Heather: a desirable person that everyone loves and wants to be with.
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A desire to has have always been the core of his being, he had thought of what he wants and he yearns for. Has anyone ever asked him what he truly desires? None. Decades of being thrown into poverty to being dragged into the throne of tyrant's tyrany. Lain was a man who was used to praises- praises that one might not consider being given.
A man who kills. Kills for work. Kills for fun. With fucked up morals and stains of blood on his hands, they join together in front of the statue of the God, faking the prayer he was supposed to not. He was the kind of man who would ask Jesus out for a drink in a church- with no remorse what so ever. Whether it was the god or the king of his kingdom-
Both don't give a shit about if I live or die, so I might as well-
Live the way he wants. Not following the social norms of the society. The need for a degree, having a name to put on stake, wooing women for the sake of flaunting his charm. It did not interest him. Though he was not a commoner, he was born of a lower-class noble. The kind that mattered but did not at the same time. Since the age of 5, his mother always sang the notion of "you must be successful. No matter what." Singing the song of success and hardwork when the child has barely been talking for a year now.
Lain often wondered, "is it really necessary?" To have the luxury to live? To have exert himself when he didn't want to? Couldn't he just live a normal life? A stable job with not much difficulty, coming home to comfort, not having the baggage to appease anyone. Was it a wrong thing? Young Lain did not know, thought of curiosity chipped at his consciousness, he was too much of a coward to go against the will of his parents. In the end, all he wanted was to live and keep his parents happy. He assumed, that studying more than other children would please his parents.
Only if.
Man is an incarnation of greed. It does not show mercy nor does it wishes for the well-being of other. A love which was dependent on the laid out conditions did not meant to everlast. No matter how many times he brought a gold medal or attempted to please them.
"Its all your fault!"
The words of the past still ringed in the back of his head.
"Its because of you we took that huge loan!"
"Its because you didn't become successful!"
"You're just a burden! We should have never had you! We should have never invested so much in you!"
The words sting. Whether they were spoken in the past or in the present, they mattered to him, they still hurt him. Hanging onto his heart like an arrow pierced through a deer's flesh, digging in and out of the flesh whenever the deer moved his muscles.
A life of a man who had no will of his own. Living with countless unspoken wishes, wishing to be heard and yet, not having the courage to speak them. Just how many times did his lips quivered for him to give up on the very thought of unsealing them. Wishes can either be forgotten or- be fulfilled. Lain knew this more than anyone, how he wished for them to be fulfilled, how he desperately wished but- trusted none to make them come true. He was the kind of man who wouldn't even trust his own shadow to guard him in his sleep, what made others misunderstand that he would trust them?
Trusting means believing and he believed in nobody but himself. He knew the only person who could actually off the dust his old chest was himself.
"Don't leave us! We put so much effort into raising you! Tell these bastards that you'll take care of the debt! Do it, you worthless scum!"
The flapping of her chaped lips and the horse voice of old age still haunted his dreams.
16. A young child of not even adulthood was expected to pay the debt taken by his parents- not for his education but for their wishes to invest in uprising businesses. The products never sell, therefore, they were never able to pay off the debt of more than two decades old. Although 16, Lain was still aware of these things. He was an obedient child but due to his sharp intuition and awareness, Lain was able to take notice of such things. He was not a genius at studies, what he was good at was never appreciated or approved. And now when the gun was soon going to be on his parents' heads, they blamed and expected him to take care of the mess they had created. It was unfortunate but it was true. His parents truly planned on selling him off to them as the last resort. A world of mercenary and gamble, a place a child should never visit and yet, just to get rid of the fear of being under debt, they were willing to sell their own son.
They had expected to be freed, screams and unnecessary tears of self-pity filled the room. The beating of heart raced against its own speed, the fear and anxiety seeped through every nook of his veins.
"Take him! He is the one responsible for everything! Everything! Every penny was spent on him! He'll be taking responsibility please! Just leave us!"
"Take him! Please just take him and leave us alone!!"
