You basically fly across the room when you hear the ringtone, your phone vibrating and flashing, letting you know that someone wants to FaceTime you. You almost slip in your fuzzy socks as you rush from the kitchen into your bedroom, the oatmeal you were just about to make long forgotten on the kitchen counter, breakfast can wait when your boyfriend is calling you from across the world.
"Hey!" you pant as you throw yourself onto the bed holding the phone up in front of you. Harry's face appears on the screen, his curls messy as always, wearing a black hoodie from what you can see.
"Hey, did you just finish running the marathon?" he chuckles and your heart pitter-patters when you see his pixelated dimples.
"It felt like that coming from the kitchen, yeah," you grin. "What's up? How is the family?" you ask, making yourself comfortable in the sea of pillows.
"Everything is great, mum is having a blast with everyone around," he smiles, rubbing his nose. "And Gemma has been bugging me about my alleged new girlfriend."
"Oh, you told them about me?" you ask, truly surprised. It's been only a few weeks since you made it official, you weren't expecting him to tell his family a thing.
"Of course. Not in many details, but I told them I'm dating someone. Mum immediately asked why I didn't bring you home with me," he laughs shaking his head.
"Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. Tell her I said hi," you grin.
"Will do. Now, tell me, what have you been up to?"
Harry has been calling you every chance given and you know it's because he feels bad you are spending Christmas alone. Both Ramona and Kostas left on the twenty-third, so it's your fourth day on your own in the apartment. It's weird to be here without Kostas gasping every few minutes at some gossip someone sent him, or Ramona's loud laughter that sounds like a seal is choking, though you haven't heard that in a while with the whole Dean situation. You're hoping the holidays are gonna beat sense into them and they will realize they need to be together.
You've been using your quiet alone time to write your thesis, you're already ahead of your planned schedule with it and when you're not on the phone with Harry or sitting in front of your laptop, you're watching Christmas movies nonstop, baking and cooking, destroying the kitchen and enjoying that Kostas is not here to start cleaning up after you right away.
It's been a bit lonely, but you don't mind it. You'd rather be on your own than anywhere near your mother.
"I was just about to have breakfast. I think I'll take a walk later and then, just the usual," you shrug.
"What movies are you watching today?" he smirks.
"Probably Frozen," you giggle. "Have you seen them?"
"I had to watch them last year with my cousin's kids, so yeah."
"I bet you enjoyed them more than the kids," you tease him.
"They weren't half as bad as I expected, I admit," he grins and it seems like he lies down in a bed, taking a similar position you are in. "Are you sure you don't want to give your grandma's sister a call? Maybe you could have lunch with them or something."
"Harry..." you sigh. It's not the first time he is bringing it up, it seems like your lonely holidays bother him more than they bother you. It's sweet of him, but you also know exactly what you do and don't want to do.
"I know, you felt out of place there. But it could still be nice."
"I promise you, I'm fine alone. Don't worry about me," you smile at him warmly and you truly mean it.
"It just doesn't feel right that I'm here with my family while you're on your own. Maybe you really should have come home with me."
"No, I shouldn't have," you chuckle. "Meeting the family when we've been together for less than a month? No, thank you."
"Alright, I see where you're coming from, but it's different."
"How come?" you cock an eyebrow at him.
"One, my family doesn't live on the other side of town, I only see them like twice a year, next time I'll be here will be in the summer. Maybe it wouldn't have been too early."
"It would have," you protest, but smile at him.
"And second, I'm pretty sure nothing we do is by the book, so it wouldn't have mattered."
"Okay, I hear you, but still, it's better like this. Next time," you smile and he returns it with a nod.
"Alright, next time," he sighs.
For the next about thirty minutes you just ramble about anything and everything and Harry listens as if you were telling him about the meaning of life. You love hearing his laugh and you sneakily take a few screenshots of him because he is looking extra cozy today. You wish he was here with you so you could shower him with kisses and then tear that hoodie off of him and show him just how much you love having him around.
"I gotta go," he sighs after you hear a female voice from somewhere in the distance through the call. "I'll call you later, okay?"
"Okay. Have fun," you smile and he returns it before the call ends.
Sighing deep you just lie there for a bit, staring up at the ceiling, his voice still ringing in your ear. You count how many days until he comes back and you come to the conclusion that it would be too many even if it was just one. Being away from Harry is the only thing that bothers you right now.
