14th June 1978
I woke up with the usual ache in the back of my mind, the same pain I spent most mornings trying to kill, before sliding the same jumper I always seemed to over my head.
I always found myself wearing Roger's jumper. It irritated me how it still managed to cherish the smell of his far too strong cologne and his always leaking cigarettes. I don't even think he knew I still had it, but to me it was the only thing I had left- other than the endless replaying memories.
Every day worked the same as the last. There were no nights out to look forward to or parties with rockstars to eagerly anticipate. The only thing I seemed to ever wait for was another bottle to be pressed against my lips, but I found myself still wanting it to be Roger's kiss instead.
It was way past the point where I should've been over him, and I think most girls would've been by this point, but I couldn't seem to move past what we had. His effortless smirk and soft eyes, and scruffy hair and sometimes his easy smile- it all stayed stuck on my mind.
And he was when I plodded down the stairs that morning, groaning at the pain I was desperate to kill with a pair of paracetamol. It was purely the thick, dark wool I had slipped over my head that was the cause of his permanence on my mind, but I didn't want to let him control it for too long.
Sometimes I would make breakfast, maybe a piece of weak toast if I felt hungry, but most days a cigarette was enough. And it was that day, sat loosely between my two fingers as I sat huddled on the sofa, my legs tightly against my chest as the air turned grey.
I didn't have any work to do, only a suitcase to pack for a dreaded two week stay I was still frustrated by. I'd been telling myself for years I wouldn't do the very things I'd suddenly agreed to, and I knew all too well it was because I'd become too weak to deal with the weight of guilt almost crushing me.
I had only three days before my flight, and now that mum had finally confessed to dad why my room needed to be cleared, I was even more nervous than before. In fact, I was terrified to go home. I wasn't quite ready to see them again after so many years, and I don't think my mind was one bit prepared for the flood of replaying memories it coupled with.
I sat dragging on the cig in my hold, lazily exhaling each grey tangle as I laid sprawled across the sofa, almost contently until the door suddenly rattled.
If it wasn't for what seemed to be a shocking amount of curiosity the knock held, I wouldn't of bothered answering it. But purely because I couldn't think of who could be knocking at that particular time of day, I jumped up within only a few seconds and rushed to the door.
"Thought you would just be getting up." Mel chuckled a little, her painted red lips turned upwards as my slightly scruffy figure let it's head nod. "I would of called... but I thought I'd stop by, I was on my way to town anyway."
"Oh right..." I was only a tad confused as she stepped through the door's frame. "What's up ?"
"Well... I'm just a tad worried about you going home. I know you probably don't want a bloody sob story, but in all seriousness please be careful. I know your dad, and the type of man he is."
"I'll be fine. I'll come home in one perfectly untouched piece, don't panic." I chucked, slightly nervously as Mel hesitantly nodded.
"If you need absolutely anything just ring me ok ? I'm always sat in my bloody office anyway so there's a fair chance I'll answer in a matter of seconds." She smiled again. "I'll see you when you get back. Good luck with filming... I hope you bloody know your lines."
"Of course I know them." I blushed slightly as the lie slipped past my lips, one she knew but chose to simply laugh over instead.
"And don't bloody drink yourself to death. Have a shower... you bloody stink." She pulled me into a hug that caught me even more off guard than her frame as the door had, her almost toxic perfume smothering me as she did.
"Alright alright alright... I'm not going to war."
"I know I know." She unwrapped herself from my figure, pushing back her red hair behind her ears. "I'll see you in a couple weeks. Bye hun."
-
"Right... this is the worst attempt of packing I've ever seen in my entire life time I think." Connie laughed, looking at my frame sat drowned by all my clothes in the middle of the bed with a laugh she tried to swallow.
"I don't know what to take !"
"Clothes preferably... Christ. I didn't think this would be such a task." Connie rolled her eyes playfully, taking a handful of dresses from the swarm around me that she deemed worthy of packing for the stay.
It seemed packing a suitcase wasn't exactly a task I was good at, hence why I'd called the only person I knew would be free at four o'clock in the afternoon to come and help me. She'd agreed somewhat happily, but she soon wished she'd stayed back home when she found the mess I'd turned the contents of my wardrobe into.
"Why don't you make yourself useful and put something on in the back round ? All I can hear is cars rushing past." She shook her head lightly, gently laying a dress into the bottom of my suitcase as I obediently nodded, dragging myself over to the stacks of records and player in the corner of my room.
"Any special requests madam ?" I asked sarcastically, flicking through each album to try and pick one I fancied listening to.
"What have you got ?"
"Beach boys, Bowie, Fleetwood, Blondie, Beatles..." I paused as I reached a Queen album, specifically the one that happened to own my favourite song of theirs. I hesitated, contemplating wether I really did want to listen to the band who owned the drummer that unknowingly drove me mad, but I thought I was best to avoid them. "Hendrix... cmon Connie our taste is identical pick an album."
"Sgt Peppers ?" She smiled as I nodded, taking the record from the selection, pulling it out of its sleeve and placing it on the player before lowering the needle onto it. "Where's that dress you wore on Vogue ? I always loved it on you."
