Summary ; Gosh , his head hurt . It felt like it was spinning but everything was so unnaturally still .
It feels like his head was going to burst
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
In which Blocky just feels just a bit too bad today
------------------
A/N ; SO .HI !!!!!! I come back ! Over 3000 words , look at that ! This is also cross posted to ao3 and like holy shit . I'm actually working on something else right now too but I hope for now you guys like this !!
------------------
Blocky was never a soft person .
Woody knew that from the start — he was bold , erratic , unpredictable (not in a necessarily BAD way , but it was sometimes shocking to see him be violent (like slam his hand on the table while talking , feigning it for being for dramatic effect or chopping the vegetables just a bit too hard) while talking like normal) , silly , but he never thought soft fit him . It just wasn't Blocky .
It could really be even anything else , mean , annoying (he remembered once Blocky was on the phone on speaker , and he had physically flinched when the other person on the line called him that . He wasn't exactly the same for the rest of the day) , fun , funny , even shy at some (rare , but definitely plausible) times . But 'soft' was never something people would describe him as .
But then again , who was Woody to know ? He wasn't Blocky , and he didn't know everything about him (Blocky was never the type of guy to ever share much about his likes or dislikes , out of just not liking to do so or other reasons Woody wouldn't ask about ,) . It was definitely plausible that Blocky wasn't that big tough guy he had so carefully constructed over the years and built up , and only continued to build up .
And really , that was true .
Woody had caught Blocky tons of times while he had been up late , 4 , 1 , 5 AM , you name it (he had once woken up around 9 AM to find Blocky making breakfast and upon asking how long he had been awake Blocky just reluctantly said 32 hours after Woody pressed on him) . It was always just Blocky using his phone or using his laptop , editing prank videos or mindlessly scrolling through social media to burn the night away , or just simply playing some sort of mobile game . It wasn't exactly something Woody was worried about , he knew that Blocky still got a good amount of sleep (... Well - he didn't exactly know , but he sure as hell hoped) . He knew that the red haired guy could take care of himself , right ? He was tough , threw a good punch (Woody had seen it from the times he got too angry over things and punched the punching bag they had hung up in his room so he would stop kicking the walls) . He could surely handle himself , right ?
Woody jumped out of his thoughts , head snapping in alarm to the loud thunder that boomed outside . He rubbed his eyes (he vaguely noticed the tears that dotted them) , gosh , how long has it been ? 2 , 3 hours ? He didn't remember , his brain was just too fuzzy to really register the last few hour(s) of mostly panic and fear . It wasn't like he had a clock , either (he had forgotten to buy one . It was on his to - do list , sure , but he never found any time to go anywhere to get one . Plus , in this day and age , it would be unreasonably expensive to get one for cheap ..)
He yawns . This was already common , Woody knew it . Waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares or some sort of storm or anything (there had been a lot more storms recently , which he didn't know why at all , maybe the weather was just acting up or something -) wasn't uncommon for him . Really , most of the time they were bad (he just wanted to leave it at that , elaborating would take too much energy and Woody really didn't want to do that now . He was dancing between the line of barely conscious and passing out) , terrifying things that his mind would conjure seemingly to just torment him . But hey , that's a fic written by a different person and not the point of this one ? Ignoring 4th wall breaks though , usually he'd go get a cup of water or something if he was able to .
… Actually , he might just do that .
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
'I am the worst person alive .'
Now , usually , he'd just snicker at the thought . It wasn't that he thought it was funny , or anything (okay well - maybe he DID find it a little bit amusing) , but just at the boldness of the statement . That he was so sure of it (he really was , it was engraved into his mind like someone took a knife and carved it into his brain) , THAT'S what made him chuckle a bit .
Unfortunately , that didn't work today .
His hand reaches for the stove turn - y thingy that turned it on and what not and turned it to 4 , grabbing a spoon he had placed on the counter and scooping out the little like ...thing on top of the hot tea . (he could barely remember the name , it was late , or was it more of morning ..? He didn't know - his brain felt like it was melting .) .