"TAKE HIM! KILL HIM IF YOU WANT TO BUT LEAVE US ALONE!"
The image of his father embracing his mother by the head as a sign of comfort and fear, both had trembled as each word came out of their mouth pierced his heart. Both were fully aware of the sinful crime they were committing and the claim they were making. He had wondered to himself- "just why?" He didn't argue with his mother for the meal he most desired to eat, he didn't beg his father for the toys he most wished for. Hell, he even let his passion for cooking die. Just how many days did he bite his tongue back so he wouldn't be bothering his parents anymore? How many times did he smile the tears of being bullied? How many times did wanted to burn his books but didn't?
Just how many....
It wasn't a question he needed to ask himself, it was the reality he had lived- all because he loved his parents. And yet-
"You cursed child! Its all your fault!"
"Since the day you were born! Not a single day! You hear me! Not a single day where I was happy with you!"
Words of bitter nature made their way to his young ears, his blood ran cold instead of racing hotter. As though glaring through their soul, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was it disappointment he was feeling? Or was it anger? His beloved and mature father picked up a hand-sized vas and threw it. Perfectly aiming for the head of the young teen who sat across him on the cold marble floor, hands cold and trembling as he glared his parents, watching them curse at his very name, his fist tightened. Hoping for more and more anger to not rise.
The vase hit his head, breaking in the process and scattering in every way possible. Though the vase had injured his small head, though his head bled at a slow but painful way- though his wound burned just as much as his heart did, he didn't avert his eyes away. Blood flowing and going in his left eye, forcing it to close. The debt collector watched the whole showdown in amusement and yet felt pity for the young child. He believed that every single alive being deserved a chance at life. A change to win their lover back, a chance to fill their belly up like there's no tomorrow, a chance to sleep until they couldn't anymore, a chance to live and let live, a chance to live and- kill.
Although that is what he wanted to do to the child, make him realize the burden of life by giving him those chances and making them under his debt forever, alas it didn't go as he had hoped for.
BANG BANG
The old gun model let out a small string of smoke as the child stood there with gun in his trembling hands. The pool of blood spread across, as the supposedly alive parents clutched their shoulders in pain and screamed on top of their lungs.
"YOU BASTARD! H-HOW COULD YOU BE SO U--UNGRATEFUL!"
"AH! IT HURTS! HONEY IT HURTS SO MUCH!"
"FUCK! JUST KILL HIM! HIS ORGANS WOULD WORTH A MILLION GOLD COINS! KILL HIM!"
"IT HURTS! HELP ME!! AHHH-!"
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The gun was fired again. This time- mercilessly. Lain shot his father in the head twice and his mother in the mouth, perhaps to shut her up for good, eventually aiming for her head too. The blood only oozed out with more force as the corpses lay on the cold marble floor with their eyes wide open. Though they were corpses, Lain couldn't help but notice one thing that they had in common.
Their eyes were filled with terror and betrayal. And I caused it.
The cold body trembled with the force of the gun. It was the very first time he had held a gun, first time he had killed someone, first time he had killed his parents.
Wouldn't it be lovely if I could kill them again? After all, it is only fair.
For constant 16 years of his life, he killed himself for his parents, it wasn't fair that they would die only once for him. Despite having his brain twisting his emotions, he was still the same child who was able to kill his emotion for the moment of benefit. He held the cold metal close to his chest, turning his head around to look at the debt collector. A spatters of blood drops decorating the pale skin, almost blending with the ginger of his head.
"Their savings are on the attic, right corner. That's about all they have to their name. They invested every other bit of money to their already sinking business. They didn't spend a single penny on me, even my school is from palace's support authority. They give free education to the lower noble ranks. You can take everything here but me."
The debt collector who once pitied Lain looked down on him. Smirking at the cold blooded child who just slaughtered his parents without a change in his numb expression.
"Oh? And why should I? Your parents aren't wrong, if I sell your organs I can make a good money out of it."
The gun that was being embraced by his cold body was once again put to work. The mouth of cold metal on the side of his head, fingers on the trigger.
