Another cold winter season has kept everyone inside for the rest of the day today. Employees left work early due to the storm that is nearby. No one wants to stay at work overnight due to several inches of snow. It's a pain digging the snow off the car and around it. Not to mention how to get out without the tires sliding and getting stuck in the middle of the road.
I walk by several people who begin to leave early to be with their families and friends for the rest of the day. It must be nice to go home to someone who loves you and accepts you for who you are. I wish I still had that.
Now I'm someone who has a part time job with a small house and with someone who loves me for who I am. Someone who is very special to me. I thought I would feel alone but with some help from an old friend, I managed to raise my 5 year old daughter with care.
And I know this is not what parents like to say about their children... but I wish her eyes didn't remind me of her father.
My daughter's name is Amia, 4 years old. She will be 5 in 1 month. Her birthday is on January 30th. That date was the most exciting yet stressful day of my life. I knew I would have someone with me but I was worried how I would take care of her. She doesn't have a father to look up to. Why?
Well... it's a long story that I don't want to talk about.
"Hey pumpkin. How was school?" I ask Amia after waiting a few minutes outside of her school.
"Okay." She waddles over to me with her oversized jacket, backpack, small beanie, and small mittens and grabs hold of my hand to start walking.
"Did you learn anything new?"
"I learn to draw dog." She says, trying to avoid all the snow bumps in her way.
"Well would you like to show me how to draw a dog when we get home?"
"Yes. Big one!" She let go of my hand to extend her arms as wide as she can.
"Okay. We will draw a big dog." I smile at her excitement and continue our way to our small house that I can barely afford. I can barely keep up with rent. Three months ago, I had to feed Amia boxed mac and cheese for 2 weeks just to save money on rent.
And I will never forget my own daughter's words when she saw that I didn't eat any because we ran out that time.
"It's okay mommy. We share. I eat more tomorrow."
That night I cried myself to sleep because my daughter knows how limited we are. A 4 year old should not have to worry about anything. But now that Amia knows, I feel like I have failed her as a mom. I have already made my daughter aware of our limited supplies. And it got worse when it was her 4th birthday.
"You okay mommy?" Amia asks. I get back in reality when we finally made it to our house. An old house with a creaky front door and leaking roof. Everytime I look at our house, it makes me feel horrible that I have to raise a child in this dump.
"I'm okay sweetheart. Let's get inside. It's getting colder."
"Okay." Amia takes the first step towards the house but stops when she sees a ball in our small front lawn.
"Red ball." She points to the ball and smiles. Someone must have thrown it on our lawn by accident and never picked it up.
"Go on. Grab it." I gently push her towards the snow covered grass so she can get the ball.
"Looks like you got a new toy. Do you like it?" I ask.
"Yes." She smiles and waddles back to me.
"Okay. Now let's get inside." I lead her back inside the house where it's a little warm but not enough to take off our sweaters that are underneath our jackets.
"Okay. What do you want to do? Draw a dog or play ball?"
"Dog!" She shouts in excitement.
"Okay. Let's see." I look around the house to see what we can use to draw a big dog. I don't have card board to use but I do have a wall. I don't mind her drawing on the wall as long as she's happy.
"Will this work?" I move the small dining table out of the way to show her the wall that's big enough for a dog drawing.
"Hm..." Amia licks her thumb and measures the size of the wall from her distance. She learned it from a stranger at a park but has no idea what it means. I sort of laugh whenever she does that.
"Pufect."
"Alright. Want to go get your colored pencils?"
"Okay." She runs to the one room we share and brings back her colored pencils.
"So, what do you do first?" I ask.
"Draw head." She grabs a black colored pencil and draws the outline of a dog's head.
I let her guide me in drawing the body, tail, and legs. My own daughter scolded me for drawing one leg bigger than the other ones. I couldn't help myself but laugh.
"Alright Amia. We will color this after we eat. Okay?"
"Eat what?" She asks while fixing the ears.
"Hm... how about potato soup?"
"I love potato." She looked at me straight in the eyes but I had to look away for a moment and act like nothing bothered me.
"Would you like to help me make the soup Amia?" I had to compose my emotions for a second but didn't want to make it obvious. I take a breath and look at Amia once more, waiting for her answer.
"Okay." She stands up and lifts up her sleeves. She learned that from me since I always lift up my sleeves before cooking.
"Wash your hands first." I push a stool near the sink so she can reach the water.
