He nodded and finally broke the hug, just long enough to kiss me.
*Buck's P.O.V.*
I couldn't process what had happened, I acted on instinct and kissed him. The second our lips met there was a spark within me, fire coursed through my veins as I stood there kissing Eddie. After a few seconds Eddie put his hands on my hips, pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. I got lost in the closeness of our bodies and the feeling of his strong, yet gentle touch. Our kiss didn't last super long, less than a minute in reality, but it felt like an eternity. I pulled back from Eddie and stared into his brilliant hazel eyes. There was such an deep intimacy between us as neither one of us made an attempt to move away from the other.
"I'm sorry Buck," Eddie whispered, "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I was selfish and I didn't even think of you when I made this decision. You've come to me for everything and I just completely sidestepped you with this. I can't imagine how much this hurt you, and I didn't even think about that. The truth is that I don't know what to think anymore Buck, I'm lost and don't know what to do. You were right, I was too ignorant and stuck up to see how much you were hurting. Before today I've never heard someone scream in so much pain, but hearing your cries broke me. I love you Evan Buckley, and I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to say it."
"I'm sorry too Edmundo," I replied gently, "I shouldn't have said the things I said. I know that you always have Chris' best interests in mind and you'd never use him as an excuse. I pushed you too far and I'm sorry. Honestly when I heard you say you were leaving everything just stopped. I couldn't process what was going on and I overreacted, I let my emotions take over Eddie. I wasn't hearing the logic behind your reasoning, all I heard was you were leaving me. After Bobby pulled me away, I broke down and I cried."
I stood there looking at Eddie, searching for something but I didn't know what.
"You were right though," Eddie responded, "I wasn't thinking straight, I was scared. I was afraid because Christopher made me realize how many times I've almost died on this job. I was even more afraid of losing myself to this job and ignoring Chris."
I threw my arms around Eddie and hugged him tightly. When I finally broke the hug I could tell that everything would be okay.
"As much as I hate to interrupt such a tender moment," Athena said firmly, "we're ready to leave now and neither one of you have a car here. We're all heading back to my place now for a little get together."
Eddie and I looked around and noticed almost everybody had left already.
"Before you two even think about hitching separate rides," Bobby said with finality, "You're both riding with us cause all the other cars are conveniently filled already. So come on you two let's go."
I felt myself swallow before nodding and following Bobby and Athena. Eddie followed behind me as we walked back towards Athena's car. I opened the door for Eddie and then scooted to the other side and got in. I heard the click of the door locking and both Bobby and Athena turned around to look at us.
"What the hell happened out there?" Bobby questioned, "I didn't expect it to go super smoothly because I could see how you two felt about each other but I wasn't expecting that. So you wanna explain to me why two of my best firefighters were acting like a couple of stupid teenagers in the locker room?"
"I overreacted," I responded, "I heard he was leaving and everything in me just shut down. Every ounce of self control I had went out the window, and suddenly I was back to being that kid driven by emotions. I lost control and I overreacted and I made a fool of myself. I just wanted to feel something other than heartbreak and betrayal."
Eddie just remained quiet trying to figure everything out. Athena looked at Eddie, searching for his answer.
"I wasn't thinking," Eddie explained, "telling everybody was hard enough for me to do, but telling Buck was harder. You warned me that it could end badly Bobby. I should've listened to you and just waited until we were at least somewhere more private. I let things escalate instead of trying to reason with Buck, I simply got defensive and angry. I have no excuse for hitting Buck and I hate that I did."
"Well you've both been through enough shit today and I'm not going to add to that right now," Athena said calmly, "but this better not happen again. The important thing is that you two finally managed to grow up and tell each other how you really feel. It only took you two, three years to admit it. They say Rome wasn't built in a day but you two sure as hell took your sweet bloody time. You know if you two took any longer I would've locked you two in the interrogation room until you told each other. I've never seen two people so hopelessly in love with each other, take so damn long to act on those feelings."
I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought, I knew Athena wasn't joking and she actually would've done that; which only made it funnier. I felt happier now and safer now that my feelings were out in the open. I looked at Eddie out of the corner of my eye and I could see a smile on his face. Seemingly satisfied with the results of their interrogation they turned around and Athena drove us back to her house. I leaned against Eddie in the back seat of the car as Athena drove. By the time we got back to Athena's everybody else was already there and talking amongst themselves. We walked in and everybody looked up at us and conversations briefly stopped.
"Y'all can stop staring now," Athena said clearing her throat, "it's over and dealt with now. So let's just enjoy our little get together and move on."