You carry on with your day just as you planned. Taking a little walk around the neighborhood you decide to ditch the cooking today and just grab something to eat on your way back home. It's not too cold outside, but you truly appreciate the heated apartment when you finally arrive back. You eat in the living room while watching the first Frozen movie just how you planned, everything is peaceful and uneventful.
Even though Harry said he would call later, the afternoon passes by without hearing from him. You assume he is out with his mum and sister somewhere, it doesn't even occur to you to bother him for not paying you attention, you want him to have a great time with his family.
After you finish watching the Frozen movies you go for another thesis writing session to keep you busy and hopefully tire you out so you'd go to bed at a reasonable time. Buried deep in an article you're planning to use in one of the chapters, you jump when you hear your phone ringing on your bed. Thinking that it's Harry, your heart skips a beat as you snatch it from the comforter, but your face falls when you see an unknown number.
"Hello?" you answer the call hesitantly.
"Y/N?"
You recognize the voice right away and it makes your stomach drop in an instant. It's your mother.
"What do you want?" you ask not even trying not to sound hostile. She is not calling to say merry Christmas, she has ulterior motives, that you're sure about.
"You still have the sassy attitude I passed on to you," she chuckles, as if this chit-chat was a normal, everyday thing.
"You didn't pass on anything to me. Now what do you want?"
"Just wanted to check in on my daughter, is that a crime now?"
"Carol, you haven't talked to me in over a year. I don't believe this bullshit, I know you called with a reason that has nothing to do with anything a mother would do."
You stopped calling her mom in middleschool. It started as a way to get on her nerves when she was making you mad, but then it stuck, because it felt more fitting to call her by her first name than refer to her as mom. She did not act like one.
"Jesus, what's gotten your panties in such a twist? It's Christmas, can't you be a bit nicer to your mother?" she scoffs, pretending to be the victim, as always. You never found out how Carol turned out to be the way she is when she was brought up by your grandmother. Helene was a saint and it definitely wasn't her fault your mother turned out to be like this. She never wanted to talk about what went wrong, but if you had to guess it was because of your grandfather who she divorced when Carol was only five. She spent summers and winter breaks with him in Florida and though your grandmother never liked to talk shit about others, even if they deserved it, you just know he was the one who messed it all up.
"If you just called to piss me off, I'm ending the call," you warn her and that finally brings out her true intentions.
"Wait! Okay, alright! I called because... I need your help."
Ding, ding, ding! We've got a winner!
When you don't answer, she decides to go into further details.
"I want to move out of my boyfriends', but I can't really afford the cost of it, but it's pretty urgent. I thought that maybe you could help me out with some money you got from your grandmother."
And you're back to the one thing that truly destroyed your relationship with her. Your grandmother left most of her savings and her house that you sold a year later to you, while Carol only got a bit of money and that's it. She was vivid when she found out about it and tried to get more of it any way possible.
She didn't succeed. But it seems like she is still not over trying. While she probably spent all of the money she inherited in about a few months, you've been using it wisely, supporting yourself while in school so you don't have to worry about having a job while studying.
"That is none of my problem," you answer coldly.
"It's an emergency, Y/N. And I would pay the money back, I just need to get out of his place as fast as possible."
"Why?" you ask, because if it's an abusive household, you will of course help her, but you have a feeling that's not the case.
"Because... God, I just don't want to be here, okay? He is suffocating and I'm done with him."
"Okay, that doesn't sound like an emergency."
"It is! Come on, you're sitting on all of that money and you can't lend me some to help me out?"
"I'm not sitting on it," you grit through your teeth. "I'm saving part of it and putting the rest into good use."
"This would be a good use as well," she argues and it pisses you off how entitled she thinks she is.
"Don't you feel ridiculous for coming to me to beg for money when you haven't talked to me in ages? You really don't have any shame in you, do you?"
"Shame? Why would I have shame for asking for help from my daughter?"
"Oh, how convenient that now I'm your daughter, but what about the rest of the year? When I hear nothing from you?" you scoff rolling your eyes.
"You know, this works the other way around. You could call me too, but my phone hasn't been blowing up lately."
"I'm already over the trying, Carol. Did that in high school, but you were too busy living out your second teenage phase. I'm not trying to go back there."
"Come on, you can't be mad at me for shit I did ten years ago," she growls.
Clenching your jaw you shut your eyes closed, you are not in the mood to get into a screaming match about who messed up what and this is definitely heading in that direction.
"How much do you need?" you ask sighing.
