At the hospital . . .
12:00 midnight . . .
Tubes were coming in and out of him. It was like he was hanging to a thin line.
I watched as he chest rose up and down.
The needles in his hand made me flinch a little.
Right now it was unsure if he was going to pull through.
He was shot once in the stomach and twice in the chest area close to his heart. Since he has lost a lot of blood they had to do an immediate blood transfusion.
The doctors assume if he did pull through he will need assistance for the rest of his life.
Luckily Kianna was unharmed. She was with both of my parents along with Sincere
The shooter was still on the run.
He looked so relaxed but I knew that wasn't something to be calm about.
A knock came to the door.
It open to mama Janice. Her eyes were red like mine.
We both have been crying up a storm.
" I'm just checking in" she said looking at Julian.
I watched as she shook her head looking at the condition he was in.
" He's my only baby I can't lose him now"
" you won't" I said to her
" y-you right baby I want"
I stood from my seat to console her like she did me earlier after the doctors broke the news to us all.
" have you ate sweetie"
" um yea some pieces of bread "
I wasn't hungry to eat anything.
" girl you need to eat something"
" Honestly I don't really want to"
She looked at me giving me a sad smile. We both sat down on the small couch watching Julian.
" my boy is a fighter. Always was always will be"
" one time he was able to fight off a bully cause he was smaller in grade school"
" I remember being in that office and I told him to point to the other child"
" Chile I thought that baby was a full grown man"
" looking like he swallow bricks with that thick neck" Mama Janice said shaking her head.
I burst into laughter listening to the story.
" are you serious"
" I am not kidding but he was beat up pretty bad with a black eye and bleeding lip"
" I never understood how my lil Julez was able to do that"
" probably the only time he didn't get in trouble from being suspended from school"
It was quiet amongst us. All you can hear was the machines that was keeping him alive.
Before I know it I leaned over on the couch dozing off.
Two weeks later
At this point what is sleep. It was the last thing I got. I wanted to be there when he wakes up.
The doctors was losing faith.
But I wasn't.
It was finally December.
I looked at his "still" face wishing I can hear something.
Him making a smart comment
" Julian I miss you so much. I miss your voice. Seeing you play with the kids"
" we all miss you"
" I know we don't always see eye to eye but just know . . . I love you sooo much"
" It has been a roller coaster with you" I said laughing a little.
" but I honestly wouldn't want it with anyone else"
" just please . . . wake up"
I looked for any visible motion and didn't see any.
The tears fell to my open chest. None of this wasn't right.
" you don't suppose to be h-here"
" y-you can't leave us like this" I said getting choked up.
Another 30 minutes pass by when two nurses came in.
" Sweetie have you gotten some rest" She said giving me a smile.
" yes ma'am"
" I'm pretty sure it probably wasn't enough" she said checking the monitors and putting food through his feeding tube.
I watched at what she was doing.
" he's gonna be just fine baby"
" God got him"
The other nurse left leaving the main nurse in here with me.
" Are ya married" She said with a southern accent looking between us two.
" Um . . . no ma'am" I said shaking my head.
" well . . . he's a lucky man but I want you to take care of yourself as well" she said before leaving out.
Not even five minutes later my mom was coming in with the kids.
She has truly been a blessing watching them.
" mommy !"
" Shhhh" I said scolding Kianna
She ran up to my knees as I picked her up sitting her in my lap.
" Daddy" she said trying to climb in his bed.
" No you can't do that baby" My mama said to her.
" yes daddy is sle-sleeping" I said pulling her back in my lap.
" Did you bring her tablet" I asked
She looked in Sincere scroller storage area getting it out passing it to me.
" How you holding up" my mama asked .
" I'm okay"
For a minute she was quiet making me look at her. She was shaking her head.
" how are you really doing Sierra?"
I took a deep breath before speaking.
" I just want him to wake up" I said glancing at him.
" He will baby . . . My son is going to be just fine"
" mama" I said laughing while blushing a little.
" Whaat ? I ain't say nothing wrong" she said looking at me batting her eye lashes.
I looked down at Kianna watching her playing a game on her tablet.
" I'm cooking Sunday dinner if you want me to drop off a plate"
" no I don't want you driving back up here that would be too much"
" Chile you need to eat . . . gone mess around and faint"
" Mama I'm good I promise" I said paying attention to Kianna planning on her tablet.
I heard sniffles making me look back at her.
" Sierra I don't want you getting sick now ,you my baby too and I need for you to be well"
Seeing her cry made me cry.
" Mama you have raised a strong daughter I'm going to be fine"
" When he wakes up I'm gone be even better" I said looking down at him.
The sound of Sincere little cries make me go to him.
" Kianna come over here by g-ma" my mom said opening her arms.
I grabbed Sincere out his stroller.
" What's the matter pootie pie"
I knew he was hungry.
" Oh shoot I forgot to pack a bottle" my mom said scolding herself
" It's okay I can feed him"
I took off my sweater revealing my white tank top.
He quickly quiet down seeing my boob.
This boy here. Just like his daddy.
He was starting to get chunky.
He was small baby coming into this world only weighing 4 pounds.
