3rd person POV:
Wilbur's eyes opened slowly, his head pounding from the loud beeping coming from his iphone. It was inconveniently placed a little too close to his head for his liking. He flipped his phone over. "Ugh... shut up," he mumbled to himself, before swiping the screen. Silence. Finally. He laid his head back on his pillow. He lied there half awake, wanting nothing more than to let himself slip away into the comforting darkness of sleep.
"Shit, what time is it?" A few seconds later he hurriedly picked up his phone again, turning it on to the lockscreen. 9:16.
"Shit," he had already done this same routine 7 times today, the only difference this time being he actually had to get up. Wilbur mumbled incoherently, before forcing himself out of bed. Only to stand infront of his open closest for five minutes, doing nothing. His head was cloudy. Not really understanding where he was, what he was doing, or why he had to do it.
Once he finally snaped out of his daze, he opened his closest and picked out a black beanie, a blue sweater and a pair of jeans. He dragged his body over to the bathroom, bringing his clothes with him.
He didn't want to take a shower. He didn't understand why, it would probably make him feel a lot better, but for some reason, he just didn't want to. He may not have felt like it but he had to be on Tommy's stream today.
The chat wouldn't be able to see him, but Tommy would. He always preferred video call more than just the voice feature. There wasn't really a reason why, he just liked it more. If he decided to just do a normal call, Tommy would immediately know something was wrong. Wilbur didn't want to see or hear the concern any of his friends would have for him. He wasn't worth their time.
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After he was dressed and his hair was dry enough, he checked his phone. 1 message from Childinnit. Why was tommy texting him? Was it time for the stream already? Was he late? Wilbur stood up frantically, being too panicked to remember there was a clock in his phone. He ran to the kitchen, looking up towards the analog clock on the wall.
Twelve, thirty-Something
He couldn't figure out exactly what the time was, never being able to fully understand how to read an analog clock. Why did he even have one? That doesn't matter, he had been in the shower for way longer than he thought. He had to be on his friends stream in two and a half hours. Fuck.
After he calmed down from panic mode, he decided to check what tommy had said. He probably should have done that first.
Childinnit
Hey big man, just wanted to let you know, the stream is gonna be postponed till 5, not 3
Oh. Well at least he had more time.
Wilbur
Alright Tommy, thanks for telling me.
Read
Wilbur put his phone down. He was so tired. Even though all he did was take a shower, he still wanted to drift into the void of dreams once again. But he can't. So he won't.
He felt... Well, he didn't really know. Bored? Kinda but that's only part of it. Empty? That seemed more accurate. That's what he'll call it until he figures it out. Why though? He wasn't really sure of that either. He did know, however, that he could ignore this by scrolling through Tik Tok. He set a timer for an hour. He understood how easy it is to get lost, swiping through the endless 'for you' page.
About half an hour in of seeing short videos of cats doing stupid things, and his fans making fanart or animations of some sort. He wanted to see more of what his fans made for him and his friends, he was proud of them for having the motivation and confidence to make and post what they had made. He put his name into the search bar...
Wilbur Soot 🔍
At first he found lots of cute videos of his fans, fanartists, cosplayers, editers, just people talking about how they like him, or something he did they liked. Most of them made him smile. Most of them.
He found one video in particular. He saw a picture of himself, when KSI punched him in one of Tommy's vlogs. The video was a screen shot of another video, of a screenshot of another video, ect. for quite a few times, most of them saying "THATS WILBUR." The capion was just "#Wilbur#Stop#Hate." He didn't understand at first. Why would he? Yes, it was him. Why were people freaking out?
He decided to check the comments to maybe figure out why people were so upset about a picture of Wilbur. One read "I'm confused." Well that was no help, so was he. The next made him understand, though now, he didn't want to.
"you all are blind. read the top. someone said "imagine him in that pose with no clothes, god id r@p3 him." wtf. dont assume the context of the video"
Well then, that's enough Tik Tok for today. Right after he thanked the fan that posted it for being upset about it, and standing up for him.
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It was now 1:23. What now? The only escape Wilbur had found from the empty-ness had been ruined by that video. He now has nothing to distract him. He didn't like this feeling. He wanted to get rid of it, but he didn't know how. He never does.
He decided to try playing Minecraft for a bit, and eventually found himself in a VC with Phil, Techno, and Ranboo. None of them were streaming, thankfully. Wilbur had fun fucking around with his friends and father figure. So much so that he forgot how empty it was without them, though, that was kinda the point.
