I sit there and watch as she walks into her house. The door closes and I grip the steering wheel tightly in my hands. The moon doesn't seem so bright, the stars not as beautiful. The rap music slowly fading into the background as I stared at the door of Amara's house.
"Fuck!" I yelled to myself.
I just yelled at Amara. And I made her cry.
"Fuck!" I yelled again, throwing my head back on the headrest.
I fucked up bad.
The way she flinched back when I yelled at her, the way her shinning emerald eyes glossed over with tears after I yelled at her. Fuck. Fuck!
I didn't mean to make her cry. I never want to see a teardrop roll down her rosy cheeks.
I just got upset. Why does she not want me to meet her parents? Why did she look so scared when I went to get out to walk her to the door?
Somethings wrong.
My mom!
She told my mom something in French. At least I think it was French. Maybe she'll tell me.
I quickly shift into drive, pulling off the curb and hitting the gas, speeding away through the neighborhood. My headlights glared at the run down houses as I easily go over the speed limit by 20 mph.
~~~~
I come screeching into the driveway, pulling up into the driveway, unbuckling quickly. I threw the door open and jumped out tossing the keys to a butler and throwing open the door to the house. Sprinting into the house, I nearly crash into a maid. I scowled at her and she ran away, getting back to her work.
Whatever she does.
I quickly ran up the grand staircase, taking a sharp right and running down the hallway. I passed pictures in a blur, seeing someone cleaning the vases on the round dark wood tables. The carpet helps me cover ground faster with my slides still on.
I blow by someone who yelped and jumped out of the way as I came by, heading for Mason's room.
Planting my hands on Mason's door, I push it in and barrel inside the dark room, causing him to look up from his gaming set with a confused look, his headset still on his head. Oops. "What the fuck man?" He asked me, looking back at his game. He clicks a few buttons on his controller.
"Where's mom!?" I ask him, urgency clear in my voice. He pauses his game with a quick click and stands up. He gives me a curious look as he walks over to me.
"What'd you do?" He asks me, the pierced eyebrow of his raised. I reach out and grab his shoulders which are covered in a dark blue sweatshirt, shaking him back and forth viciously "Don't mind that! Where's mom!?" I basically yell at him. He blinks at me surprised.
He grabs my wrists tightly and pries them off his shoulders with a confused covered face "Calm down man! What the fuck happened!?"
I sigh, all the words of what just happened on the tip of my tongue. I open my mouth and it all starts to spill out "I took Amara home and when I went to walk her to her door she freaked out and told me I couldn't and then I started to get upset thinking that she didn't want me to meet her parents and that she doesn't want to be seen with me and then she tried to explain but then I lost it and yelled at her and she got out of my car crying—" I hurried out, spitting out one thing after another as I started pacing back and forth in Mason's dark blue room.
His dark blue curtains kept the moonlight from spilling into his room and lighting it up. He's going to ruin his eyesight with how much he stares at his gaming TV.
"You made Amara cry!?" He almost yelled at me.
I nodded, my hands going up and running through my hair. Pacing back and forth across his oak wood floor, my slides slapping the wood. I turn and look back at Mason, he looks pissed. His eyes are narrowed at me as his left eye twitches slightly, his hand twitching too.
"I fucked up bro. And I don't know what to do! That's why I need to talk to mom!" I told him, going back to pacing back and forth, running my hands through my hair over and over again. Mason just glared at me.
For a long time.
"She's in her room." he tells me eventually. His jaw tight and eyes blacker than ever. I can see the anger pooling from his ink black eyes.
I sprint out of his room and run down the hallway, passing more paintings and gold frames, priceless vases and china. Heading straight for the gold double doors into Mom and Dad's room.
Fuck I hope she can give me advice. I don't know how a girl thinks, I have to get my moms perspective. She always knows what to do in a situation.
I push open the doors and my mom freezes, turning to look at me with a shirt in her hand.
A laundry basket full of what I'm guessing is clean clothes is sat on her bedspread. She's dressed in her favorite green silk pajamas, dad says he likes them to because of how soft they feel in his hands. Her hair is pulled up in a high bun, her brown eyes soft but surprised at my burst in.
"Mom I need advice." I tell her, and her eyes widen. I don't normally come to her for advice so she knows it's important if I come for advice.
She quickly folds the dress shirt in her hands and sets it in the open drawer on her dark oak dresser. She walks over to her large king sized bed, the frame a polished gold, the sheets white but the comforter a beautiful light soft sage green. Dad made sure she got exactly what she wanted. She sits down on the side and pats the spot next to her "Come sit King." She instructs me softly.
After closing the doors behind me, I walk across the dark oak flooring, passing her huge walk in closet and bathroom. Her walls are painted a sage green, surprise surprise. Paintings and pictures of our family and her favorite scenery hung all over the walls, a furry white rug that's tucked under her bed, she tells us it's so when she wakes up in the morning her feet aren't frozen by the cold wood.
She has a certain style with the whole house.