"Mommy?"
I turn around and see Amia trying to reach for the handles. I turn on the water and lift her up a little so she could wash her hands.
"You know next year I don't think I'll be helping you wash your hands. You're almost tall enough."
"I know." She whispers with an attitude. I softly laugh and help her dry her hands.
"Okay. Let's get started. You can measure the corn starch, and I will cut the potatoes. And remember, 1 cup only." I remind her. She nods and looks for the measuring cup. It keeps her busy whenever I ask her to find something for me.
I take out the bag of potatoes from our small pantry and wash them straight out of the bag. I get five potatoes for this soup because I'm not sure if my daughter is really hungry today. If not, then we'll have left overs.
As I place the washed potatoes on the cutting board, I grab the knife and begin cutting them into cubes. Amia's preference.
While cutting, I tend to remember the way I used to cook for Amia's father. I can't even say his name because it hurts to remember. But at the same time, I love the small happy memories we used to have on occasions. And one of them was help making her father's favorite soup. Potato soup.
*Flashback*
'"Severus you are doing it wrong. I said cubed not keep it julienne. Let me show you." I push him out of the way so I can cut the potatoes right.
"Am I cooking or you?" He asks as he stands behind me to watch me cut the potatoes.
"Well it looks like I'm cooking today. Because you worry me sometimes." I respond.
"I should say the same thing to you." He chuckles as he hugs me from behind.
"Why would you worry about me cooking?" I ask confused.
"Seems I have been traumatized from the day you decided to cook while intoxicated."
"Hey that was one time!"
"Are you positive you have not had a drink today?" He asks while turning my head towards him so he can smell my lips.
"Yes I'm positive."
"Would you care for one?" He suddenly asks.
"What? No. No drinking before dinner."
"Who made that rule?" He removes himself and walks towards the cupboard where he keeps all the alcohol.
"I did. And you better not drink any Severus."
"Hm." He grabs a glass cup and turns around to pour from a bottle.
"Severus I'm serious. I will lock that cupboard if you drink that." I threaten.
"Go ahead." He lifts up the glass cup to his lips but I rush over to take it away from him. When I had it in my hands, he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him until he has me in his arms.
"No! You can't have any!" I turn my body around to escape but he held me tight.
"Let go of me!" I start to laugh when he tickles my side so I can loosen my grip on the glass but I didn't. So he continued until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay stop! Stop! You win." My laugh settles down and I hand him the glass. When he grabs it, he looks at it and puts it on the counter.
"Weren't you going to-" I get interrupted when he pressed his lips on mine.
I smile in between the kiss and follow along.
After several seconds, he slowly pulls away and hugs me tight. I hug him back and enjoy the warmth radiating off him.
"It was apple juice, wasn't it?" I ask since it didn't smell like alcohol whatsoever. Severus chuckles and kisses my forehead twice. He does that whenever I'm slow to catch up on things.
"You're lucky I don't hate you." I say as I remove myself from the hug. Severus follows and watches me cut more potatoes. I even let him try but he cut them into julienne slices again and dumps them into the pot with a small grin on his face.
"Severus!"
*End of Flashback*
I look down at the cutting board and see that I cut several julienne slices. I grab them all together and prepare to cut them into cubes but I decided to just leave them as they are. It reminds me of the time when he tried to make me mad over potatoes. He knew I would get mad anyways.
After cutting the rest of the potatoes, we hear a knock at the door.
"I'll be right back sweetheart. Stay here." I whisper and use a dry towel to clean my hands.
When I open the door, my eyes slowly adjust to the figure standing in front of me.
"Hello (Y/n). It's been a while since I last saw you."
"Mi-Minerva. What are you doing here?" I look away from her gaze, feeling ashamed about living in a house like this.
"I came by to check on you, that's all."
"Well, I'm okay. And thanks for stopping by." I was about to close the door but she stepped inside.
"And how is your daughter?"
"Minerva, it's really good to see you but-"
"Hello." Amia stands in the doorway of the living room waving hi to Minerva with a straight face.
"Good heavens, she has grown so fast." Minerva picks up Amia and keeps her in her arms. I'm surprised Amia let her.
"I like green." Amia says while pinching Minerva's robe on her shoulder.
"Me too." Minerva pinches her cheeks and kisses her head.
"You have such beautiful eyes." She whispers.
"Minerva. Please don't."
