Pagkatapos ko magbihis ay lumabas na ko mula sa walk in closet. I saw Nolan sitting on my sofa while waiting for me, tumaas naman kaagad ang kilay niya ng makita ako.
"How's your feet? Namamaga parin ba?" Tanong niya. Umiling ako at paingka ingka na naglakad papunta sa kama ko para doon maupo.
"I'm sorry about earlier, I'll knock on your door next time so it won't happen again" Paghingi niya ulit ng pasensya.
"I..It's fine, kasalanan ko rin naman at hindi ako nag lock ng pinto. Tsaka, it's not the first time you saw me naked like what you said," I awkwardly said at napatikhim naman siya sa sinabi ko.
"Don't worry, I didn't meant what I said na hindi ka sexy. Kung hindi ka lang talaga taken, baka naulit ang nangyari sa'tin five years ago," He blurted at nanlaki naman ang mata ko, naramdaman ko rin ang pag iinit ng pisngi ko. How can he said that in such a casual tone? Hindi ba siya naiilang?
"Come on Nolan, if you really wanted to do it again, do it with Yna dahil siya ang Fiancé mo" I said habang pinapatuyo ang buhok ko gamit ang twalya.
He chuckled at umiling.
"No, we never did. I don't want her to assume anything and I promised to myself that I would only do it with someone whom I really love" Habang sinasabi niya 'yon ay titig na titig siya sa aking mata, It's like he want me to feel his sincerity and loyalty towards me, the assurance that he loved me so much that he is willing to make love with me numerous times before.
"You'll eventually like Yna sooner or later. Yna's a nice girl, hindi ka mahihirapan mahalin siya Nolan. You're getting married soon and as a girl, we all deserved to be loved by our soon to be husband right?" I said and he just looked away and he seems confuse if he would follow my words or not.
"I wish it could be that easy, na kaya ko lang mahalin siya ng ganoong kabilis because she is bound to be my wife, I understand your point but it's so hard for me Zole, to be honest... mas lalo akong nahihirapang subukan siyang mahalin lalo na't palagi kitang nakikita ngayon" He blurted and I was shock by his words that I don't know how will I react and respond from his words.
"Nolan, I'm really sorry for everything-" Nagulat ako ng bigla siyang tumayo mula sa sofa at ang mga mata niya'y parang galit na may pagkadismaya sa sinabi ko.
"Tapatin mo nga ko Zole, did you really cheat on me or you just made up all of the things you said to me before?" He asked na ikinagulat at ipinagtaka ko. Napatayo narin ako sa pagkakaupo at tinignan siya na parang naguguluhan sa sinabi niya.
"What are you talking about? Are you doubting me from cheating on you? Hindi ka naniniwala na niloko kita noon at hindi na kita mahal?" I ask and he stepped closer to me now with his furious and confusing eyes.
"May dapat nga ba ko ipagtaka Zole? Call me delusional or what but I don't fucking care and I know that all of the assumptions I'm thinking right now is all true... hindi mo ko pinagpalit sa iba and I'm also damn sure na minahal mo ko" He said na lubhang ikinabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Paano siya nagkaroon ng mga ganitong paghihinala? Paano niya naisip na hindi ko siya totoong niloko?
"N..Nolan hindi ko alam ang mga pinagsasabi mo-" He cut me off again.
"Of course you would fucking deny it! Enough with all these bullshit at hindi ko na kayang magpanggap pa na hindi ko alam ang totoo! Zole, you never cheated, you never replaced me, mostly, you still love me the moment you broke up with me" He said that which cause my heart to pound a million beats and all I could do is stare down and let my tears fall from everything I heard. What should I do? Sasabihin ko na ba sakanya na totoo lahat ng hinala niya? Should I deny it and just kept on lying to him once again and could potentially ruined our friendship.
"N..Nolan I..I'm sorry for lying to you, naisip ko kasi iyon lang tamang gawin because I want you to be free from me, cause you deserve so much better," From there, alam kong wala na kong kawala para magsinungaling pa at poong katotohanan na lamang ang kaya kong sabihin.
"How could you think that it would be better to break up with me? Zole, mahal na mahal kita tapos ito ang sasabihin mo sakin na dahilan? You broke up wih me because you believe its the right decision to make without even telling me the truth behind your selfish reasons" Aniya kaya mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko, hindi ko na siya magawang tignan pero I tried my best to look at him.
"Selfish pa ba sa tingin mo ang desisyon ko kung ang gusto ko lang naman magmahal ka ng iba na mas makakasama mo ng matagal? Nolan, if I could do anything just to be with you forever then I will because I love you so much-" He cut me off again.
"Then why didn't you tell me the truth!? Alam ko na ang dahilan Zole... may sakit ka kaya mo ko hiniwalayan" He uttered and his tears already starts falling as well.
"P..Paano mo nalaman ang tungkol sa sakit ko?" I ask and he just looked away while he clenched his jaw.
