It was raining when I woke up the next day. Sumilip ako sa bintana ko, malakas ang hangin. Kumunot ang noo ko at bumalik muli sa kama, kaagad na kinuha ang cellphone ko. When I opened my messenger, I saw a lot of messages in our group chat.
I clicked it— looks like all of them are online. Ngayon-ngayon lang kasi ang mga message, Epione even mentioned me when she saw me seen the messages. Kaagad ding nagseen si Ariell... and I think the one who doesn't have a profile like me was Lizzie, kaagad din siyang nagseen.
Group Name: Seven Dwarfs
Epione ni Jacen: @Khaisia, good morning!
Khaisia: yeah, good morning
Binasa ko ang pinag-uusapan nila kanina, puro lang naman asaran. Looks like maaga silang nagising ngayon kaya may oras silang mag-asaran sa group chat. I was about to get up to get ready for school when I saw Lizzie's chat.
Lizzie Einstein: Wala raw pasok ngayon. Nag-announce na sa amin, sa inyo ba?
Ariell Detergent Soap: rEALLY?!?!? OH MY GOSH TALAGA WHAT A GOOD MORNING <3
Kiel na na-whatever sa babaeng nabunggo niya: KAPE TAYO MGA BEBE QHOE
Jellyghorl: WHAT'S WITH YOUR NICKNAMES, GUYS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Napapa-iling kong binasa ang mga chat nila— they're becoming weirder as day pass by. Saka ko lang din nabasa ang announcement na walang pasok dahil may bagyo. Meron ba?
Ariell Detergent Soap: gago ka talaga kiel ikaw na naman may pakana nitong nickname ko
Shalem yarn: may storm pala?
Epione ni Jacen: ay oo teh kakagising mo lang, 'no?
Shalem yarn: yuh
Ariell Detergent Soap: expensive naman no'ng yuh
Ariell even put a sparkle sa magkabilang gilid no'ng salitang 'yuh'. I was just reading the chats on our group chat when I received a text— from Kirk.
From: Kirk
Good morning, crush. Walang pasok ngayon, 'no? Huwag mo akong masyado ma-miss, ha?
From: Kirk
This is not fair.
From: Kirk
Bakit miss kita? :(
I scoffed after reading them, I was trying hard to stop myself from smiling. I remembered the last call we had, he did stay on the line until I told him that I calmed down. He even made sure that I'm telling the truth before he hang up and told me to rest.
He didn't ask why I'm crying... he just stayed on the line. It actually made me feel better knowing that there's someone who's with me while I'm crying. But it also made me think... until when?
From: Kirk
Are you still sleeping?
To: Kirk
Good morning
I closed my eyes when I hit send. Ilang minuto na ang lumipas pero hindi siya nagreply kaya naman kumunot ang noo ko. I was typing when he sudenly replied, binura ko kaagad ang tinype ko.
From: Kirk
HALA SI CRUSH 😳
I laughed upon seeing his reply. I must be going crazy... I'm all smiles. I sighed calmly and my gaze landed on my mom's guitar that was on the side of bed. Kinuha ko 'yun at ipinatong sa taas ng kama ko. Kinuha ko naman ulit ang cellphone ko para magtype ng reply.
To: Kirk
corny 🌽
I opened the case of my mom's guitar at kinuha ang gitara. I started strumming it and realized it needs some tuning. I think I can do it so I tried. I spent my morning doing that until I felt the hunger so I put it back on its case. I slowly opened my door— checking if nandito pa sa bahay si Tita Ina. Lumabas ako nang hindi ko siya nakita, maski si Daddy. Nagtataka pa ako hanggang makarating akong kusina.
I saw Juliana when I reached the kitchen— I think she's also preparing her lunch. I instantly realized that Tita Ina and Dad were not home, because usually Tita Ina will prepare their lunch. Kakatapos lang niyang magluto ng nuggets— there's no maid in here... so yeah.
"Uh... are you also hungry? I cooked some nuggets, do you want to taste it?" she asked. I ignored it and pretended that I didn't hear her. "I also cooked some eggs... uh, there's also rice." she continue.
I stared at her after getting some cup noodles. "I'm okay with this."
"But you need to eat a proper meal." she told me while I'm putting hot water.
"Since when did you care?" I asked that made her shut up.
Bumalik ako sa kwarto ko at doon kumain. Since it's raining hard, I can't go out so I spent my whole day fixing the tune of my mom's guitar. I also noticed the name written on the bottom side of the guitar, it was my mother's name.
Erahlie Treione
Mas lalong lumakas ang ulan nang gabi na. Lumabas lang ulit ako nang nauhaw ako, nakita ko si Juliana sa living room— she looks scared or maybe it just me. Nang makakuha na ako ng tubig ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto. Nasa loob na ako ng kwarto pero dinig ko pa rin ang malakas na kulog.
