Two days ago, I stopped trying to keep my hair in a braid. I swear, Georgia humidity hates me just as much as Mississippi heat does. Now, my blue hair fell loosely down my back for the first time since I met up with everyone. My newly acquired plaid shirt hanging open, revealing my Avenged Sevenfold shirt. I decided to keep the jeans on, forgoing my leggings for the day. I had my knife sheathed around my leg, a gift Glenn found me on one of his runs with Maggie from this passed week. He explained that he thought it was dangerous keeping a knife in my boots. "One day, you're going to be running for your life, and it's going to stab you in the foot... then you're walker food."
I was gracious he thought of me. Its still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that these –well, some of these—people care about me, and treat me like I'm one of them.
I emerge out of my tent after I pulled on my combat boots. I meet the others at their campsite, as everyone was starting to get moving for the day.
"Are you going to move your tent over with us?" Glenn questions at my approach, "I promise, we don't bite."
"I know YOU don't bite, but I made enemies out of some, and I think they bite." I smirk at him. "Morning, Glenn."
I sit down next to him after grabbing some water and a peach. Gods, I miss coffee.
"So, what you gonna do?" Lori finally speaks up after a few minutes of silence. "We'd all feel better if we knew the plan."
"Is there a plan?" Andrea turns to look at Rick.
It's doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that Rick is the leader here, we all look to him for answers. It always seemed that way since the moment I joined the group. His word goes. At least, he's better than Shane.
"We gonna keep him here?" Glenns voice laced in concern. We are all worried.
Rick turns to face all of us, as he comes stands next to Shane. "We'll know soon enough."
Daryl walks up, with his crossbow slung behind his back. For the first time, I'm realizing he wasn't with everyone this morning. I just figured he was on one of his runs to burn off some steam. But upon noticing the blood on his hands, he did just that. I watch him curiously.
"Boy there's got a gang, 30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead" His blue eyes search until they find me still sitting down, "And our women, they're gonna-- They're gonna wish they were."
"What did you do?" Carol asks, coming to stand next Glenn.
Daryl walks through camp until he's standing next to me. "Had a little chat."
"It looks like you did more than that." I murmur, only loud enough for him to hear.
"No one goes near this guy." Rick nods at him, digesting this new piece of information.
This is a mess. First, we couldn't let him go because he knows the Greenes, but now this. I shake my head, running a hand through my long hair. This is bad.
"Rick, what are you gonna do?" I look over to Rick.
Rick glances at each of us before he responds, "we have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."
I could feel the color drain out of my face. Murder? I expect this out of Shane. Not Rick. Shane's been in his ear, no doubt about that. I'm glad I had my cigarettes on me. I pull out my pack as I start to stalk a few feet away. I never liked smoking around people.
"You're just gonna kill him?" I hear Dale ask on my small stroll away.
Faintly, Rick speaks with finality, "It's settled. I'll do it today." I heard their footsteps retreat to have it out away from everyone.
I locate a tree to lean against, to let everything sink in. We were really talking about murdering someone. I get it, for our safety. Killing the living dead is one thing, but another living breathing human? Then again, I did threaten Shane because his arrogance could get us all killed. Randall could, too, because of his group. Why am I suddenly questioning my morals?
"Vanessa." Daryl gently whispers, bringing me out of my inner monologue. I must've really zoned out, since I didn't hear him approach. Damn it, I'm usually good with not letting people sneak up on me.
"Oh, he knows my name." I smirk in his direction, taking a drag off my cigarette. I pull out my pack, offering him one.
He takes it, lighting it. "I didn't know ya smoked."
"Old habits die hard." I shrug, flicking the ashes to the ground.
Grunting at my answer, "You and I are gonna go bring your tent over next to me when we're done here. It shoulda been done when we found out about the walkers. You're gonna stay away from the barn and Randall."
"Daryl-"
"And you're not guarding him anymore. You're not to go near him." He looks up at me, anger towards Randall simmering in his Georgian blue eyes.
"Where is this coming from? No one's been concerned about where my tent was until today. Even Glenn said something." I run my hand through my blue hair, "I don't exactly feel safe being close to Shane while I'm sleeping." I admit quietly, biting my lip in embarrassment.
Daryl has become someone I could trust. I don't know if I would call us friends, but there's a safety I feel around him. I don't feel that often. I've only ever found it within myself.
"You'll be next to mine." He pauses, "I don't want ya by yourself if his group comes lookin for him." He throws his cigarette on the ground, stomping it out. "My camp is tucked away from the everyone else." Still away from Shane, the unspoken words hanging in the air.