"You either let me go or let me die. Its not like there's anything left in this life to live for anyway."
There was one thing that the debt collector notice- his hands weren't trembling.
He could still recall himself being ready to pull the trigger. There was not a shared of fear that was left in him. He could recall how he felt at that exact moment. It wasn't that he didn't want to live, it wasn't that he wanted to die- the surge of anger through his body was so unbearable that he wanted nothing more than for it to stop. And at that moment, he felt that dying was a good excuse to end it.
It almost put a smile through his lips. How stupid he was. The him now would never think of dying, life was too precious to die. He didn't suffer ages to just die today. Reminiscing though he was, he knew that he couldn't tell all this to anyone. Anyone.
Though Farris did say that they- she was the sole observer of this world, what are the odds for her to already know everything about him?
Pity? Sympathy? Curiosity perhaps? He could not put his finger on what earned him her interest, to the extent of forming a contract. Though Lain could spend an eternity figuring out what earned him her interest, she would still choose to not tell him. It was not his untameable anger that pushed him to kill his parents that interested her, it was not the tragic and pitiful past of his that shaped him to be who he is- it was not the emptiness or meaningless life he's had that earned her interest.
It was his desperation. In each of his moves, he was desperate. Desperate to have his parents be pleased with him, desperate to keep up the facade of a "good boy" to feel validated, desperate to run away from the falling apart family, desperate to shut their mouths from uttering curses at them, desperate to not feel the fury caused by his broken faith in his own parents, desperate to stop living such a desperate life. Every single thing about his being was desperate. Pitiful though his mind-set is, she found him to be a sleeping volcano, desperately trying his best to not blast off and burn everything in his wake. Alas, she believed it would take sometime before it would happen. After all, he was a coward to the bone.
So cowardly that he hid his weaknesses away from the eyes of his own beloved one.
The hour of night was deep and untimely, a time where he would prefer nothing more than to be embraced by a beauty of his taste. Thought he would love that, his body was exhausted from the earlier taken stress. The pressure of being in the presence of god's own beloved child was heavy and unexpected. Having a small cup of hot milk and slipping under his sheets for the night's sleep was his plan.
But god betrayed me.
The house was still, not a movement to be seen. Just the eyes of two messed up man looking at each other. His brune ones almost losing their way out in his forest ones. Lain stood in front of the man who high-jacked his beloved bed he had plans to spend the night with. High-jacker's jet-pitch hair was ruffled in every possible direction, the humidity of the room working it's wonders on his hair, curling the edges up. His one hand hung over the edge of the two man bed, the other moved over to rest on his eyes, breaking the ever-so meaningful gaze into Lain's eyes. Though it looked like the trickle of sweat drip down his pale skin, Lain knew more than anyone that it wasn't.
Why must you rain on me?
"Ciel."
....
"You met her again, did ya not?"
There was no response. This person was aware of Lain's pretence as a priest.
The lips seemed to have almost quivered at the question but held back.
"Yeah, ya did." Lain answered his own question. Eyes showing almost no emotions to the man laying on his bed. "She kicked you out again, huh?"
No response.
"And I bet she said how she doesn't love you anymore, hm?"
.....
"But you still love her."
.....
"And that's why you can't help but hate her.."
....
"And so, you came here to get your broken heart mended here?"
.....
"How childish."
There was bitterness on Lain's lips. Its always that one name.
Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen
"Pen, Huh?"
Everyone he knew was aware of her. A commoner, raised up from the streets. Sponsored by the old man whom everyone desired to have the favor of, even his son decided to stand by her side. This kingdom's one of the top doctors whom even the king praises, Ciel Cloudins, was affirmative wrapped around her fingers.
The lady in the black whom the whole king wondered about, some in fear, some in admiration and some in hate. As for Lain- he was jealous of her. Her wealth, her accomplishments, her beauty, her authority, her confidence, her popularity- her everything. If he could, he would have every bit of her possessions and-
Ciel is one of them.