His head hurt . It felt like it was pounding against his skull , he felt dizzy and lightheaded but also as if gravity was pulling him to the ground but also as if he were flying in the air , and it felt horrible . It made his stomach churn , made him feel sick (Just like how you are yourself !) , a bad feeling inky black pit forming in his stomach and feeling as if it were growing roots through his lungs into his throat and digging through his brain .
He takes a cup and pours tap water to the point of almost the brim , downing it as fast as he could and almost gasps for air as he slams the cup on the counter .
The pit in his stomach grows and Blocky feels about as if he's about to throw up .
He wearily looks around , listening for any sort of sound or anything to tell him that 1 . No one's awake and 2 . That he's actually there .
He finds nothing , and he can't tell if that's good or not .
He sighs , putting his head in his hands before pulling them down and going back to his tea on the stove . He grabs the strainer beside him with shaky hands and takes the handle of the pot . He poured it as carefully as he could over the strainer on his mug (it was very careful , he felt like just dropping it and going to bed at that very moment) .
Blocky lets out a heavy breath he didn't realize he kept in upon finishing .
Shaking his head , he grabs his mug and heads out to the kitchen and to the counter , taking a seat silently and pushing his seat in .
It's silent .
It's quiet - no sounds from Blocky or anyone or anything besides the sound of the mug in his shaky hands being placed down on the table any time he took a sip .
He hates it .
He hates the silence - he hates the 'peaceful' setting , he hates that his brain is acting up , he hates the thoughts brimming in his brain and forcibly drowning him , gasping for air any time he could .
His hands get shakier .
He hates that Woodster is upstairs and the possibility that he was awake , he hates that Woodster was so nice to him , he hates that stupid show BFDI he went on thinking it was fun and instead got locked in a box for years , he hates that probably no one likes him , he hates the fact that Pen and Eraser we're probably hanging with him out of sympathy ,
He can't notice how his grip on the cup was harder , his hands shaking more .
He hates how it was late , he hates how it felt like he was drowning , he hates how he caught feelings for Woodster , he hates how he never deserved this he hates how nothing felt right nothing felt good he hates how he felt horrible he hates the pit in his stomach eating him inside out .
He hates it he hates it he hates it with the entirety of his soul and heart he hates it . He hates how Woodster probably doesn't like him back he hates how he doesn't deserve anyone he hates how he hasn't made any progress since he was a kid he hates it he hates how his brain feels like it's melting and pouring out into his lungs and gumming them up , halting him from any breathing (why is it hard to breathe) he hates how tears were spilling out and hitting the floor (since - When did I stand up ? –) down his cheeks he —
His cup drops .
It feels like time slows for a moment , his eyes widening as he pushes himself out of his seat and staring at the falling cup .
CRASH
It hits the floor , and Blocky's heart skips a beat as the breath in his throat hitches and halts for a moment . It feels like he almost blacked out , the memory of what happened blacked out in his mind and replaced with a void . His head pounded , he felt dizzy , he wanted to scream .
He's grateful as it doesn't break , making a loud clattering sound upon impact . He reaches down and shakily picks it up , feeling the cup around in his hands . He's glad . He's glad he had downed it in a daze earlier , he's glad that it didn't break . It was his favorite mug after all , Pen and Eraser had gotten him a new one after seeing his old one break . He sits back down into his seat hesitantly .
The pit in his stomach persists .
He's angry about that .
He's angry about how he woke up in the middle of the night , he's angry he keeps on seeing things and hallucinating that things are there when they aren't , he was angry that there was a storm going on (Wasn't W -) he was angry that there were tears streaming down his face he was angry at the loud booming from outside he was angry he was angry I'm angry I'm absolutely fucking pissed god I know I deserve any of this I know it I know please ju -
"Blocky ?"
Blocky can't hear him .