That seemed to break most of the tension in the room and everybody resumed their conversations.
"Dad, Bucky," Christopher exclaimed as he made his way over to us, "what happened earlier?"
"Well you see Chris," Eddie said gently, "Buck and I didn't agree on something and things got out of control."
"It seemed like more than that," Christopher countered, "Bucky looked really hurt and angry with you dad. It feels like there's more to this."
Eddie sighed and then said, "You're right Chris, there is more to it. You see I told Buck that I was leaving the 118 and he got upset because I didn't talk to him about it. I hurt his feelings really bad and things got out of hand."
"So you ended up yelling at each other in front of everybody? You punched Buck dad, we're not supposed to hit people when we're angry. You taught me that hitting people is wrong, especially when you care about that person."
"I got upset with your dad," I chimed in, "he hurt my feelings a lot and I pushed his buttons to make him angry. I wanted him to hit me and I pushed your dad pretty hard. Sometimes things don't always make sense Chris and sometimes grown ups get into fights even though we know better."
"You do crazy things for love," Chris said after a second, "even if those things don't seem very kind."
I looked at Eddie and then back at Chris, it was obvious that the kid knew a lot more than we thought he did. So we decided to tell him the truth.
"You're right love does make people do stuff they don't normally do." Eddie explained, "Buck and I do love each other a lot and that's why things got so heated. When I said I was leaving, Buck took it really hard because his feelings took over. Athena and Bobby helped us sort our issues out and now things are how they're supposed to be."
Chris paused for a moment, thinking about what Eddie said.
"Does this mean Buck is finally going to move in with us?" Chris asked with a smile, "or are we going to move into Buck's apartment?"
Wait what? He's thinking about Eddie and I moving in together? When did that happen? I was so confused but also kinda hopeful for Eddie's answer.
"Okay first off Buck and I haven't made any plans about us moving in together," Eddie said with a confused tone, "but secondly what do you mean 'finally moving in'?"
"Come on dad," Chris said with a sigh, "you look at Buck the way you used to look at mom, only a little sweeter. Carla says friends don't look at each other that way, but I know what it means. You two love each other but for some reason you two didn't tell each other how you felt. I liked Ana but she wasn't Buck dad, you and I both knew that you wanted Buck to be there not her. You don't panic dad so the fact that you had a panic attack when people called Ana my mom says alot. What really gave it away was what happened in the park. When you guys came back you hugged each other like Athena and Bobby hug each other, and you guys kissed each other on the mouth. Friends don't do that kind of stuff dad, you and Buck are in love. I've known that for a while."
Eddie and I were both speechless, I've always known the kid was smart but this took the cake. I couldn't contain the smile that had erupted across my face. I looked at Eddie and he just smirked before he chuckled.
"You are such a smart kid Chris," Eddie replied with a chuckle, "you managed to figure it out without our help. You just did the math in your head and realized that Buck and I were in love. So I guess now I just have one question for you. Would you be okay with Buck and I dating and eventually moving in together?"
"Technically that's two questions dad," Chris responded happily, "but the answer to both questions is yes, I'm okay with it. Honestly I've been waiting for this for a really long time, so it just makes sense."
I felt my cheeks heat up and I'm pretty sure Eddie could see me blushing. I wrapped my arms around Chris and Eddie and hugged both of them tightly. We broke the hug and all of us went back to the party.
Hen came over to Eddie and I and pulled us off to the side on the patio.
"Alright you two," Hen said knowingly, "let's have a talk about what really happened this morning. I know Athena said it's over and dealt with but I think there's more to it."
"Look Hen we've already been interrogated by Athena and Bobby," I stated, "I don't really feel like sitting through another one. I'll tell you what you want to know but I don't want an interrogation again."
"I'm not going to interrogate you guys Buck," Hen replied, "I've figured most of it out for myself. I just have a couple questions about stuff."
"What do you want to know?" Asked Eddie.
"Okay what's the deal with all the hesitation? Like you two have been giving each other the heart eyes since you met. Why'd it take so long for you guys to tell each other?"
"Honestly I don't know anymore," Eddie replied quietly, "I don't know why I waited for so long. It doesn't make sense and it's not logical but I can't change the past."
"I don't think I could ever justify the hesitation," I said softly, "and have it actually make sense to me let alone to you."
"Okay that's fair, not everything has to make sense Buck," Hen responded, "there's no manual for life. There's one other question I want to ask but I don't quite know if I should."
"I told you I'd tell you what you wanted to know," I replied, "ask what you want to ask Hen."
"Okay then here it goes," She started, "what are you two going to do now?"
