Content warnings; mild violence :(
Eren's POV
"Eren—Eren! Wake up!" I heard someone say, shaking my arm repeatedly.
"Mmmm, why are you shouting?" I groaned, unpleasantly.
"You need to go to school now, you're almost late." The covers were yanked off of my bed.
I could've been naked...jeez
"You didn't have to wait on me, it's not like I'm fighting in the team battle today anyway." I rolled my eyes.
"Eren, sweetheart, I have no idea what you're talking about." I heard my mom's confusion.
"Shit, I thought I was talking to Mikasa for a second. Sorry, mom." I laughed, nervously.
I noticed her sad eyes, yet again, and it put me in such a bad mood. She's been through so much and she's still struggling.
I'm still pissed that (Y/N) took my spot on the team. It's annoying when you work hard for something and then someone comes and takes it away in an instant.
I hate when people take things away from me, haven't I already gotten enough taken away?
"Well—speaking of her, your friends are outside waiting for you. So, hurry it up mister." She implied, frizzing my hair even more.
"Give me a breaaak." I rolled off bed and fell onto the floor.
"What in the world are you doing?" She asked, worriedly.
"Nothing mom, but can you get out so I can put on my uniform?" I asked, my voice muffled from laying on the floor.
"Are you—are you going to eat this morning? You haven't been eating." She asked, in a sad, but shaky voice.
"I-I'm not hungry, I ate at the banquet yesterday, remember?" I answered. I did eat at the banquet, but it wouldn't digest properly, so when I got home, I ended up throwing it all up. I had to force myself to eat most of the time and I disrelished it, but I couldn't tell my mom that of course. I didn't want her to bear anymore tensity on her shoulders.
Although, I am hungry this morning, I just can't even seem to eat the way that I want to.
"That's right..." She answered in a whisper, before heading downstairs.
I straightened out my uniform and put it on. To be honest, I didn't want to go to school today because the thoughts of me sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone fight infuriated me. Sitting out isn't going to make me stronger.
If only that stupid ODM gear wasn't so hard, maybe I could've been fighting this go around. Or maybe, just maybe, (Y/N) hadn't shown up I would've had a chance to.
After I finished getting ready, I walked out my room and headed downstairs. I looked through the window and saw that Mikasa and Armin were already outside waiting for me, so that we could walk to school together. I don't know why Mikasa just doesn't go to school with Levi, she always has to be with me.
"Try and have a good day for me, love." My mother walked up to me and kissed my forehead, lightly.
"I'm not a baby anymore." I rolled my eyes and began blushing and that's when she tugged on my ear.
"You'll always be my baby." She said, weakly smiling.
She's not happy, but she's trying so hard to be. Just for me. It breaks my heart.
"Okay mom, that's enough. I have to go now." I blushed from embarrassment and walked out of the door.
"Mikasa, why the hell don't you go to school with Levi?" I asked, slightly riled.
"Wherever you go, I go." She stated, shrugging.
"There you go with that shit again. We're going to the same damn place!" I replied, throwing my hands up. Armin and Mikasa started staring at me, weirdly.
The hell is this about?
"Uh, what?" I asked, as I began to walk, while they followed close behind.
"Do you like (Y/N), Eren?" Mikasa queried.
"What makes you think that?! No I don't, not one bit, if you couldn't already tell from the banquet." I shouted at her.
"You're lying." She retorted.
"How are you going to ask me a question and then when I answer, you tell me I'm lying?" I voiced.
"Because it's obvious." Armin articulated.
"Huh? What's obvious?" I asked, creasing my eyebrows.
"Eren, we've noticed the way you've been looking at her. You've been doing it ever since she got here." She clarified.
"Eh—that doesn't mean anything!" I frowned.
"And whenever she's with Jean, you have this look on your face. You stare at Jean with resentment, whenever she's smiling at him." Armin continued.
What the hell are they even talking about?
"I remember Ymir joked around and said they'd get together in a week or so and you said 'yeah right', what did you mean by that?" She questioned, cutting her eyes at me.
"I just meant that not even Jean would get with a girl like her." I stated, shrugging.
Why are they asking this? It's not like I even talk to her on a day to day basis. I cant stand her.
"Where did you go that day after school when the sunset was about to hit?" Mikasa asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I looked out my window and saw you walking somewhere. You had a guilty facial expression and by the look of your body language, you were nervous." She interpreted.
I really REALLY hate the fact that she's so damn observant.
"I was just going to the Market." I lied straight through my teeth.
"Markets are closed at that time. You were heading to (Y/N)'s house." She asserted.
"Fine I did, but not for any reason you're thinking, now lay off!" I hollered.
