The room becomes still, it was the million-dollar question. If he had picked a man, then why hadn't he picked Caspian? What had lead him to accept me when Caspian had been more than willing? Since the day that 'Beta' claimed I'd bewitched the man, I'd often wondered what had gone on between the two. What had led the man to seek him for so long, to make an attempt at every opportunity? Caspian had had an addiction to the warlord, much like Kestrel to Helen.
Was it really so potent? Was it truly just genetics?
When I'd met Verando, he had a mile-high libido but he was damaged, uncertain in himself as far as his sexuality. Our relationship had taken years to become what it was, where he could be open with me, vulnerable and trusting. Every time a subject such as this arises, I can't help but get nervous. What if he regressed? What if it sent him backwards again?
Verando holds Darrius a little closer, he hadn't expected to be dissected. I watch him, unable to remove my eyes from the stress on his face, yet still admiring the way he holds Darrius so close to his chest. "I..."
Was his hesitation because he didn't want to say it in front of me? Or because, perhaps, he truly didn't know? I knew he loved me, I knew he preferred me, but why?
"Caspian was my best friend but catered to my vices, I don't have a preference for men. I have a preference for Nic. I don't find Caspian anymore attractive than I do Marcello or any other man. You know, as well as I do, how his advances made us feel." His eyes fall on the younger version of himself now, who looks taken aback, unwilling to unearth such a confession.
"You don't realize it now, but one day you're going to open your eyes and realize that you're a prize to be won, not someone that actually matters. It's not Caspian's fault, not entirely, but he is incapable of seeing you as an equal."
Randy stares at the ground, quickly averting his eyes, making Caspian take a step back.
"What, have you gone mad? You're acting like I'm the villian in this story. I know I'm a bad guy now but shit, don't I get a side to this story?" The young Spanish male questions.
When Randy bares no answers he turns to stare at my husband.
"That doesn't make any sense, I wasn't trying to-" Running a hand through his hair, he grumbles to himself in Spanish with an annoyed groan. The demon begins to unearth, the monster from within, I can practically feel the spring coiling. He was a fun, charismatic man, until the surface was brushed to the side and the beast within was revealed.
I could agree. It wasn't Caspian's fault, trauma did horrible things to good people and his father had not been kind to him, but that didn't stop the continuous torment on a young man who was a breath away from leaping to his death off the nearest building. Those golden eyes fall on this new opponent. My husband.
"You fucked everyone, anyone who would give you the time of day, I just wanted to know why you were so unwilling to have me. Do you have any idea how long I've loved you? How hard it was for me to beat you when our fathers pit us against each other and you laid there like a sorry-" He stops, noticing the slim Randy almost shrinking away.
His raised voice brought on the recoil, I had seen this before in it's meagerest of forms and often wondered where it came from. Verando didn't like to be alone, much as he sought out his own sanctuary, he didn't like to sleep alone. Days at a time he would be awake, only to grab a nap as soon as I was available. Caspian was a threat, he would leave if the young man didn't cooperate.
Caspian was a ticking time bomb, unpredictable, and bred for violence. But he was consistent, he was the man's only friend outside of female entertainment, he was the source of the drugs and the answer to any trouble they might get into. This Randy needed Caspian.
"Why do you think I did that, Caspian?" Verando exhales, face composed, refusing to escalate. "Obsession is not love, you were willing to crush down every instinct to stand against you at every opportunity. It's not fair to blame you but you certainly didn't help matters. I needed help."
Caspian shakes his head with a heavy scoff. "You know how my father was, it was me or you, and I went easy on you! It wasn't my fault that you weren't willing to fight back, I was just trying to survive as we all were. You were a damn mess, look at you!" Gesturing to the man, Randy takes a step back. "When you weren't knee deep in whores, you were threatening to off yourself over a woman you hardly even knew. I didn't have time for you mommy issues on top of this ungodly obessesion with Kitten!"
The younger version of my husband wraps his arms around himself, with no vices at his disposal, he was forced to deal with this and his world was collapsing.
"Guys." I step in, trying to keep my voice level. I pity the young man, he wasn't ready for this yet.
"Is this why you keep me medicated? So I don't fight back? So I just keep... fucking.. myself up and won't leave you?" Randy demands of Caspian. "Am I that fucked up that I actually am inclined to believe you over my actual self?" With a disgusted laugh he shakes his head at the audacity of his own behavior.
Verando takes a step closer to me, putting up the boundary and taking his stance. "You owe him your life in many instances but not your person, not your happiness, and that is why you chose Nic."
My poor, battered husband. There was such a sharp disconnect, the young man couldn't even believe his own words because this version had entirely disowned this persona. They were as connected as strangers, refusing to acknowledge the other even existed in the same world.