Eddie asked, "What do you mean?"
"Like Buck's dating Taylor and you're talking about leaving the 118. What are you guys gonna do about that situation?"
"For starters I'm going to talk to Taylor," I answered, "it's not fair to keep her in the dark. I don't know how she's gonna react and I don't know what I'm going to do but I know where I have to start."
We all just nodded and an uncomfortable silence settled over the three of us. There were a million thoughts in my head and I didn't know how to sort any of them.
*Eddie's P.O.V.*
I looked over at Buck and I could tell he was starting to withdraw into himself. He was getting overwhelmed and I could see it in his eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder and motioned for him to sit down. He sat on the patio bench and I sat down with him. The second Buck was off his feet his leg started bouncing like a jack hammer. I rested my hand on his knee and his leg stopped bouncing almost instantly. I rubbed the side of his knee with my thumb.
"It's okay Buck," I whispered, "take a deep breath. You're okay Buck, no matter what happens I'm here for you."
Buck simply nodded, I don't think he knew what to say. He leaned over to me and rested his head on my shoulder. Hen kinda just turned and left giving a small nod as she did. Buck sorta nuzzled into my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around him.
"Do you think that I'm a bad person?" Buck asked softly, "I mean I want to be with you Eddie and I don't entirely care about what Taylor thinks about it. Does that make me a bad person?"
"No, I don't think you're a bad person," I replied, "I could never think that about you Buck. I think that you should tell her as soon as possible and explain the truth to her. Honestly Buck I think that she's going to understand."
"Thanks Eddie," he said gently, "You're a really good guy and it means a lot to me to have you in my life."
"Of course mi amor," I whispered, "I'll always be in your life."
"Mi amor," Buck repeated, "I like the way it sounds when you say it."
I smiled and pulled Buck closer to me. We sat in a comfortable silence for a little while before we went back inside with the others. Despite the fight at the park, there was a pleasant and happy atmosphere in Athena's house, everybody was smiling and joking. As the day went on people slowly started to leave until it was just Athena, Bobby, Buck, Carla, Christopher, Harry, and myself. Chris and Harry were hanging out in the living room playing some video game leaving the five adults in the kitchen. Carla just looked between Buck and I and smiled.
"I think this will be good for you two," Carla said with a smile, "you both are so much better together; besides you're super cute together. Although I do have to wonder what's going to happen with Taylor."
Honestly I don't know where Taylor had gone because I didn't see her anywhere when Buck and I had our fight. I hadn't even noticed that she wasn't there until that moment.
"Hey Buck," I asked, "where is Taylor? I haven't seen her since this morning."
"She left just before we had our fight," he responded, "she said something about going to see a friend of hers. She invited me to go but I didn't feel like it; she said It's okay though."
"Oh, okay," I replied, "that makes sense I guess."
Around 3 o'clock, Buck, Carla, Chris and I decided we should head out. The four of us piled into Carla's car and headed back to my place. We dropped Buck off at his apartment on the way. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before he said his goodbyes and went inside. We drove back to my place and as we stopped out front, Carla explained that she was gonna head home. Chris and I went inside and turned on the TV.
*Athena's P.O.V.*
After everybody had left I was cleaning the house up with Bobby.
"What are your thoughts on this Bobby?" I asked, "like everything that happened in the park?"
"Honestly I can't say I'm surprised," he replied, "Buck has loved Eddie since day one and lately he's been going through alot. I warned Eddie that Buck wouldn't take it well but, he told him anyways. As bad as it sounds I don't blame Buck for lashing out the way he did, I mean Eddie did just spring it on everyone. When I sat down with Buck, I didn't see the proud, cocky, fun loving Buck that we know, all I saw was a broken man holding his heart in his hands."
"Of course he's broken," I stated, "Eddie was pretty much the only thing holding Buck together and then he drops a bombshell like that on Buck. Although I can't entirely fault Eddie for his decision either. He has Christopher to worry about and after Shannon died he truly became a single parent, that changes things. I understand that Eddie was worried about Chris but honestly I think it's more of his own fear than Christopher's."
"I was thinking that too," Bobby responded, "when he came to me asking for a transfer I gathered that he was more afraid than he was showing. I'm gonna help him and get him the transfer, probably gonna send him to be the press liason. I think he's making a bad call by leaving the 118 but I'm going to support him and let him come to that realization on his own. I think he's so trapped inside his head that he's not realizing that his place is at the 118."
"Then why are you granting the transfer?" I questioned, "why not just tell him no and have him go see a shrink?"
