THIS IS NOT A FLASHBACK CHAPTER. THIS IS JUST ME PIECING TOGETHER BELLES TIMELINE. DONT GIVE UP ON THE BOOK BECAUSE OF SAD CHAPTERS. Please.
6 years ago... age 16 TW - Cole (and like alcohol abuse, light mentions of rape, death, hospitals, surgery...)
I giggled at Beth as she collapsed onto the floor after attempting a high kick. Despite the bitchy cheerleaders, joining the cheer team was all we focused on.
I didn't necessarily believe in myself but I believed in Beth. She was the co - ordinated one of us two. I could barely tell my left to my right.
She groaned and picked up her gym bag.
"I'm gonna get to next period. But you keep practicing." She pointed her finger at me and waggled it in my face.
"Yeah yeah." The gym door closed with a bang and I took a sip of my water.
I could do this. I could do this. I could do this.
Dragging my mat on the floor up the little stairs and placing it directly in the center. Feet slightly apart, hands up, believe in yourself.
I pushed off the ground and attempted a cartwheel, landing on the mat with a thump. I needed Bethy for motivation.
I put my head in my hands before getting up to retry.
"Excuse me." I was stopped when I heard a voice behind me.
I turned around to see Cole. Oli's friend. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a teeny tiny crush on him. Brothers best friend and all that.
"Sorry I was just in here for... practice." I took another sip of my water, avoiding eye contact with those blue eyes.
"Yeah.. The whole basketball team normally 'practices' in here. So I'd suggest you leave."
Asshole.
"Then let them watch me." I grinned and put down my water bottle beside the gym bag.
He shook his head slowly. "Your Anna right?"
Wow, he doesn't even know my name. I repeat, asshole.
"No-" I was cut off when he looked towards the gym doors as the whole basketball team came running in.
"I'll see you around, Anna." He completely ignored me and slightly waved his hand. Walking briskly back down the steps to join his teammates.
"It's not Anna!" I called out after him but he wouldn't have heard me. Oh well. It's not like it will ever matter.
~~~~~~~~~
5 months later - age 17
I stroked my fingers up and down his arm as he looked into my eyes. "Cole?" I ask.
"Mhm"
"Remember when you thought my name was Anna?" He laughed and kissed my forehead.
"Oh god and you didn't correct me for weeks on end. Yes... thank you I just loved it." He said sarcastically and I giggled.
"I liked when you called me Anna... It was a just us two thing. No else's." I said and he raises an eyebrow.
"I liked it too, Anna." He kisses me on the lips and I kiss him back. I like him.
No. Scrap that. I love him.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
~~~~~~~~~
2 months later - age 17
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
"You did this to me Anna! You made me wait just because you were a stupid little virgin." Please. Stop.
My body screamed at me to say it. I wish I had went home, I wish I didn't wait in his parents house so he could come home drunk. Take advnatage of me.
"I blame you. I blame you and your innocent act, you're just a slut Anna.
It was my own fault. I just had to go for the brothers best friend. Stupid, stupid mistake.
Why did God do this to me. No. He doesn't exist, he's not real. He didn't save me this time. Get over it. He isn't real.
"It's your fault. All those short skirts and the low cut tops. You did this to yourself."
As much as I wished he was lying, he wasn't. It was all true. I'm the one at fault. I asked for it.
He picked up a glass and threw it at the ground.
Another glass. Two.
And another. Three.
Three. Glasses.
"You were asking for it, Anna."
One second
two seconds
three seconds.
"Now be the obedient little slut you are, and keep your mouth shut." He said while taking another three steps toward me. Grabbing me by the neck.
He never intentionally did things in threes. But I noticed. Because I notice the little things. Like counting in threes. So painfully in love that I count to three for an abusive rapist.
My threes don't belong to him. They should go to someone who deserves them. But if I'm being honest with myself, I will never, ever escape him.
