(This is the first story I've ever written and I'll be honest and say this could be slightly triggering through out I'll post warnings when it's really bad and this will be a redeeming story I promise-Bella )
In misery
In Luke Hemmings point of view
My mother was strict,overbearing and passive aggressive.She was controlling and obsessive that's why I had to legitimately sneak out of the house at 11:30 pm on a Friday night after waiting for her to fall asleep.I rarely did anything wrong,I have straight As,have every year of highschool,I have never received a detention nor have I ever gotten in trouble with the law.
Now I did smoke,It started freshman year I was fourteen and at a party(this is when I still had a large friend group)
And a senior brought it marijuana and rolling papers and being the innocent fuck I was I thought I could handle it so I tried,It got me pretty damn sick to the point where I vomited,i spent the next 34 minutes coughing my lungs up.Yeah I counted the minutes that passed due to it being hell the entire time,My eyes kept watering and everything including my body smelled like skunk faintly.That was the day I learned I wasn't a weed guy.Now cigarettes are different I use to heavily smoke those for about one year which was roughly halfway through freshman and into sophomore year.I smoke as a meal replacement instead of eating which is extremely unhealthy and although I made myself sick I continued until I was wasting away.That is when my over bearing mother put me into therapy I was 6"4 then and should have weighed roughly 156 to 204 pounds I was at 127.I had been dying and I was alone I didn't have friends during that because I didn't conform to the idea of popularity I wasn't going to be an asshole like everyone else.I attended therapy for eating disorders for a while,I still go back whenever I get bad and honestly that's a lot now in days, I still skip meals often but I'm not smoking as frequently as I use to.I didn't starve to become thin or to be "happier"with my body I used it as control,my parents where arguing and fighting a lot then they got divorced which didn't really affect my two older brothers because they where already at uni and I guess I just wanted control of a situation or something and that's where I found it.During my worse times I skipped class and chain smoked about 14 Marlboro red cigarettes in the front of my school,And when I went into the school about 10 minutes after,I needed to vomit and I did in the boys bathroom and that's where I met Michael.Michael Clifford is the most self-righteous and pretentious prick of Claremont high and he is also my best friend.Let me restate that,my only friend.I guess he didn't think I was completely fucked because the first thing he said to me was"you should not chain smoke,mate" like the prick knew what I did,he later confessed to seeing me go at it in the front and then later when I refused to eat he found out why.I told him he shouldn't be friends with me.A lot of people try to be friends with me and most of those people are popular and I guess it's my problem I don't want to be a dick so that people like me.
I figured that I should probably go home when the kid sitting next to me on the ratty and tattered moss green couch pulled out low grade marijuana (the savage put it in a little ziplock baggy) and a red BIC lighter.Yeah I really wasn't into marijuana.I stood up to my full height being able to look over all the girls and most guys as I was use to.I started moving through the house.Most teenage parties where excuses to drink and fuck and I wasn't into any of that.I bummed a cigarette off of a junior in my honors literature class and after a long search I found a lighter in one of the Honey colored cabinets and lit up.I went through the kitchen and saw mark Jacobs the school most popular kid doing what I assume is vodka shots and as I walked by he threw one back and it got all over his shirt and I had to hold back the urge to set him on fire as I remember vodka to be extremely flammable and I was being slightly pyro.
I stepped out of the house and I automatically could breathe better and I didn't feels like I was in a twilight zone.I checked my phone the time being around 2:14 in the morning I lifted my cig to my lips and Inhaled my throat burning slightly I immediately relaxed .i started walking feeling bad for whatever unfortunate soul had to clean the yard as it was littered with cheap red solo cups and toilets paper along with a few crushed eggs.I had to walk because I couldn't take my car my mom would have noticed.
I was roughly 20 minutes from my house.I listened to my feet hit the pavement.I didn't feel much right now really,maybe slightly hungry,I wanted to see how long I could go as I told my mom I ate a big lunch when I didn't eat anything today.I didn't want to get bad again.I looked up and saw the Bridge.Now there's not a lot of places within walking distance in Sydney that I actually like.I use to go fishing with my dad off of it when he was still around.I looked up as i stepped onto the side that was meant for walking and was slightly shocked that someone was there.She looks like she was trembling,sitting on the ledge.God I hope she wasn't going to jump.As I approached I noticed that she was listening to music and her phone started ringing.She picked it up. and I wasn't able to hear what the person was saying but I heard her say "thanks ash". I knew I shouldn't talk to strangers that sit on bridge ledges but I knew that girl was in almost all of my classes I just never hear her talk and I don't know of her name.She looked oddly calm for someone who could die if they leaned too far forward or lost their balance.It scared me someone could be so calm so close to death.She had done this before.