I laid myself on my bed and covered myself with the comforter as I was feeling cold. I looked at my door and raised a brow when I heard a knock. I climbed off my bed to open my door, bumungad sa 'kin si Juliana na tila nanginginig.
"Uh... I-I'm sorry, but... can I stay here until mom arrived?" she asked, looking down like she was scared.
"You have your own room." I told her, emotionless.
"Please... I know we're not getting along so well, but I-I'm scared. Takot ako sa kulog at kidlat... can I please stay here?" she asked again. "Promise, I won't bother you again. Just... this one..."
Napatalon pa siya nang bahagya nang kumulog ulit— she embraced herself, she was like a puppy that want to hide so bad. I heaved a sigh and opened the door even more, she looked at me with a confuse look. Raising a brow, I gestured her to enter. She gave me a small smile and entered so I closed the door. Umupo ako sa kama ko habang nanatili naman siyang nakatayo.
"Sit on the bed and calm yourself. I don't want to take responsibility if ever you faint." I told her, not looking at her.
From my peripheral view, I saw her sat on my bed. Nang kumulog ulit ay umatras siya at sumandal sa may pader habang yakap ang dalawang paa. Napatingin pa ako sa ilaw ng kwarto ko nang biglang namatay 'yun. I opened the flashlight on my phone and tried my best to keep calm even though I felt a little scared because of the dark.
"I have an emergency flashlight... pero nasa kwarto ko." Juliana said.
Hindi ako sumagot at tumayo na lang para kuhanin ang emergency flashlight ko na nasa drawer. Bumalik ako sa kama nang makuha ko 'yun, binuksan ko at tinignan si Juliana. She still looks scared, lalo na kapag naririnig niya ang kulog. We were just silent when her phone rang, breaking the silence.
"Hey, mom." she answered. "Yes, I'm okay... I calmed down a bit now. Are you almost home?" she asked.
I just stared at her as she talks to her mom. Sumandal ako habang pinaglalaruan ang flashlight na hawak ko. She glanced at me when she paused to listen to her mother.
"Edi male-late po kayo ng uwi?" she paused again. "Yes, take care. I love you too, mommy." she, then, ended the call.
"How sweet..." I can't help but to comment. Sumandal ako sa may pader habang pinaglalaruan pa rin ang flashlight.
"Uh... Can I ask you some questions? I think... it'll be less awkward that way." she said, raising her both brows— waiting for an answer.
"You're already asking." I answered her.
"I'll take that as a yes." aniya. "So, Khaisia, do you hate me?" she asked, looking at me like she was waiting for a perfect timing to ask that.
I didn't answer her immediately. I mean... I don't know what to say. I don't hate her, but I can't say that I like her. Maybe I'm just okay with the fact that she exist. Growing up... hindi naman kami gaanong nagpapansinan. We're under the same roof, but we act like the other don't exist.
"I understand if you don't answer." she said, smiling. "I know that mommy said some hurtful words to you... I'm sorry."
I stared at her because of that. "Sorry isn't just a word you say just because you feel like you had to."
"No, that not what I meant. What I mean is–"
"You don't have to say sorry for the things you didn't do." I cut her off. "Don't worry, I don't expect your mother to be sorry... that's the last thing I'll expect to happen." sabi ko pa, hindi siya sinusulyapan.
"Is there a chance... na maging close tayo? I... want to have a sister I'm close with..." she said like she was being careful.
"Not because I let you enter my room... means something will change. After this, everything will still be the same." I firmly answered.
Napayuko siya dahil doon. "But you know... I want to be close to you. Gusto kong maranasan na may kapatid akong close na close ko... I wish we can be close someday."
"You don't need to pretend to like me, it's just us. And even you act mean to me, I'm sure they won't mind." sagot ko naman sa kanya.
"It's not like that... I really want to be close to you. It's not fun being alone, especially in this house. Mom and dad are not usually at home, it's lonely to be alone." she said with a low voice while hugging her knees.
Nilapag ko ang flashlight sa kama, I also hugged my knees and rested my chin on them. I stared at nowhere, I didn't answer Juliana— I just kept quiet. I heard her sighed heavily but I ignored it. Then, she sighed again.
"Aren't you feeling lonely when you're here?" she asked again.
"I feel... suffocated." I answered.
I always knew that I want to get out of this house, but I'm not brave enough to do so. I also know that I still can't support myself, it will be hard. I'm also scared... maybe, I'll just endure it. Tita Ina and dad were right... I should be grateful. But should I still be grateful even it hurts?
"I don't know if you hate or like me, but I just want you to know that I will just be here. I will always be willing to be friends with you... and be sisters." she told me. Napatingin ako sa buong kwarto ko nang sumindi ang ilaw. "Thanks for letting me stay here, Khaisia." she said, smiling widely.
