The usual rattling of the letterbox intrigued Lucy, causing her to run to the front door like a dog. I almost tripped over her as I made my way to the door.
"It's just the mailman," I said. She looked up at me with quiet wonder.
Sitting on the floor were a magazine, a bill, and a letter. It was addressed to me, coming from Helsinki. Must be from Jimmy!
I ripped it open where I stood. Bits of paper floated onto the floor as I retrieved the letter from its confines. The paper was scratched and scrawled in his handwriting. It was all I had of him for the time being.
My Dearest Guinevere,
I am writing this from the venue in Finland! We're having a grand time, but I'm afraid it's glacial here. It was 2 degrees this morning. And you thought England was cold! But do not worry on about me. I just have to close my eyes and imagine you're right here next to me, warming me.
I miss you so. It pains me that I cannot have the real thing. I am counting down the days until I can see your beautiful face once more. Please do not forget about me while I am away. I would hate to return home and see that you've gone.
I hope you're enjoying your time at home. And try to stay warm! And speaking of home, we will be back in the UK in March. I don't know specifically when, but I will speak to Cole and figure everything out.
Well, I have to go now. We're on soon. I hope this show goes well. The crowd sounds very excited. I miss you dearly and cannot wait to see you once more.
Your man,
Jimmy
I pressed the letter to my chest. He officially left the UK last week. And I wouldn't see him again for five months. Thinking of the time now, a pain shot through me. It seemed like it would never end.
-
Lucy's hot breath on my face woke me up. When I rolled over to check the time the clock read 12:02. Without Jimmy I slept in. He was usually my rooster waking me at the break of dawn.
I pushed Lucy off my chest and sat up. Where the sun would usually be there was instead a mass of pale overcast light. The bedroom looked dim in the poor lighting. The floral wallpaper now looked homely.
As I made my way down the stairs I felt a familiar pain gnawing at my insides. Emptiness. With no one but Lucy and I, I could feel the stillness of the boathouse. A door to the coldest room in the house was left open, allowing cold winter air to wash up from the river.
I quickly shut it and rubbed my arms trying desperately to conduct some kind of heat. Without Jimmy, the house was no longer a palace of infinite activities. I was bored. My senses were left dejected. The energy that bounced off the walls was no longer present. All that was left now were the antiques he'd collected and the draft from downstairs.
It didn't help that his house was a weird mess. Records were stacked under shelves and the floors needed a good sweeping. The couches were uncomfortable and the porch swing in the living room suddenly struck me as weird. I hadn't thought about how odd and messy his house was before. It seemed part of his charm, this odd and cavernous structure. Without him, it was just a jumble of artifacts and dust.
Even Lucy could feel how lonely the house was. She walked beside me, following me into the kitchen. An echo of a squeaking cabinet reminded me of the pain in my stomach. I have to go grocery shopping... The thought of leaving the house during this weather made me feel even worse. It was too cold to do anything.
I settled on toast and tea. There would be no sausage or eggs, no juice or fresh flowers. This was a solitary meal made for essential purposes. Lucy and I would have to be content with the silence that washed through our home today.
I spent my day lounging around with the fluffy ball of energy. Sometimes she would leave for a few minutes but would ultimately come back around, tickling my feet with her tail. I tried flipping through channels but that was pointless. British TV was awful.
By noon I was so bored I decided to do some work. I had to finish printing the photos from Yom Kippur for a spread we were doing about holidays, in preparation for the coming Christmas season. I also had to print for Allison. She had a shoot yesterday and was over the moon about how wonderful the photos were going to turn out. I hoped she was wrong...
"I will see you in a few hours. Don't break anything," I said to the purring mass of grey fur. I was bundled in my coat and scarf, heavy boots, and long pants. I was prepared for the cold. I kissed her and plopped her on the floor.
-
"What are you doing here? You're not scheduled for the next two days," Jonathan said. He looked and sounded upset. I winced from his tone.
Something disgusting happens when he gets himself in a tizzy. He starts to sweat, a vein protrudes from his forehead, and his face gets hot. I noticed that even his hands seemed to swell. This was on account of how often I saw him in a mood.
"I know, but I figured I would get a jump on things. The Yom Kippur prints need finished. Anything else you can think of?"
