Wilhelm
Wilhelm walked into his room to find Felice lying on his extra bed, immersed in her phone. This was the 3rd time he'd walked in to find a similar scene in the last week.
"Felice, what the fuck are you doing here?" he demanded, jokingly. "Don't you have choir practice right now?"
Felice gave him the middle finger without ever looking up.
Wilhelm threw his backpack on his bed and pulled out his math homework.
Felice cast one eye over to him.
"What are you doing?"
"Um, I dunno, homework? Mr. Inglund gave us a shit ton of work, due tomorrow. And I know you haven't finished it."
Felice rolled her eyes. "I'll get it done in time, I always do."
Wilhelm opened his book and began working through the problems, one by one. He actually didn't hate math. There was a rule and as long as you followed the rule down to the letter, you'd be fine. Simple. No headache.
All of the sudden, Felice jumped up.
"NO. WAY. No way no way no way no way!" she squealed.
"Yes...way?" replied Wilhelm, looking at her like she was a nut.
"Write it down. This Friday. We are going to a concert."
Wilhelm rolled his eyes. "Where? In Stockholm? Like my parents will ever sign that permission slip. Plus, we're not 18, and I don't think any of our parents will be willing to chaperone."
Felice shot him a look. "Would you let me FINISH?! Number 1, it's in Bjarstad, asshole, and Number 2, it's an all ages show. We're good! As long as it's on a weekend, we're can just sign out of campus."
Wilhelm went over to where Felice was sitting. As he read the ad, he let out a huge guffaw.
"The National Air Guitar Championships?! Felice, come on, this has got to be a joke. There's no way this is real."
"Look it up. Totally real."
Wilhelm googled 'air guitar championships' and right there was the International Air Guitar League website, with videos from past championships to prove it.
"Yeah, apparently this is a big thing," murmured Wilhelm as he scrolled through past videos and went through all the hits on Instagram.
"And, we're going!" announced Felice, waving her hands in the air.
"Wait, what?"
"I just bought tickets!"
"What are we gonna to do about the bodyguards, then?"
"Oh...I forgot about David and Malin," sighed Felice.
"So, are you saying you...missed a detail?" joked Wilhelm, giving her a wan smile.
"Shut up," she replied. "Oop, and looks like I found a solution. There is a balcony. With a little box on the side. Lemme call the place..."
"Felice, stop it! It's not worth this," protested Wilhelm as he tried to steal the cellphone from her hand. The girl had a strong grip!
"Hello? Is this Svart Katt? Hi, I am calling because I just bought tickets for a friend and me to come to the Air Guitar Championships this Friday, but we have a slight problem. My friend is required to have 24-hour security, and we were hoping to use the side box on your balcony to keep him out of sight."
"No, not because of an addiction."
"No, he's not suicidal. It's, um, for political reasons? Can we leave it at that?"
"We can't? Ok, it is Wilhelm, Duke of Varmland."
"Yes, I'm serious. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Yes, seriously serious. Let me pass the phone to him."
Felice handed her cellphone to Wilhelm. "They don't believe me. Will you talk to them?"
Wilhelm rolled his eyes as he took the phone from her hands. "I guess..."
"Hello? Yes, this is Wilhelm."
"Yes, for real."
"Um, June 14th, 2006?"
"What time?! Um, I don't really...remember, ya know. What time were you born?"
"I know."
"Yes, we would love to come, but I don't want to take any attention away from the performers."
"Yes, we can arrive early. That's not a problem."
"If I have to go to the bathroom, I'll put my hoodie up so we're not noticed."
"Yes, I can buy tickets for the body guards."
"Um, no, I don't think they'll do Terminator impressions for you?"
Wilhelm mouthed to Felice, "What the fuck?!" Felice giggled and fell on the bed.
"Ok, thank you so much. Yes, we're looking forward to it as well. Thank you again for your flexibility with this."
"Yes, I'll make sure to tell the Queen as much."
Wilhelm finally hung up the phone and sagged against the wall, depleted.
"Felice, you owe me SO BIG for this one. So big."
Felice leaped up and took Wilhelm in an embrace so strong that Wilhelm struggled to even breathe. "Yeeeeee! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!"
"You're paying for David and Malin's tickets, got it?"