Hindi ako sumagot, pinanood ko lang siya na lumabas ng kwarto ko. I stared at nowhere, still thinking about what she said. I don't know if I should believe her, she might be... lying to me. I mean, why would she want to be close to me? I just don't get it. Ako lang naman 'to, there's nothing special about me.
"Akala ko hanggang ngayon walang pasok. Isang araw lang pala, bitin naman." si Epione.
'Yan ang bungad na sabi niya nang makapasok siya sa classroom. Hindi ko siya pinansin at sumandal na lang sa upuan ko. Wala pang teacher kaya naman maingay ang lahat. I heard there's a meeting kaya walang teacher.
"Bawal lumabas?" I heard Ariell asked.
"Bawal daw, may spy! Subukan niyong lumabas, malalaman ni Ma'am." sagot ng isa sa mga kaklase namin.
"Guys, quiet, please! May gagawin daw na activity. Individual 'to, baka mag-groupings na naman kayo." biglang sabi naman ng isa.
Of course, everyone was so disappointed. Akala kasi nila ay free time na pero may activity na gagawin. Wala rin naman silang nagawa kaya inumpisahan na nila ang activity. Kinuha ko rin naman ang papel at ballpen ko para umpisahan na rin 'yun.
"Walang teacher pero may activity." I heard Ariell whispered, sulking.
"Epione, collect mo raw tapos ibigay mo kay Ma'am sa faculty." sabi ng isa sa mga kaklase namin.
Hindi ko na sila pinansin at tinapos na lang 'yung activity. Nang matapos na 'ko ay inabot ko 'yun kay Epione, she also started collecting them. Nagpatulong pa siya kay Ariell na pumunta sa faculty, naiwan naman ako kasama si Kiel na kinukulit ako.
I roamed my eyes around, nagtagpo ang mga mata namin ni Kirk. Slowly, a smile crept onto his face then he'll become serious again— despite that, I can see how he's trying to stop himself from smiling. I rolled my eyes, laughing at him.
"Hey, crush!" he suddenly said and waved at me, dahilan para manlaki ang mga mata ko.
Everyone became silent and stared at him, but he doesn't care. He smiled even more even after the class started teasing him. I glanced at Kiel, he's also giving me a teasing look. I'm kinda thankful that Ariell is not here, I'm sure mas lalo nila akong titigilan.
"Shian, hindi ka ba maghe-hello pabalik?" nang-aasar na tanong pa niya sa 'kin kaya mas lalong naging malakas ang hiyawan. "Miss Beret!" he called me.
I hid my face and looked away, dinig na dinig ko ang nang-aasar na tawa ni Kiel. I rolled my eyes, nakalimutan kong medyo gago rin pala 'yung lalaking 'yon. Inis kong tinago ang mukha ko gamit ang librong nasa lamesa ko.
"Shian," tawag pa niya sa 'kin. "Khaisia." he tried but I didn't answer. Bahala siya riyan!
"Tawag ka, oy!" sabi pa sa 'kin ni Kiel na hindi ko pinansin.
Hanggang matapos ang next class ay naiinis ako. Kita ko rin kung gaano katalim ang mga tingin sa 'kin ng iba sa mga kaklase kong babae. Nang lunch time na ay kaagad akong lumabas, hindi ko na hinintay sila Epione. And instead of going to the cafeteria, I just walked without a destination. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naiinis ako, nakakainis!
"Shian!" someone called me. I instantly knew who it was, isang tao lang naman ang tumatawag sa 'kin no'n. "Miss Beret!" tawag pa niya sa 'kin.
I didn't stop walking, hindi ko rin siya nilingon. Bahala siya r'yan! That was embarassing, why would he call me that? Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad hanggang mapansin kong papunta ako sa lugar kung saan ako madalas magpahangin— under the huge narra tree.
"Hindi ka talaga lilingon?!" malakas ang boses na sigaw niya. "Mrs. Valiente!" he shouted that made me stop from walking, I was stunned.
I rolled my eyes, annoyed, when I heard him laughing. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa maabutan niya ako, he held my wrist to stop me from going somewhere. Hinila lang niya ako papunta sa ilalim ng puno dahil medyo mainit na.
"Why are you so annoyed?" he asked, playfully.
"Don't talk to me, annoying jerk." inis na sabi ko sa kanya.
"Sorry na," he softly said and I felt like... everything just melt— the anger and everything. "I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. Pasensya na..." his tone became softer.
I bit my lower lip and whispered to myself. "This is dangerous."
"Ha? Anong sabi mo? Galit ka pa rin ba? Sorry na, oh. Bati na tayo," he said, pouting.
"Whatever." I said and sat down, sumunod naman siya at umupo sa tabi ko. He has now a wide smile on his face.
