PROLOGUE
"Shain, sandali lang!" His voice echoed behind me, desperate and urgent.
But I couldn't heed his plea, not now, not when every step sent waves of pain shooting through my body.
I pushed myself to run faster, my heart pounding in my chest, matching the rhythm of my frantic footsteps. I had to get away from him, from this suffocating situation. Tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring my vision, but I didn't dare slow down.
My feet carried me through the Gymnasium Annex (GA), the familiar surroundings a blur of shapes and colors. I just needed to keep moving, to escape the grasp of his outstretched hand. But his strides were longer, his determination matching mine.
Then, his touch. His hand closed around my wrist, halting my escape. My breath caught in my throat as I turned to face him, my heart racing with a mix of fear and defiance. His brown eyes, usually warm and comforting, now reflected fear and uncertainty.
I swallowed hard, my throat dry with apprehension. This wasn't good. Not at all. But as I met his gaze, a silent conversation passed between us, laden with unspoken words and buried emotions.
"LJ, ano ba?! Bitawan mo ako!" Sigaw ko sa kan'ya, pilit kong inaagaw ang aking braso.
Sobrang higpit ng hawak n'ya na para bang kapag hindi n'ya iyon gagawin ay bigla na lang akong mawawala at mag lalaho.
"Bakit ka ba sunod nang sunod?!" I sneered, my voice tinged with frustration, as I continued to struggle against his grip on my hand.
"Let me expl—" He began, but I didn't want to hear it. I cut him off sharply, unwilling to entertain any explanations or excuses.
I don't want to hear bullshit from him right now!
"Stop it. Hindi mo na kailangan magpaliwanag pa." kalmado ang boses ko.
Sa totoo lang, sobrang sakit na!
Pinilit kong ngitian s'ya ng kas'wal ngunit 'di ako sigurado kung nag tagumpay ba ako, but—I'm so damned crashed and shredded!
I attempted to muster a casual smile, though deep down, I knew it was feeble at best.
"I'm so sorrry—" His words trailed off as he tried to apologize, but I couldn't bear to hear it.
Not now. Not after everything.
"Just spare me the excuses," I interjected, my voice tinged with bitterness.
"Bakit ang sakit-sakit dito, Lance. . .” I trailed off, gesturing to my chest where my heart lay heavy with anguish.
As tears threatened to spill from my eyes, I gazed up at the sky, momentarily seeking solace in its vast expanse. A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I turned my gaze back to the man I loved, now consumed by a mixture of disgust and lingering affection.
"Bakit, Lance. . . bakit ano ba ang nagawa ko sayo para saktan mo ako ng ganito?" I pressed my lips together tightly, desperately trying to suppress the sobs threatening to escape.
Closing my eyes tightly, I felt the hot trail of tears tracing down my cheeks, accompanied by involuntary hiccups of distress. Each hiccup seemed to punctuate the heaviness and pain in my heart, a physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil raging within me.
My heart feels heavy and painful.
"Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo?! Ang pahirapan ako? Ang saktan ako?!” Singhal ko sa kaniya at sarkastikong ngumisi. “Well, guess what?!”
I glared at him with full of loath and regret. "You win! Nanalo ka na dahil nasasaktan ako at nasaktan na ’ko! Nahihirapan na ako. . . Tangina! Ano masaya ka na?! Masaya ka nang nakikita akong nasasaktan at nahihirapan?"
"But you know what?" I choked out, my voice trembling. "Even though I know it'll hurt, I keep holding on to us, hoping we can go back to how we used to be. . ."
I
lashed out, my fist connecting with his unyielding chest. He didn't flinch or protest, instead, he stood there silently, allowing me to release my pent-up emotions.
As I continued to cry, my body shook with the intensity of my emotions. I found myself sinking into his solid chest, seeking solace amidst the turmoil. But even as I sought comfort in his embrace, irritation bubbled within me, fueled by the overwhelming flood of tears that seemed to have no end.
Mas lalo akong napaiyak. "Tanga-tanga talaga siguro ako dahil nagbulag-bulagan ako kahit na sobrang linaw na ng katutuhanan, but. . . I ignored everything for you! I ignored what people say about you!"
Muli akong napahagulgol matapos akong magsalita. Naramdaman ko ang malumanay n'yang paghaplos sa buhok ko na para bang gusto n'yang ipahiwatag na magiging maayos din ang lahat.
He heaved a sigh, his voice heavy with regret, as he planted a feather-light kiss on the crown of my head.
"You don't understand, Shain," he murmured softly. "I never wanted to hurt you or make you cry. I don't want you to suffer like this. . ."
His words cut through my swirling emotions, offering a brief respite from the turmoil within. Yet, even as he spoke, I couldn't shake off my lingering doubts. With tearful eyes, I glanced up at him, torn between hope and apprehension.
