You don't hear any snarls, any more gunshots, any screams of agony. You don't hear the moment Minho takes his final breath, but a part of you feels it. Or perhaps imagines that you feel it. Like your heart knows that there's a new, gaping absence in this world.
This world that will never be the same now.
The truth cuts you like a knife, slashing you straight to your core. A cavern yawns before you, opening up and threatening to swallow you whole. You feel yourself tumbling down, down into it.
This can't be real. He can't be gone. No one was supposed to die. We were supposed to be safe, safe on my parents' farm...
You feel dizzy, feet dragging in the snow as you're pulled further and further from your friend. You go limp in Jungkook's arms, every ounce of strength leaving your body as this new reality crushes you until you can't breathe.
Jungkook stops for a minute, hoisting you up and over his shoulder before he continues running. Snow-covered trees hurtle past, blurring in your periphery till the world is streaked a dull brown and white. The sounds of running feet, crunching in the snow, and labored breathing are all that fills the air. No one dares speak for fear of monsters lingering nearby.
The further you run, the more apparent it becomes that Minho's plan worked. Nothing chases you as you move further and further away from where he last lay. You're free.
But the price of that freedom was much too high.
In your bones, you know there's now a piece of you that's been irrevocably taken. Snatched from you in an instant, never to be seen again.
All around you, darkness begins to fall like the final curtain at the end of a disappointing show.
The sun sinks lower in the sky, taking with it your naive optimism, your blind belief that if you tried hard enough, everything would work out ok. Only now do you realize how foolish that really was.
It didn't matter how hard you tried, not really. Minho was still gone. No amount of effort could save him.
A cold, brittle ache fills your chest at the thought, slowly seeping and spreading through you, and you wonder briefly if it will ever go away. If you'll ever be whole again. This profound ache somehow slowly numbs you, momentarily quelling your anguish and guilt. But you know they'll be back. How ironic that in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, you feel like more of a zombie in this moment than any creature you had seen.
An eternity passes before the boys finally come to a halt, trying to catch their breath. Jungkook gently sets you on your feet. In a daze, you glance around, just noticing that the trees have thinned considerably. You seem to be on the edge of what had started to feel like the never-ending forest. Before you, fields and hills stretch, reaching for the darkening skyline. You know you're getting close to home, but right now you can't bring yourself to the level of excitement you know you should be at.
Jungkook grips your shoulders tightly, attempting to pull you out of the dark cavern you can't seem to climb out of. The guilt comes roaring back, and all you can think of is your own blame in Minho's death. He was dead because of you, and you couldn't bear it. Your eyes sting as you blink rapidly, looking towards the ground, but the tears still don't fall.
You feel fingers lightly placed under your chin, pulling your gaze reluctantly up until you see big, doe eyes. His eyes swim with concern as they search yours.
"Y/n, I know what you're thinking. You can't blame yourself." He whispers softly, cupping your face as he runs his thumb along your cheek.
The numbness returns, an almost-welcome shield, protecting you from your overwhelming emotions.
When you don't respond, Jungkook opens his mouth again to speak, but is interrupted by Namjoon clearing his throat. Everyone turns their attention to the leader.
"Look I know..." Namjoon trails off, seeming to struggle for words. He takes a deep breath. "I know we're all struggling. But right now we have to keep moving forward. There seems to be an abandoned barn just up ahead that we can take shelter in for the night. We need to scope it out first and make sure it really is abandoned. Is everyone ready?"
The only responses are silent nods and hands tightening on weapons. Due to your recent battles, most of the group is out of ammo, now relying largely on knives.
"Ok. Everyone, stay quiet and stay alert. Lets go." Without another word, he turns on his heel and moves towards the barn.
The group follows quickly, staying low as they hurry behind. Jungkook takes your hand, squeezing it lightly before turning and pulling you with him.
You jog after him, shaking your head to try to clear it.
Namjoon was right - you needed to focus now.
You couldn't lose anyone else.