Over the next hour, we tore down my tent, dragging it and my things over next to Daryl's. We barely speaking to each other over the course of it.
When did Daryl start to actually care? Did hell freeze over? Did I miss something? Maybe it's because there is safety in numbers. We could be facing a threat. Randall was only a kid, but from the sounds of the group he ran with, they're dangerous.
Once we are done, Daryl asked me to go with him to help collect some firewood. It's better than sitting on my hands listening to everyone fight over what's to come.
Do I think Randall deserves to die? No. But with him being here threatens everyone I've come to care about. These people took me in when they didn't have to. Over the course of the last few weeks, I've started thinking of them as family. If it comes down to this guy, or my family, I'd do anything to protect them.
"Carol send you?" Daryl asks, bringing me out of my thoughts. Glancing up, I see Dale heading our way.
He comes to stop in front of us, "Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you, your new role in the group."
Daryl is clearly already annoyed, "oh, man, I don't need my head shrunk. This group's broken. I'm better off fending for myself."
Funny, says the man, who dragged me out of my little corner on the farm to his corner. I roll my eyes in their direction. I continue to listen to their banter, choosing to stay out of it. It's their conversation, I'm just a pretty little wallflower. Or gate flower, rather.
Daryl and his hard ass exterior. I can tell he's hurting. Anger is easier to handle then the mess pain brings. He really thought we would bring Sophia back to her mother. But hell will freeze over before those words slip out of this mouth. Broken people can spot other broken people.
"You act like you don't care." Dale speaks, now standing close to Daryl, facing him.
"Yeah, it's 'cause I don't."
At that, Dale's eyes find mine, doubt clouding them over.
"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?" Dale questions, curiosity evident in his face
"Nope."
"Then why not stand with me, try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other?"
Daryl stares down the older man, "didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch.
"Your opinion makes a difference." Dale pleads.
"Man, ain't nobody looking at me for nothing."
"Vanessa does," Dale points to me, causing Daryl to look my way. I shrug, not wanting to interrupt. "Carol is, and I am. Right now. And you obviously-- You have Rick's ear."
"Rick just looks to Shane." Daryl says, eyes not leaving me. He knows how I feel about anything Shane related. "Let him"
"You cared about what happened to Sophia. Cared what it meant to the group. Torturing people? That isn't you. You're a decent man. So is Rick. Shane-- He's different." At that, I drop the gaze I share with Daryl. Nah, people like Shane don't change. Their mask just falls.
I move to lean against the fence, crossing my arms. Sweat causing my hair to stick against my face. I pull out a hair tie, and gather my hair up in a messy bun.
"Why's that?" Daryl asks, "cause he killed Otis?"
Shock plays out on the older mans face, "he tell you that?"
Daryl straightens up, turning his full attention to Dale, "he told some story-- How Otis covered him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun. Rick ain't stupid. If he didn't figure that out, it's 'cause he didn't wanna. It's like I said-- Group's broken." He turns, stalking away, leaving us both behind.
Shaking his head, Dale faces me, "what about you, Vanessa?"
"Honestly, Dale, I don't know. Murder is wrong, but if it comes down to them, or us... I'm picking us, regardless of the case." I hesitate, "maybe nothing is as black and white as it was before."
"I had hoped you'd have a different answer." He walks away, disappointed.
Later that day, we are all crowded in the Greene's living room. I stand against the doorway, with my back against the wall, arms crossed. Daryl's standing on the opposite side of me. This is the moment of truth; Randall's future will be determined in this room in just a few minutes. Anxiety coils around my stomach like a snake.
"So how do we do this? Just take a vote?" Glenn breaks the silence that's hoovering over everyone.
"Does it have to be unanimous?" Andrea inquires next.
"How about majority rules?" Lori speaks, quietly.
Rick looks around at each of us before speaking, "well, let's-- let's just see where everybody stands, then we can talk through the options."
"Well, where I sit, there's only one way to move forward." Shane saying what most of us agree on. Yes, I firmly believe hell froze over since I find myself agreeing with him.
"Killing him, right? I mean, why even bother to even take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing" Dale calmly expresses his rage. You could see the pain written all over his face.
Rick turns to face him, "well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know."
"Well, I can tell you it's a small group-- Maybe just me and Glenn."
Glenn looks to Dale, "look, I-- I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time, but this--"
"They've got you scared!"
"He's not one of us. And we've-- we've lost too many people already." Glenn finishes, ignoring Dale's previous comment.
I notice I started picking at the skin on my lips, intently listening to everyone. A nervous habit that just won't die. From the corner of my eye, I see Daryl watching me.