I didn't scream. I didn't open my mouth. I stayed silent. I hate the silence. I will always fill the silences, simply because Cole ruined it for me. I hate him so much that somehow... I love him.
~~~~~~~
2 weeks later
"COLE JUST STOP THE DAMN CAR." No emotion. Nothing. He stared straight ahead.
This was it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. One last plead to live.
"DON'T DO THIS. YOU COULD KILL US." He pressed his foot on the peddle, applying pressure as it happened in slow motion.
The dark night disappearing, the brick wall getting closer and closer to the window. I shut my eyes and for the first time since I was raped, I prayed.
I fucking prayed.
~~~~~~
1 week later
"Belle Robinson?" The doctor asked and I nodded.
"Okay. Ms Robinson. You should be up and moving within the week. Thankfully we got to you in time or... well let's just say you and your boyfriend would be a lot worse off-" I completely cut off the doctor.
"HES NOT-" Lily shot me a warning look and I lowered my voice. "He's not. my. boyfriend." I seethed and his eyes widened.
"My apologies."
Lily smiled politely at him from the other side of the room as Beth squeezed my hand.
"Can we have a minute alone, please?" Beth asked and the doctor and Lily left the room.
"The crash didn't damage you as much as... Cole hoped it would." Beth whispered, but Cole didn't do that on purpose.
He loves me, he's always loved me. Right?
"Beth. You know he didn't mean to crash the car, It was my fault. I said something and he just snapped. My fault. Me." Beth dabbed at her eyes with a tissue before hugging me.
"Your a victim baby. None of this is your fault. If it helps... I told my suspicion to Oli and he beat the shit out of him. Not enough to do any permanent damage. But it's the thought."
She smiled and stood up when Oli walked in. "I'm gonna go home. You want a ride Elizabeth?" She looked at me and I nodded.
"Get some rest, please. I don't mind." Beth squeezed my hand.
Once.
twice
three times.
She grabbed her overnight bag and dipped off to the bathroom. Oli stood awkwardly at the door. Idiot.
"Come here ya loser." He chuckled a little and sat on my hospital bed.
"Will you make sure to take her for food. And she shouldn't be alone. Take her back to our house. Or else she will be worrying all night." He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.
"But I don't wanna talk to her all night, the girl never shuts up." He was being a dick but still smiling.
"She's my best friend. So you kinda have to..." He kissed my cheek and gave me a little wave, leaving me in the hospital room by myself.
I read my book for a while before calling in the doctor. "Could I get some jelly?" He nodded but before he could leave the room, I stopped him.
"What's your name?" I asked and he smiled. "Doctor Maxwell. Mark.... Mark Maxwell." I smiled back and waited patiently for my jelly, continuing my current book.
~~~~~~
5 months later - age 18
She fell to the floor, chucking the phone at the wall. She is gonna relapse. I just know it. She was sober, as of 4 months ago.
Partly because of the car crash I was in. She wanted to be better for me, a drunk driver hit me. Maybe she blamed herself, good.
I looked at Lily, Lily looked at Oli, Oli looked at me. And we all looked at mom. Before I could blink Lily was beside mom. Cradling her in her arms.
"It's okay. Mom it's okay. Shhh." Lily always tried her best, putting Oli and I before anyone. But even Lil wasn't strong enough for this.
She just found out her own dad died and her first priority was making sure my very own mother didn't try to kill herself tonight. Because she has threatened it before.
I closed my eyes when Oli hugged me. I clung to him for dear life. They never got to see their own dad before he died. I heard the nurse on the other end, saying it was a drunk driver, Ben and his wife died on impact. Including the baby she was pregnant with.
Maybe it should have been me. 5 months earlier I was in a car crash, and now Ben? How do I keep going through shitty things. When is the finish line?
"I love you Belle." Oli held me tighter and I relaxed into his arms. "I love you more."
~~~~~~~
2 days later. age - 18
"And may he rest in peace." Everything happened in a blur. I may have read out a prayer? If so I didn't remember. Since the other day I have been on autopilot.