"Then why?" I whispered, the question hanging heavy in the air between us, begging for an answer that could ease the ache in my heart.
“I'm sorry, I want to tell you everything but this is not the right time yet. I'm sorry, Shain, alam kong, sobra na kitang nasasaktan pero paano naman ako?” In the midst of delivering his message, his voice cracked, revealing a vulnerability that echoed through the place. “Nahihirapan at nasasaktan din ako sa sitwasyon na’tin.”
Natigilan ako at napakunot ang noo. Marahas akong umalis mula sa pagkakasubsob sa dibdib n'ya at tiningnan s'ya ng masama.
"Nahihirapan ka na pala, bakit hindi mo ako iwan? Dapat lumayo ka na. Dapat nakipaghiwal—"
I fell silent as his strong arms enveloped me in a sudden embrace, leaving me momentarily stunned and immobile.
"Shain. . . please," his voice broke through the silence, filled with a raw honesty that caught me off guard. “Yes, I admit, I am struggling and hurt. In the cupid's arrow of our love, I've chosen to remain by your side. Through the highs and lows, my heart has found its home with you, and come what may, I'm here to stay."
I couldn't help but snort derisively, my sneer tinged with sarcasm. Despite his heartfelt words, I instinctively tried to pull away, even though I knew it was futile.
Ayaw ko na! Pagod na pagod na akong umintindi sa kaniya! Ubos na ako—naubos ako nang dahil sa kaniya.
"Lance, seriously? Are you kidding me?" I burst into laughter, the sound tinged with bitterness, before forcing another grin. "Mahal mo ako? At sinong niloloko mo? Ako ba? 'Yan na naman tayo, magaling ka talaga bumilog ng utak ng mga babae. . . But this time, I will never believe you,"
I shot him a smug smirk, ready to turn away, but his grip tightened on my hand. Irritation surged through me, and I shot him a glare, my expression hardened. Yet, beneath my anger, I glimpsed his distress—the subtle signs of unease. His Adam's apple bobbed, his nose reddened slightly. Tears threatened in his eyes, but my own resentment clouded any sympathy I might have had.
I guess that's my talent. . .being blind with the truth.
"Everything I make you feel is true, and everything I tell you is true. Believe me... you're the only one I have. Please. . .don't leave me.”
Tears welled up in his eyes, tracing down his cheeks in silent acknowledgment of the pain he could no longer contain.
It pained me to see him so vulnerable, but I hardened my resolve, knowing that I had to stay strong, for both of us.
As he moved to embrace me once more, I halted him with a firm gesture. "LJ, don't try to get close to me. I'm already shattered. Please, if you still care about me, just leave me be."
Pinunasan niya ang kaniyang luha at tumingin siya sa aking mga mata. “Ang sakit mo magsalita—"
"Masakit na Lance! Ang sakit-sakit mong mahalin."
I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit relationship that we had!
Ginawa ko naman na ang lahat pero ganoon pa rin! Wala pa ring silbi ang lahat ng ginawa ko at mga sakripisyo ko. My sacrifices for our relationship are already too much. Ubos na ubos na ako!
"Shain, ano ba dapat kong gawin para maniwala ka?! Tell me, I'll do everything to make you believe in me, please. . ." he begged while the tears continued to flow in his eyes like mine.
I saw the pain in his eyes, echoing the strain in our relationship. Briefly, empathy softened my resolve, weakening my knees. But I stood firm, refusing to be swayed. With determination, I locked eyes with him, ready to face our emotional storm.
"Wala kang dapat gawin para mapaniwala mo ulit ako because, in the first place, you already broke me into pieces—no, you shred me into millions of pieces! Kumbaga, sinira mo na ako, tinapaktapakan at pinunit . . . So pa'no pa kita papaniwalaan n'yan? Paano mo pa ako maayos n'yan kung sa una pa lang ay wasak-wasak na ako nang dahil sa'yo?!"
I scoffed. "Kung sasabihin ko ba sa'yo na patayin mo ang sarili mo, gagawin mo ba? S'yempre, hindi, 'di ba?"
Ngumisi ako at bahagyang nilapit ang mukha ko sa kaniya. "H'wag kang magsalita ng tapos! Dahil hindi mo na kayang gawin ang lahat para sa akin, okay?! Don't treat me like a fool, again. I'm so done with those bullshits!”
"Let's end this because this love is draining us both," I stated firmly, turning away. "We're just playing games with each other."
I heard him sniffle, so I glanced back. His eyes and nose were red, his once beautiful eyes now filled with tears.
He swallowed hard, attempting a smile despite the pain in his eyes.
"I-I don't want to break up. I don't want to, Shainny. . . Remember, I'm the rule," he joked weakly, another tear trickling down his cheek.
