✞ (Y/n)'s P.O.V ✞
I noticed it a few days ago. I tried to ignore it, pushing it into the back of my mind as far as it would go. Whenever he entered the room, it all comes back to me, back into my focus as my mind anxiously creates nonsensical scenarios of what it could all mean.
Mello, something is bothering him.
That in itself is not new, every week or so there is something on his mind but I can usually get it out of him if I show him that he can trust me. He seems fine when he is talking to Matt however, the atmosphere only changes when I enter the room.
Is he... Angry at me...
Did I do something wrong..?
I am almost too afraid to ask, it could all be a huge misunderstanding, maybe it's just all of the stress weighing on his shoulders with the plan being only 4 days away... There is always a risk, however. That's how it's always been, and I am willing to take it. Mello may not listen to many people; if any, but he will listen to Matt and I.
Turning my empty gaze away from my brightly-lit screen as I see Mello concentrating on the book with a bold, red coloured cover in his hands, turning the page rather hastily as he seems to be looking for a specific page, I can't tell which book it is, but I'll take a shot in the dark and assume it's one of the many instruction manuals Matt had brought with him from England and all the way to Japan.
I turn back to my screen and my mouse before clicking away at the maps of the streets surrounding the NHN studio where the plan begins.
"(Y/n)"
I hear Mello call my name as our eyes make contact, this is the first time he has spoken to me in almost 3 days. "We need to talk" he tells me in a rather serious tone that makes me feel anxious.
Am I right..? Did I do something wrong..?
"What's up..?" I ask him, closing my laptop as Mello walks closer to me, sitting on the opposite side of the sofa before leaning back comfortably, although his expression looks anything but comfortable, or relaxed.
"What's with that look on your face?" He asks me, I have no idea what he is taking about but I can only imagine I have an anxious look on my face. The more he stalls, worries me even more. "You have me all worried, just... Say what you need to say" I laugh nervously as I try to shake away the feeling, it helps a little but not a whole lot.
"Hey, if you think you've done something wrong, you haven't... That's not the problem" he tells me, but the last part of his sentence only confirms my suspicions... "So... Something is wrong" I say, but he dodges the question and changes the subject.
"Your job is communication, to relay updates and messages to Matt and I on the movements on Takada's bodyguards" I can't quiet tell if it was meant to be a rhetorical question or an explanation, if anything it has only caused me greater confusion. "Yeah..?" I confirm.
"I asked Matt about his confidence in luring Takada's bodyguards away from the roads leading to Nagano, he believes he is able to do it on his own" Mello tells me.
"So... That means I only need to relay messages?" I ask him, but I can't ignore the feeling of my heart about to beat out of my chest. "No... Messages between us aren't necessary, it will only make us easier to trace" he elaborates. As the words sink further however, I finally begin to put the pieces together.
If Mello doesn't need me to keep an eye on the bodyguards... If he doesn't need me to relay messages between he and Matt...
"I don't need you here on this case anymore. I want you to go back to London"
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. "Mello..." My voice is barely above a whisper as I feel a strange mix of sadness and anger. "You can't... You can't be serious" I plead, I want this to be some big joke, a cruel one at that, but I could live with it. Not this.
"I am serious" he tells me, there is no hint of amusement in his voice, no jokes. This isn't some sick joke... He's telling the truth.
"Before you say anything else, it's not because I'm being cruel..." He begins to explain to me. "It's just... Communication between Matt and I isn't essential for the success of our plan".
"No"
Mello turns to look at me in surprise at my words, "I'm not going home, not until we're done here" I stand my ground against him. We have a job to do, and I plan to see it through until the end. "Y/n)..." Mello breaths in a deep, irritated breath. "Don't make this any harder than it already is" he tells me.
"I'm making this hard? Your the one who made this decision without me!" I raise my voice at him as my anger begins to rise with each response, Mello seems like he is trying to maintain his cool but I know he can't hold onto it for much longer.
"I'm trying to protect you, why can't you see that?!" He yells back, and although his words seem genuine and sweet, he has a very strange way of showing it. Angrily, I retort. "I don't need your protection, I can handle myself!" I knew it wouldn't be long before it would be a screaming match between us. We've fought in the past, about smaller things, but never like this and I hate it. I don't want to fight, but there is no way I'm going to roll over and accept him sending me back home. I've poured too much work, to much time into this investigation to just... Throw it all away.