"I gave it to Summer, Julian's flatmate. She studies fashion or something like that at uni. Nice girl. I think you'd like her." Connie shrugged a little as she took a pair of flared jeans and a tight matching top, folding them like she had every other item before placing them on top of the growing stack in the suitcase.
"When am I gonna meet this Julian ? I feel replaced." She raised her eyebrows slightly, just high enough to match the hint of sarcasm in her tone.
"Well... after my amazing best friend has packed my suitcase, I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting a drink or two down Charlie's. I'll ring him when he's back from work."
"That doesn't sound like a bad plan... but I'm only packing your clothes. You can pack your bloody huge bras and slutty knickers !" She smirked, turning red as I scoffed and gave her side a jab. "I'll need a drink after getting through this pile of shit in all fairness !"
"Oh don't be dramatic ! You'll miss me when I'm gone." She looked at me with knitted brows and oddly smiling lips as I nodded laughing.
"I hardly saw you before you got your heart broken, which I need to thank that dick for, but sadly I think I'll be able to get by without you. It might be a tad bit of a struggle though. Maybe I'll go crazy, or turn to
drugs. Wind up on the streets... who knows."
I always loved Connie's company, and I think the main reason why was because I'd known her for so long. Even before I was printed on the cover of every magazine currently trending, she was my closest friend. So she never saw me as anything else than the little girl she'd grown up besides.
Even though I of course had other people, I would still be a famous model in their eyes. But in hers, I was just Adelynn. And anyone would agree with me that it was nice to be just yourself, to let go of the image the press paired you with. It was relieving.
"This is my favourite song..." she smiled as the last track faded into the next, picking up a pair of shorts from the pile on my bed that seemed to be closer to disappearing than I thought.
"Picture yourself in a boat on a river." I laughed a little, dancing around the room poorly as the two of us sang along to the song.
"God this is just like when we were young ain't it ?" She dumped the shorts into the case, shaking her head as I took her hands in mine and started dramatically twirling her around the room.
"Not quite... you always lead the dance when we were little."
-
Like I expected, Julian agreed to the plan of evening drinks and finally meeting Connie, which is exactly why after an afternoon of packing and awful dancing along to songs of our childhood, we were all stood outside Charlie's back door.
"Wow... three of you today. Ain't I lucky ?" He answered, only moments after Connie knocked it, a bright smile at his lips. "How you holding up Addy ?"
"I'm alright... how's Roger ?" I asked quietly, hoping the other two wouldn't hear as they chatted away, leading themselves into the bar was I stood at the only just closed door with the owner.
To my slight surprise, it seemed since the exact moment they'd met Connie and Julian were immediately grasped by each other. They were instantly pulled in the direction of the other, curious and intrigued by their characters somehow so different and so similar.
"Tour went well. But he was distracted whilst playing... and Freddie Mercury reckons you're to blame for that. He's in here more often than you drinking away. I think him and Dom are gonna split as well."
"Jesus." I sighed, slowly nodding as I followed closely behind Charlie towards the empty seeming bar. "Do you reckon she knows about me ?"
"Definitely not. But he's in here asking about you all the time. He's worried about you going to see your parents... and so am I quite frankly-"
"Yeah we all are." Connie added, catching Charlie slightly off guard as the two of us realised our conversation hadn't remained private long. I took a seat besides Julian, who was in the middle of me and Connie, as we watched Charlie already start pouring the three of us the usual drinks.
"I'll be fine... I'm much older now. And it's two weeks, fourteen days isn't gonna hurt me. Well... he's not gonna hurt me should I say." I tried to fill my voice with as much confidence as I could allow myself, but in reality the three around me knew better than I did I was terrified. And this time I wouldn't have mum there to try and ease the pain, because she was in more than I could ever imagine.
"You're a hairdresser ?" Connie almost shrieked, eyes wide, grasping the attention of me and the man behind the bar as I handed him a note to cover our three drinks.
"Calm down Connie." I laughed a little, almost instantly lifting the glass up to my lips.
"Sorry." She blushed. "But I need a haircut and I trust this guy !"
"Oh well... I'm glad in can be trusted." Julian held his hand against his heart sarcastically. "I've got a salon not too far from here actually. I'll give you my number and address and you'll have to stop by."
"Oh my god I think I love you already." Connie laughed, her cheeks still glowing as Julian playfully rolled his eyes.
"Right I'm not being funny but you've only known each other five minutes don't leave me out over here !" I exclaimed dramatically, the two of then laughing with a tinge of embarrassment before Julian's arm flung around me and pulled me against him.
"We would never... well I might but I know she won't. I'm sure it's takes skill to put up with you for over a decade, and I'm sure she wouldn't waste it." Julian chuckled, Connie nodded with an unbroken bright smile that pushed her rosy cheeks upwards as I scoffed and wriggled free from his hold.
"Dickheads."
An- once again, minimal effort... but I love all my readers so much !!! thank you guys <3333