"Lance Joaquin Bernardo!" I said his full name, catching him off guard with the seriousness in my tone.
He bent down, sniffing. "Why do we have to go through this? Why do we have to split up?! Let's talk it out. . ."
He lifted his head, his tear-filled eyes expressing pain, fear, and hope. "Let's just talk, hon. . . I don't want to lose you. If you don't understand, I'll explain it to you, just don't leave me. . . Please," his voice trembled slightly.
"Didn't you promise to do everything to make me believe?" I asked, my fists clenched.
I didn't want to do this, but it had to be done. This was our way to set each other free.
"Yes, tell me everything," he said, a glimmer of hope returning to his eyes. The tears stopped flowing.
His hopeful expression touched me, but I knew I had to speak my truth. Wiping away my tears, I took a deep breath, preparing to speak.
I can do this!
Napalunok ako at tinginan s’ya sa mata ngunit kaagad din siya napa-iwas. Naninikip ang dibdib ko at hindi ako mas'yadong makahinga.
Bakit ang hirap niya pakawalan?
Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm my pounding heart, though it stubbornly refused to align with the decision my mind had made. But my decision is final.
I need to let him go.
I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady my racing heart that seemed to rebel against the decision my mind had reluctantly made. Turning to him, I managed a sad smile, though the weight of my words hung heavily between us.
"I need you to stay away from me," I said, my tone firm but laced with sorrow.
I watched as his shoulders slumped, tears welling up in his eyes, a sight that tore at my heart. Avoiding his gaze, I turned away completely, unable to bear the pain in his eyes.
"LJ, please. . . stay away from me. Let's end things now," I choked out, my voice trembling with the weight of my own emotions. I wanted to take back my words, to erase the hurt I saw in him, but I knew deep down it was the right choice for both of us.
"T-That's. . . what I want," I reiterated, my back still turned to him, unable to face the devastation I had caused.
I couldn't bear to see him cry, couldn't bear the thought of causing him any more pain.
I couldn't bear to witness his pain; it hurt me too much. I didn't want to see him cry or suffer because of me.
"Sinungaling!" He almost shouted at me before dashing to my front. His eyes are shining and his fists are clenched. Bigla naman akong kinabahan kaya napaatras ako.
Bumuka ang bibig ko para sana magsalita ngunit naunahan n'ya ako. Kaya muli ko na lang na tinikom ang bibig ko.
"You're a liar! You're just lying! I can't believe you want me to go away!" His voice trembled as he screamed, his hands pulling at his hair in frustration. "You love me! That's why I know what you're saying is against your heart!"
I swallowed hard, my gaze fixed on the man I love, the raw intensity of our emotions hanging in the charged air between us. He looks like a mess.
I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on me. It was all so difficult to comprehend. Another deep breath steadied my nerves as I approached him.
Cupping his face gently in my hands, I met his gaze, finding solace in the warmth of his presence. Lance leaned into my touch, his expression akin to a contented kitten, relishing the affectionate gesture.
"Lance, I need to say it again. . ." I bit my lower lip, struggling to hold back my emotions. "From now on, we need to stay apart and agree to our separation. Please. . . it's what we both need. We need to focus on healing ourselves first," I murmured, my voice tinged with sadness. He swallowed hard, taking hold of my hand.
"Are you sure about this, Shainny?" he asked, his voice laden with sorrow. I nodded slowly.
"I-I'm sure, Lance," I replied, trying to offer him a reassuring smile.
He attempted to return the gesture before sinking to the floor with a hollow laugh, wiping away his tears. I turned away, wiping my own tears, grateful that we were alone in the gym.
"Okay. . . if that's what you want, I'll do as you ask," he muttered softly, his voice barely audible.
Silence enveloped us for a few moments before Lance finally spoke, his words heavy with resignation as he stood up, his gaze fixed on the ground.
"P'wedeng humingi ng isang hiling?" his voice remained distant, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. "Payakap kahit isang saglit lang,"
I offered him a sad smile before opening my arms wide.
"Come here, hon. . ."
Slowly, he approached me, wrapping his arms around me in a hesitant embrace. I returned the hug, holding him tightly as I buried my face in his chest, the tears flowing freely once more.
Last hug with you, hon.
"Honey, p'wede pa naman kitang mahalin 'di ba? Kahit p-patago lang?" he sobbed. "Huwag mo naman sanang ipagkait o pigilan akong mahalin ka kahit patago lang," .
I slowly nodded my head to answer his question. I don't think, I can utter a word without breaking down in front of him kaya mas pinili ko nalang na tumango.
"Hayaan mo lang akong mahalin ka hangga't sa mapagod ako." he murmured.
Don't . . . It may sound selfish but I don't want him to get tired of loving me.
N A M E L E S S G U Y 2 5