I sit down next to her with a sigh and she looks at me worriedly, a frown on her face. She knows somethings wrong "Tell me what happened," she asks me and I nod.
I keep my head hung as I open my mouth, and it all comes spilling out again "So, I took Amara home and on the way there it was fine. We were holding hands and she was smiling with that dimple on the left side of her cheek. Then we turned onto her street and she tensed, so I asked her what was wrong and she said that she just didn't expect her dad to be home so early. Then when I went to get out and walk her to her door...it's like she panicked and told me I couldn't. I asked her why and she told me it's because her dad was sleeping and that her porch was loud so she didn't want me to step wrong." I tell her, she nods as I speak, paying attention, but I can tell in her eyes that she knows something I don't.
"I still wanted to walk her to the door because that's what you've always taught us, but she told me no. So I assumed that she just didn't want me to meet her parents...I got upset and almost snapped at her." I sighed and the frown on moms face deepened.
"And then I yelled at her..." I told her, hanging my head down low, staring at my feet.
She gasped at me. I know I fucked up.
She gently set her hand on my shoulder, I set my elbows on my knees and place my head in my hands "I fucked up mom. I made her cry!" I stated, tucking my face away in my hands.
She sighed "She...has a rough life. And yelling at her definitely isn't a smart idea. You did fuck up King. I can't tell you any differently." She's always blunt with me.
And that's why I love her advice so much.
She's always honest.
I groan into my hands "Mom how do I fix this?"
She sighs, patting my leg. I look up at her and she gives me a small smile, her eyes honest and kind. She cups my face in her hands, the soft skin of her palms against my slight stubble, but it doesn't feel like Amara's hands.
But it still feels nice.
She scans my face, her brown eyes softly looking over my face "Just try for her. Ask someone close to her about things she likes, what scares her, what makes her happy, what makes her cry, what makes her feel safe, what makes her feel complete." She tells me, her eyes focused on me, her thumbs rubbing my cheek gently.
Her smile makes me feel better about my mistake, knowing that I might be able to fix it.
"Pay attention to her. Not just be around her but pay attention to her, the small things matter the most. Maybe the difference in her smile or walk, or how she wears her hair. Or maybe just how she isn't feeling herself. Pay attention to her in class, what she seems to like the most and what makes her zone out." She tells me, I nod my head gently.
Mark. I have to talk to Mark.
She gives me a simple sigh "The smallest things matter the most." Her soft voice is true and earnest.
I lean forward and wrap my arms around her "Thank you mama. I just want to make it up to her, I know I fucked up, I just want to try to make it better," I mumbled into her shoulder.
Dad's right. Silk is super soft to the touch.
Her arms wrap around me and she gently runs her hands through my hair "I know King, I know. She brings out the better in you, she really does." my eyes widen at her words as I pull back. Her hands return to my face, locking eyes with me "Your eyes shine brighter when she's there. Your less tense, more attentive. King, she makes your walls come down. She brings out you." I feel my lips tilt up at her words. Her eyes sparkle slightly in the dim lighting of her gold chandelier.
She beams at me, the warm smile returning to her face "That. King, she's making you smile." She tells me and I feel my lips pull up more. It feels nice, the weird way my lips lift up.
She rubs her thumbs along my cheeks again "King you haven't smiled in forever. Since you were little. And then this girl comes along and now all the sudden you're smiling again."
I sigh, letting my muscles relax as my mom holds my face in her hands. It's been so long sense I've sat down and actually talked to her about life.
I need her advice and love. I need it to live and keep going.
Mom's warm love is like a blanket, so cozy and enjoyable. It's something you would want on a rainy day, when you feel down.
"King she's so good for you. I know you aren't a relationship guy, but maybe for her, you could be." Her smile brightens when I feel my cheeks heat up slightly. She chuckles slightly, shaking her head a little.
She leans forward and places a small kiss to my forehead. A smile on her face "The small things matter the most, and if you just try, it'll matter. She'll notice. I promise." I nod and hug her again.
With one last sigh I gently lean into her. I'm so glad my mother knows what she's talking about.
"Do you know if Mark is still here?" I ask her, pulling away from the hug. I sit back on the bed, the soft mattress silent as I move. It would be nice if my bed didn't creak so much.
Her face is in deep concentration as she thinks, then it's a like a lightbulb went off in her head, her eyes light up and she smiles "Yes! He's out cleaning the pool I'm pretty sure."
I hug her again, just a quick one, and giving her a peck on the cheek "Thanks mom! I gotta go, thank you for the advice." I say before I jump up from the bed and sprint through her doors again.
I make sure to close them before I'm off again.
Sprinting down the hallway again, I take a sharp turn to the left and fly down the staircase, hooking a sharp U-turn at the end of the stairs and sprint my way down the empty hallway.
Mark can tell me what Amara likes. They've been friends for 5 years.
I hope.