"You won't be saying that when you end up in prison or in a body bag, is that what you want?!" He asks me through gritted teeth, with each passing sentence, the both of us are becoming more and more riled up.
I don't want to die, nobody in their right mind does. I knew what kind of path lied ahead of me when I agreed to help Mello uncover and incriminate the most dangerous serial killer of all time, and perhaps forever. It wasn't always like that, when I was faced with that question I was afraid, I had a whole life ahead of me. But... If Kira is left to reign on this world, then how many other people's lives will be cut short..?
Mello, he was the one who helped me accept this, he helped me understand what is really important. For him to just... Throw it all away and say it doesn't matter any more is nothing but an insult.
"I've already accepted the risks of this investigation, Mello! You're the one who ask me if putting my life on the line was worth it! Well... I know that it is!" I proclaim as my hand comes to push against my chest. With an irritated sigh, I get up from the sofa. "I don't want to talk about this shit anymore, just leave me alone!" I yelled as I turn around to walk back to my room where I can calm down.
"You really think you're untouchable, you think we'll all just come out of this and paint the town red?! This is the real, horrible reality of the world (Y/n) and you need to WAKE UP" Mello stands to his feet as he strides over to me, gripping my shoulder and turning me around to face him. He isn't finished, but I am.
Coming from the hallway, I barely notice that Matt has come out from his room, hearing the commotion between the two of us, "Mello, (Y/n), you're going to get us kicked out of you keep screaming at each other-" His words are ignored by Mello, unfortunately.
"Your going home, you can cry and whine as much as you want but I. Don't. Care" He pauses his words for emphasis as I see a fire in his eyes I have never seen before. My breathing is becoming shaky as my anger only climbs higher. "You..!" My hands begin to shake as I am only a thread away from punching him in the face. "You stubborn ASSHOLE!" Mello roughly grabbing the collar of my shirt, "you're GOING!" He yells as he pulls me closer to his face as my fear dissipates and is replaced by fear.
This. This is the first time I've ever felt truly afraid of him. I have feared his actions, his words... But never... Him.
Before either one of us could react however, I see a hand shove Mello away from me before a fist punches him, hard, across his face which causes the blond to stumble back.
Turning to my side, I see Matt breathing heavy with a flash of fear on his eyes as the room fell quiet. Mello's anger slowly begins to disappear as the silence lingers in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"Take a walk, man... Cool off" Matt says to Mello, his usually calm voice is barely above a whisper. As Mello walks past me, however, I see his eyes become glassy before opening the door to the apartment, closing it behind him as his steps can he heard down the hallway. Mello... Was he-.
"Are you okay..?" I hear the brunet ask me as I turn to face him. Even after punching someone like Mello in the face and telling him to go, the brunet seems... Rather calm. Calmer than I felt in the middle of it all. "Yeah, I'm okay..." I mutter as I walk past him and sit back on the sofa where I was earlier. Matt walks after me and sits down where Mello was earlier.
I'm not sure how much time passed before one of us spoke again, a few seconds, a few minutes maybe? Nobody was keeping track of time. Nobody cared.
"Why did you do that..?" I asked the brunet, he turns to face me so we are now looking at one another. "Do what..?" He asks.
"I think you know what I'm talking about" I tell him, though his expression tells me otherwise. So I elaborate. "Why did you punch Mello?" I ask. My mind goes back to that moment, when I saw the anger of a monster in my eyes as he gripped my shirt. Something felt strange to me however. Before Matt pushed him away, I thought I saw a glimmer of regret in Mello's eyes, I could feel him beginning to let go of my shirt too. Or... Is that just what I wanted to see? What I wanted to feel? It all happened so fast, I don't know what to think...
"I thought..." Matt confesses, "he was going to hurt you". Although his words seemed to make sense, Matt has never physically got himself involved in a fight, ones even worse than this. So... What makes this different? There must me more to it than that. "It was like your life was flashing before your eyes, Matt" I tell him, but he does not respond to me, not right away.
He relaxed into the sofa as his eyes focused on the ceiling above us, like he is in his own little world as his bangs lay over his eyes.
"That fight... It reminded me of someone I loved the most in this world" He tells me, "and someone else I wish I could forget..."
"My mum... And my dad"