"You know Kaleb, if you spend all your time thinking of how to get your point across, the other person will never know how you feel."
Samuel said those words to Kaleb after Dimitri and him had their first big fight.
In middle school Dimitri got jealous that Kaleb was hanging out with a girl that was on his co-ed soccer team. The two only sat next to each other in English and said 'hi' when passing in the hall, but Dimitri saw her as a threat.
To a 11-year-old boy, a girl taking away your best friend was a very real and very vivid fear, at least to Dimitri it was. To Kaleb, his best friend was being stupid.
He tried really hard to think of the perfect way to express to Dimitri just how stupid he thought he was being, and ended up ignoring him for a whole week. That lead to tiny misunderstandings piling up and eventually toppling over into a screaming match.
He'd forgotten all about it until now.
Now, as he sits on a twin sized mattress, thousands of miles away from home.
That week he spent in his hometown felt so short. Kaleb was so sure of himself that something was going to happen between him and Dimitri. He was positive that this was the moment he was subconsciously waiting for.
7 years. 7 years he spent convincing himself Dimitri had moved on and forgot about him. Through the vile taste in his mouth, he told himself that Dimitri's second chance mate would've found him and given him a family.
For 7 years Kaleb told himself that the reason Dimitri and he couldn't be happy, wasn't because he wasn't enough. It was because he was too much.
The logic was sound to him. If he wasn't an alpha, he could have stayed, "Old Laws" be damned. If he wasn't a man, Dimitri could have grown to love him as something other than a friend. If he wasn't as tall, if his features weren't as sharp, his personality as aloof. They could have been happy if Kaleb wasn't himself.
That's what Kaleb believed.
Staring at a photo taken when things weren't as complicated, Kaleb sighs. Dimitri has cut his hair shorter since graduating, grown more muscles as well, adorns more scars. Though, he's the same height, has the same emerald eyes, and stubborn demeanor when he's upset.
After all this time, this was the first instance Kaleb let himself regret leaving Dimitri.
Kaleb hears a rapping coming from his die door. Stuffing the photo of Dimitri and him back in his wallet, he sloths to the door. He finds Adam on the other side.
Once upon a time two weeks ago, Kaleb would have considered Adam a perfect doppelgänger of Dimitri. Now, with Dimitri's annoyed face fresh in his mind, Kaleb couldn't help but pick apart where every difference they shared lied.
"I thought I'd surprise you, I didn't expect you to look so ticked off though," Adam drawled with a slight southern twang.
"I'm not ticked off," Kaleb rebutted.
"Could've fooled me. So, are you gunna let me in or will I have to make myself at home in front of your entrance," Adam smirked, "Yknow I much prefer a different kind of entrance."
"You're gross," Kaleb said, letting him inside either way.
Adam b-lined for the reclining chair Kaleb had in the corner of his studio apartment, wasting no time in kicking off his shoes and ridding his coat. With his hands behind his head, Kaleb was reminded of why he once thought Adam resembled Dimitri to an uncanny extent. With loose waves shielding an underbelly of silk like curls closer to his neck, a relaxed smile upon his lips, and an aura that calmed his anxiety, Kaleb was reminded of the boy he once loved.
Ah who was he kidding, that love never went away.
"So... are you gunna tell me what you're thinking so hard about or am I gunna have to pry it outta yah?" Adam queried.
Kaleb was silent for a while, pondering on what he should say and how he should say it when Samuel's words came to him for a second time.
"...if you spend all your time thinking of how to get your point across, the other person will never know how you feel."
"Dimitri and I grew up together," Kaleb decided to start from the beginning. Adam positioned his body towards Kaleb who was now sitting on his bed.
"Is that the guy from your wallet?"
Kaleb nodded with a smile teasing his lips, "My dad died when I was very young, leaving my mom having to work multiple jobs to pay our mortgage. She worked as a housekeeper for this one family a couple streets down, that's where I met Dimitri," Kaleb pauses, not sure how to work around the actual reason as to why he had to leave.
"I, uh, had to leave home and live with my uncle after my mom got... sick," Kaleb decided, "Dimitri knew I had to go but he never really forgave me for leaving the way I did."
"What exactly did you do for him to hate you?"
"I left on his birthday," Kaleb chuckled.
"Dude," Adam snorted, "that breaks like every bro code out there."
"Yeah." They sat in silence.
"I loved him, yknow." Adam didn't comment. "I loved him so fucking much, but all he talked about were girls, how he couldn't wait to get a girlfriend so he could spoil her rotten. I wanted that so much to be me. I needed it to be me. So I took the first chance I had to leave. And I never had to look back until now," Kaleb was getting emotional, but he wouldn't cry, not in front of Adam.
"Sounds like that vacation back home wasn't very relaxing then," Adam said, making Kaleb let out a watery chuckle.
"No, it really wasn't. I talked to my mom though, when she wasn't busy with work we were able to talk and catch up. I think I'll make more of an effort to visit her."
"That's great man, I bet she'd love to see you more."
"Yeah... he punched me when we saw each other for the first time," Kaleb admitted.
"Who? Dimitri?" Adam laughed, a little too hard in Kaleb's opinion, "Man I gotta thank him, shake his hand or something, did he get you good? I don't see any mark," Adam probed.
Oh it left a mark all right, Kaleb had to wear makeup all week until it healed. Good thing about lycans is they heal fast. "Straight in the jaw man, it was brutal."
Adam laughed harder, Kaleb was starting to get annoyed. "Stop cackling about my love life and put your mouth to better use why don't you," Kaleb instigated.
Adams guffawing calmed down, "Alright, but neither of us prepped for anything so we'll have to keep ourselves busy in other ways darling," he let his southern accent thicken with each word, getting up from his chair and prowling over to Kaleb.
