"It's all gone, girl."
Norris was sitting across from me giving me an annoyed look, but I couldn't help myself as I sucked the remaining mixture of vanilla ice cream and root beer out of my glass.
We were still in Cicely, sitting in a small diner not too far from the bus stop on the main road. The rain hadn't let up and darkness blanketed the sky as the floodgates poured down on poor Louisiana.
The diner, a place called "Henry's Joint", was small with large windows and a long bar. Deep brown tables and bright red chair cushions were nestled in every few corners leaving just enough space on the checkered black and white tiled floor for people to dance next to the jukebox. Despite the dreariness outside, the light in the small space was warm and soft. The golden-honey hues of the lamp we sat under gave Norris's skin a rich glow.
After running out the graveyard once the storm picked up, Norris insisted we grab a bite to eat before we catch the bus back to Eva, seeing we had a bit over an hour before it arrived then. We both decided on the special of the day; a plate of catfish with greens and hushpuppies – and my sudden hankering sweet tooth couldn't resist getting a root beer float for dessert.
"I haven't had this since I was a girl." I almost whined, sad that the sugary treat was now just a memory lingering on my tastebuds. "Every blue moon, Daddy would to take me to this ice-cream parlor in town when I was little. He'd let me eat until my stomach hurt." Warmth filled me then from that memory.
A smile turned the corners of Norris's lips, the first genuine smile I'd seen from him since we left the graveyard, since he told me about Janie.
Pushing the glass away, I huffed, a strand of my once pressed hair – now spiraling and curly from the rain, danced in front of my eyes. I brushed it away, resting my chin in my palm.
"Ya find out more about ya mama?" Norris asked. I blinked at the man, quickly remembering our conversation on the bus ride over here.
"Not yet. I'm sure one of them letters will have more about her in them. I just feel..." I paused, staring out the window, following the droplets as they slid down the glass, "I feel scared about what else I could find out." Or, what I was more afraid to say to Norris and even admit to myself, that in some ways I was exactly like her.
I felt a small tap on my chin, realizing Norris had lifted my head up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
"Ain't no shame in how ya feel." He said simply.
A sudden eruption of fuzziness filled my stomach then, nervously I pulled myself from him. An odd sensation had my heart fluttering, and I quickly rubbed the goosebumps that prickled on my arms.
"Are ya gonna tell Celia about Janie?" I asked him.
"I don't know." Norris deadpanned, taking a swig from his iced tea, "I don't wanna be openin' up no can of worms. She gettin' to that age though. Askin' all these questions about everything, I don't know if I'm ready for the questions about her Mama."
"Just be honest with her. Tell her how much ya loved Janie, what she liked, how she reminds you of Janie. If Daddy had told me more about my mama, I don't think I'd be so messed up about finding out about her now." I told him.
I always told myself that Daddy and Nana were all I needed in my life, that the love they gave me had always been enough, but I would be fibbing if some part of me growing up ain't wonder why my family was so different, what about my life made my mama want to run away.
Norris huffed, "I reckon I'll tell her one day. It took me a while to come to terms that Janie wasn't around, even after all these years. To me telling Celia would be coming to terms with it." He looked down, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.
I reached my hand across the table, placing my hand on his, the man looked at me.
"Ain't no shame in how in how ya feel." I repeated back to him. "Stop punishing ya'self, ya not the same Norris Mayfair from back then. I only known ya for a spell and I can tell ya changed."
A softness crossed Norris face, seeing the tension on him melt. I felt him wrap his fingers around my hand, reaching it to his mouth as his lips kissed against my knuckles.
"I'm happy ya hard-head ain't take no for an answer when ya saw me at the bus stop today." Norris stated, which in his very Norris Mayfair way was a genuine "thank you."
Norris Mayfair, puzzling, harsh and tough as nails, was actually one of the kindest souls I had ever had the pleasure in coming across.
❃
"Is that the bus?"