"Because if I do that," he stated, "with the mindset he's in, he'll just quit. At least if I help him it's easy to undo a transfer when the time comes. It takes alot of work to unquit and it would be a bigger issue. I agree that he needs professional help but he needs to think that on his own. Maybe just maybe Buck will help him realize that. Honestly though, I think that Buck and Eddie are good for each other. They have a really good chemistry between them and as a team they're phenomenal. They also balance each other out, keeping them both out of trouble."
"Those two are good for each other," I agreed, "it took way too damn long for them to finally 'fess up and tell them that they loved each other. Eddie is making a dumb ass decision by leaving the 118 but I suppose you're right, he needs to accept that for himself. I guess until Eddie comes back to the 118 we just have to keep an eye on them both, make sure neither one of them does anything unusually stupid or reckless."
"That's easier said than done," Bobby scoffed, "when they're apart those two act like idiots for whatever reason, especially Buck. Eddie's Buck voice of reason and he keeps Buck inline for the most part."
I nodded and muttered, "ain't that the bloody truth?"
Bobby chuckled and just nodded.
"What did Buck even say to you earlier?" I asked, "he seemed different when he came back, like a big weight had been taken off his chest."
"He broke down and told me everything." Bobby explained, "I don't even think he's told his therapist half of what what he said to me. He said that he doesn't know what to do anymore. He's been hurting for a while and today was his breaking point. Years of internalizing his problems all boiled over and erupted in a spectacular blowout all at once. Buck told me that his greatest fear is losing Eddie and not being able to do anything to save him. Honestly I understand that fear all too well. It's the same fear I had when Jeffrey Hudson attacked you. That's why Buck does his best work when Eddie's there. It's because he knows Eddie is okay and can focus on what needs to be done, instead of worrying about Eddie. After everything that Eddie has been through on the job, plus what Maddie went through with Doug, I understand where Buck's coming from."
I looked at Bobby and I hugged him. I finally understood what made Buck so impulsive and reckless while Eddie wasn't there. I felt bad for Buck, that's a lot of stress for someone to put on themselves.
"So that's why Buck acts so impulsively a lot of times?" I asked gently, "it's because of fear and love?"
"Yeah, it is," Bobby replied, "Buck gets distracted by his fears when Eddie isn't there and that distraction impedes his ability to fully think things through. He told me that when Eddie is there it's like his safety net, Eddie stops him from spiraling. He said when Eddie's there his brain basically goes 'see he's right there, he's safe. We can focus everything on the job now' and when Eddie's not there all the negative possibilities gather in the back of Buck's mind. Most times Buck can push those thoughts to the very back of his mind so he can still do his job. But there are times when they push back and he gets reckless because of it."
Suddenly Buck's choices and actions all made sense. It wasn't cockiness and arrogance that made Buck act out. He wasn't showing off, he was fighting his fears, overcompensating for his fears by acting fearless. He was making himself expendable to hide the fact that he was scared. I couldn't help but to see Buck in a whole new light that I hadn't considered before. I knew that Bobby sympathized with Buck and honestly so did I. The guy's been through hell and back more times than anyone would care to admit. I didn't agree with the way Buck would act recklessly when Eddie wasn't there, but now I understood the reason for it. I wrapped my arms around Bobby as If to say 'I'm here'. He hugged me back and gave my back a small pat before he rested his chin on my shoulder. I could tell that Bobby was tired and today had worn him out. So I took him into the living room and curled up with him on the couch.
*Buck's P.O.V.*
I sat down on the leather couch of my apartment when I got inside. After a couple minutes I pulled out my phone and texted Taylor.
Me: Hey Tay , you coming by later?
Taylor: I was gonna head back to my place for a few hours and swing by around suppertime... unless you want me to come by sooner
Me: Actually I was hoping you could by a little sooner. I kinda have something I wanna talk to you about.
Taylor: Okay, I could be there in 20 minutes. Everything okay?
Me: More or less... just wanna talk to you bout something.
Taylor: Okay I'm on my way I'll see you soon.
Me: Okay thanks
I sat back on the couch and sighed. I had no idea how I was going to tell her about what happened or about how I felt. I turned the TV on and absent-mindedly watched some home reno show cause that was the first thing I found. After a while there was a knock at the door, so I got up and opened the door for Taylor.
"Hey Buck," She said as she entered, "I brought coffee cause I figured you could use some."
"Thanks Tay," I replied, "I appreciate it."
"So what did you want to talk to me about?"
Well here goes nothing, no turning back now. Everybody was right, she deserved to know. I needed to tell her and get it off my chest.