I started middle school off, becoming a lady. I started my period a week before school started. And when I had my first period my mom decided I was old enough to shave, and use make up. It was all so different. I couldn't put make up on, and when I did I looked like I was goth. I wore a bunch of dark clothes, I didn't want to look goth it was just the point black matched everything. I don't know how to match clothes very well so I stayed simple.
In the beginning of middle school, I had good grades and everything was going great. Until I developed a crush on a boy. See I wasn't the most popular girl, because I didn't buy my clothes from the mall, I shopped at Walmart cause the clothes were affordable for a single dad. My mom wasn't exactly helping out much with buying clothes. Normally my Nana would take us shopping and buy it all but Nana wasn't doing so well. But back to the boy. He was one of the rich boys, he was popular and I wasn't the most attractive girl. Well, I passed him a note to tell him I liked him. Well that was a mistake. He told all his friends and he made fun of me. Then my supposed best friend ended up getting with him right before Christmas break. I cried that day in class. I was so upset that I liked a boy and someone took him from me. That day I said I wouldn't let no boy I like be taken from me. Through the rest of the school year I liked this boy name Kyle. He wasn't the coolest guy but he was a sweetie. He was also the biggest player I met. I just talked to him cause he made me happy. We dated for a bit but that was about it. Other girls wanted him and I just wasn't good enough for him. So my boy crushes were over with for the year. Cause I realized no one wanted me so I might as well focus in other stuff.
By the time I started to focus something went wrong. One day my mom called the school and told them for me to be picked up by car instead of bus. I didn't know what was going on cause this was unusual. When Susie and I were in the car my mom said "We have to go by your Nana's, she isn't doing to well."
"What do you mean? Is she in the hospital again? Is she going to be okay?" I said crying.
My mom tried to be gentle and gave me a minute. "Brandi, they don't think she is going to make it past this week."
I didn't know what to do. My Nana was the only person I had. She was the one person I loved more then anything. She was the one who cared for me and not Susie, Cynthia, or Hannah. She cared for them but she gave me more attention because she knew they got all of it when we were at home. When I asked to come over and so did Susie they'd tell Susie no and tell me I could. Susie always got so mad about this.
As we arrived at my Nana's my dad, and aunt were there. I sat down in my dad's lap, and he said "She's been asking to see her deal."
It made me cry. My Nana called me her little deal. I always spelt it different but it made it original to me. She said you'd always be my little deal. You were my deal the day you were born and you'll be my deal till the end. I couldn't handle someone calling me deal after that day cause that was the last day I heard her call me that. My Nana was unable to speak. She would speak but it wouldn't make much sense. I spent time with her. I held her hand and hugged her till we had to go.
I came back a few days later, I begged my mom to take me. I had to see her I didn't care what happened. Everyone was there, my aunt shelly, cousins jerry and jasmine, dad, the whole family. There was even a hospice. Because they knew today would be the last day. Susie didn't come because she didn't want to see her like this. I sat down with the family as my mom went to talk to my dad. The hospice came in a few minutes after I sat down and she said "It's time to say your last goodbyes, she won't make it much longer."
No one would let me in the room to see her. It killed me, I kept saying "I don't care what she looks like I need to see my Nana, I can't lose her!"
As I got the last word out of my mouth, my Nana passed away at 2:02 pm on May 2nd, 2010. I screamed and cried saying "this can't be. I want my Nana!"
I left that day I couldn't take being around it all. I tried to go to school the next day, I didn't want to be around everyone in my family it made it worst. It killed me.
As I arrived at school for my first period class, I went to the bathroom because something reminded me of her. I went to the bathroom and my friend followed. I cried and cried. I needed my Nana and I didn't have her. I went back to class as soon as I cleaned up. I went to second period and I couldn't make it I had to call mom to come get me. I wanted to be with my dad so she had to take me there. I stayed at my Nana's house that week. I could still feel that she was there. We slept in the living room on the floor, but I couldn't sleep. I felt lost. I felt incomplete. That week was the hardest week of my life.
Everyone said I changed in sixth grade, I changed because I no longer had her in my life. That pretty much ended my 6th grade year.
In the beginning of my seventh grade year, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I began to cuss and not care what I said or who I was with. I began to hang with the wrong people. I went to my friend Robins house to hang out. Her mom didn't care what she did. So Robin and I walked all over town and talked or hung with whomever. We decided to go to Cory's house to go mudding. Well we got bored and decided that wasn't enough. So we started smoking a blunt, and then did some pills. I don't remember what they were. I just remember walking home and Robin saying she saw a cow, but there was no cow.
That wasn't the worst thing I had done. I met a guy. This guy ruined my life. If it wasn't for him things would have been ten times different. I met him on Facebook he was dating my ex friend Hailey. She was a whore who tried to get with everyone. So I figured losing one guy wouldn't hurt. We started talking and things got pretty serious, I really liked this guy. We planned on hanging out. So I told my dad that I was going to my friends house Cicis. But I was really going to his house to stay the weekend.
