like it."
"I'm sorry, Bella."
Bella let out a sad sigh, "I just can't do this alone. And I feel alone. I am so lonely all the time and I just...I hate it."
"You don't have to be alone," Gus said. "I'm here."
"Thanks, Gus. You help me more than you know."
Reaching out, Gus took Bella by the hand and squeezed it. She felt her heart flutter as he stroked his thumb across her skin.
"Don't feel down," Gus whispered. "I'll always be here for you."
"Yeah?" Bella breathed.
"Always. I care about you a lot, Bella. I just want to see you thrive. I want to see you ok."
Bella didn't realize how close she was to Gus until she could feel his warm breath on her skin. She felt goosebumps cover her body as he stared at her, the fire glistening in his eyes. Slowly, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Bella's eyes stayed open in shock as Gus kissed her, his lips tasting like pure alcohol.
With her mind feeling fuzzy, Bella felt stuck as Gus wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her in, thrusting a hand into her hair. Bella furrowed her eyebrows, raising her hand and pressing it against his chest. She pushed him backward, his lips leaving hers.
"Sorry," Gus breathed. "I had to do that. At least once."
"You shouldn't have," Bella whispered.
"I know."
Bella frowned, "I'm married, Gus. I love Spencer."
"I know."
"I'm not a cheater."
"I know."
Feeling confused, Bella moved further away from Gus, "I think you should go."
"I agree," Gus sighed, pulling out his phone to call a cab. "I-I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Bella said, her voice barely audible.
"I just...I lost my mind for a second. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
"It--it's ok."
With a nod, Gus stood up and grabbed his coat. He glanced at Bella before turning and making his way to the door. He left without saying a word.
Bella had never felt so confused in her entire life.
_________________________
Song: "Washing Machine Heart" by Mitski
A/N: Heyyyy everyoneeee! So uh...yeah...that ending. DON'T ATTACK ME! YOU ALL NEED TO TRUST ME, I PROMISE! Thank you all so much for reading! I plan on keeping this prison storyline short because I honestly just hate it so much. It's just so messy and UGH I can't stand it. Anywayyyy...make sure to leave comments! Comments are motivation! Stay safe and healthy! Much love!