Wilbur's alarm went off.
4:30. He had set a few alarms for before Tommy's streams, because he knew he had trouble keeping track of time.
"Wil, is that you?" Phil heard the alarm before Wilbur had, and questioned why it wasn't being turned off.
"Oh, yeah, shit, sorry, it's four thirty, Tommy's stream is in half an hour," Wilbur was zoned out, he hadn't noticed the alarm untill Phil said something about it. He swiped his phone screen and the annoying beeping stopped.
"Oh, do you have to prep? You can go start setting up with Tom if you need to, we don't mind," Techno spoke up
"Yeah, I probably should, bye guys, talk to you later" Wilbur switched to discord to leave the call, but not before hearing some goodbyes from his friends first.
Wilbur took a deep, slightly shaky breath and clicked the "join call" button. "Hey Tommy"
"Wilbur! What's up big man?"
"I'm alright, thanks tommy, what are we doing for today's stream?"
"We're gust gonna fuck around on the origin SMP for a bit. Take a break, you know?" ( I know just is spelt wrong here but I was sleep deprived while writing this and I think it's too funny to fix)
"Yeah, alright, let's do this" Wilbur practiced putting on a fake smile. He was used to doing this, but today was extra hard for some reason. Maybe it was that one video on Tik Tok he had found.
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After they had set everything up and they were ready, Tommy hit the "go live" button on his screen, and waited patiently for the notifications to go out.
"WHAT IS UP CHAT" Tommy put his streaming persona on, making Wilbur flinch at the sudden yelling. Tommy didn't notice though. Nobody ever does. And nobody asks about it. Which means nobody cares.
Why would they though? Your just useless. No one should care about you. Ever.
"-at right Wilbur?" Oh shit, Tommy was talking to him.
"Huh, sorry, what's up?" Wilbur internally cursed at himself for his voice being slightly shaky.
Tommy noticed this time. "You good big man?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, just zoned out" Wilbur knew that wasn't a very convincing lie, but Tommy seemed to believe him and continue on, so its okay.
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Wilbur was having a good time, his smile was real this time, he was finally happy for a bit, laughing at random things with one of his best friends. But all good things musout come to an end.
*Bang*
See, Tommy had gotten bored, and put on the media share. And it was going fine, everyone was laughing. Everyone was happy. Everything was fine.
Until a specific video came up. This video was just a simple, old vine. But, at the end, somebody had edited it so there was a gunshot sound effect, for comedic effect. This usually wouldn't be a problem, but with Wilbur, especially today for no reason in particular, it was.
He knew as soon as he heard it, it wasn't going to be good. His breathing sped up, and got more exaggerated. His hands were shaking. His vision got blurry. He felt his cheeks become wet with tears.
Tommy noticed.
Chat noticed.
Fuck.
Tommy immediately pressed the "end stream" button on his screen, and started trying to calm the boy he saw as his older brother down.
"Wilbur? Wilbur, can you hear me? It's gonna be okay, just try to calm your breathing."
The tall brunette, however, could not hear him, or see him. And it freaked him out. Stop it wil, your just being an attention seeker. Stop pretending to have a panic attack. You've never had a flashback in your life. You don't have PTSD. Your not depressed. You don't have anxiety. You're just over-exaggerating.
------------- (time skip brought to you by my non-exixtant ability to write about having panic attacks without having one 😎 and also the fact that idk how to calm people down lmao)
Once Wilbur was calm enough to understand what Tommy was saying and respond, (even if they were just 1-3 word answers) he realized he just had a panic attack in the middle of Tommy's stream.
"I'm sorry Tommy, I cut your stream short" Wilbur felt guilty for making Tommy end earlier than planned
"Hey, no. Wilbur, trust me it's not your fault" Tommy spoke with a calm, soothing voice. He was a lot more serious in situations like this than most people would think. "Do you wanna talk about what happened?"
"Uhhh, can I talk about it later? Don't really feel the best right now." Wilbur wanted to tell tommy why, just not right now, he didn't want to spiral again.
"Yeah big man, whatever you want to tell me, whenever you want. As long as your comfortable telling me, okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks Tommy"
"You know I'm always here for you"
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1,833 words
Damn
Yeah I just kinda gave up at the end of this lol. Idk man