He sighed and stood from his work desk. "Allison and Tomison need some negatives loaded and developed. I trust that you can hang and dry them."
His accent was different than Jimmy's. I don't know where he's from, but it sure doesn't sound like London. His voice was hollow and commanding. It rattled in his chest when he spoke, or rather when he barked. He was a man of few words. And those words were seldom positive. He almost reminded me of Peter Grant. They had the same overwhelming and terrifying aura about them.
When I shut the door to the darkroom I felt at peace. I was closed off from his negative energy. I flipped on the radio and began working. The sounds of Donovan further soothed me. He was singing about a woman named Jennifer Juniper.
I fumbled to unlatch the film reel, cutting my hand in the process. Pain raced from my finger into my brain, the axons firing rapidly. I sucked in a breath and stuck my finger in my mouth.
Maybe Jimmy finding me a new job wouldn't be so bad. I probably wouldn't have to do these menial tasks day in and day out.
After loading the film into the canister I poured in the developer and waited for the magic to happen. Foaming chemicals bubbled around as I shook the canister. I looked at the clock and waited for it to buzz so I could dump out the liquid.
I didn't know how it worked or why, but I was impressed every time. I was impressed I could actually do it. When I first started, it took me nine tries to correctly load and develop a canister. Nine!
In total, I spent only three hours at work. Jonathan excused me when I finally emerged from the darkroom, having hung the negatives to dry.
"Don't bother taking your lunch. You can just go home. You have a shoot tomorrow, so take the rest." He didn't bother looking up from his work. It looked as if he was trying to configure a page layout.
I walked closer to him with a smile plastered to my face. He was organizing the page for a soccer tournament. "The largest photo should go center-left. The colors pop there. And that shot needs to be the bottom right. The action should jump off the page. If you put it there, it's swallowed by the shots surrounding it."
He looked up at me with a grimace. "Thank you," He groused.
I nodded and was on my way. I don't know what emboldened me, but I felt like stepping up to him today. My patience was running on a short fuse. I could feel an explosion working its way up.
Slipping back into the cold shot thick air into my lungs. My feet trudged through the snow and stopped when I reached my car. It was cold in there too. Britain was possibly the worst place I could've chosen to move to. Always cold and raining. The only people who could enjoy the weather were Londoners.
The house wasn't much better when I returned. Still freezing. It was better in some rooms than in others. I didn't enjoy the rustic feel of the old house now. I didn't know how he even lives here. He's so frail, I'm sure he frosts in even the summer.
When I decided a nap was in order, I scooped up Lucy and brought her upstairs. I wrapped myself in a pile of blankets and closed my eyes.
-
I was woken a few hours later by the phone ringing. I tried my best to reach the receiver before the caller hung up. I was bitter my nap was cut short and even more about having to leave the warm reverie of my bed.
"Hello?"
"Hello, darling! How are you doing today?" I was met with Jimmy's silky voice.
"I'm doing fine. It's very cold here."
"Awe, that sounds miserable. But I will be home to warm you up in a matter of time."
"I can't wait! What day will you be back in the UK?"
"The 18th. And then it's onto Vancouver."
"Well, that sounds like fun. Is your tour going well? You're traveling around Europe, that is so exciting!"
"Yes, I'm having a grand time." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Well, I don't want to keep you any longer. I'm sure someone is pulling your arm, telling you to get off the phone." I laughed.
"Well, I am actually just up in my hotel room. I'm waiting on breakfast. And I wouldn't leave a call with you for anyone."
"So gentlemanly. I wonder if the club promoters and screaming fans know you're such a romantic at home."
Now he laughed. It was low and husky in my ear. Made my bones ache from missing him. "I would hope not. That would make my stage outfits look ridiculous!"
-
Dear James,
Things have been interesting here, to say the least. More eventful in the last few days than in the past few months! Typically, I go about my business as usual. But I will tell you a little bit about how things got so messy. I suppose I will start from the beginning. It all really started just the month after you left. My boss was getting more and more upset as the days went on. I know you're aware of his ability to be an ass, but it seemed like everything I did just pissed him off more. And then it all came to a head one day.