"Sure, sure, whatever. We're GOING!!!" Felice shouted as she did a little jig in the middle of his room.
--
They arrived at 7:45 for the 9:00 event, as the club manager had requested in writing the following day. When they arrived, not even the employees had shown up yet.
"Well, what do you wanna do? We've got, like an hour to waste," commented Wilhelm.
"Got you covered, Wille," replied Felice, as she pulled out a pack of Uno cards.
"Hey, Malin! David! We're gonna play Uno, come on over! What are you guarding from?" yelled Felice, giddily.
Wilhelm took in the scene. He was at a club. In daylight hours. Playing Uno. With a friend and possibly a bodyguard. How could his life get any weirder?
Malin and David looked at her. Malin then glanced at David, who did not look so thrilled.
Felice gave Malin a puppydog eyes look. Malin laughed.
"Ok, I'll play, as long as David is okay with it. Until people start arriving, technically only one of us has to be surveiling."
"Great! I'll deal you in!" answered Felice as she began to pass out the cards to each of them.
They ended up playing 7 games, 3 with Malin and 4 just the two of them, until finally it got to 8:45pm.
The place was really filling up! There were probably 500 people there already.
Wilhelm looked around. He hadn't been anywhere so full since...well, since the last time he was in a club. He shook his head, trying to drown out the memories of that disaster of a night.
It felt like it had been a lifetime ago, but when he sat down and thought about it, it'd really only been 6 months. How things can change, he thought to himself, as he surveiled the space from the protection of an out-of-the-way balcony patrolled by two bodyguards.
This was not the life he had wanted, but oh man, was it the life he had been dealt. The last time he'd been in a club, he'd been out celebrating a friend's 16th birthday with one security guard posted inconspicuously at the entrance. His friends hadn't even known that the guard was there, until, well, until it all went to pot. He was willing to pay any amount of money to get that life back, when the biggest concern was how to sneak a bottle of rum from a parent's liquor cabinet or how long he really needed to spend on that history essay.
His thoughts were sidelined when the lights in the club went down and the MC took the stage to a hooting and loud round of applause.
"WELCOME TO YOUR NATIONAL AIR GUITAR FINALLLLLL! I'm your host, Stefan Lundgren, and tonight we will get to watch our 12 national competitors slay, right here on this stage. The winner of this competition will be representing Sweden in the INTERNATIONAL AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONSHIPS this July in Las Vegas, Nevada! So, let's make some noise for our first competitor, all the way from Lund, the Sunstreamer himself, Max LARSSONNNNNN!"
A middle-aged man with long, curly hair in black hot pants and a satin flame shirt came out on stage, with nothing but a bottle of water.
The man waved to the audience quickly, and then got into air guitar position, knees bent, legs separated, arms in front like he was actually holding a guitar. He nodded at someone backstage and the music started.
Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel Touching you, touching me Touching you, God, you're touching me
As soon as the first verse ended, the man ripped off his flame shirt, did a somersault, and jumped up, falling into the splits as he air-strummed the chorus.
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
The crowd went wild, throwing their hands in the air and screaming the lyrics. The performer jumped into the audience and crowd-surfed back and forth to the stage.
Wilhelm hooted with the rest of the crowd, clapping wildly. Felice smiled back at him, as she jumped to the beat, yelling out the chorus.
As the song ended, the man rocked out to his own song choice so hard that he ended up getting tangled in the microphone left out by the MC, making him fall down. He quickly untangled himself and jumped up to the heartfelt applause of the crowd.
"BELIEVE IN LOVE!" he yelled, as the crowd hooted and screamed 'We love you, Sunstreamer!'
He took a bow as people-- his friends, Wilhelm supposed-- threw stuffed sun pillows and party streamers at him from the audience.
"This is INCREDIBLE!" Wilhelm yelled at Felice over the din of the club. Felice nodded excitedly in agreement, and punching him in the arm said, "Told ya so!"
After that, the performances only got better. One woman, who went by the name of Nordic Hans Solo, spun around so fast that she looked like she was going to throw up as she air-guitared to "Wild Thing". Another guy, who looked like he was about 70 years old, wore woman's S&M lingerie and slayed to "You Shook Me All Night Long." It was truly a sight to be seen.