I push through the large white door and skid to a stop on the patio of the pool deck. The pool is surrounded by our backyard, well kept bushes and trees all around, grass perfectly cut and grown. The pool itself is a sight to behold, the pool has lights all around it, shining into the dark. We have a lot of land and pools. Mark looks up at me from under the bright lights surprised.
Once he sees it's me his face turns into a scowl and goes back to cleaning the pool, taking the net and grabbing all the leaves out of the clear blue pool.
I take a breath and walk over to him "Look. I know we got off on the wrong foot...but I fucked up and I need some help." I tell Mark.
God I hope he can help me.
He pauses in his work and he looks over to me "What did you do?" He asked, his voice questionable, I get it. I mean I did snap at him earlier today.
I sigh "I made Amara cry. And I need to know how I can try to fix it." I tell him. His eyes widen as he drops the net in his hands. He turns and charges at me without warning.
He tackles me to the ground with a thud under the beaming pool lights, anger clear on his face "You made Amara cry!?" He scowls at me.
I nod my head and he growls at me "You fucked up bad man." He tells me and I nod again "I know. I just need to know what I can do to try and fix it."
He gets off me, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. He's not that bad looking. He's built nicely, not to much muscle but not none either. He has sandy blonde little longer shaggy hair and clear blue eyes.
He walks over to one of the lounge chairs and sits down, pointing at the chair next to him.
I hate being told what to do. But if it can help me fix what I did to Amara, then I'll do anything.
My legs take me over to a stained weaved chair and I plop down on the side, facing Mark. The chair groans at my action, the weaved chair feels weird.
"What do you want to know?" He asked me, his legs spread as he leans back in the chair. His eyes are focused on me, as if I'm going to jump out and kill him any second.
"Anything and everything." My voice sounds certain but I'm worried I can't ever make it up to Amara.
~~~~
Mark is actually a cool guy.
We've been sitting out here talking for about 2 hours.
And I've learned a lot.
Amara's favorite color is actually the dark blood red that I have rimmed on my Bugatti. She loves reading, mainly romance and could sit in the library for hours without moving just to finish a book she loves. Her favorite food is burgers, which is awesome because in the summer time me and my family have lots of cookouts around the pool with the grill. Her favorite dessert is a vanilla milkshake. She loves black roses, but is scared of being disappointing people. She loves the rain, and being out in it. The lighting she thinks is pretty, the thunder Mark says is what she says is the heart beat of the storm. She goes to the illegal rink down town when she's stressed or needs a hookup. She loves to take walks at night whether it's cold or cloudy. She gets nervous around a bunch of people that she doesn't know or just over a comfortable amount. When she gets nervous she picks at her nails and bounces her leg. She hates getting too close to people knowing that they might leave. And she hates getting yelled at, it scares her.
I figured that one out on my own.
"And don't forget, she's not easy. She can zone out a lot and freak out over small things." Mark tells me as we both take a swig from a soda can.
I nod again "Is there anything that you can think of that would make her feel important?" I ask him. He's probably annoyed of me by now, I've been asking him questions about Amara for 2 hours straight.
He nodded and my back straightened as I moved to the edge of the chair to hear him better.
"When you put her first. The smallest things matter to her, just noticing what type of book she's reading. She'll love you for it." Mark tells me and I nod.
I'm praying that I can make it up to her somehow.
He stands up and pats me on the shoulder "I hope the best for you. I'll see if I can help you out any," I nod and stand up with him, holding my hand out for a handshake.
He gave me a smile and shook my hand "Good luck." Then he walks back to the pool and gets back to work.
I rub a hand over my face, walking back into the house, processing all the information I just gathered about Amara.
Dragging my feet up the stairs I try to make sense of everything I now know. How can I make it up to her?
I crash into something. I look up to see Dawson "Jeez, you look awful bro." He states. Ah, always blunt.
I roll my eyes as I run a hand down my face "I know. I fucked up today and I have to make it right." I shorten the whole event and he nods.
"Good luck man. Let me know if you need any help," I nod and walk past him. Heading for my room.
I push open the doors to my room and close it behind me, looking tiredly around my room.
My eyes shoot over to me bed, silently hoping that Amara was tucked under my covers, her hair gently falling in her face, her pink lips parted slightly as a sleepy smile is pulling at her lips. Hoping that her heads laying on my pillow, my blankets pulled up to her chin as she sleeps peacefully in my clothes.
I walk over to the left side of my bed and draw back the covers, a frown taking over my face when I see no Amara sleeping in my bed.
I debate trying to call her, to explain myself and get her to come back. Get her to curl up in my arms and fall asleep with her head on my shoulder, our legs tangled. Get her to snuggle into me, let me help her with her nightmare, comfort her until she relaxes in my arms again.
I sigh, chucking my sandals off and throw my keys somewhere in the room and hop into bed where Amara had slept with me.
I pull the covers up over my shoulders and close my eyes, inhaling the smell of vanilla and coconut.
I wish she was here in my arms.
I wonder what she's doing.
I'll figure this out tomorrow.
For now, I just need the smell of her.
——————————————————————————