Caspian's expression rang clearly enough for all to see. He was hurt, deeply wounded, that he was the reason his own supposed happiness would never come to fruition. It was obvious he had been hoping for some insight, something that would give him an edge, but the truth was the two were toxic together.
Verando, at his worst, was a heavily depressed and damaged individual with triggers, trauma, with the ability to spiral into deep waves of self-loathing and destructive habits. He needed a rock, someone who understood him, not someone who would happily medicate him into some sort of faux happiness.
I could only assume when they were separated and the drugs wore off, the reality set in.
The room echoes back the silence, Legardo clears his throat. "Well I think that was more of reality than I had signed up for today."
With the house needing repairs and our position compromised it wasn't safe to remain here much longer. "I think we've all had enough, we need to pack up and move out before any elementals come sniffing around for the source of the magic. We're surrounded by mortals starving for a fix, they're bound to be attracted to the burn off from Darrius."
Trauma demanded patience, despite our time crunch, we could not afford to alter the past. Stefan twiddles his fingers, "Randy and Nic- Err.. Verando.. and Nic. You're welcome to come to my home. I suppose the.. other two.. are as well? Surely I have enough spare rooms.." Trailing off he considers his options but Verando stops him with a firm look.
"Stefan I need you to take the boys, I'm going to call in on Tiberius and we will take these two to his location. A strigoi is going to be the best camouflage for Darrius's scent, Legardo is becoming to involved, that is the next place they would look for him. I want everyone else to stay here, save for Landon and K, you two will go with Lotta and Marcello and find out where they took our Caspian."
Legardo scoffs. "You want us to stay here to be slaughtered?"
"No, I want you to stay here and stand aside while your girlfriend destroys anyone who gets close to this place. Lotta and Marcello can't keep covering for us, anyone who wants out before this gets messy needs to do so. Leo and Tonic can remain behind as well, anyone who comes sniffing around needs to be interrogated as to their intentions and then dispatched if they work for Caspian. We can not afford to allow him to amass an army in our ranks."
"You think he would throw his men at us just to form some sort of 'army'? In a jail cell?" Leo raises an eyebrow curiously. It made perfect sense to me because it was a tactic we had used in some sense before. I can't help but smile a tiny smile, moves and counter moves, the art of war.
"Never underestimate what people will do to those who serve them." Verando responds coldly. "Besides, I need you all here to make sure they don't mess up my house. Legardo knows where the weapons are, arm yourselves and keep communications open. If I had to take a guess, Kestrel will be coming to check on his father any day now. We need to be ready when that happens."
The group begins the slow process of separating as I slip upstairs to pack. Stefan leaves first with our children, followed by Marcello. While Lotta had suggested sending Hero's with them, we did not want to risk a leak in his location. Stefan was a private man, few would know where he lived if they didn't know him personally.
Legardo and Pascal busy themselves refamiliarizing themselves with the surveillance while Verando reminds Tonic and Leo where the weapons are. Lotta would join us on the short car ride to Tiberius's location, his only response was coordinates to Verando's text message of a single word, Location.
I carefully run my fingers over the clothes as I fold them into the suitcase, noting that my stow away was no longer around. She must have run off once all the drama began. It was probably for the best, I hadn't factored in how hellish our lives might seem from the outside.
Verando rounds the corner, stepping out onto the balcony to light a cigarette and take along drag. I'd not seen him smoke in quite some time, where I would normally discipline him, I allow it to slide for I'm not sure quite how he might react to my scolding. In silence, I pack for him as well, slowly folding each piece with the amount of care that I knew he liked.
It might not be perfect, but it was the effort that counted. The two suitcases compared to each other caused me to chuckle, mine thrown together with a sense of urgency while his was carefully packed and organized. I knew him to well to think he would tolerate anything less.
When I can hardly stand it anymore, I step away from the bed to quietly walk over to him and slip my arms around his waist. I would never get over how he felt solid under my arms, how he no longer blazed but felt comfortably warm. My fingers spread over his abdomen, marveling at the man that belonged entirely to me. "I know you're not okay. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here."
He takes another pull of the cancer stick, the tension in his shoulders nearly tightens as my hands move. "I love you." He tells me firmly, a declaration, as if maybe I didn't believe it.
"I know. Almost as much as I love you." I respond gently, keeping my tone light.
"I don't want you to think that I would ever pick Caspian over you, that I'd consider going back to that egotistical prick." His feelings were hurt, it had come back all over again, the side of him that he'd pushed down for so long was staring back at him for the world to see. Verando had tried so hard to hide this from not just me but the world. He didn't want the pity, he didn't want anyone to know where he came from.
I struggled with holding true to that request. "But.. you were 'with' him."