"Why did you go?" Armin asked.
"To apologize on Mikasa's behalf for punching her in the face!" I exclaimed.
"I thought you said you didn't care?" She questioned me.
"Why are you guys asking me this? What's your intentions?" I sighed, peeved.
"We're only asking you this because you're being oblivious, Eren. It's clear that (Y/N) probably likes you and she's trying to fix things with you, but you keep shutting her out. You really hurt her feelings at the banquet last night." Armin explained, I could hear the sadness in his voice.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't like her? I don't care about her stupid feelings either. It's not my fault she came here." I rolled my eyes.
"If you didn't care about her feelings, why did you go apologize?" Armin asked.
"I said on Mikasa's behalf." I replied.
"There's more to it. I've taken notice to how she looks at you too, Eren. From day one, when she first walked into class, she's never stopped. You two seem to admire each other, when you're not looking at one another." She explained.
I don't admire anyone, they're just trying to get me to admit I like her when I don't. Besides, there's just no way in hell she would like me anyway, after I've always been mean to her. It's clear she likes horse face anyway.
"You've taken notice to everything, huh?" I rolled my eyes.
"Look, I appreciate your unwelcome concerns, but I don't like her nor do I have time for that love shit. So, could you two kindly fuck off?" I asked piqued, those two are so annoying at times.
After what felt like a protracted and galling conversation on whether or not I liked (Y/N), we had finally reached Captain Levi's class. We were told that we didn't have Erwin's class today because he was out doing something that was none of our business.
"I'm ready to kick ass, that's too bad Eren isn't fighting." Jean taunted me, as soon as I walked in.
He must be irritating the moment he wakes up. I mean I don't blame him, I'd always be irritated too, if I looked like a horse.
"I'll fight you right here and now if you don't shut up, you damn stallion." I scoffed.
(Y/N) walked in with Historia and Jean's attention soon focused on her..
"Your hair is beautiful, (Y/N). I love the braid." Jean complimented audibly, it was like he wanted me to hear it.
"You're too sweet." I heard her respond.
I tried my best to disregard that conversation because I didn't want to hear their annoying voices. They were both so damn pesky, it made me furious. I noticed how silent it got all of a sudden, so I looked up from my desk to see what was going on—that's when I saw everyone eyeing me.
"What?" I asked, disoriented.
"You've punched the desk, Eren. It was very, uh, loud." Mikasa whispered at me, with a concerned look on her face.
I looked down at the desk, which had a exiguous mark from where I've apparently hit it. My gaze soon fixated on my knuckles, that were now stinging and red.
"We don't have any time to waste, so let's head out to the field. Historia, Ymir and Bertholdt, you three will be staying here and cleaning. It better be spotless." Levi instructed, in a serious manner.
I heard the sighs coming from the three of them; cleaning with Levi was exhausting. If it wasn't clean to his standards, which must be very high, you would have to clean again and again, until it's to his liking.
"Eren, you will be practicing with the gear, but luckily for you, you will still be close enough to watch." He said, speaking directly to me.
We had all headed out to the field, besides the three that were suppose to be cleaning. I watched the excitement on everyone's faces beforehand and it angered me.
It should be me that gets to fight.
I walked directly over to the practice maneuver gear and buckled myself in. I stared at them, as Levi elucidated the rules and everything. They stood in their assigned position with their team, getting ready to start.
They're doing my favorite practice drill, just great.
Essentially, each team has one ODM gear on each side of the field and whoever reaches the opposing team's ODM gear first and heads to the finish line using it, wins.
I decided to survey (Y/N), so I could see how weak she is, but to my surprise, she was actually playing smart and laying low. Jean was undoubtedly holding back when it came to her because he didn't even try to fight her seriously. He'd hold her back or on the ground and she'd just laugh.
Oh! Give me a break, they are so cringe.
I decided I should irritate Jean, by pitching something at him to mess him up. He was standing over (Y/N), so it was certainly the perfect shot. Besides, he's done this to me before back in middle school, during a dodgeball match. Now it's pay back time.
There was a decent sized rock, casually perched next to my foot.
I'm gonna throw this at his stomach, he won't know it's coming to him. It'll be funny!
I picked up the rock and chucked it as hard and fast as I could, but before I knew it, (Y/N) had gotten up and jostled Jean out of the way at the last second. I saw that the rock ended up bashing her in the head, in lieu of him. I saw her fall to the ground immediately afterwards.
Shit. Shit. Shit. What the fuck have I done?
"(Y/N)! She's out cold!!" I heard Jean shout.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have thrown a rock to begin with. But it was suppose to hit Jean because you know—he's a lot stronger and taller and I'm sure it wouldn't have hit his head at all.