It's loud - it's so , so loud . There's ringing in his ears and sobs choking out from his throat (when did he stand up ?-) . It's cold but he feels burning hot and his head hurts and he can't hear anything it's just silent besides ringing and gosh he wanted something someone anyone anything to break the silence but not like this why'd he'd have to wake up at this time should he just go back to bed but he might get nightmares again and -
Blocky's pulled out of his thoughts by feeling someone pull him into a hug from behind and bury their head in the crook of his neck . He flinches , almost melting into the gesture but stopping himself . He can't , he just can't . Not yet , at least .
"Blocky ? Are you okay ?"
He's trembling , trying to keep his feet on the ground and stay standing instead of falling and breaking down and crying into Woodster's arms . He - He's supposed to be strong , I'm strong I'm strong ! He's the strong guy in the group ! To go "It's nothing ," when getting beat up or something . He's strong , he's supposed to be he HAS TO be . He's strong , he's strong , he's strong . (... Was he ?)
"Blocky ? Blocky are you ?-"
He breaks .
Blocky breaks out of Woodster's hug (not that it was very tight to begin with ,) catching himself on the table before turning around and practically tackling Woodster in a hug , Blocky hugging him tightly and burying his face into the crook of Woody's neck . Tears roll down Blocky cheeks as he gasps for air every once in a while , bawling his eyes out .
Woody opens his mouth to say something before getting cut off by Blocky choking out words . "G - gosh , Woodster - Woody , I don't even know if you're e - even real but I'm so sorry I'm" he chokes on his words , taking a deep breath in . "I'm so so so so so so so so sorry I'm so sorry Woody I'm -" Blocky forced out a sob that was caught in his throat , letting out tears that he has repressed for god knows how long . His hug gets tighter (he can vaguely feel the feeling of Woody holding back on) .
"I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm - I'm sorry" Blocky repeats it like a broken record , his breathing heavy and uneven , erratic . Eventually - Woody stopped him , gently leaving the hug and holding Blocky by his shoulders . "Blocky - what ? What are you apologizing for ?"
Blocky just blinks , staring at the other dumbfounded , before a grimace and a painful expression made its way onto his face . His hands trail up to Woody's on his shoulders , holding them as he shuts his eyes close . "For -'' he sniffs , letting his hands leave Woody's (it looked like he was trying to stop crying , sucking it up like he always had .) "For crying ." He eventually managed to get out .
Blocky shuts his eyes tightly , his shoulders tensing . He mentally (and also physically) braces himself , fear dribbling into his expression along with some sort of acceptance . He waits for anything , anyone , something , someone .
And it doesn't come .
Blocky let's his eyes open , meeting Woody's concerned and sad gaze (sent a shiver down Blocky's spine) . Speaking of Woody - he didn't know how to even start processing this situation . Starting from the top , Blocky was crying (Woody had only seen him do that once or twice ,) and he had been just standing over the table ? And - okay this was hard . Woody opens his mouth to speak , to ask if Blocky's okay or what's going on but gets interrupted by Blocky cutting Woody off .
“Gosh , I - I’m an idiot ….” Blocky puts his hands into his hands , pulling them down after a moment with a teary gaze . “Don’t …” He’s trembling , taking a shaky breath in . “Don’t torment me like this .” He chuckles , a smile making its way onto Blocky's face . It's painful , full of misery and tears and all of the emotions he repressed over days , weeks , months , years even . "Gosh - gosh I'm so sorry ." He barks out a laugh , despite the tears streaming down his face (Blocky can vaguely register the feeling of Woody's hands slipping from his shoulders) .
"I don't even know if any of this is real anymore and I sure hope it isn't – and gosh I should just go to bed or something and I don't know when this'll end I don't want to hurt you -'" ("Blocky -") "- and I love you so much fuck dude I love you and Pen and Eraser and Snowball so much -" ("Blocky ,") "- you guys mean the world to me and I don't wanna hurt you guys this is all my fault gosh I'm so sor" "BLOCKY !"