***
Kaleb didn't like cuddling after he did things with Adam, so after a little refreshing in the shower, they went back to their respective spots in his room. Adam has been on his phone since Kaleb got out of his shower.
Adam and him weren't in any type of committal relationship and neither of them minded if the other fooled around with others, but the way Adam was staring at his phone made Kaleb uneasy.
"What's got you so serious?" he decided to ask after some hesitation.
"One moment," Adam grumbled. If Kaleb was worried before, he was now. Walking over to where Adam was sitting, Kaleb waited for him to finish whatever he was doing, resisting the temptation to look at whatever Adam was doing.
"There," Adam said after a moment, "all done," he stated, turning the screen to face Kaleb's skeptical expression. What was on the phone made rage pool in the pit of Kaleb's stomach like boiling water.
"What the fuck did you just do," he seethed, somehow achieving the great strength to be able to hold himself back from punching Adam.
"I booked my favorite lay a one way ticket to Helena, Montana because I adore them and their happiness so much," Adam said, as although he was an innocent boy who had done nothing wrong.
The moron had managed to book a flight for tomorrow night that lead straight to the capital a couple miles away from where he grew up.
In other words, he wanted to die by Kaleb's hands.
"I'm not going," Kaleb barked.
"Look," Adam sighed, "I was there when your uncle kicked you to the curb, I helped you set up your résumé so you could actually land a job, I was there when you accidentally drank a spiked drink. I've been through enough with you to say I think I know you," he started. "I've known the only reason you sleep with me is 'cuz I resemble your little schoolgirl crush for a long time. I've been fine with you using me since it's mutual between us, until now."
"I'm not following," Kaleb said.
"You smiled when talking about him Kaleb," Adam said like it was supposed to bring some grand revelation upon Kaleb.
"So?" he huffed.
"You don't smile when talking about anything, it actually kinda creeped me out when we first started talking. Kaleb, Dimitri makes you happy, that much is blatantly obvious even to idiots like me."
Kaleb thought for a moment about nothing in particular. His mind was a mess, but one thing was for sure. He wanted an excuse to see Dimitri again, all he needed was a chance.
This was that chance.
"...if you spend all your time thinking of how to get your point across, the other person will never know how you feel."
For the first time in several years, Kaleb found himself getting this strange bubbly feeling in the center of his chest. It was uncomfortable but not unwelcome as it brought a foreign expression of peace upon his face. Adam saw Kaleb's eyes shine with a hope that he's never seen before.
Kaleb hated predictability. Schedules and rubrics was never something that came naturally, he had to train and condition himself to get used to agendas a due dates. But this, this plan of Adam's dissolved none of Kaleb's worries.
Uncertainties in the plan and holes in the narrative were all over the place. Sure there was a predetermined ending, but that did little to release the tension in Kaleb's shoulders.
It made him excited.
A random memory surfaced in Kaleb's mind and he speed walked towards his bureau, frantically searching through his sock drawer. Adam stared at him like he grew a tail.
A blue box with a white ribbon lay tucked in the back right corner, Kaleb let out an "aha". Opening it to see a pair of gold earrings of small arrows.
Smiling at the jewelry Kaleb said, "Send me the tickets," with a toothy grin, one that was almost literally dusty from lack of use.
Adam hollered, "That's what I'm talking about!"
"I have something to do before I go, don't steal anything."
***
After the obscene amount of times Kaleb has proven himself to be unreliable, Dimitri didn't know why he let himself be disappointed that Kaleb had only tried to talk to him twice.
Dimitri wanted to hate him, loath him. He wanted to forget all about those storm cloud grey eyes and find someone else he could pour his love into, but he couldn't.
No matter how much he buried himself in his office and study, he couldn't master the art of a cold heart. Every time he felt the smooth metal of his necklace rub against his chest he was reminded of what love did for him. What he did to him. Why he forced himself to be a recluse and tarnish his name as Alpha.
He didn't really blame Kaleb for anything, it's just what was easiest. He knew his incompetence as an Alpha came from his own skills and not the lingering soreness surrounding his mate. Deep down he knew he was being immature and unfair, even still, he had the right to be angry.
Dimitri couldn't help that every time he saw Kaleb he relived the memories that came along with him. He couldn't help forgetting he was expected to be angry. He also couldn't help he wanted to punch him.
So many confusing and conflicting emotions overwhelmed the young Alpha.
Worst part is, he doesn't know how much of his feelings were due to his instincts and how much of it was up to his own desire.
It was a scary thought to have. That even in another life where they were simply just two alphas without obligations that could love each other freely, that even then there would be barriers they could not overcome.
When 2 adult alpha's in the same stage of maturity meet, it's rarely ever ends well. So if Kaleb had stayed or if Dimitri left with him. Could they have trusted they wouldn't fight for this idiotic ancient ideation for dominance? Could they have really been happy together?
Dimitri could have given this some thought before he decided to start hating Kaleb, but he didn't. He couldn't because that would make it impossible to even pretend like it wasn't Kaleb's fault.
And blaming Kaleb for his own flaws came so much easier than logic.
The few times Dimitri allowed himself to be vulnerable to his own insecurities, he imagined what exactly Kaleb went through for him to have made the decision to leave the way he did.
7 years. 7 years he's been in denial, and it only took 1 week for Kaleb to shake Dimitri's resolve.
He felt frustrated with himself. He had no reason to love Kaleb anymore. If Dimitri could hold one thing over the the black haired boy's head, it was the fact that he ruined everything they could have had.
After little convincing Dimitri had decided to take the month off so he could compose himself and come back a better leader than ever. Seeing Kaleb again brought back a part of him that Dimitri wanted to purge. So he's giving himself the month to make himself into a man with no interruptions.
However, Dimitri was not going to get his month of peace.
For a wolf was on the hunt.