But this is most likely due to what I found out about him. And I guess I will start at the beginning with the call I received. It was from a dear friend that I worked with in the past. His name is Ross Halfin.
"Hey, Gwen, it's Ross! Yeah, you know, your dear old friend Ross? I know it's been a minute since you've heard from me. I've been a bit busy. Yes, yes, I know! Making it big isn't all it's cracked up to be. Well, thank you! But I am calling because I need a date for a work party tonight. And I figured we could kill two birds with one stone. I can have a date and you can make some connections. What do you say? Oh, perfect! Shall I come round at 7? Oh, yes, it's formal! Alright, see you then! Uh-huh, goodbye."
So I got myself ready. And I think I looked pretty nice. My silk dress complimented my eyes nicely by almost exactly mirroring their shade. If you thought I looked nice on your birthday, your eyes would've fallen out of your head if you saw me! But anyway, we get there, and everything is going well. I was chatting with a couple people, trying to network. You would've been so proud of me. I was really honing my Capricorn skills that night!
"Well, I think your depth of field is smashing. And the colors are really something. I will definitely keep in touch." Barry Kramer, the owner of a magazine that seems to be rising in popularity, shook my hand. I gave him an appreciative smile and turned back to Ross.
"Are you tired yet?" His chuckle was in my ear.
"No, not yet. But I think I'm getting there."
"Would you feel better after a drink?" He held a glass of bubbling champagne up.
"Oh, no, I'm okay. I don't imbibe. It's really more for your sake than mine. I get a little...uncouth, as the Brits would say."
He raised his brows and gave a knowing smile. "Point taken."
"Well, I'm off to the washroom. I won't be long. Promise you won't go too far? I can't do this without you." I walked off after he gave a thumbs-up.
My short heels clicked against the marble floors as I made my way around the large office space. I don't know where we are, who this is for, or why Ross was invited. But I am glad that I got a few phone numbers. And everyone kept their eyes and hands to themselves. And believe me, Jimmy, I would be able to handle myself if some of the men weren't being Christian enough.
When I finally located the bathroom was the trouble. When I pulled the door open, there was Johnathan! And I caught him in the middle of a scene. His hands were under the dress of a tall, tawny woman. Her head was cast backward in pleasure. The sound of her coquettish laughter bounced off the walls of the small lavatory. My eyes darted around, spotting his unbuttoned collar and discarded belt. My hands flew to my eyes, then to the knob of the door. Just as quickly as I came, I went.
I practically ran up to Ross, the sound of my nervous steps filling the foyer. "Are you alright?" He was concerned, most likely due to my carmine face. A poorly hidden smile strung its way onto my face, threatening to burst forward into full-blown laughter.
"No, absolutely not." I crouched down, clutching my thighs as I let out a pained laugh.
"What the hell happened in that bathroom?" He had sat his glass down now, his full attention on me.
"Quite a lot, I'm afraid. I found my boss," I whispered now, "And he was with someone!"
His mouth hung open, a laugh escaping. "Are you fucking serious? Was it his wife?"
"I don't know! God, I really hope so. Or that would be bad news for everyone." We looked at each other, holding in more giggles. People probably wouldn't want to talk to us if we spent the entire night cracking jokes. And I had no plans of greeting others.
I thought that would be the end of it! Oops, I saw you catching a quickie in the bathroom, see you on Monday! But no, that couldn't be enough for me! Why, oh why, has God done this to me? What karmic sins am I now reaping?
It was about 30 minutes later that I saw Johnathon again. A smudge of lipstick revealed his thinly veiled attempt to hide his potty randevu. When I looked at him, I could spot a glazed look in his eye. He must be drunk. Boy, I wonder how many drinks it would take him to do that. He was so uptight, that I would never imagine him doing anything risky. Or fun, for that matter. It's kind of like how you couldn't picture your teacher outside of school. Obviously, he has a life outside of work, but I didn't want to think about that. I'm sure he didn't think of me outside of work. He definitely doesn't want to now.
Before we were seated at the beginning of the gallery I eyed him. His table was next to mine, dimly lit as the rest of the room. His hand was placed on top of the woman's, rubbing small circles with his thumb. If they weren't married, he sure could've fooled me. The waiter brought a round of drinks over, starting first with Johnathan and his guest.