Verando snarls low in his throat, I tighten my grip on him, refusing to let him go.
"I know you weren't sleeping with him, but you were with him in some aspect, Randy. He had some sort of claim on you, he thought he was helping you, and I saw your face.. the younger you's face that is. You wanted to be what he wanted you to be so badly, you're a masochist, you were trying to be a submissive. He knew what you were all along and that is why he fought so hard to keep knocking you down. He knew what you were capable of." I'd seen it to much before in my own upbringing, it was frightening to be faced with true potential.
This was a hard line we hadn't navigated before, he was raw and vulnerable, he might not like my analyzing of his past, but I couldn't help but try and relate to him on some level and show him that I was just desperately trying to understand and break this cycle of pain.
"I love you, so much." I tell him again, pressing my cheek to his back as I listen to his pounding pulse. "I love your passion, I love your intensity, I love your sense of right and wrong, I love watching you command those around you and most of all, I love that you would do anything for me. That you are in the middle of a crisis and your first instinct is to reassure me." I take in his scent, calming my wolf, sliding my hands up to rest on his shoulders as I melt against him.
"Let me reassure you that I love you and you don't have to hide from me." I tell him once more.
Turning in my arms, he flicks the end of the cigarette on the ground to crush it out before bending to kiss me. I could excuse the ashy taste as I kiss him back, only to wrinkle my nose with a chuckle. "Ok, that was one. Now go brush your teeth." Smacking him on the ass, I send him back into the bedroom to watch out into our backyard one last time.
Badger dutifully follows him, I sigh thankfully for the dog. For all we'd been through, this failed to bring me to any sort of brink. Moves and counter moves, we just had continue to play the game. Pacing after him, I wait patiently for him to finish, appreciating the suspicion he eyes me with. "Are we ever going to be alone again?" I ask with an attempt at a pout.
Verando shrugs, "That used to not matter." He reminds me, before considering it. "We're alone now."
I wet my lips, "For an entire two minutes." I remind him, almost daring him. "That's a whole minute and thirty seconds more than we need."
Scowling he grabs me, shoving me up onto the counter. In his haste, my back hits the glass, smashing the mirror. I cover my mouth with my hand, giggling uncontrollably. It was a strange sensation between the shock of impact and the dull thump of my new, tougher body withstanding to much more abuse.
"Fuck." He curses. I grip his shirt, yanking him down to me to crush my lips against his. His hands grip the counter, I dig my nails into his shoulder to elicit a response as I growl a challenge. His fingers bore marks into the defenseless counter top, "Stop breaking our house."
"I didn't break it. Consider it a remodel." I tell him against his lips, grinding against him as I yank him further ontop of me. His hand moves to stabilize himself, pressing against the cracked glass. "You still smell like cigarette smoke." I reach to the side, snapping off the faucet head in a quick move as the sink erupts water.
Satisfied with my handiwork, I drink in his soaked frame as he growls harshly at me, sinking his teeth into my neck. "You're such a brat." He murmurs against my ear, my fingers tangle in his hair as I pull his head back sharply to kiss him once more.
"Then teach me a lesson or shut up and let me enjoy the view." Taking his shirt in my hands, I jerk the center, splitting the buttons and opening it from top to bottom. His soaked skin is enough to drive me wild as I drag my shin against his building erection.
Shoving away from me, he yanks me off the counter, spinning me around to shove my face into the pooling water on the damaged counter. His hand in my hair, he gives me a sharp smack on the ass and presses his hips roughly against mine. "Beg." He demands.
"Make me." I spit back.
Ripping my pants off my hips and letting them fall to the ground, he shoves my legs apart with his feet before sliding down to his knees, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh. His tongue finds my entrance and I moan low in my throat, body trembling from the sensation. This sinful, wicked man. He doesn't stroke me, only using his tongue to drive me wild as I sink my teeth into my knuckle to keep my volume under control.
"Ok. Ok. Please, gods, please take me." I beg.
Standing, he's mercilous as he slams into me. I nearly scream and he quickly covers my mouth, yanking me up to press my back into his chest as he clutches me close. "If I knew you were going to mewl like a whore, I would have taken you much differently." He growls in my ear, I tilt my head back against him with a pleading moan, earning a gentle chuckle as he presses his lips to my neck.
I can only beg him incoherently to continue his pace, taking everything he's willing to give me, I can't take it anymore as I finish and he follows along with me.
Panting hard, I place my hands on the counter, legs trembling as I attempt to regain some sense of self. "Oh my god." I exhale, looking over my shoulder at the soaked man who attempts to find the shut off for the sink. "Sorry about the bathroom."
"You'll pay for that later."
"Only if it's more of this." I nearly plead, before freezing as I peer into the shattered mirror. He had never closed the bedroom door.