"Just a couple thousand."
"Just? A couple?" you scoff at the way she just presented it as if she was asking for twenty bucks.
"It's not that much, Y/N. Do you know how expensive apartments are these days?"
"I do, because I live in a rented place as well, but I assume you are not trying to live with roommates to lessen the costs and you also haven't even looked at humble, smaller places that cost less."
"I'm sorry that I'm not trying to live in a fucking... pantry!"
"Whatever," you growl, completely running out of patience at this point. "I'll think about it."
"What is there to think about this?" she scolds you as if you were obligated to just throw thousands at her.
"A lot, Carol. There's a lot to think about when it comes to you."
"Oh, you just love to pretend like you're better than everyone, right? Your grandmother loved to do that too, acting like you're superior, like you have no flaws and you make no mistakes!"
"Don't fucking bring her up!" you snap at her. You'll not let her disgrace the memory of the woman who brought you up when she was away doing God knows what.
"I can bring up whoever I want! You both have always tried to guilt me into thinking that everything is always my fault, but you're not perfect either, Y/N. No one is! I don't know how people put up with your attitude, I bet you have no friends, let alone a man who—"
"Good luck with getting the money you need. Don't call me again," you cut her off and end the call before she could get another word out.
Tears are bubbling in your eyes as you stare up at the ceiling with trembling lips. Most of the time it's easy to be unbothered when it comes to your mother, but not when you're facing her directly, when she is coming at you, targeting you with her toxicity.
You've been acting tough for so long, even you believe that the dysfunctional family background you're coming from has no effect on the person you are today, but deep down you know it's just the surface you're showing to the world, but it hurts to know you never mattered to your mother enough to take good care of you and you had believed for a long time that it had something to do with you, that you weren't lovable enough, that you were the reason why things turn out to be the way they did.
Now you know it wasn't you and you should never take the blame for her mistakes, but that doesn't mean it can't hurt to think about everything you missed out on.
For the first time since your home vacation, you don't want to be alone so you call the person you want to be with the most right now. You tap on Harry's contact without hesitation, but it goes straight to his voicemail.
"Hey, it's Harry. I can't answer the phone right now, so leave a messa—"
You don't wait for the recording to finish, just end the call as you feel your chest tightening. Seeing the time on the screen you realize how late it is in the UK so that's why he is not answering, but still, it doesn't help with your desperate need to at least hear his voice.
"Fuck," you breathe out, wiping your cheeks from the tears that has escaped your eyes. Throwing your phone to your nightstand you just get under the covers and close your eyes, your body still shaking slightly as you decide to just sleep it off and then never think about this day again when you wake up.
You awaken to your phone ringing and buzzing on the nightstand. Your head feels so heavy and you need a few seconds to adjust to the real world. It's still dark outside, your laptop has shut down since you left it on when you decided to sleep your problems away. Grabbing the phone you see two things. One, that it's about three in the morning. Two, Harry is calling you.
Swiping your finger across the screen you move the phone to your ear, your eyebrows knit together, still kind of half asleep.
"Hey," you speak up groggily. "I hope you do know it's three am over here."
You hear his chuckle first before he answers.
"I know, that's why I would appreciate it if you let me in."
Eyes popping wide open you shoot up into a sitting position as if you were just shocked by electricity. Did you just hear that right? He wants you to let him in? Is this supposed to be a metaphor or something?
"Um, what?" you ask clearing your throat as you kick the covers off of yourself, standing up.
"I'm at your front door, Y/N. Can I come in or should I go home?" he asks and you can hear it in his voice how funny he is finding the situation to be.
Dropping your phone onto the bed you rush out to the front door and swinging it open you're shocked to see that he is indeed right there, standing on the doormat with a duffel bag in one hand, his phone with the call still going in the other as he smiles at you. He ends the call and shoves the phone into his pocket as he tilts his head to the side.
"Surprise?" he chuckles softly and the next thing you know is that you're throwing yourself at him, arms and legs wrapping around him tight as he drops his bag so he can hold you up with both hands. "Woah, I assume you missed me, huh?" he chuckles, kissing into your neck as you have your face buried in his, tears stinging in your eyes at his unexpected arrival especially after the evening you had.
"What the hell are you doing here?" you mumble, your words almost completely muffled.
"It didn't feel right to let you be alone. I might have missed Christmas but there was no way I was gonna let you be on your own on New Year's Eve."