We were still sitting in Henry's Joint, listening to the pitter-patter of the rain on the old roof, and the croons of Jackie Wilson on the jukebox. Talking about our strange childhoods, and just enjoying each other's company.
But a sudden flash caught my eye from the window in the heavy rain, the bright tail lights of a city bus as it began to slowly make its way down the dirt road.
"Shit!" Norris cursed, raising from his chair so fast it fell over. We both rushed to the door, watching as the taillights of that old bus started to look like little red lightning bugs in the fuzziness of the storm.
"I know yall ain't tryna run out without paying!" Someone called behind us, as we both stood in the door looking pitiful.
I heard Norris click his teeth, walking back inside the diner.
Digging in his pocket and placing wrinkled dollar bills on the table, Norris muttered, "That damn bus ain't ever on time."
"When's the next one? We can just wait, I reckon," I said, practically on his heels as he rushed back out the door. We stood under the awning of the diner. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it between his lips.
"Ain't until morning, about seven. Bus only pass through here a few times a day." The man huffed, blowing out a chain of smoke.
An exhale escaped my lips, we up the creek without a paddle.
Almost like he was reading my mind, Norris pointed down the street.
"There's a general store and small motel down the road. We can get some essentials to last the night to make it to the bus in the morning."
After grabbing some things from the small general store, some toothbrushes, cotton shirt and shorts to sleep in, we had made our way to the small motel on the corner of Cecily. Every time I reached for my wallet, at the general store and even now at the small, damp-smelling motel, Norris would give me an annoyed look. I reckon he felt some agitation with me invading on his day, a private moment he needed for himself to grieve Janie. Or maybe he was guilty I was stuck here with him.
I ain't mind, either way. All the lonely nights I spent in Eva it was nice to have some company, even if it wasn't willful.
We walked up the rickety steps to our room, 207, dripping from the crowns of our heads to the hem of our britches. The wind was picking up with the storm, and I had to clamp my teeth together to stop them from chattering.
The room was small, with beige carpet and red paisley patterns on the wallpaper and lampshades. It homed a small heater, a chest, a worn velvet chair, a small radio, and nightstand. A bathroom with bright white tile was snug in the one corner of the room and a sliding door to a small balcony in the other corner.
It was no Mayfair Motel, but it'll do.
Me and Norris both exchanged glances as we were met with the one large dark wood sleigh bed in the middle of the room. A turmoil rolled in my stomach suddenly feeling coy. Pulling from the man's gaze, I kicked out of my shoes.
"You take the bed," Norris said then, "I'll sleep in the chair. If I can sleep at all."
The room felt stuffy then. I walked over to the small balcony door wiggling it open.
"I'm gone get more blankets from downstairs and call Mama and Celia," Norris announced, "Gone and get comfortable, we stuck for the night."
Hearing the door slam, I finally felt like I could breathe. I must be losing my mind, but something about being her made me antsy. I ignored the gnawing in my belly, quickly feeling the effects of the day. I needed a good wash.
I let the hot water of the shower consume me in its warmth, feeling all of the grief and frustration of today just wash down the drain with the dirt. As I stood under the water I said a prayer for Janie, hoping that she was truly resting and that her soul wasn't lost. And a prayer for Loretta, thanking her for providing a light I never could in Daddy.
Even one for myself to guide me as I continue to unravel this chapter of my life.
After showering and brushing my teeth, I spread Vaseline over my skin and shimmied into my night clothes. I practically yelped as I opened the door seeing Norris on the other side.
"I was finna make sure you was alright in there," He had a hint of playfulness in his tone, still his eyes held worry.
"I'm alright," I assured brushing past him. The rain hadn't ceased, the pitter-patter echoing from the balcony. Norris was watching me, in a way that gave me that sheepish feeling all over again.
"I'm just tired, been a long day," I added, hoping that tidbit would get him off my back. The man just sighed, nodding his head. The man walked in the bathroom and shut the door.