"Do you normally sit on bridges or?"I asked with a slight laugh she spun around so fast I thought she could fall off of the bridge.She was still shaking and I understood it was slightly cold but God she was wearing a black sweater a grey skirt and black thigh high socks with what I believe to be black doc martens.
We basically we're just staring at each other and I took the time to really look at her face,she was extremely pale with an almost bluish grey undertone it was still a beautiful shade of porcelain though and she had big doe like green eyes kinda like Michael's but darker she also had dark circles from lack of sleep under her eyes and she had a light dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose bridge.She was rather thin and around 5 feet tall.With dark brown curly hair that went to around the end of her ribcage And she had the end dyed a bright red.
"Only when I need to think or get away really" she said her voice empty and medium high.I had to looks down to see her and she had to look up it was kinda cute.
"Oh uh well I'm luke"I said she nodded
"I'm Catarina we have all our classes together"she said laughing lightly it kinda seemed forced
"I knew I had you in some of my classes"I said inhaling the cig and I blew out she started coughing terribly
"Shit sorry I'll put in out!"I said slightly alarmed by the action because she was being serious with it and as I went to bend down she tapped my hand with a "don't my lungs just suck it's fine" I looked at for a second before standing tall again towering over her.
"Look I know it doesn't concern me but you weren't going to uh jump where you?"I asked warily I was hoping she wasn't but how would I know really.She looked to the side and pulled the front of my shirt telling me to step forward and I did apparently there was a car coming
"Not this time"she said with a slight smile and the car stopped in front of us .It was a nice car really I believe it was a Lamborghini veneno all black with red detailing.It was an extremely expensive car and most people in Sydney wouldn't drive it.I stepped slightly in front of Catarina feeling the need to watch out for her.The window rolled down to reveal a man in his late teens early twenties with sandy bloody curly medium length hair.he had most of it tied back and hazel green eyes.He had a rather muscular build and a sharp jawline.He looked to be around six feet.He looked at me skeptically then at Catarina
"Catarina ,love,get in I'll take you home Calum is there waiting" he said with a serious accent and a little raspy.she nodded and stepped Infront of me and opened the door and sat down and closed the door.I could hear green day playing inside,the man looked at her sadly and ask "love,are you okay?"he said with genuine concerned she looked at me and said
"Right now I am "
He looked at me and ask "are you her friend?" I stared at him
"No" Catarina said and I kinda felt hurt by that and she looked at the guy and said "ash can we drive him home?" Softly he looked at me again and nodded
"Get in loser we're going shopping"she said reciting mean girls I laugh as she opened the door and went to slide in but was stopped when the man stopped me and said "put that out kid she shouldn't have that stuff around her" almost glaring at me I threw it out the window and slide forward to reveal the one person seat in the back."never pictured as one to recite mean girls" I said getting in and closing the door.I buckled up and I inhale I could smell the manly cologne telling me this was for sure the mans car.He has a red rosary hanging from the mirror.
"What's your address?"he asked me
"6274 sutcliff drive" I told him he smirked and then it left his face when he looked at Catarina and said "please put your seatbelt on"she looked at him with her doe eyes and asked "it doesn't matter if I die in a Car accident now or in the future" and that struck me.She was a sad person.Really sad."please love?" He softly.He grabbed it and buckled it for her and she mumbled a thank you.
We drive off obviously going over the speed limit.The man looked completely calm and relaxed he must of done this often.we pulled up outside of my house and I got out and stopped for a second before I kissed the top of her head,I was able to smell a floral scent,and walked up the driveway to the front door ignoring the curious looks from that man and now I realize that could be her boyfriend oh god.
The car directly sped off and I went inside avoiding the food in the kitchen that called my name and went into the bathroom stripping off my clothing trying not to look at my body I didn't need reminders right now of my weight .I took out my lip piercing and washed my face crawling into my bed.And in that moment I've never felt more alone and saddened.