Your heart is about to jump out of your chest at his words, this is hands down the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you. Peeling yourself off of him your feet get back on the ground again and you finally let him inside, closing the door behind him before taking his face in your hands and kissing him to tell him how happy you are that he is here without words.
"I called you a few hours ago and only reached your voicemail, so you must have been on the plane then, huh?" you hum against his lips.
"Yeah. But why did you call so late? Did something happen?" he asks, quick to count back what the time was in the UK when you called. Then he realizes that something is off about you. "Hey, have you been crying? Your eyes are puffy, but not the sleepy kind." he cradles your face in his hands to take a better look at you with furrowed eyebrows.
"Can we just... sleep? I really don't want to talk right now," you plea, too tired to go into any details at the moment. It's obvious he is worried and wants to know what got you so upset, but he would never go against your will.
"Okay," he nods before kissing your forehead. "Can I take a quick shower?"
"Sure."
While Harry is in the shower you wash your face and change your clothes, just hearing another person in the apartment is so relaxing, the silence you've been living in the past days now feels so much more suffocating.
You're already in bed when Harry finishes in the bathroom and walking into your room he looks around as he sits on the edge of the bed. It's the first time he is here so it's his first glimpse of your personal space. Though he would love to snoop around a bit, he is about to pass out from the long flight and he wants nothing more than to hold you in his arms.
When he gets under the sheets, you're quick to cuddle to his side, laying your head to his chest as he wraps his arms around you.
"Harry?" you speak up, voice barely louder than just a whisper.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you," you murmur before closing your eyes and letting yourself drift back to sleep, now a lot more excited for morning to come.
When you wake up in the morning your first thought is how realistic your dream was about Harry showing up at your door at three in the morning. But then you feel a strong arm draped across your waist and someone quietly snoring and puffing air out behind you and it hits you hard in the head like a brick.
It wasn't a dream. Harry did fly back earlier than he planned just to be with you.
Blinking your eyes open you're met with Harry's puffy sleeping face, squished into your pillow just inches away from yours. It might look creepy, but you take a few moments to admire him. It's crazy how you get to see him like this, how he is allowing you into his personal space when just about two months ago you were just a student in his class, drinking every word that left his mouth, fantasizing about things that are your reality now.
He stirs in his sleep, his hand on your waist squeezing you as he scrunches his nose before his eyes slit open just a tiny bit, his long lashes fluttering gently.
"Good morning," he mumbles groggily and you bite into your bottom lip, because even half asleep, wrapped in your light pink sheets, he still looks so irresistible. He pulls you closer until your chest is pressed up against his, a gasp and a giggle slipping through your lips.
"Good morning," you grin, nuzzling your nose against his before finally kissing him softly. "I thought I dreamed that you showed up here in the middle of the night."
"Definitely not a dream," he smirks, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth.
"Does your mom hate me because I was the reason for your early departure?"
"Are you kidding me? She was basically kicking me out the door when I told her why I'm coming back earlier. She wouldn't have let me stay longer even if I wanted," he chuckles.
"Your mom is an angel."
"She is," he hums, nodding into the pillow. Closing his eyes he sighs comfortably and you think he has fallen back asleep, but then he speaks up, flashing his gorgeous green eyes at you again. "So, want to talk about what got you so upset?"
Chewing on your bottom lips you play with the thought of keeping it to yourself, not too keen on bringing up your mother again, but part of you also wants to share it with him.
"My mom called me last night," you finally admit then.
"Oh! And... how did it go?"
"Awful," you breathe out. "She asked for money to move out of her boyfriend's place. She knows I have a big saving from my grandmother and she's been trying to get a hold of that, this is probably just another attempt."
"What if she really does need the money?"
"I'm sure she does, but I'm definitely not her last choice. I know she didn't even try to earn the money herself, she just wants me to hand it over to her."
"Mmm, I see. And is it what got you so upset?" he asks, sensing that there's more behind it.
"We kind of got into a fight... She basically said that I'm entitled and act like I have no flaws and then went on how I must have zero friends and... the message she was sending was clearly that I'm unlovable."
Your throat starts to close up and your voice dies down as you say the last words, avoiding to look at him. The last person you discussed the situation with your mother was your grandma. She never told you, but you always suspected she felt like she failed you and Carol as well and wanted to make up for the things she messed with her by taking good care of you. She was the mother you never had, but that never changed the fact that your real mother could never love you like her daughter.