I watched as his eyes traveled to Julian.
" You see daddy" I said smiling at him.
" Say daddy wake up" like he understood.
After 15 minutes of being fed he was falling right back to sleep.
I still kept him in my arms though for comfort.
The resemblance of him and Julian is out of this world.
The Next Day
Earlier
The sound of laughter could be heard. I open my eyes to see I was covered with a blanket. The chair I was sitting in was elevated.
I notice Julian still unawake along with his assistant and mama Janice.
They all notice me but mama Janice spoke.
" We didn't mean to wake you up baby"
I quietly yarned covering my mouth.
" Y'all are fine good morning by the way"
Everyone quietly said there good morning.
" We have some breakfast if you want some" Tracy said.
" Thanks" I said to them.
I figure I should stop by the house to go change.
Just a quick update on my living situation despite everything that has happened. I was moved into my new place.
A few things were still in boxes.
I excused myself stepping out the room.
Before I could make it to the hallway I was stopped by one of Julian's friend.
I think his name was Brandon.
He has really been a big help according to Mama Janice. By making sure business was flowing just like he wasn't even in the hospital.
" Hey I just wanted to check in with you" He said looking down at me.
" I'm okay thanks for asking" I said not knowing what else to say.
" I know you don't know me like that but I'm here for you. That's my brother in that room been through a lot of shit together"
" Well it's nice to know that he has you in his corner" I said giving a weak smile
He nodded his head before speaking again.
" You sis now . . . if you or my niece and nephew need anything Im here if it was the other way around without a doubt I know he'll do the same"
" Thank you"
" You welcome" he said before walking back into the room.
I drove to my new Apartment taking a quick shower getting re-dress in some yoga pants and one of Julian sweater shirts I still had.
I grabbed a duffle bag stuffing more clothes in it along with a few hygiene items.
Hopefully I won't need to wear all these clothes.
Under an hour I was back in my car when my phone ringed.
I panicked a little seeing an unknown number.
" h-hello"
" This called will be . . .
I listen as the operator went on before asking will I like to accept the charges.
" Sierra"
I stayed quiet not knowing what to say. I haven't even backed out to get on the Main Street.
" I know you probably wasn't expecting t-this call, b-but I was wondering if you could stop by . . . visitation is today from 3:00 to 7"
" I wanna apologize to you for everything in person"
I still haven't said anything. I wasn't going to either.
I hung up.
Why ?
Why now ?
With my phone still in my hand I called my mom.
The sound of laughter could be heard in the background.
" is everything okay"
" um y-yea . . . Claire called me"
The line went quiet before I heard my mom tell Michael to watch the kids.
" what was the conversation about"
" she wants me to see her today. I don't know if I want to see her at all"
" well Sierra the decision is yours to make however . . . you deserve to get some type of closure out of this. I don't want you going the rest of your life wondering why things happen the way it did when you can get those answers now"
" What about Julian I can't just leave him in that hospital by himself"
" Sierra I can promise between you and Janice that boy will never be alone."
" when he wakes up he is going to appreciate that so much"
I smiled a little hoping to see that soon.
" Okay mama"
Now
Here I was at the visitation center
I shook a little to hold my composure. Sooo many emotions were going through me.
Just then the doors open to a guard with a chained woman.
Almost didn't recognize her.
She look fragile like she could break any moment. Looks like she haven't been getting any sleep either.
My face wore no emotion as I stare at her looking like a lost soul.
We both sat down once she came near me.
I stayed quiet not knowing how to form my words.
Good thing she spoke first.
" I-Im glad you came . . . I don't know wh-where to start"
" Why did you try to destroy my family"
" you lived a good life and you couldn't even let me"
" I'm sorry Sierra it was very selfish of me. I was only looking out for my friend"
" Your friend was long divorce from him, your friend was not one of your sisters . . . your own damn flesh and blood"
I felt myself getting choked up.
" why do you want to see me hurt so bad. All my life you tortured me"
" made me feel like I was beneath you"
" You were stronger than I could ever be" she rushed out.
" no matter how much I hurt you still held your head high and I was jealous of the fact that I could never do that"
This was some bullshit.
I could only shake my head.
" you damn right . . . you could never ever be me"
" Claire you was giving a silver platter what was there to be jealous of with me"
" you got any damn thing you wanted more than I could"
" I know and I'm sorry" she said crying tears.
" What you and the other bitch took from me I could never get back but best believe I didn't let that break me"
" and it looks like Karma is doing her work just fine"
" have a nice life in here"
I said gathering myself to leave her.
Once I exit the center I quickly went to my car.
I sat in there for a minute still feeling multiple emotions.
I let out the loudest scream laying my head on the steering wheel for a few seconds.
" just breathe . . . Just breathe Sierra"
The more I tried the technique the more tears I poured.
Over everything. The sleepless nights, losing my baby girl, dealing with two kids.
Just being here seeming to remind me of the struggles I went through delivering my babies.
Being unawake and finding out I lost her. Having bad dreams about the accident.
And now this.
I cried so loudly that I knew I was going to get a headache.
I couldn't take it anymore.