Maddie
Four years ago
"Maddie, you know I'm going to miss you, right?"
My stomach is in knots as he stares down at me. He's leaning against his car, which is now filled to the rim with all of his stuff for college. I knew he'd be leaving, but I didn't think it'd come this soon.
I bite down on my lip to try and keep the tears at bay. "I'm going to miss you too, Cam."
Pulling me into his chest, I inhale the scent of his cologne. It's no use anymore. The tears come out uncontrollably into his t-shirt, and he grips me tighter, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
"You can call me anytime," he says. "I know we decided on this five-year plan to figure things out, but I'm always going to be here for you, Mads. Always."
I nod, still unable to do anything but cry. A part of me wants to change my mind. I want to tell him to just forget what I said. We'll find a way to make this work. We can try to do long distance.
But he needs to focus. This is his dream. I don't want to be the reason he messes up. Right now he's doing okay, and I'm doing okay too. We can be friends until we're out of college, right? We can follow the five-year plan.
"I know I said the last time was the last time..." He pulls away and grips tightly on my chin. "But I—"
Pressing my lips against his, I feel his body completely relax into mine. He moves his hands down to squeeze gently onto my ass before he runs them up to get tangled in my hair.
I haven't kissed him for months. The last time this happened was at the state championship, and yet nothing seems to have changed. I still can't seem to stop kissing him.
He feels so good. He's holding onto me like it's the last time he ever will, and I pray to god I'm wrong.
"Fuck, Maddie." He pants heavily and heaves out a sigh. "You sure about this five-year plan?"
I nod and wipe away more of my tears. "Yes. It's for the best."
"I know. Sorry." He shakes his head and moves away from me. I try to ignore how fucking lonely I already feel. "I shouldn't have done that, but If I'm being honest I haven't been okay since we ended things. The thought of not seeing you sucks, Mads."
"I believe it was me that kissed you," I remind him. "And I know. It's been hard for me too. But this is for the best, Cam."
I keep repeating myself, and the more I do I wonder if I'm trying to convince myself rather than him.
"Just promise that you won't forget about me." He begs. "I don't want to lose you, Maddie. I know you said not to wait for you, but I will never feel this way about anyone else. I'm waiting for you, and I don't care what you have to say about it."
"Cam, stop." I'm sobbing now, trying to catch my breath. "I-I don't know if this is the right decision, but I just don't want to get hurt, you know? I don't want you to find someone else, and I hate that you're going to be so far away. I can't do long distance because the thought of being away from you is agonizing for me, and I—"
"Hey." He tries to calm me down, but it's useless. I'm a complete and utter wreck. "Mads, it's okay. It's going to be okay. We will just see how being friends goes, okay? We will try to follow the five-year plan."
"B-but what if it doesn't work? What if you find someone else? What if you forget about me?"
He laughs, and I try to remember how it sounds.
"I wouldn't be able to forget about you even if I tried. Nobody is going to compare to you, Maddie. I promise you."
I kiss him again, and he doesn't resist. His hands are tangled in my hair again as he slips his tongue inside my mouth. In a swift motion, before I'm able to process the French kiss, he spins me around so that my back is pressed up against the car. His fingers trail up my waist, brushing against the skin of my stomach that's showing from my tank top.
"Cam." I pull away, my fingers clutching onto his t-shirt. I'm debating on whether or not I want to do this, but this might be the last time. I didn't know that the last time was the last time, and if I had then I would have savored it. I would have cherished it. I would have embedded it into my memory.
It's pitch black out. Cam doesn't leave until tomorrow morning, so I snuck out to say goodbye to him now. My brother would have a fit if he thought something was still up with us. We had both promised him it was over, but as I see Cam's eyes looking at me right now filled with nothing but lust I'm not so sure.
"What?" He asks, scanning my eyes to search for a reaction. Those beautiful, green eyes.
Before I think about it any further, I push myself off of the car and open up the door to the backseat.
"Maddie..." he laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. "My dad is inside."
Oh, fuck.
He's right.
Why am I so stupid?
I quickly nod, but he sticks his hand into the door to prevent me from shutting it. "I didn't say I didn't want to," he says, and all of his laughter from moments ago seems to have vanished.
Quickly pushing all of the clothes and two boxes onto the floor, he gently pushes me down onto my back and crawls on top of me. "Have I ever mentioned that I love that you're so dirty for me?" He whispers against my lips. "How much I've missed you?"
Oh, god.
I've missed him more than I could ever describe to him. I can't even speak as I feel him on top of me.
"You're so damn beautiful, Mads." He kisses the side of my neck, and I close my eyes in utter bliss. "I missed you so much."
His kisses move lower onto my chest, his hands running up underneath my shirt. It's so hot in here already. I can feel the sweat prickling on my back.
"You know how hard it was these past couple of months to be over at Ethan's and see you? I had to act like you didn't get to me. I had to act like it wasn't killing me that we were over."
He reaches my bra and slips his hands inside to grasp my breast, letting out a sigh. "I hated the fact that it was spring. You'd wear those little sundresses..." He groans as he remembers them and places kisses on my stomach. "Or these fucking skirts..."With one hand on my breast still, he pushes the other one up underneath the skirt, and I gasp from the feeling.