"Importante pa ba 'yon Zole? The point here is you lied to me, and now that I know the truth, wala ka ng dahilan para ituloy ang pagpapanggap niyo ni Alexie," he said at nanlaki naman ang mata ko. He thinks we're pretending?
"Hindi kami nagpapanggap Nolan, our relationship is real and just like Alexie... alam niya ang tungkol sa sakit ko" I said and he sarcastically chuckled.
"Really? Mas nauna mo pa siya pagkatiwalaan na sabihin ang tungkol sa sakit mo kesa sakin?" He asked that with pain in his eyes at kaagad naman ako umiling.
"I didn't tell him about it, nagulat na lang ako na alam na niya ang tungkol sa sakit ko, he then confessed to me that he likes me despite my illness so I gave him a chance" I explained looking away again to him. I can't believe we're talking about this right now. Akala ko matagal bago niya malalaman ang totoo but wala pa ata akong isang buwan nakakabalik dito sa pilipinas ay alam na niya ang lahat.
"Kung nalaman ko rin ba kaagad ang tungkol sa sakit mo, would you still break up with me?" He asked. I bit my lip, thinking of what I should answer. Ano nga ba ang magiging desisyon ko kung ganoon ang sitwasyon namin noon?
"I..I don't know, magkaiba parin ang sitwasyon natin noon kesa sa sitwasyon namin ni Alexie-"
"It's true, magkaiba talaga Zole, because you love me and he isn't" He said at napatingin naman ako sakanya sa sinabi niya. Is it really the difference?
"Alexie's a good person, to be honest I'm actually starting to like him, so lets just keep it these way Nolan... you and I will remain friends or if you can't let's just stay civil and be professional whenever we are at the office" I suggest at tumaas naman ang kilay niya sa sinabi ko. Mas nagkalakad siya palapit sakin and now we're just inches away from each other. Hindi ako makaatras dahil nakadikit na sa gilid ng sofa ang mga binti ko.
"You just like him Zole, hindi mo pa siya mahal. Ako parin ang mahal mo..." He whispered na kaagad naman ikinabilis muli ng tibok ng puso ko.
"And about that Alexie guy, huwag mo siya kaagad pagkatiwalaan, he may look an angel towards you but you never know from other people. I'm not threatening you, I'm just reminding you to be careful" He added kaya napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Simula naman ng magkakilala kami ni Alexie ay wala akong napansing suspicious sa mga galaw niya. But I just nodded to him as an answer, maybe I shouldn't let my guard down that easily since recently pa nga lang kami nagkakilala.
He let out a deep sighed but still he's still freaking too close to me! Ayaw niya ba lumayo ng kahit onti!? Napapikit na lamang ako ng paraan para makalayo na sakanya.
"M...May kukunin lang ako sa walk in closet," Pag iiba ko ng usapan at dahan dahan tumayo mula sa kama. Maglalakad na sana ako pero kaagad niya nahagip ang mga kamay ko para pigilan ako at pwersang pinaupo ako sa sofa! He knelt down infront of me at muli akong tinignan.
"Escaping already?" Tanong niya ng nakataas ang kilay at ngumuso naman sabay iling.
"H..Hindi ah, may kukunin nga ako sa closet" Pagdadahilan ko.
"Ano ba 'yon? Ako ng kukuha" He offered at nanlaki naman ang mata ko.
"Hindi na ako na sabi eh"
"Your foot is still injured Zole, hirap ka pa maglakad kaya ako ng kukuha" Pag alma ulit niya kaya napakamot na ko sa ulo sa sobrang inis!
"Fine! Get my freaking bra!" I shouted at parang umuusok na ang pisngi ko sa sobrang init nito ng sinabi ko yon. May suot naman talaga ako pero gusto ko na lang talagang layuan na niya ko kaya yoon ang naisip kong paraan. Kumunot naman ang noo niya at napatingin pababa sa dibdib ko kaya kaagad ko namang tinakpan yon.
"You're not wearing one then?" He asked and now I'm seeing his playful smirk causing my cheeks to heat more. Shuta kang lalaki ka apaka bastos mo talaga!
"So what if I don't? Nasa bahay naman ako ah" Pagdadahilan ko habang nakaiwas ang tingin sakanya dahil naiirita ako sa nakakaasar niyang tingin.
"Don't fool me Zole, you're just making up excuses, alam ko kung may bra ka o wala" Aniya kaya nanlaki ang mata ko. Bakit pati yon alam niya!?
"How can you be so sure huh? Dami mong tanong ako na nga kukuha-" Umamba na kong tatayo pero hinuli niya muli ang palapulsuhan ko at sinandal ako sa back rest ng sofa, he's now above me and our faces is few breathes away. Damn you Nolan!
"Mark my words Zole, I'm taking you back and I assure you that you will never leave me again" He huskily said and broke our distance with a soft kiss.