"Apologies my dear." Minerva gently sets her down and makes way for Amia to walk over to me. I kneel down and grab her shoulders so she can look at me.
"Amia, why don't you draw something in the bedroom. How about a castle, okay? You may use any color." I whisper.
"Okay." She whispers back and grabs her box of colored pencils before heading into the bedroom, almost closing the door shut.
"Why are you really here Minerva?" I ask.
"My dear, this is not how you should be living. Especially with your daughter."
"Amia and I have done pretty well lately. And I don't need anyone's help." I walk back towards the kitchen to continue cutting the rest of the potatoes into cubes. Minerva slowly follows behind and stands next to me.
"I know this is your place to hide, but don't you think Se-"
"Don't say his name in this house." I interrupt.
"Don't you think he deserves to know the existence of his daughter?"
"Absolutely not." I say a bit harsh.
"And why not?"
I slam the knife on the cutting board a bit harder than intended, almost cutting off my fingers.
"I do not want my child knowing anything about him. Amia will never know how I was drunk that night and how stupid I was to forgive him for what he did that it caused Amia to be an accident. A beautiful, accident."
"He did love you my dear. He still does." Minerva placed her fingertips on my shoulder but I shoved them away.
"Then why di-" I take a breath and close my eyes to calm myself down. This time Minerva placed her whole hand on my shoulder and didn't let go.
"Why did he hurt me?" Memories of the past came flooding back to me. Memories that are hard to forget.
"My dear, there is-"
"The first time I actually love someone felt like a dream come true. But I didn't even see the reality." I whisper. She stops talking but I could tell she had sorrow in her eyes without even looking at her.
"I loved him."
Minerva removes her hand from my shoulder to wipe away the tear rolling down my cheek. Her presence here always makes me feel like I can trust her. I mean, she did help me when I needed a place to stay after leaving Hogwarts to get away from him. Minerva was the only one who I could trust with my life because she was always there for me when I was a student as well. I owe her everything.
"I know you left the year when it happened due to retirement for your health conditions but I sometimes wished you were there. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay."
"I'm terribly sorry. It was never my intention to harm you." She responds.
"Minerva, you of all people are the least to harm me. It could never compare to the situation I had to go through several years ago."
"Tell me dear. What happened?" She asks with her caring voice that I love so much.
"I don't want to talk about it Minerva. It just hurts to remember. I just want to move on with Amia and never look back." I take in a deep breath and wipe a few tears away. Minerva suddenly hugs me like if she knew I really needed it. I couldn't help myself but cry again on her shoulder. The warmth she gives reminds me of his hugs.
*Flashback*
'"Just leave me alone Severus." I say as I walk towards the bedroom, slamming the door shut. I throw my bag on the floor and just flop myself on the bed with my face against the pillow.
After a few seconds I hear the door open and close gently. His footsteps got closer until I didn't hear them anymore. That's when he sat on the edge of the bed and held my hand.
"What did you hear out there?" He asks in a gentle voice.
I adjust my position so I can sit up straight to be next to Severus.
"Sometimes I don't even know why you're with me. People don't understand how much I really love you. They all think I'm trying to get a promotion or even steal your position. Don't you feel ashamed of me after hearing false rumours?"
"Why would I feel ashamed?" He asks.
"Because people think of me as... someone different." I look down at the floor, letting other people's words get to me.
"What did they say to you?"
"It's not what they said about me. It's what they call me." I let a few tears fall before wiping the rest away the best I can.
"What did they call you?"
"No just forget it Severus. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm going to take a shower." I get up from the bed but Severus grabbed my arm to keep me from going anywhere.
"Tell me what they called you." He says in a strict tone.
"It doesn't matter what they said or call me as. Just forget it." I yank my hand back but Severus wasn't having it.
"Tell me what and who said things to you." He stood up to tower over me.
I look away with watery eyes and just tell him so I can get it over with.
"They called me your personal sex doll and sex slave. Sometimes even a slut whenever they see me talking or greeting a simple guy out in the streets. But today this woman told me I look like a desperate sex toy ready to be used with the way I dressed. And last week some random man asked if I was loose. I don't even know what that means." I cover my face in my hands as tears start rolling down my cheeks.
Severus stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me like if I was his everything. I hug him back and let myself melt into his arms.
"You are nothing of the sort. You are perfect and I will never treat you as anything they said. Do you understand?"