"If this is the last time we do this..."
"It won't be." I shake my head immediately, my chest heaving up and down as he strips me of my skirt.
"I hope not," he mutters, "but if it is..." He kisses my inner thighs, and I moan louder than I ever have. "Fuck, I love how loud you are. I fucking missed this."
He's moving lower to the one spot I'm dying for him to be, and he's never losing eye contact with me for a second. He's so sexy. I grab onto his curls and squeeze tightly, attempting to move him to the one spot that drives me wild.
"You realize we're going to be in this car all night, right?" He smiles that damn cocky grin that I love so much, and his lips are wet from his kisses, right between my legs. I make sure to take a mental picture so that I never forget this sight.
"I hope so," I find myself saying. "Please, Cam."
"What?" He chuckles, knowing damn well what I'm asking for. "Oh, you want me to kiss you...Here?" He moves my underwear to the side and places his lips on the spot that makes me the weakest, running his tongue along my slit. I throw my head back against the seat as he pins my legs down to the side so that I'm unable to move, forcing me to take all the pleasure.
He glances up at me again, his lips wet from me, his eyes a playful and lustful dream. "Our last night for a while is going to be one to remember, Maddie. Are you sure you're ready for this?"
***
"Maddie."
"Maddieeeee."
"Hey, wake up."
My eyes pop open in shock, my heart beating out of my chest. I'm wet, so wet, and all I can think about is Cameron when I shouldn't be. Especially since Tre is sitting on top of his bed with a tray of breakfast sprawled out in front of me.
"Whoa, sorry," he says. "Did I scare you?"
"No." I shake my head, still trying to get the memory from years ago to leave. It won't. "I'm sorry, I just..."
I'm completely exposed, my naked body on full display to Tre. I suddenly feel so wrong about what we did, and I shouldn't. I wanted to have sex with him. It was me who made a move, so why am I feeling so regretful about my decision now?
Tre is so kind, and last night was great. He was so gentle and considerate, and he didn't do anything I didn't want him to do, but he wasn't Cameron. He didn't know what spot was my weakest, he wasn't dirty, and he wasn't anything like him. I know that's probably because I've only slept with him once, but still. It didn't feel right.
Why is it that Cameron has taken over my head again? It's like I'm back to junior year. I can't seem to shake him, and a part of me wonders if it's because I never really did get closure. I mean, I was the one who ignored all of Cam's calls after that night we said goodbye. I was the one who forced us to become so distant from each other, but I still need to get things off my chest. I need to tell him how I honestly feel about us ending. About how he strayed from our five-year plan.
I'm never going to be able to move on if I don't.
"I'm sorry," I say again. "I just had a horrible dream. This certainly makes up for it though. Thank you."
I take the tray from him and analyze the eggs and bacon on the plate, a mimosa to the right of it, and a tiny vase with a flower to the left. Tre really had to pull out all of the stops, didn't he?
"It's my pleasure. After last night it's the least I can do." He flirts and raises his eyebrows as the memories flood back to him. "When can I see you again?"
"Isn't the point of a one-night stand that we don't?" I tease. Tre thinks I'm being serious until I roll my eyes. "I'm kidding. We can see each other whenever you're free next. I have nothing to do while I'm here. You're the one that works."
"Friday?" He asks. "I'm off that night."
I grin. "It's a date."
"A date?" He places his hand over his heart jokingly in shock, and I can't help but laugh. "Am I hearing you correctly?"
I shove my mouth full with a bite of eggs so that I don't have to reply, blushing when I see his eyes scan over my bare chest.
"You're one hell of a sight, Maddie," he says sternly. "If it weren't for me having a shift this afternoon I'd probably take you for round two right now."
"Oh yeah?" I cock my head to the side, but I'm praying he thinks twice about it. I don't want to have sex with him again until I figure things out with Cameron. I have to talk to him.
"Mhm." He leans in to give me a quick kiss. "Hurry up and finish eating. I left you a change of clothes to change into once you're finished. I'll drive you home."
Leaving me alone in the bedroom, I hear the sink in the kitchen start to run before I pull out my phone and type out a new text message to Cam.
Can we talk? I write. Today?
It takes me about a minute to actually send it, and as I finish scarfing down the rest of my breakfast I start to regret sending the text in the first place. What if Katie sees it? What if she grabs his phone? What will she think?
My phone goes off, but thankfully it's Cam. Not Katie.
About? He replies.
About us. I write back. Everything.
Changing into Tre's clothing, I gather up my clothes that are scattered around his bedroom floor and head back out to the kitchen to Tre. He's holding my bra in one hand, which had been thrown onto the counter last night.
"Uh, thank you," I mutter, completely embarrassed as he passes me over a plastic bag to put my clothes in. My phone goes off again.
I'll come over tonight?
"Ready to go?" Tre smiles warmly at me, and I feel the guilt creep up into my stomach. In order for me to see whether or not this can work between us though I have to have this conversation with Cameron. I can't feel guilty about it.
"Yes," I say and begin to follow him out, typing out a final text to Cam.
That's fine. Just come over later though. I don't want anyone to know.