The old structure looms ahead in the fading light, silhouetted against the sky. Your group clears the distance to the barn with ease, forming a line on the edge of the wall leading to the barn door. Namjoon glances back, double checking that everyone is there and ready. When he's sure that everyone is accounted for, he turns back to the door, grabbing the metal handle and sliding it open. The door creaks as its pulled open, sending nervous jolts down your spine. You look around quickly, praying no figures come running out of the dark tree line at the sound. Breathing a sigh of relief when none do, you follow the others into the shadowy barn.
Mercifully, you find that it is truly abandoned. The boys check it thoroughly, making sure there are no creatures lurking in the dark. After triple checking, everyone visibly relaxes, letting out held-in breaths and sheathing weapons before collapsing onto the ground in exhaustion.
"Rest up, everyone. We'll leave at dawn." Namjoon says tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he too sinks down to the hay-filled floor.
Some boys nod in response, while others are already fast asleep, huddled together.
You sink to the ground near the door. Closing your eyes, you pray for sleep to come before your thoughts do.
Soft snores slowing fill the barn, a soothing, almost tranquil sound. Behind you, you hear the crunching of hay underfoot as someone approaches you and lays down beside you. Jungkook wraps his arms around you, swallowing you in a giant hug, desperately trying to squeeze the pieces of you back together.
"Let it out, y/n. It's ok. I'm here." Is all he says as he holds you tightly to his chest.
And in that moment, the tears finally overtake you. The numbness fades and you're left with your unbearable grief.
***
Dreams of Minho's smiling face dance through your mind, images still playing softly as you wake up. You don't remember falling asleep. You're surprised you were able to at all. Opening your eyes, you look around. Nighttime still covers the earth like a blanket. You sigh, growing increasingly tired of the dark, starting to feel as though it were suffocating you.
Gently, you slide out of Jungkook's arms, standing and moving just outside the barn doors. Sitting down, you gaze up at the stars filling the night sky and wonder if Minho was there among them. The little lights are peaceful, twinkling serenely, oblivious of the chaos ravaging the world below.
Someone walks up beside you, sitting down and pulling your attention from the sky above. You look over at the man sitting beside you.
"Hey, y/n. You couldn't sleep either?" Taehyung's deep voice breaks the silence. He reaches over, wiping away tears you hadn't even realized were rolling down your cheeks. You shake your head, not even sure what to say in this moment. There weren't words for this.
"I miss him too." He whispers, his own eyes glistening. Without another word, he wraps his arm around your shoulders, drawing you closer. You lay your head on his shoulder, letting the tears flow freely. In a way, it felt good to share your grief. In this moment, you didn't feel so alone.
For a long time, you both sit like that, letting yourselves feel the weight of what happened. Finally, Taehyung speaks again, wiping his tears away with one hand.
"You know, Minho wouldn't want us to just wallow in our sadness." He takes a deep, steadying breath. "He sacrificed his life because he wanted us to live. So we can be sad. That's ok. We just can't let the sadness consume us, or keep us from living. If we let it overtake us, we're throwing away what he did for us. We can't become cynical. We have to keep going." Taehyung says calmly, his words like a balm for your heart.
He was right, and you knew it.
Minho would be devastated to see you like this, weeping and resigning yourself to the unfairness of life. It's not what he would have wanted.
Far off on the horizon, the night begins to fade with the coming sun.
"You're right. We have to keep going." You whisper, and Taehyung squeezes your shoulder lightly.
"We'll be ok." He replies softly. You think back to Minho's last words to you.
"It's ok. You'll be ok."
"Ya. We'll be ok." You say quietly.
You turn and face the rising sun, closing your eyes and letting the warm rays wash over you. Hugging your knees to your chest, you let out a sigh, releasing your despair and instead breathing in the hope of a new morning.
A/N
Unedited.
In case you're wondering, yes, I did end up hurting my own feelings again. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring, but I felt like it was important to show how they wrestle with loss. Don't worry, the next chapter will be a little more eventful🤭
As always, please don't forget to vote!
- m. 💜