"Mr. Crawford, Mrs. Crawford." Two drinks were placed in front of them. Johnathan had a tequila sunrise, the woman opting for a classier drink: a dry martini. The drink mirrored her body. Her dark legs were long and taut, leading up to a large chest. I guess that would make her head the toothpick. Which again, was oddly fitting.
I figured that I would just let it go. But then Johnathan decided to be his usual self.
"Well, Gwen, you look exquisite. You clean up nicely. Much nicer than the blazers and button-ups you wear around the office."
Which, in itself wouldn't be a bad statement. Definitely a true one. But his face just pissed me off so much. He sounded like a terrible Bond villain! God, how drunk was he? What was he playing at? He looked to me, barring those horrendous teeth. He was in need of a coffee to sober up and a dentist to fix the other thing. What a prig. The waiter then handed me another glass of bubbly.
"Well, you certainly look to be enjoying yourself. You haven't introduced me to your woman. Mrs. Crawford, it was?" I reached my hand out, disregarding his remark.
"Enchante," She gave a slight bow as she shook my hand, "Je Suis Helena Shouver." Her words oozed femininity and class. Not the sort of woman I expected to be hanging off Johnathan's arm.
"Charmed." I gave an overly sweet smile, sugar dripping from my sarcastic lips. "And how did you love birds meet?" I was guzzling champagne at this point. I needed every ounce of bravery I could find. I scooped it from my glass like wet sand, hoping desperately it would brace my fall after the stunt I had in mind.
"Work." His words cut her off. The look she shot him was a clear indication that they had in fact, not met at work.
"No, no, silly man! You know how we met." A cheeky smile graced her refined features. Before he could save himself her motor was running. She painted me a scandalous tale of how they met at a resort in France. This particular establishment was advertising its nude beach. And it was in attendance of this skin show they first locked eyes and fell madly in love. As she spoke my eyes drifted down to look at her naked fingers. No ring.
His face twisted like he had smelled spoiled milk. I've caught him in a lie! How could she possibly be Mrs. Helena Crawford AND Mrs. Helena Shouver? A devious thought entered my mind. No, no, I can't hold this over his head. If I want to make it in the business, then I need to be honest. But to be honest, Jimmy, I really wanted to make him pay. And in hindsight, I should've. I'm still half-tempted to tell his wife.
"Well, that is some tale! It was certainly very nice to meet you. And Johnathan, I'll see you tomorrow at the office." I gave a knowing smile before turning to find Ross once more. I looked proud, sauntering up to him. I had given him enough hell. Made him uneasy enough. And I thought for then, it was enough. Perhaps I'd keep this in my back pocket.
The next day was awkward. I had lost all of the swagger from the night before. And on top of it, I was paying for the drinks I had. My head pounded in my ears as I trudged through piles of photos. But I managed to get through my day, even with the overtime I took. It was after everyone had already left that things got nasty.
He startled me when he walked up behind me."I like the inventive approach you took this time."
When I turned to him, he didn't look angry. He had a similar look in his eyes that I saw in yours. A piercing intensity. In fact, I thought he was complimenting me at first. Maybe last night scared him straight.
"Maybe next time it'll actually be good," He gave me one last up-down, brows raised.
Anger burned hot in my face. The next actions I took are not ones I am proud of, or that I would do in my right mind. But I was angry. Sick of being the new girl, the intern everyone could dump their unwanted work on. I unloaded a year's worth of bottled-up rage.
"You know, if I were you, I would be a little more careful with my words. I can send your whole marriage and family crashing down with one phone call." My finger was extended and pointed directly into his chest. It made me sick to even touch him.
He was speechless. His mouth hung open in a daze. His mind was trying to catch up.
"Well, then you wouldn't have a job. And no one is going to hire you with how little experience you've got."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Need I not remind you who I have connections with now. I could get another job tomorrow and make a lot more money than I am now. I'm practically doing you a favor." Without another word I grabbed my bag and stalked off to my car. I even skipped clocking out. Which wouldn't be a problem with the events of the next day.
When I showed up in the morning, everyone was silent. Their eyes were glued to me as I walked to my cubicle. I tried to eye them back but was nervous. It's very odd to know everyone is looking at you, but not knowing why. But I would soon find out when I saw Johnathan.
