Reader x Xiao
Angst TW
A.N. Happy 40th chapter!! This is my first headcanon dedicated to Xiao. :)
Xiao got along with you. Actually he got along with you quite well. You and him were official partners, newly weds. He never has wanted to give himself to somebody the way he wanted to give himself to you. Infact, most of his past was dark and lonely, and you really were the first creature he's ever wanted. It was slow for him, but he found you in trouble one day, and he helped you. He was his usual distant self, but when he parted from you, he found himself thinking back about it. Not the way he would just scoff at mortals, well he did that to you too, but the way your eyes gleamed, the peacefulness of your face. Instantly he had pushed those ideas away. "How could I think of a mortal this way?" He thought to himself and dismissed the thought. However, about a month later he saw you again. He halted in his tracks, eyes widening behind his mask. It was you again. And the same scenario. She's passed out again. He thought to himself. This time you had your best friend with you, and they were trying to wake you up. He noticed a group of hilichurls coming to get you two, so he went and slaughtered them, before your friend could even notice. They watched him in amazement and slight fear, instantly giving thanks to him. You woke up to the sound of your friend nervously and passionately professing their gratitude, and you blinked a couple of times then rubbed your eyes after sitting up slightly to see a man, but it was that man. Hey! It's him again! You thought to yourself. He stood there looking at the two of you through his mask, and you noticed his spear dripping blood, then you noticed the five hilichurls laying on the ground. Your eyes widened and you bowed your head just like your friend, giving thanks. He was grand and scary, and you could feel the difference between him and you and your friend. He told you two to stand up and be more careful, you two instantly obeyed. The friend asked, "Who are you?" You tried to remember, swearing he told you his name last time. The blue hair blowing passed his mask. You recognized it. His outfit and spear also prominent in your memory. You were certain his name was... X... Xi... Suddenly his mask disintegrated away and his face was revealed.
"My name is Xiao." He said, remembering the time when Morax told him to use this name from now on. It clicked in your brain, Xiao! Right.
"Thank you very much!" You two said. He had told you that he would be of aid if he ever saw you in trouble again. You two were very thankful and you scurried away, feeling excitement and nervousness.
Deep down Xiao wanted to know why you had fainted both times he saw you.
Now, you two were together, and he knew it was stupid of him to fall for a mortal, but he did. He wanted to be with you. He felt bad about it. About the karmic debt that may taint you, although he hardly thinks it has, and
about the way he is always busy, dedicated to the unknowing people of Liyue. After getting to know you he found out a lot more about mortals. He realised that unlike him, people needed other people, or else their mood would drop, and they would become sad and lonely. He thinks if anything, that trait of yours has rubbed off on him, and he finds himself missing you. Even with all that is wrong with him, you still fell in love. You still wanted to spend your life with him. You had known him for seven years, dated for two, was engaged for another half. Your marriage was done almost completely privately, him allowing some of your closest people to come. No bridesmaids, because that would show the lack of groomsman, something you didn't want to do to him. You had a high priest who was very in tune with the history and ways of the gods and adepti marry you two. The happiness he felt and the happiness you felt was overwhelming, and you loved every bit of it.
That night like few other nights with you, he allowed himself to be happy and to have a good time. He had carried you away to your beautiful home, under the night sky. You were so happy, as you held on to him tight. You felt like a feather in his arms as you always had, even with your heavy and beautiful wedding gown on. You had never seen him wear a tux until then. That night you two became one spiritually and physically, even though he was an adepti and you a human. He was very easy and delicate with you, because of the difference in your power but also because of your condition. You were alright that night though, as if luck had struck you two. Your marriage and uniting was the happiest time of your lives.
You two were in your living room, the windows letting in the bright sunshine of the world. The snow on the ground made the sun brighter. You were reading a book with the tele on in the background and Xiao was just in the other room. You wanted to get a sip of water, feeling slightly overheated from the sun on you. You put your book down on the sofa then stand up and stretch.
Xiao walks into the room, his eyes wide and he rushes over to you, lifting you up onto the couch. He stares at your face for a bit hoping it'll pass like it always has. After a minute you open up your eyes, a twinge of embarrassment and guilt hits you. He's not the only one with problems.
"I'm sorry, Xiao..." You say quietly. He shakes his head silently, then caresses your cheek. He feels the relief that you are alright set in.
"Don't be. Are you alright?" He asks gently. You nod your head yes, placing your hand on your forehead. You scooch your back up, sitting up slightly from the couch.