Everything is foggy, Oli and Lily worked on the funeral, my mom slept most nights, trying her hardest to not drink. I stood, watching it all happen.
I couldn't escape it. A tear slipped down my cheek as we had a moment of silence for Oli and Lily's dad. In that moment I was content. I was fine, until I felt a cold hand slip into mine.
Maybe it's terrible, but I wished that Cole would die. Then I'd be able to escape him. Find my freedom. But I chose to suffer in silence, for whatever reason.
After the car crash, he forced me into staying with him. Even Oli had to apologize for beating him up. Because Cole was the Puppet master of this town. Had everyone fooled into this golden boy facade. If only they knew..
"There will be a gathering at the Robinsons house if everyone would proceed to go there." The church crowds stood and I heard a quiet sob to my left.
As I tried to shake my hand from Coles to put it in Beth's, he whispered darkly into my ear. "Remember who you belong to Anna."
He waited three more seconds. An agonizingly slow three seconds before yanking me upwards as he stood up.
I shot an empathetic look towards Beth as he dragged me out of the church. I needed to leave this place. Get out of here. Find somewhere that no one knows me.
As we walked with the crowd of people towards my house, Lily tugged me away from Cole, giving him a look that could kill.
"Will you go back and grab my purse, I think Tom is already waiting for us with mom at the house. And Oli left to get his friend a while ago. Leo something or other. I forgot his surname." I nodded and strayed from the group of black clothing and misery.
Walking briskly back to the church before I bumped into a very upset Beth. "Bethy what's wrong?" I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her inside, away from the gathering people.
Her breathing was rapid as she tried to get out the words. "I'm- Belle. I-" A small tear fell from my eye as she cried into my shoulder.
"Bethy you can tell me. What is it?" She pulled away from my neck and looked directly into my eyes. "Will you run away with me? Far away from here. Like, never look back type of far away."
She was answering my prayers, I said I wanted to leave this crappy town earlier. The town that blamed me for ruining Coles reputation, then somehow calling me a Slut even though I was still with him.
But I wasn't just escaping from Cole. I was running away from Bens death. From my mom. From... Lily and my brother. My best friend Oli. My platonic soulmate.
I could never do that to him, but this was my chance. My freedom.
"Okay." Her eyes lit up as soon as the word left my mouth.
"But you have to tell me. Why do you want to leave so damn badly?" She sniffled out another tear and squeezed my hand before looking at her lap.
What could possibly hurt her so much that she wanted to leav-
"I'm 5 months pregnant."
~~~~~~
1 month later - age 18
"There was a complication in surgery..." Please no. Don't say it. Cole would count to three.
one second
two seconds
three seconds
"She made it through and is currently recovering, you can see her, but..." Thank Go-
No. Because God didn't save me. I have nothing to thank him for.
"But What!?"I didn't necessarily mean to shout but I did. The nurse flinched and passed me Beth's file.
I was 18 now, and I made Beth's medical decisions. How fucked up is that? But I was the closest thing she had to family right now.
Her moms have tried to contact us but she doesn't want to respond.
I scanned through the file until reaching the single word, the word that would break my very best friend.
Infertile.
I threw the file on the floor and cried into my hands. This can't be happening. How? How?!?! They were meant to save that baby.
"WHAT ABOUT HER BABY?!?!" I shouted once again, people were looking but I didn't care. This was my best friend. They killed her baby.
"As we performed the c-section... We found an internal bleed. It was a judgment call, whether Beth would live and be infertile, or her baby would live without a mother." I knew this wasn't a great hospital.
I was an adult as of a couple weeks ago and Beth was still seventeen, we were struggling for cash. Staying at Lils apartment was only temporary. So we made the decision to move out into a crappy ass apartment, in a crappy ass street.
How was I meant to know my best friend would go into labour the second we moved in and spent our whole life's savings on this apartment.