The MC got back on stage and announced, "Our next competitor hails straight for our great city of Bjarstad, Carlos Not-So-Santana, Simon ERIKSSONNNNN!"
Wilhelm and Felice stared at each other. Felice put her hand over her mouth.
"No way. I totally didn't know, Wilhelm. I promise, I had no idea," Felice yelled in Wilhelm's ear as the filler music pounded in the background.
For Wilhelm, everything started to move in slow motion. He looked down, and he saw Rosh, Ayub, Sara, and even Linda in the front row jumping up and down, cheering.
Wilhelm saw Simon walk out on stage, in a full Santana get-up with black hat, black wig, tight jeans, and an open vest- with nothing under it. Wilhelm's heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to implode.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Wilhelm yelled back at Felice, as "Smooth" by Santana started playing. He just couldn't stay there and not get a boner.
No shirt?! He's gotta be kidding, thought Wilhelm as he shuffled out of the box and put his hoodie up.
He took one last look at Simon as he turned toward the bathroom with David following closely behind him.
He's so hot, thought Wilhelm as he groaned inwardly.
--
Wilhelm never entered the bathroom. He was too immersed in Simon's performance, and instead stayed by the railing in front of the men's toilet entrance. Simon was so into it, so passionate. It was like the world was going to begin and end on that one stage.
As Simon finished his last few air guitar moves, the room erupted to wild cheering and girls throwing their bras on stage.
If only they knew, smirked Wilhelm. It was amazing how quickly people could forget the news from just two months before. Or maybe they just didn't recognize him through the Santana costume. Hell, it was a pretty bold fashion choice.
As he entered their box, Felice was nowhere to be found. He looked down at his phone and saw a message.
Be right back! Felice had written. He looked past the guardrail to see Felice beside Sara with Simon's friends and family cheering and dancing in the front row.
Wilhelm's head started to throb. He should be there, cheering Simon on, throwing, he didn't know, Santana dolls or hats or a vest at him.
He looked at Malin and David, and mouthed at them, "I'm going down."
They didn't say a word. They didn't have to. They knew.
Wilhelm jumped down the stairs leading to the box, put on his sunglasses, threw his hood back up, and pressed through the crowd with Malin and David following a few feet behind, genuinely attempting not to attract any attention.
Wilhelm ran up the stairs that led right to the backstage area. When he got to the backstage entrance, an employee stopped him and stated frostily, "You can't come back here, dude. Performers only."
Wilhelm pulled off his hoodie and said, "Can I? Please?"
The employee's mouth fell open in disbelief. "Um, sure... Yeah, yeah, no problem, um, Your...Majesty?"
"Thanks, I really appreciate it, and Wilhelm is fine," he said as he passed the man and headed to the curtain where Simon was about to emerge.
As soon as he saw Simon's reflection coming backstage, Wilhelm ran to him, swooping him and his sweaty body up in his arms.
"Who ARE you?!" Wilhelm yelled, holding Simon's upper arms. "I can't believe you did that. That you do that!"
Simon beamed at him like he had just seen light for the first time. "You liked it?"
"Holy shit! You're fucking amazing!"
And with that, Wilhelm pulled Simon into a long, passionate kiss, yanking the bad black wig off of his hair. He ran his hands through Simon's damp curls.
"I love you so much," Wilhelm yelled. "I can't ever let you go. Ever."
Simon shone a huge smile up at him. "I love you, too."
Simon fell into Wilhelm with the crown of his head on Wilhelm's chest. Wilhelm breathed heavily against Simon's hair.
"Come on, let's go out to my friends," called Simon, grabbing Wilhelm by the hands as he pulled him down the stairs to the pit.
"You're okay with the guards?" asked Wilhelm, halting at the stairs down to the crowd.
"Right now, I'm okay with everything. I'm too high to let anything get me down. Come on!"
Simon pulled Wilhelm's hand harder until they reached the crowd. The fans (mostly girls) messed up Simon's hair or screamed "I love you!" at him.
Simon radiated through it all. He looked like he was floating on Cloud 9 as he waded through the crowd to get to his friends and family.
I need this all the time, Wilhelm thought. I have to figure out a way.