"I always do this to you." You say frowning. But that's the truth. Xiao fell in love with you, married you, knowing that you suffered from this. That's how he met you. You suffered from fainting spells. You became light-headed easily, and you would pass out from it. Sometimes when you were walking, all of a sudden you'd open your eyes on the floor. Often after standing up too quick you would pass out. It was hardly ever expected, but you began to fear that you would pass out, becoming anxious to go out. Xiao has always been a fighter, a defender, and now he wants to fight for you, protect you. He married you regardless of your fainting spells, and regardless of your humanity.
"I don't care if you do." He says. You stare at his golden cat-like eyes longer, then just breathe out. What did I do to deserve someone like him? You think to yourself. It was hard to understand, because you lured him in effortlessly and unintentionally.
Later that night you lay in bed and see him flick on his mask, the eyes brightening, glowing an ominous white, then he waves to you and opens the balcony door, leaving through there. You sigh slightly, but you're happy enough that he changed his schedule to fit for you, so he has more time with you when you are awake. So most nights he is away. Xiao, I'm still sorry for today, for fainting again, for worrying you. You think to yourself before drifting off to sleep soon after.
The bright sun rises around eight in the morning, the snow glistening like little diamonds. Twinkle twinkle... The wind chimes from your balcony jingle a bit, and you see Xiao at the foot of the bed. You sit up quickly with a smile.
"Xiao! You're back. Good morning!" You reach for him like a child and he very shyly smiles, something you will never get used to. You grab around his waist and hold him close, he rests his head on yours, arms loosely around your back.
"Good morning, Y/N." He says quietly. You get up and get changed, then you two go to the kitchen and cook together. He's not too crazy about human food, so you make him his favorite. After seven years of knowing him, you had finally gotten the details about him, you finally knew all he was hiding. Many past rough nights, mistakes and fails have matured your relationship, and when many more good times came out of being with him it surprised both of you equally, giving both of your stomachs a fluttering feeling, and a cloud of heat took over your bodies. You had started to slowly feel a fuzzy warmth when you were around him. The mysterious conqueror of demons had captivated you.
The way he would stare at you made you afraid that maybe he wanted to kill you the way you had seen him kill creatures before, but the soft look in his eyes and memories of him protecting you made you think he thought otherwise. But still, his silent stares reminded you of a cat, and you wondered how often he was around others, the fact that he didn't catch social cues. Why is he spending time with me? You had wondered. All the times he had explained his uninterest in mortals didn't add up with why he was with you. Xiao didn't understand it either. But you had captivated him.
He washed the dishes after you were finished with them, and you two ate at the table, two different dishes. After that you two went outside to the little skating rink you had made.
"Xiao, can you skate with me?~" You ask, holding his hands with yours that were somewhere hidden in your mitt, bringing him onto the ice. He looks at it oddly for a moment. Then to you.
"I... guess so." He agrees.
"Yay!!" You exclaim and smile brightly. It causes a small smile out of him.
So you two put on skates and went around the little rink you created in your spare time. You held his hands skating forwards as he went backwards.
"There's snowflakes on your eye lashes." He says to you, mouth open slightly with wonder. You look up to him and see his eyes brows have turned white.
"So are yours, your entire eyebrows are white too!" You laugh. Somehow later after more jokes you even got him laughing quietly. You go inside and try to warm up, laying on the couch by a little heating vent. You shiver slightly and you see him come over to you.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm cold... do you mind bringing me our blanket?" You ask. He nods and goes to get it. When he comes back he places it over you and to your surprise he crawls over and lays next to you, putting his arms around your body. You close your eyes and melt at the feeling of his warmth and skin.
"Thank you..." You say. He nods his head and hums, "Mhm..." You turn to face him and see he's closed his eyes, looking like he was going to sleep. Xiao doesn't actually need to sleep, but he is capable of doing so. You smile peacefully thinking this is so adorable. So you close your eyes too.
The next days you were quite busy with work and get togethers with your friends, and he was of course doing his adepti and yaksha duties. You are quite studious with your job and you accomplished much, and when your friend had a wedding you were up all night partying with her and the other guests at the reception party. Dizzy spells were daily but your fainting seemed to be fading away. You were quite happy about that, especially because you were anxious about fainting in places where you couldn't receive help. So one late night you got home from work, opening the front door. Brightness and warmth from your home shone to you and you walked in. You were starting to miss your husband, since you two didn't get too much time together. That had been the way it was for all of your relationship, but after the wedding you spent pretty much the entire of a month together.