Blocky blinks , Woody's words tearing through his thoughts and forcing him to shut up . He sputters , muttering out "I - I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me I'm so sorry -" "Blocky ."
The person in question nods in acknowledgement to his name , curling a bit into himself .
"Blocky ," Woody starts "Are - Are you okay ? What happened ?"
Blocky trembles , taking Woody's hands off his shoulders and holding them tight . "I . I don't know ." Blocky breathes , considerably more collected (doesn't mean he still didn't look like a mess ,) . "I - I just felt really bad and it felt like there was a pit in my stomach while I was making some tea and my cup dropped and it felt like something just snapped I can barely remember what it was or -" He takes a deep breath in , chuckling lightly (he couldn't tell if it was genuine or just a moment's distraction) and running a hand through his messy red hair . "I …." He trails off , glancing to the side with his weary smile dropping . "I'm tired ."
Woody thinks . So , Blocky was disassociating .? Maybe he just felt That's reasonable (Woody had them too) . "Do you wanna go to the couch ?" Woody asks , and Blocky nods .
Woody gives Blocky's hand a firmer grip (he has to try and suppress a blush from Blocky subconsciously intertwining their fingers together) , leading him to the Couch and sitting Blocky down , Woody sinking back into the comfortable cushioning of it right beside the other . Woody reaches for Blocky's hand and gives it a tight squeeze before loosening it .
And they sit there for a bit , silence filling the room (and for once it doesn't feel suffocating , nervous , scared . It's comfortable , familiar and unfamiliar at the same time . It was good for once , and Blocky breathes a sigh of relief .)
"Y'know … It's funny ." Woody tilts his head in confusion , looking over to Blocky and he takes it as a sign to go on . "Nothing in my head makes sense . It's - It's all just jumbled and mushed together . It's all so loud and uncomfortable and full of half - finished thoughts before new ones come and race on in my head . And I think this is the clearest it's been in months ."
Blocky squeezes Woody's hand before loosening it , repeating the motion in a rhythmatic sort of way . "I really just wish I could tell you what's going on inside my head ," ('this is different from other nightmares .' he mused to himself) "but I don't wanna make you scared of me .." he chuckled lightly , leaning his head onto Woody's shoulder and sighing , letting his weary grin drop . He glances over to the side .
"Why ? If I can ask ?"
"I 'on't wanna make you think I'm weird or somethin …." He laughs lightly "But then again I don't think that you would understand any of it .
Woody let's go of Blocky's hand , wrapping his arm around Blocky and pulling Blocky closer in an attempt to comfort him . "Tell me something you're thinking of ? Maybe it'll help ."
"You're really nice to me ." Blocky blurts out almost immediately , the first thing rushing his head was all he could think to say . So he did (he didn't have much of a 'filter' anyways , he often just said whatever he saw was best . No matter how rude it usually was) .
Woody blinks . "... Thanks ." He leans forward and smiles , bright and genuine and happy . Blocky can't help but look back up to him and smile back , tired and glad .
And they sit in silence for a bit , sitting comfortably on the couch and feeling a bit more like themselves with eachother .
"Blocky ?" Woody shakes Blocky a bit , careful not to wake him up if he was sleeping and loud enough to get his attention if he wasn't . No response warrants a sigh of relief from Woody .
"Mmhm ?,," Blocky rubs his eyes , looking back up to Woody . He yawns , getting up and opening a spare closet and rummaging through it . He pulls out two extra pillows and two blankets and brings them over .
"What're those for ?" Woody asks , pointing while Blocky sets it up on the couch (he was always so unnaturally good at that - , Woody always wondered why) . "Well , we're going to bed , yeah ? We're not sleeping without blankets ." Blocky simply replies , gesturing to the makeshift bed he made with a grand sort of gesture .
Woody felt too tired and too glad that Blocky felt better to deny .