"How about you? Do you agree with this?" Dale motions across the room to Maggie
"Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?" She meekly questions.
"Just another mouth to feed." Daryl states, simply, looking from me to her.
"It may be a lean winter." Hershel comes next, seeing what Daryl is saying.
"Well, he could be an asset. Give him a chance to prove himself." Dale pleads.
"Put him to work?" Glenn asks.
Rick shakes his head, "we're not letting him walk around."
"We could put an escort on him." Maggie offers.
Shane scoffs at that idea, "who wants to volunteer for that duty?"
"I will." Dale volunteers himself.
"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick not liking the idea any better than I am.
Finally finding my voice, I push off the wall, looking at everyone, "he's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up."
Andrea shakes her head at me, "we can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor."
I shrug in response. Times like this, I really question my place in the group. It's no ones fault, but my own. These people, minus the Greene's, have been together long before picking me up from that forest on that fateful day.
"Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men." Shane making sense.
"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt? If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization." Dale peers at Shane, unconvinced.
"Oh, my God." Shane rolls his eyes.
"Dale, this world isn't black and white anymore. Nothing is that simple anymore." I face him, "I get where you're coming from, but I also get where he,' I point to Shane, who sends a look of shock my way, "is coming over from. It's us, or them. Whatever to protect to our family."
"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?" Hershel asks.
"You barely came back this time. There are walkers. You could break down. Y-you could get lost." Lori's face twists in worry.
"Or get ambushed." Daryl says, coming to stand next to me in the room
"They're right. We should not put our own people at risk." Glenn shakes his head
I realize I'm back to picking my lips when Daryl grabs my arms. I shake him off, crossing my arms.
"If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?" Patricia asking the next question that's been looming over everyone's heads.
"We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck." Ah, that's the Shane I know and hate. I scoff, returning to my place on the wall.
"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane." Rick, still the more levelheaded of the two. Mostly.
"Rick's right... there's a reason they stopped death by hanging. It could be hours he hangs there before he dies. That's inhumane." I glare at Shane.
"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" T-dog thinking two steps ahead.
This is morbid. I really don't want to be here. I see why this needs done, but the devils in the details, and ignorance is bliss.
Dale's growing visibly irritated, "hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided."
"You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?" Daryl roars at Dale.
"This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"
I look down at my feet, growing very uncomfortable.
Shane speaks after a few beats of silence, "we all know what needs to be done."
"No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility..." Rick starts
"So, what's the other solution?" Andrea interrupts him.
"Let Rick finish." Lori snaps at her, annoyed.
Andrea ignores her, "we haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could."
Throwing his hands up, Dale states, "so let's work on it!"
"We are." Rick throws another look his way.
"Stop it. Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide-- Either of you, both of you-- But leave me out." Carol glances at us, clearly distressed about the whole situation.
"Not speaking out or killing him yourself-- There's no difference." Dale scoffs at her, shaking his head.
"All right, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance." Rick snaps to quiet everyone down.
Another silence pass over each of us. I shift uncomfortably, peering down at my feet.
"You once said that we don't kill the living." Dale rages at Rick
"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us!"
"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were-- The world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's... Harsh. It's-- it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't-- And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right." Dale pleads, "Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?"
Lori speaks barely above a whisper, "he's right. We should try to find another way."
"Anybody else?" Rick asks, looking at each of us.
When none of us speak up, Dale's wise eyes start to tear up, "are y'all gonna watch, too? No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. Whoa... I won't be a party to it." He stalks out, not before turning to Daryl and me, "This group is broken."
Later that night, I'm curled up in my tent reading my book when the screaming started. I didn't even bother putting on a t-shirt, just reaching for my plaid shirt, throwing it over my bra. Thankfully, I had some shorts on, as I use them as PJs. Running barefoot, I take off to the field, just in time to see Daryl take down a walker.
Fear uncoiling in my stomach. This is bad.
"Help! Over here! Help! Run! Hang in there, buddy." Daryl shouts, pain laces his tone, causing me to pick up speed.
"Who is it?" I gasp, as I reach him... And Dale "Oh, my God." I let out a blood curdling scream. His stomach's tore open, blood and organs spilling heavily out of the wound.
I feel time stop, as I collapse to my knees next to Dale's shoulders, unable to speak. I reach for his hand. At one point, Andrea comes to sit on the other side of him.
I listen as everyone comes over to see whatever is going on, but I don't hear what anyone is saying. I'm just looking at Dale, watching him suffer.
Why can't I comfort him?"
"I'm sorry, brother." Daryl apologizing to Dale, was all I heard before the gunshot went off, covering my face and body with blood. I remain there, unflinching.