It's a messed up situation that you like to keep bottled up, but last night, the bottle got knocked over and it seems to be leaking. Tears are dwelling in your eyes again and you hate that she has this much power over you still.
"Hey," he speaks up softly, brushing your hair out of your face before he cups it in his hand. "It's okay to be upset."
"But I don't want to be. Not over my mother," you whine with a grimace, trying to swallow down your tears. "She was never there for me, I've promised myself so many times to just simply forget about her, but..."
"But she is still your mother, no matter how bad she messes things up," he finishes up your thought and you nod with trembling lips.
This is where people usually start telling you how it's not your fault, that you did nothing wrong and you should be strong. You know they mean well, but you hate hearing these. Surprisingly, Harry says absolutely nothing. He just gathers you into his arms and pulls you to his chest, lets you calm down in your own pace, giving you the silence you truly need. When the tears dry up and you don't feel like your throat is all closed up, you lift your head so you can look into his eyes. He gently runs his fingers down the side of your face, tracing your features before combing through your hair, giving you tingles from his little touches.
"Do you think I'm unlovable?" you find yourself asking and your heart is beating so hard in your chest you know he can feel it. "That maybe that's why she can't stand me?"
"I can assure you, that's not the case. Some people are just not cut to be a parent and your mum is one of them. Unfortunate events sculpted your relationship and maybe you've made mistakes as well, but that doesn't mean you can't be loved."
Pushing yourself up, you swing a leg over him and sit on his hips, his hands moving up to rub your thighs that are bare thanks to the fact that you're wearing just a pair of shorts with your oversized cotton shirt.
Reaching forward you place one hand next to his head, leaning onto it while cupping his jaw with your other, running your thumb along the line of his bottom lip. It feels like time has stopped and nothing else exists, just the two of you in your slightly messy bedroom, staring at each other, memorizing the other's face down to the tiniest details.
It's scary and relieving at the same time, the way you are feeling about this man. You never planned any of it, in just a few weeks, you went for needing and wanting no man in your life to depending on Harry to the extent that he is in almost every thought that runs through your head.
Leaning closer you hover above him, nose almost brushing against his.
"Do you think you could love me?" you ask and though you expect him to hesitate with his answer, he speaks up right away.
"I'm already close to it."
You kiss him in an instant, needing to be as close to him as physically possible, that's the only way you can express how you feel. Harry returns the kiss just as passionately and vehemently, his arms wrapping around you tight and you both gasp when you grind your hips against his.
Rolling the two of you over he presses you into the mattress, your legs circling around his waist while his hand is quick to grab the hem of your shirt, tugging it up and ridding you from it, leaving your chest completely bare. Moving his lips down your neck he focuses on your chest, peppering your heated skin with his kisses and it all feels so different from the previous times you've been together.
He is not trying to be dominant, there are no games involved, it's just the two of you, equals and desperate for each other.
"There are so many things about you to love, Y/N," he murmurs against your skin, still kissing wherever he can reach while his hands work on the shorts. He pulls back just to take them off and do the same with his t-shirt too before he returns to kissing you, but this time on your lips. "You are smart," he starts, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. "You're beautiful." A kiss to your nose. "Passionate and I'm not only talking about sex," he grins, placing a soft kiss to your lips again.
He moves down, a few more kisses on your jawline and neck before he lifts his head up as he pulls his pants off of himself, the last layer of clothing keeping the two of you apart.
"You're so caring, to your friends, to me, to the people you think deserve to be taken care of." His hand squeezes your thigh before moving up to your hip, then your waist and ribs, as if he is feeling you up, making sure you're real. Turning your head to the side you press a kiss to his arm that's beside you, holding him up above you. You run a hand up that arm until it meets your other behind his neck, pulling him down. His hips press against yours and you feel how hard he is, a soft gasp slipping through your parted lips.
"It's hard not to love you, Y/N," he smiles softly, brushing his lips against yours, but not kissing you. "You're so perfect, everything I've ever wanted. It really is hard not to love you," he repeats, "and it's scary and I've been fighting it, believe me." Your heart beating so fast you fear it's gonna burst right out of your chest. Harry stops when he positions himself to your entrance and you're so desperate to feel him filling you up, you're just seconds away from crying. Harry looks you in the eyes and before he thrusts inside you, he adds: "But I'm losing the fight."
You cry out the moment he fills you up, his hard cock stretching your walls perfectly and finally, you feel like you're exactly where you should be.