I detached myself from the practice gear and ran over to the circle that soon inaugurated over her. Her head was bleeding and she had a big ass bruise around her eye. The rock that I threw causally laid beside her.
"What happened?!" Sasha shrieked.
"(Y/N), are you alright?!" Connie knelt down beside her, shaking her body, but she wasn't responding.
"(Y/N)! No!!" Hanji cried out, tears emerging from her eyes.
"I didn't see what happened, but it's obvious that someone had to have thrown this rock at her. It wasn't here before." Jean bent over and picked up the rock that I threw. I kept silent from the guilt that was eating me inside.
"Yeah, but who could've thrown that at her?" Reiner asked, shockingly.
Jean swiftly looked over at me, with a splenetic facial expression. He grabbed me by the shirt, as everyone else watched as he did so.
"Let go, you fucking asshole!" I yelled, irritated.
"Was it you?! You're the only one here that seems to hate her!" He shouted in my face.
Mikasa walked over and removed his hand off of my shirt.
"It couldn't have been Eren. He's been practicing balancing himself on the practice maneuver gear. It would've been impossible for him to throw that, while being in the air." Mikasa explained, calmly.
"I hope she's okay, I can't believe someone would do this.." Armin had the most worried look on his face.
Fuck, I know I hate her and all, but I didn't mean to knock her out. I didn't expect everyone to care either.
"You're right, Mikasa. I'm sorry Eren, not even you would go that far." Jean exhaled and patted me on the shoulder.
I hated myself so much right now because I definitely did just go that far.
"Jean, take her to the infirmary. You'll have to sit this one out as well in order for it to be fair." Levi commanded.
"Yes, captain." Jean scooped (Y/N) into his arms and carried her unconscious body to the infirmary. I watched him carry her away.
Alright fuck it, I don't need to like her in order for me to tell her that I'm sorry for everything.
The amount of penitence I feel is insane. Armin was correct, she had done nothing, but try and fix things with me and I ended up throwing a damn rock at her head. She didn't deserve that in the slightest.
The battle ended shortly afterwards and team two had won, the team (Y/N) was on, the team I would've been on. I managed to balance myself in the time being. Everyone headed over to the infirmary to check up on (Y/N), including me. We all pretty much watched her, as she laid there unconscious for a bit.
"This is bad and unfortunate, I was looking forward to seeing her skills. She's awfully talented." Levi complimented, which raised some eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes.
"How long do you think she'd be out?" Sasha asked, frantically playing with her hands from anxiety.
"Probably a couple more minutes or so, her injuries aren't too severe, but she does have a mild concussion. She'll most likely have some symptoms of dizziness, confusion, and possibly nausea." The nurse had informed us.
"Oh my god, poor (Y/N). She's such a nice girl! What sick cruel person could do that to her?" Hanji asked, freaking out.
"I don't know, but when I find out, I'll beat the living shit out of them." Jean said, frustrated. He pulled up a chair next to the bed she was resting in and sat next to her.
Everyone pretty much walked out besides Jean and I. I couldn't leave yet, not until I knew she was okay.
I still hate her, but damn I'm an idiot.
"Don't you think you've been staring enough?" Jean asked, looking over at me.
I didn't say anything to him, I just walked out into the hall and leaned against the wall, until I was able to see that she was conscious again. Levi and Hanji stood out in the hall as well.
❀
I went home with so much repentance today. Mikasa and Armin kept trying to talk to me after school, but I kept my remoteness. I didn't want to snap on them or give them dry or cold responses, so I just left them hanging. Furthermore, it's best for me not to let my emotions do the talking, which is why I like to be left unattended when I feel this way.
My chest felt heavy and I knew it was going to be feeling this way, until I apologized to her. I didn't want to because I can't stand her presence, but she does condign it after all. It was like a burden I'd rather not carry, but like I said..
I don't need to like her in order for me to tell her I'm sorry for everything.
I shunned everyone for the rest of the day after today's casualty. I didn't even talk to my mom, even though I noticed she wanted to converse with me. I was already overwhelmed with everything going on in my life and now this.
I did this to myself.
All I do is fuck up and make everyone unhappy.
I haven't been eating or sleeping because I haven't had the eagerness to.
How can someone eat or sleep when they're in a bad mood all of the time?
I know I hated (Y/N), but I was more than apprehensive about her well-being. The thoughts of her laying in that bed because of me was eating me alive, to the point I have no motivation to do anything else. It's karma, but I knew what I needed to do. Just apologize, move on, forget about this and her.