I nod my head in understanding and keep myself there. His hugs are what keep me going. It's like hugging my therapy pillow.
It took me a minute to calm down but when I did, I take in a deep breath and enjoy the warmth and comfort he gives.
"Thank you Severus." I whisper into his shoulder before pulling away from the hug.
"Mhm." He lifts up my chin and leans in to give me a kiss that I really needed. After he pulls away, he looks at me with love and affection, already making me feel better about myself.
"Did you want to join me for a shower?" I ask. Severus smiles and kisses my forehead.
"No need to ask." He whispers and leads me towards the bathroom, closing the door behind us.'
*End of Flashback*
Minerva pulled away from the hug and allowed me to finish putting in the ingredients for the soup.
"Everything will be alright my dear. Soon, you'll be very happy with your daughter. But why don't you stay with me for the time being? This house is dangerous to be raising a child in."
"No Minerva. I don't want to be a bother. You've already let me stay when I was pregnant and I was a hassle for you. I don't want to do that to you again."
"You were not a hassle for me. I cherished every moment and I am very happy to see your daughter behaving well. You are doing a very wonderful job in being a mother my dear." She compliments. I couldn't help myself but hug her once more when I heard her say that I'm a good mother. It feels like I haven't failed Amia after all.
"Thank you Minerva. I appreciate the offer but, there's something you need to know about Amia." I whisper.
"Oh my, is she sick?" She asks.
"No, not at all. It's just um, she has something else other than her father's eyes Minerva. I don't know how it's possible but she has a gift."
"What gift?"
"Her father is a Legilimens who can see within the mind of other's with his wand. But Amia... she knows when someone is lying to her and even knows if someone is good or bad. I don't know how it's even possible."
"(Y/n), are you telling me Amia can-"
"Mommy?" Amia calls from the kitchen doorway.
"Y-Yes Amia, I'm here. Did you need something?" I walk over to her so I can kneel down to her level.
"I'm hungry."
"Oh I'm so sorry sweetheart. It's almost done. Um," I look at the soup and see that it's boiled to perfection. If Amia didn't call me I would've let the potato soup burn without noticing.
"Let me serve you some soup. Okay?"
"Okay." She smiles and holds out her hands in a cup form, waiting for her bowl. I serve her some soup and put some cracker crumbs as toppings.
"Here you go pumpkin. Be careful, it's a little hot. Always use two hands." I remind her.
"Thank you mommy." She takes the bowl and slowly walks over to the dining table.
"Why don't you move in with me tonight? I can help you get settled in. I have the same room available for you." Minerva suggests.
"Thank you Minerva but what about her school?"
"She may transfer to a safer one nearby or she can be homeschooled. Your daughter will need to be protected."
"Protected?"
"My dear, muggles will do anything to experiment with your daughter if you tell anyone about her abilities. You need to keep her safe. This world is cruel and will do anything to get what they want."
"Are you saying I need to move... permanently?" I ask a bit worried.
"Yes. You must leave tonight. I have a feeling something will go wrong these days."
"I don't want Amia to think we're going to move every other year or so. I don't want that for her."
"You will do what is best for your daughter. A mother always knows what to do, and you will." She cups my face and walks out of the kitchen to see Amia.
"Hello my dear. Are you enjoying your soup?" Minerva asks her.
"Mhm." She smiles and gets another spoonful in her mouth. Minerva looks at me then back to Amia.
"I hear you have a beautiful gift. Is that true?"
Amia just shrugs her shoulders and continues eating.
"How would you like to move in with me? Your mother too of course."
Amia stops eating and looks at Minerva for a moment. It was silent for a good second.
"I like you." Amia says with a smile.
"Well I am very glad you do. When you move in with me, you can play with my two cats." Minerva says. I know she's lying because I remember her saying she will only have one cat.
"You have one." Amia says with a straight face.
"That's right. I'm sorry, I only wanted to see your beautiful gift. And you did it perfectly my dear. You are a very special little girl."
"I know." Amia says with attitude. I smile at that.
"Well I must get going. It was lovely to see you both again. And I will see you soon." Minerva kisses Amia on the forehead and then hugs me.
"I'll see you soon Minerva. Thank you so much."
"Anytime my dear. Remember, I will always be here for you." She hugs me once more before leaving the house. I'm just so glad we can finally leave this old house and move in with Minerva. I really do want the best for Amia.