You put away your coat and shoes, then you got yourself a drink of cool water. You brush your teeth, use the washroom and go to your room. As you are just putting your pj shirt over your head you hear rustling at the balcony. You pop your head through the opening and turn to see Xioa, outside behind the balcony glass door. He takes off his shoes before entering and a smile takes your face as he walks in. You push your arms through the sleeve holes, then excitedly wave them at him. He looks at you silently, his mask disintegrating.
"Xiao! Why are you back?" You question.
"I finished it off sooner than expected." He says in his calm voice.
"This is a pleasant surprise." You say. He nods with a smile, and he himself gets ready for the night. He washes his hands, and gets into pj shorts instead of his pants. You are just doing some last minute cleanup in the dining room. You flick off the light and enter your bedroom, turning off that light as well. Xiao is standing at the balcony, looking at the moon in his t-shirt and shorts. You crawl into bed, laying down, letting the heavy and cool blankets rest on you. He turns around and silently walks over, then crawls in next to you. It's silent for a moment and you just hear the occasional gust of wind and tinkle of the wind chimes.
"Are you feeling ok...?" You ask softly into the dark night. Your voice feels off in the silence. Your eyes were still adjusting. He's silent for a moment, looking up to the ceiling, then he turns to look at you and says,
"Yes, I'm okay. Why do you ask?" You stare at his face some more. He was so beautiful and handsome.
"Just because... you know, even though you're an adeptus, I still worry for you... I still want to take away the pain... and I'm sorry that I fail to do so, Xiao..." You say sadly. You see his brows furrow as he looks your face over.
"What do you mean?... Y/N, you do take away the pain... when I am out there I have two things I think about, my duties I must do to even out my sins, and you." He says. You frown.
"Y/N," His voice you loved so much fills your ears again after a pause. You look at him silently, his lips, the bridge of his nose, then to his eyes... Everything about him you loved.
"You have brightened up my days... beyond more then I could have ever imagined. So much so that at night when I am away, I work with more purpose and more efficiency." He confesses. Xiao doesn't usually confess his feelings. He wanted you to know that he loves you, appreciates you, and wants you. Your eyes are wide slightly, and you just smile.
"I'm happy to hear that..." You brush his hair with your fingers, the soft fluffy strands comforting to you. He felt his face heat up slightly, as he was still shy to interactions. You rub his scalp and watch him relax, closing his eyes. You feel the greatest amount of pleasure to see him at peace and you exhale happily. You want this for him all the time. You scooch closer to him, giving him a peck on the lips, knowing that he's sensitive to affection. His eyes pop open and he looks you over with a shy blush on his cheeks.
"Hehe..." You giggle slightly. Xiao has always been starstruck with you, and he felt that sometimes around you his feelings would make him faint instead. His heart beated fast as he leaned in and kissed you back, taking you by surprise. You liked the way his lips felt against yours, you liked the way he moved his body away in a shy manner as he kissed you, it was cute, and you liked the way he shyly pulled away, searching your eyes to see if you are alright with what he just did.
Your cheeks are blushed too, it must look funny. A married couple still blushing and getting all shy with each other. That's what happens when physical intimacy isn't too often, because when it does happen it feels like electricity and a cozy warmth at the same time.
"Thank you..." You say, clasping your hands with his. He closes his grasp on you and just silently looks at you, still blushed.
"I love you." You whisper, closing your eyes.
"I love you too, Y/N... so much." He says and brings himself closer to you, body to body, then closes his eyes, drifting off to sleep with you.
When you woke up you see Xiao is already awake, just looking at you. He could've been awake for almost the entire night, who knows.
"Good morning, Y/N." He says. You smile and stretch a little.
"Good morning, Xiao~" You drag out his name due to your stretch. You two get up and ready. After eating (He wanted to try the meal you had) you brushed your teeth, and got your jacket and winter boots on. You quickly hug Xiao, head resting on his chest and you say, "Okay, I'm off to work now." He pats your head and says, "Alright, be careful and have a good day." You pull away and leave the house, closing the door. You were slightly dizzier today so you took his word and preceded with caution. When you go to work Xiao does too, he changes his schedule in order to get the maximum amount of time with you while still doing his duties. So he swooshes his hand over his face, his mask appearing and goes off to defend the people of Liyue.
You get home greeted by Xiao at the door and you enter your home happy to take in the warmth of inside and your partner.
"How was it?" He asks. You nod your head.
"Kinda like every other day." You say looking up to him.
"At least it wasn't particularly bad though. How was it out there today?" You ask. He looks to the side, avoiding eye contact.
"Busier... than usual." He says. You know he probably feels like he's too violent a creature to be with you.
"Then it's a good thing you were there. You know, you help so many people, like how you helped me." You say. He looks back at you, you see the tiniest faintest blush on his cheek.