It's not as if we had free healthcare either, so the only option was this hospital. I killed her baby. This was me. I should have taken her to a better hospital.
"If you would like to see her. She's waking up." A doctor said to me as I walked down the hall, tears streaming down my face.
I stopped and looked through the open hospital door. "Unfortunately the baby... didn't make it."
Beth's always happy face, dropped. Dropped to the same look she wore that day in the church. Or the day the cheerleaders told her she looked anorexic and unfit to be on the cheer team.
She sobbed uncontrollably as I pushed past the doctor and grabbed onto her, being careful not to go near her stitches.
This felt familiar. Beth crying into my shoulder, before we make a life altering decision.
Is it time to go home? Away from New York and our crappy but happy little life here?
I stroked her hair, reassuring her everything would be fine. "Everything's fine baby. We will be fine. Absolutely fine."
Three fines.
The doctor shut the door behind him, passing me her file once again. I nodded and prepared myself for the fallout of my next sentence.
"Beth?" I pulled her head to look at me and tears clogged her vision.
"The surgery... Uhm. A complication-"
"Please Belle.... Ju- Just tell me." She wiped under her eyes and put her hand on my cheek. "Just rip off the bandaid, right?"
"You're unable to have kids. Ever... again."
~~~~~~~~~~
10 days later - age 18
"Do you live around here?" The green eyed boy asked.
"I'm gonna ignore the fact you might be a possibly serial killer and answer that, no I don't. I am just-"
What the hell am I gonna say? I'm someone who ran away from my brothers... dad's death, abusive ex, and phsychotic mother?
"On holidays, yeah my sister is over there somewhere" I waved vaguely towards Beth.
"Nice."
"Yep"
silence.
I didn't like that, never have.
"Well I gotta-"
"Yeah."
That was all I saw of the pretty, green eyed boy. I turned around and grinned at Beth as she linked her arm through my mine, pulling me away from him.
"Who's he? I approve." I giggled and took out two pieces of gum. Passing her one.
"You don't even know him Beth! But doesn't he look familiar?" She glanced back at him, looking over his features.
"He looks like that one guy who's friends with uhm..." She weirdly hesitated for a minute before I finished the sentence for her.
"Oli? No definitely not. I know all of his friends. One more than others." The sad look disappeared from her face before she nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Let's try make it to the station on time." We made our way out of the mall and got a taxi to the station.
Beth and I had decided to go home. It was definitely time. We had wasted so much time in New York.
And I did love it here. Away from my problems but they were just on standby.
~~~~~~~~~
Later that day
I stared at her on the floor. Lily said she was clean, sober. Healthy, even?
"Ah. My least favorite child has returned." She popped open another bottle and drank some of it.
"Oli ran after you to New York, leaving me here with Jason. He beat the shit out of me because of you Belle. Or should I call you Anna. Since that little boy you were whoring around with always called you that." She said each word calmly, simply shrugging her shoulders.
Such hurtful words, yet I was numb.
"When did you relapse...?" I questioned as she took another sip of her drink.
And another.
And another.
one. two. three.
"The night you went to New York." Of course. Because I'm always the problem.
"I'm going back. My future belongs in New York. I'll do three months of school here. And then me and Beth... We are out of here. Away from you. Away from your shitty parenting. Away from this fucked up town. I'll visit at Christmas, maybe. Three months left to grow the fuck up mom. Step up and be what Oli, Lily and I deserve. You worthl-"
I don't call people worthless.
I am not my mom.
My mom is not me.
I am not worthless.
I composed myself and left with my last sentence, finally standing up to my mother. "You may not have wanted a daughter, but i needed a mom."
Authors Note
Quick Psa - I'll be returning to the regular storyline next chapter. Wanted to clear up her past. btw.. 5 months later she met Leo :)
Opinions - And ik these chapters can be boring, but it explained... well it explained a lot.............
Lots of Love Babies, ella <3
Words - 3300
Date - 29/01/22