"Hindi ka ba nagugutom?" he asked.
Umiling ako. "I just want fresh air."
"Mabubusog ka ba riyan?" pabirong tanong niya sa 'kin.
"Why don't you go to the cafeteria and eat, then?! I didn't ask you to join me," masungit na sagot ko sa kanya.
He laughed. "Galit ka naman kaagad. Kakabati lang natin, e."
Umirap ako sa hangin at hindi na siya pinansin pa. Silence fell between us, it was comfortable. Sumandal ako sa may puno at tumingin lang sa malayo. The wind is just blowing gently, only enough to not make us feel the heat. I glanced at Kirk, he looked serious now. I stared at his eyes, they were saying a lot.
"Are... you okay?" I asked, hesitating because I really don't know how to comfort someone.
He glanced at me and smiled. "If I answered yes, would you believe me?"
I shook my head as a response. "No, your eyes are telling me otherwise." I laughed at my answer, why did I even ask?
He smiled but I can't feel the cheerfulness. "Naalala ko lang 'yung nalaman ko tungkol kay Daddy." he said. I just stared at him, fighting myself if I should ask him a question. "You can ask me anything, Shian." he chuckled.
"I'm curious... about sa nalaman mo." I said that was almost a whisper, I looked away.
"I grew up not knowing my dad. I'm curious... how does it feel to have a dad growing up. Then, recently, nalaman ko na isang sikat na artista pala siya. I was happy until nalaman ko na... he has another family. Pamilya na alam ng lahat, 'yung asawa niya... sikat na artista rin. 'Yung dalawang anak niya roon, artista rin." kwento niya habang hindi tumitingin sa 'kin.
He heaved a sighed, glanced at me and forced a smile. He, then, looked away and continued telling me his story. I was just silently listening to him.
"Kahapon... nalaman ko na tinago kami ni daddy. Tinago niya na may pamilya siya kasi hindi raw 'yun magugustuhan ng tagahanga niya. Tinago niya kami kasi hindi si mommy 'yung gusto nila para sa kanya." he laughed sarcastically. "Nakakatawa, 'no? Takot na takot siyang mawala 'yung kasikatan niya na nakaya niyang itago... at iwan 'yung pamilya niya."
"Kirk," tawag ko sa kanya pero hindi niya ako nilingon.
"Nakaka-tangina lang kasi. Hindi ba siya mabubuhay na wala ang mga 'yon? Pinili niya talaga 'yung kasikatan at iniwan kami. Hindi ba kami importante sa kanya? Hindi ba niya minahal si Mommy? Ang daming tanong na hindi mabibigyan ng kasagutan kasi wala siya rito..." sabi pa niya na tila nahihirapan na. "Pasensya na ulit, Miss Beret. Parang hindi ito 'yung tamang oras para magkwento nito. Hayaan mo na, wala lang naman 'yun. Ayos na, salamat sa pakikinig." he smiled.
"Tell me more. Tell me the things you want to say. Mahaba pa ang oras na natitira para sa lunch break," I told him but he just stared at me, I raised my brow. "We'll get bored if you won't talk."
He smiled. "Galit ako sa kanya kasi sinasaktan niya si Mommy. May karapatan naman akong magalit, 'di ba? I just wish that I had a Dad while I'm growing up. I'm sure... Mianne wishes that, too."
I patted his shoulder, making him looked at me. Nakita ko pa siyang nagpipigil ng tawa, I was confused. Napapa-iling pa siyang umiwas ng tingin at bahagyang natawa kaya hinampas ko siya dahilan para mapatingin siya sa 'kin. I laughed when I saw his confused face.
"You're laughing at me! I'm trying to... comfort you." the last two words were almost a whisper and I said them while looking away.
"Sorry, ang cute mo kasi. Ang seryoso ng mukha mo, para kang masungit na dragon na nagco-comfort." sabi niya kaya hinampas ko siya ulit.
"I'm a dragon now?!" asar na tanong ko sa kanya.
He laughed. "Gandang dragon naman niyan, oh! Ngiti na ang bebe, ganda-ganda n'yan, oh!" he said like he's talking to a little girl.
I laughed, looking away. I bit the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling too much, but I failed. He looked proud after seeing my reaction, he smiled proudly. I stared at him, I was fooled by his smiles earlier. I didn't know that he's carrying a problem.
"Marami akong gustong i-tanong sa 'yo. Kapag ba nagtagong ulit ako, sasagutin mo?" he suddenly asked. "You're too mysterious for me, Shian."
"Why would you waste your time asking me questions?" I asked, almost a whisper.
"I wanna know you more." he answered, locking our eyes together and not letting me to look away.
➖➖➖
cy | aryceeee
i hope you're still enjoying this story of mine! thank u so much for reading <3 be safe & healthy, loves.
xoxo, cy.