I didn't go to school since I had overslept. So I decided to go to Chris's house early. Dad was asleep so he wouldn't notice Chris picking me up. It was a long car ride. He lived a distance away. He lived in the middle of the peach fields. Away from everyone else. His parents seemed nice but not the people I wanted to be around. His step dad scared me. He seemed like one of those guys who went to jail for murder or rape or something. We hung out all day talking and introducing me to the family. I met his baby cousins, brother, sister, cousin, uncle, grandma, and so much more. I liked them, they were the people who told you what they thought. But they weren't rude.
Well after all the introducing Chris and I wanted to be alone. So we went into a room thinking no one would bother us. He started kissing me. Kissing me passionately like he had been alone for a long time and hadn't seen a girl. Roughly playing with me. Kissing my neck and slowly slipping out my boobs to lick on them and as he began to suck on them, I was getting turned on wanting more not wanting it to stop. But next thing I know Chris is covering me up quickly. I look up and there is his cousin Brad, and brother Cody standing in the door way.
"Look at them there pretty nipples!" Said Cody.
Chris yelled at them "GET OUT WE ARE TRYING TO BE ALONE!!!"
I couldn't help but laugh so hard. I put my bra back on and fix my shirt properly and got up off the bed. Cody and Brad had came to ask us to go the their cousins little league game. So Chris said "I guess if we have to go then we will."
After the game we went to his house instead of his grandma's. It was an old beat up house. Not something I wanted to live in. The windows were broken, needed new paint, and the yards were trashed. His parents were home, and so was his great grandma. She was so rude to me. They said she was like that with everyone. We sat in his room for a while till his mom came in. "Hey darling. I hope you don't mind me taking Chris away for a minute. I need him to clean up the trash on the front porch." She said.
He looked at her mad as can be "Why can't Cody or cici do it? I'm busy."
"Boy, you don't want me to whoop your ass right here in front your new girl, do ya?" She yelled.
He got up as quick as he could and asked me to come with him. I got up and we walked to the front porch. I sat on the steps admiring the sunset over the peach trees while he was picking up trash. He snapped me out of my world when he yelled "Hey! HEY! HEY BRANDI"
I looked over at him, and with the crackle in my voice said "Yes?"
"Why have you been single for so long? Why hasn't a guy came and swept you off your feet?" He said to me in the sweetest way.
I thought for a minute... and then said "Because I'm not a size 2, I have hips the size of Kim Kardashian. I'm ugly too"
He got mad and his face turned red. He told me if I said that again that he'd punch the window. And I did cause I didn't believe him. He busted his hand open. You could see blood pouring and everything inside his hand. We rushed inside the house but everyone was gone. He told me to dial his grandma's number. We had to go to the ER.
His grandma came and got us but he wouldn't tell her how it happened. He just said he fell into the window. He got some stitches in his hand and then we went back to his parents house. We were laying in bed, and I started kissing him. I felt bad for what happened and wanted to make it better. As I laid on top of him as I kissed him, I felt something get hard between my legs. He told me I needed to stop unless I wanted to do something. At this point in time I loved this guy I was the happiest person in the world. So I said I wanted to. We had sex that night, it was super painful. We hung out every weekend and we did it more and more. The pain eventually went away.
It was the last week of school and we didn't have to go because of half days. So I told my dad I was going to Cici's because he was going out of town for two weeks so I'd stay there. I told Chris I didn't want to do anything because I was on my period. So for these two weeks I wanted it to just be us.
Well one night his uncle gave us some pills to take were we could have fun. We were also smoking and drinking. Well after I took the medicine about an hour later I didn't know where I was, who I was, who anyone was. I kept asking and they would say I was with them. That night Chris raped me. I told him I didn't want it. I said I didn't know who he was or where I was. That I didn't want this. He wouldn't listen. He did it in front of his brother, and cousins girlfriend. I don't remember the whole night. Sometimes I have flash backs of it, but I've tried to forget.
Well things went back to normal because at the time I didn't remember that night so I couldn't be mad. But my dad found out about us. He took my phone away from me. Chris broke up with me. I was so devastated. I didn't know what to do. I thought it was the end of the world. That's when the memories of that night started coming back. I hated him. I was so mad he would do that to me. I couldn't understand. No one knows what happened that night. I tried to talk to him about it but he denies it and so do they. I don't talk about it.
My aunt ended up taking me to the ob/gyn to get everything checked out just in case. I told her of this pain I'd been having so she knew to tell the doctor. The doctor ignored the pain and put me on birth control and pain killers. She said it was just normal period cramps.
My seventh grade year was over and my last year of middle school began. I started dating this very nice boy name Nick. He was so sweet to me. He didn't want sex or anything.
I kept going back to the doctor because of the pain. Finally the doctor decided to do an ultrasound. Nothing was found till the fifth ultrasound. She said I needed to have surgery to find out if I had something called endometriosis.
Nick and I broke up since I was so stressed out. He ended up that he had been talking to my friend before we broke up. I didn't talk to neither of them after finding that out. They started dating.
I had to go into surgery May 4th 2012. They found endometriosis inside my stomach. They burned out what they could. I was now on birth control and constant pain killers. They also injected me with this pill supposedly suppose to help. Some of my pain went away but not all of it. But that wasn't the problem. My doctor moved. She up and left the state. She had been sued for misdiagnosis. It made me wonder if I really had this disease or not. It's not like it's life threatening. But it does effect me. I might not have kids because of this. This will effect everything in my life. It did.