I made it five minutes into my last day. As soon as I opened up my bag, pulling out last night's print make-ups, I heard footsteps bounding toward my desk.
"How could you?"
It was Johnathan. He was wearing the same outfit as yesterday. I know this because he was wearing that stupid tie. It was awful, Jimmy. Even you wouldn't like it. It was an animal print with little horses on it. Real Western shit.
I looked at him with confusion. "You ruined the prints. Every last one of them!" He held up a stack of magazine pages covered in black ink. "I don't even know how you could fuck up a printer that badly. It's like you hit it with a paperweight."
I stared on in astonishment. He's going to get away with this, I already know it. Hot anger flurried in my brain, reaching each corner of my thoughts before I even opened my mouth. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shove everything off my desk and kick him. I wanted to set the building ablaze.
But I didn't. I sat quietly and waited for his production to be over so I could leave.
"And now everyone is going to have to stay late. Through the weekend. This was going to be an amazing release. And you've ruined it. Everyone give Gwen a hand. Come on! Everyone give her a round of applause!"
The harsh silence was broken by his unhinged clapping. I looked around, gauging reactions. Some people were holding back laughs and others, tears. My eyes shot back to him, seeing the anger on his face. He slammed his hands on my desk, his nose centimeters from mine. "You're fired." I could smell the espresso on his breath.
At that moment I decided that I had two options: I could either bow my head and collect my things in embarrassment, or I could leave with a smile and a wave. And I settled on the latter. I wasn't going to let him win. Even if he thought he had.
So yeah, that's how my week has been. And now I'm out of a job. I've tried getting in touch with Barry from Creem, but his office hasn't responded. And I was very unsure of that opportunity. It was a small company that is just starting. I have just been laying in bed with Lucy now. Spending my days waiting by the window, wondering when my husband will return from war...
With love,
Guinevere
-
I peeled my eyes open to the sound of the phone downstairs. With a groan, I shoved myself out of bed. The edges of my robe hit the banister as I floated down the staircase.
"Hello?"
"Gwen! Hello, my dear lady."
"Hi, Jimmy. I hear you're whimsical as ever."
"Truly. Well, I've just received your letter last night. It was nice to read after the show. I felt like you were really here with me. I always appreciate your flair for the dramatic." I clicked my tongue and started to rebut before he interrupted. "I am so proud of you for finally standing up to Johnathan. It always bothered me so to hear you letting him walk all over you. Although, I am sorry to hear you were fired. But that does bring up some good news!"
Oh no. Good news to Jimmy is always shocking.
"I've spoken with Grant and the guys. And we've all agreed we'd love you to accompany us on the rest of the tour."
"What? I can't just tag along. That would be so weird. Who would I hang out with while you're busy? Robert and Bonzo's road wives? Oh yeah, you know I would have some riveting conversations with Tabitha and Candle!"
"Well, I reckoned you could be our photographer. And their names are Trixie and Crystal."
"I don't even want to know why you know their names so intimately. That is precisely why I can't go on tour. Our agreement on the matter of your dick-slinging is none of my business. And that's the way I like it. And, I can't just take photos of you guys. I don't have a studio or any prompts. I won't be getting paid. And I don't want to be on Zeppelin's payroll. It's bad enough you've been helping me get shoots."
"Please, love, I want you to be here with me. There have been no road wives from me. Just thoughts of you. I told you, I only have eyes for you." When I failed to reply he took that as an open door to further drag my will down. "And I can find someone to hire you. I'm sure if I work my Jimmy Page magic on them, they'd love to have you."
"No, I can't distract you from your work."
"It'll take less than one afternoon. I'll make some calls right now."
Against my better judgment, I gave in. With him, there is no winning. He has an iron will, unlike anyone I had ever met before. Perhaps that is the Jimmy Page magic.
"Oh, alright. As long as your promise I won't be caught in any uncomfortable situations with your old flings, and you won't ignore me the whole time."
"I promise we will only be having the most fun. You'll love it."
If only then had I understood the ramifications of becoming the woman who accompanied Jimmy on tour. And how much this trip would change things. How it would change everything.