Once you put away your jacket you see Xiao turn up the heat slightly, and you briefly think about how he does this out of habit after seeing you so many days turn up the heat. You decide to take a bath before dinner so you call over to him.
"Xiao, I'm going to take a bath!" He peeks over the corner and makes a sound of agreement, his hair falling swiftly over the little black diamond on his forehead. You smile thinking how cute he is.
So you enter the room, start the bath up and hop in. It was a porcelain tub, separate from the shower. Your eyes look over to the flower on the sink, remembering when Xiao came home with it for you. The water is now finally high enough to warm you and you turn off the tap, sitting there for a moment of relaxation before scrubbing your hair. The steam fogging the room. You look to the shampoo, reach for it but as you do so the soap knocks into the tub. You look down to it, going to reppach and pick it up, and that's when it hits you. Like a brick of dizzy light-headedness hit your skull.
Xiao looks up at the clock, sees you've been in there for twenty minutes, so he decides to check in on you. He knocks on the door and says, "Y/N?" He waits for the reply. It's not like you're taking particularly long, but he just thought about checking in on you anyways.
"Y/N, are you almost done?" Once again, he waits for the sound of your voice, your response and approval. A sudden uncomfortable feeling grows in him, and he knocks again, saying, "Y/N, can I come in?" In a slight more urgency. You don't answer so he opens the door, hoping so bad to see that you are lost in thought. However... When he opens the door he doesn't see you sitting up. His cat-like golden eyes widen, and a fearful grasp claws him, as he rushes over to your side. You are laying in the water, eyes shut, mouth open. He has seen this before. Many times before. Your body laying unconsciously, for a few seconds, sometimes a minuet or two. But this time you are laying in water. Quicker than ever before he pulls you up, a sweat breaking of anxiety. He carries you out of the water, heart beating like a wild fire. Y/N! He thinks to himself. He sets you on the ground, quickly pressing on your chest, then doing mouth mouth. He's trying so hard to keep it together, to not scream, to not shake you like a crazy man in desperation, but as he kept doing cpr, and the more limp you became, the more he started to cry.
Y/N!... His mind whimpered at each pump he gave. He tried just a few more pumps... but when he tried feeling for your pulse again... there was nothing... He froze, eyes wide. His hands trembled, and his entire body ached.
"No... no... Y/N... Please... Y/N..." He started to cry over your body, gritting his teeth together.
"No!" He cried with frustration and heartache. He couldn't have seen you pass away. He couldn't. He trembled and bit his cheek hard, trying not to scream, lifting your bare corpse to him.
"Y/N...! Please... Y/N!" Your soul had gone up, and he was left there, for all of eternity until otherwise proven so.
He called for the services, hardly keeping himself together enough to let them in. His eyes were red, and he was distant, and he was familiar with the pain of loss, but never was it someone like you. Someone he was intimate with. He cried so hard, weeping in the sheets you laid in while he was away. He screamed out into the pillows, unable to comprehend how it all happened in the blink of an eye.
It was me...! it was my fault. I wasn't there, my one job, and I wasn't there. All I wanted was to protect you..! Since the day we met!!!... His mind screamed and raced. It was the second month of marriage with you. That fast, you left. He knew it would happen. One day. Because you were a mortal, because you would become old. But he hadn't expected it to be while you were twenty-nine, and he hadn't expected it to be because of your fainting spells. If he was able to help you so many times before, why couldn't he help you now? He remembered and he pondered and he questioned, why didn't I marry her sooner? In all those seven years of knowing you. He thought maybe this is what he deserved. To suffer. To feel emotional pain even more so than he already has. But he didn't think it's what you deserved. You deserved to live to 100, fully healthy, fully happy. You deserved so much more.
He got up from the bed, eyes red, body weary, and he thought one last thing in that room.
I am never going to interact with a mortal ever again. I promise it. And he left the house that you two shared for two short-lived months, leaving it behind him along with the missing peace of his soul, as you where no longer here with him. Yesterday he was laying in bed with you, feeling the happiest he could feel. He would never look to his home he shared with you again, and after he went to your funeral, he went on with the rest of his eternity painfully, hoping to be reunited with you in the Celestia.
Y/N, you were Xiao's girl, Xiao's mortal. He will never forget those 7 years when he had a purpose and a joy to be alive.
End.
A.N. Well. Hello, hello yes I decided to write this. I am regretting and crying but also rejoicing and loving this pain. 🙂💔 happy 40th chapter, happy dedicated to Xiao chapter! 😀🖤
4000 words.
#imsorry