These feelings that were so deeply engraved in his heart, they had no merit to them and yet, he wished nothing more but for it to become true. He would wonder every night how things would've been if he was Pen. What would've happened if Ciel had fallen with him instead of Pen, what would've happened if Ciel had barged into his house tonight instead of Pen.
Ah..
Wishful thinking. To be dreaming of snatching everything in her possession just so he could have Ciel was more childish than Ciel hoping for her to be with him. She was a woman of much vigor and respect, the only kind Lain would ever lend his help to- which he did. The information about the rebels recovering at Grand-Line Hospital- Ciel's hospital was leaked to her by him.
Well, she bought it from me.
Lain, in disguise of a priest, Was working as information broker. Pay the right price and you get the desired information. It was a secret that all nobles knew but no one ever dared to voice it out. After all, reliable sources were thinly numbered and Lain was at the top. What they weren't aware of was- being a information broker was just another disguise for him.
A secret that he revealed only to the woman whom he felt nothing but jealousy and envy for. Ironic though it was, it was what it was.
The stain of tear that remained on Ciel's cheek did not go unnoticed by Lain.
"You're a funny guy, Ciel. You start hating your lover for the things she did and yet, you come for closure to the most despicable man in the town."
Cupping his cheeks only for his thumb to caress the tear stains away. The tension in air was sickeningly thick, one could even cut it with a knife. How he would love to make this weeping man look at him and only him, how he would love to slowly brush his lips to his quivering ones, only to pull back to see his reaction. Would he pant from the lack of air? Would he feel the electric spark between their bodies like Lain always does? Would he avert his deep forest eyes? Or would he gaze back at his brune ones with just as much passion and desperation? Would he look at him for him or- would be still see only her?
"Fuck her."
His thoughts were indeed about fu- what?
Lain's eyes almost popped out of his sockets in surprise. "What?"
"I said- Fuck. Her."
Lain blinked twice before speaking, a mocking smirk forming on his stilled lips.
"Didn't you already do that?"
"No. But still, fuck her."
There was another pause.
"WHAT!?"
"What."
"All this crying and you're telling me that you didn't even sleep with her?! Not even once?!"
"Well excuse me for not being a manwhore like you. I like to take time with things and build up trust." Lain could feel Ciel rolling his eyes under the shade of his own hand.
"No wonder she lost interest you. I don't blame her anymore." Lain teased as he returned his hand back to his coat's pocket. Only to turn around to remove it. Although Lain was at a bit distance from the bed, Ciel's hanging hand still reached over to grab his sleeve.
"Why did you tell her about the rebels."
Lain didn't stiffen. He knew Ciel would eventually find out. He wasn't trying to hide anything to begin with.
"A man's gotta a make a living, you know? And stop acting like you actually cared for those rebels. We both know that the only thing you care for is not see someone die, not because you're a doctor but because it reminds you of yourself. If it bugs you so much, to the extent of reaching out to her ladyship in the middle of the night- then cure yourself instead of wallowing in self-pity."
Lain did feel that he was being harsh but it was needed. It was needed for Ciel to get back on his feet, it was needed so he would smile again. And Ciel understood that.
Lain turned his head around to face Ciel, his hand not covering his eyes anymore. Sparking though they were, the gloss of tears sparkled a million stars in those green eyes, they were more alive than anyone he's ever seen. Anything that he's ever felt before. Meeting the gaze of your beloved can race your heart a marathon, it was something that Lain only believed after he experienced it. And he really did. The way those sorrow driven distressed eyes looked into his, it made him want nothing more than to wipe every single drop of sorrow away from his face. His red lips were something that stood outthe most out of all of his features and Lain couldn't help but notice them, everytime he tried to utter something. Only for the sound of them to clench his heart from the inside.
"Snap me out of it."
.....
"Please."
He couldn't help but scoff at his request. A ridiculous one at that.
Ciel was aware of Lain's feelings towards him. He knew all too well. After all, He had told him himself. And yet, he suggested something Lain could happily oblige. A rebound night to forget his feelings that broke him. If your feelings are reciprocated, they are held on the high pedestal. And if they aren't... They are the very second hand jewellery which was never the first choice to begin with.