Needing a distraction, I started fiddling with the radio and landing on a blues station that calmed the butterflies in my stomach. Norris' cigarettes sat on the nightstand, grabbing one I stepped to the balcony and lit it between my lips, looking at the silhouettes of the willow trees and the lapping of rain hitting a creek meet my ears. Even under the blueish jet light of the rainclouds, the nature was beautiful.
A doo-wop song, a song I danced with my Daddy with as a young girl met my ears from the radio. A warmth filled my chest as my eyes stung back tears. Taking a drag of my cigarette, I was taken back to the spring before Daddy died, dancing with him in the small living room of our small home, my head buried into him as he held my hands and swayed around the room. It was our song, a timely song questioning why we love who we love. With Daddy there was no question. I just did.
A hand meeting the small of my back made me jump, turning around facing Norris who was giving me a smoldering stare. I blinked back my tears as I looked at him, his hand causing a heat rise throughout my body in a way I ain't ever felt.
"You alright?" He asked raising a brow.
I nodded, "You know how you said you still trying to come to terms about Janie. I still feel that way about my daddy." I admitted, this time not fighting the tears that wet my face. Norris' arms snaked around me in a way that made me want to melt into him, and in another way that depressed me more.
And he just held me like that, I guess it was my turn to cry. For once I felt like I wasn't truly all alone in the world, there were people with tons of pain who still remained tender and good.
I had only known Norris Mayfair for a couple of odd months, but I knew in my heart that he was good. He cared about me more than anyone had since I lost Daddy and Nana.
And even if I refused to admit it to myself until now, I cared for him too.
Etta James hummed over the static of the radio and the incessant drumming of the rain. Norris pulled away from me, holding out his hand. I stared at him.
"You still owe me a dance, ain't no one around to steal ya now." The man teased.
A snort fell from my lips, appreciating him wanting to make me smile. I intertwined my hand with Norris' and let him wrap his arms around me in a different way, a way that set fire to my skin. Our bodies swaying to the hum of the music, the rain misting our faces as we danced under the blue light of the storm.
My arms snaked around his neck as I leaned my head against the crook of his neck, bolts surging through my body like lightning. I had never been this close to anyone outside of kin, and I had a sudden yearning to get closer.
I lifted my head, Norris's hickory eyes boring into mine. I raised my hand to his face, touching lightly on the jagged scars on his skin. His arms snaked to my waist, just holding me as I felt the space between our lingering lips begin to close.
A white flash met our orbs, and a clattering boom shook the sky. I jumped back, my heart pounding against my ribs. I ran a hand on my beating heart, staring down at my bare feet. What on earth was I doing?
"I guess the dance is over." I muttered mostly to myself, walking back inside turning off the static of the radio. I felt Norris' arm snake around my waist again turning me around to face him, that same burning look in his eyes.
"It ain't gotta be." Norris rasped, and before I knew it his mouth crashed into mine leaving a searing kiss. A bolt enough to make me freeze and then melt into Norris like lava.
I had never felt like such yearning for anything, not in this way. Never from Clay. But with Norris, each wet kiss he left on my skin left a lingering burn that still wasn't enough to cure my longing.
We tore into each other then, frantically like time and space was fleeting, pulling at the buttons of his shirt and him doing the same with mine. Wet dizzy kisses and lingering touches of bare skin, his hands squeezed around my waist as he hovered over me on the bed. My hips pressed into Norris' as my nails dug into the skin of his back as he kissed at my neck and collar bone.
Suddenly, everything ceased as Norris stared down at me in the dark gingerly, a questionable look on his face. I gave a small nod, leaning forward and kissing him again.
And then Norris sank into me in a way that felt excruciatingly exhilarating. And we went on like that for a while. Hungry kisses and diving into each other slowly, tenderly, roughly. Into this newness that sent me into a wave I ain't never been on. And it shattered me into a calmness.
Sunda Kind of Love – Etta James