"Has your feelings fad-"
Ciel couldn't get the chance to finish his question. Not because a pair of lips crashed into his but because a pair of long fingers laced around his neck in a tight grip. Like the size and weight of a tree, Lain sat on his stomach, rooting his knees on both of his sides. Though eyes still glossy from much shed tears, he could still see Lain's feature much clearly. An attractive man in his mid-thirties, any woman would kill to have this man and yet, he was giving away his everything for a man who already likes a women.
His muscles tensed up, itching to burst out of his much fitted jet shirt. Anger oozing from his very aura and yet his expression remained calm. As if he had already done this before numerous times-
"No, Ciel Couldins. I still love you just as much as I did three years ago. And you know what? I would love nothing more than to just fuck you back to your senses. But you see, that's not how I do things around here. I will not oblige you to use me to forget these feelings temporarily. Man up and accept the reality. She doesn't love and she probably never did 'cause if she really did, you wouldn't be under me right now, begging to be melted away in emptiness. I may be a coward who prefers nothing more than to hide from everything that I find dangerous but I still have the guts to face my feelings and accept them. Look at me, you rejected me but here I am, still giving myself the respect and kindness I deserve. I am still in love with you and still just as broken, I hear you cry and talk about her everytime I see you, I see you feel for someone that isn't me! Someone I would kill to be! And here I am, still taking all this shit you throw at me, just because I love you. Snap out of Ciel, because I deserve better."
All the calmness that once plastered Lain's features melted away, leaving a shine of outburst. His laced fingers around his neck loosened. Visible marks of long fingers printed across Ciel's pale neck, shading it with a surprisingly light shade of pink. Though there was terrifying fury in Lain's voice, there was a hell's amount of restraint of strength in his hand. It was clear how he did not wished to hurt the man his heart skipped beats for. Ciel knew. Ciel knew this all too well. Which was why- he wasn't afraid. He knew more than anyone about how much of a kind man Lain was. Though Lain hated the god, Ciel could tell that God must really love him after seeing how much of a kind soul he was.
He retrieved his hands back, almost leaning back to look at anything under him but Ciel's face. In just one outburst, he had said "I love you" at least three times in a heartbeat. His feelings were overwhelming, it scared him and he wanted to really stop feeling like this.
It hurts. It really does hurt, damnit!
Ciel couldn'thelp but smile at this big kind man who was willing to flip the world upside down for him and yet, he refused to take advantage of him and his weaknesses. He truly believed that he didn't deserve such a kind man to be in love with him.
"What are you smiling for?..."
"You're not even looking at my face, Lain."
"I don't need to see your face to know you're smiling."
Ciel flick his gloomed down forehead with his index finger, making him look at him as he groaned in pain.
"Do you know what's more dangerous than knowing nothing?"
"Having inverted nipples?"
And received another flick as a response.
"Thinking that you know everything."
....
....
The silence was deafening, the situation had put Lain in a awkward position. He was suddenly uncomfortable in his own skin. It was too many things at once. He was not sure if he really wanted to face it. He hated facing things, especially when it came to people. And Ciel sensed it.
"You said I love you three times."
"OH FOR FU- I KNOW!"
And within a second his uneasiness was replaced with embarrassment. Getting off and rolling beside the man he was just sitting on, he agonized.
"Its too much for one day. I'm going to sleep."
A fine way to end his day, a good night's sleep beside the man he loves. Farris who was amused with the showcase of burst emotions, giggled softly.
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and doneee!
Not me adding tragic past to every character lol next one won't have one
Lain is my favourite character 😩
I'm gonna say the same in the next chapter lmfaooo
For real tho, i had been planning this chapter for so long now! I'm so glad I finally have it down. I always fail to introduce the world system 🧍 I'm gonna try my best to explain it well next time.
Small spoiler: it's one of your favorite fairy tale✨
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Rising out!