Time was really fascinating as its perception could differ depending on the person and their situation. Minutes could either feel like a fraction of a second, or became endless hours. Yes, time was really fascinating. Still, time ran at its own space and never stopped for anyone.
Jin knew it all too well, he understood it when he was 8 years old.
The boy had been aging since then. And he was now 16 years old. Among all the teenagers around his age in the bunker, he was one of the tallest. His jet-black hair had grown enough to hide both his thick eyebrows and dark-coloured eyes. His lips, on the other hand, did not change. They were still as full and pink as they always were. Still, Jin had changed quite a lot since he first arrived at the bunker, it was a fact. Time did not wait for anyone, and irreversibly changed humans. It had been eight long years since Jin arrived at the bunker, it had been eight years since Jin started to grow up surrounded by other humans, yet...
It also been eight years since Jin had had any news from him.
Jin still thought about from time to time. Maybe it was less than before, but it still happened. Yet, the face of the person who once saved him was slowly getting blurry in his memories as they became fragile and unsure, just as his voice. Only his silver hair remained as the most trustworthy memory he had built up to now. Jin sighed.
- Does something worry you, Jin?
Comfortably sitting in an old sofa, Jin slowly looked up toward Ji-Eun, JiMin's mother. They were in a spacious room where books decorated shelves up to the roof. On the wall behind the young woman, some children's drawings were exposed. Yet today, she was not here as his friend's mother, but as a doctor who was carefully listening to Jin's words. It was meant as mental care and it had been going on for several years already. In fact, the first session took place right when Jin arrived at the bunker, and his mental health had always been an important subject for Ji-Eun. She must have been worried... and she must be the only one in this bunker, JiMin and HoSeok put aside, to feel that way toward him. The young boy shrugged.
- Not really.
The room grew silent. Ji-Eun put his pen down on her paper which was already quite full, and tilted the head to the side.
- I know that you don't talk a lot, unless you're with JiMin and HoSeok, but do you have any other friends in the bunker?
Jin shook his head from left to right. Even though he was living in this giant bunker, he did not really want to create any relationship with anyone else in the bunker. The first obvious reason was that he could not trust them. The second reason was that it was easy to know everyone in this bunker. They might be... around a hundred living souls in here at most? And Jin never ever met anyone new in the bunker. So, it was a fact that Jin did not have any other "friends", yet his two friends were more than enough to him. Only JiMin and HoSeok's presence felt important to Jin's heart. Or maybe... maybe Jin refused to get too close to anyone and they were the only ones who were able to open the way to his heart? Maybe. Even him did not know for sure anymore.
Yet, what was the point of holding someone dear when dearest things in life were always the first to be lost?
- I was wondering, Ji-Eun.
Ji-Eun raised her head as she heard her name. She was always calm and gentle. Her patience seemed endless, and Jin really respected her for that. Yet, despite being the most adorable person on earth, Jin had to confess that he was still unable to confide entirely to Ji-Eun and she knew it. So, she would give her undivided attention as soon as he would ask a single question.
- I will be able to go out once I'm 16, right?
Ji-Eun's reaction slightly surprised Jin, yet not enough for him to show his surprise on his face. She coughed to regain her composure, and straightened herself.
- How do you know that?
Jin's gaze dropped to the floor.
- My parents used to tell me that... especially my dad. And NamJoon too.
The young woman blinked several times as she heard the name NamJoon. She knew how dear this person was to Jin, but she never knew why it was so. Despite the years of psychological help, Jin was still really shy for words, only sharing things clumsily or unintentionally because Ji-Eun knew her way around with words. Yet the boy was still cautious about what he shared. She shakily exhaled and the room feel silent, which made Jin curious. She spoke again after thinking for a moment.
- Did they tell you why you were not allowed to go out before you reach 16?
Jin nodded. It was obvious to him.
- Because of trackers, children are weak and frail so they could get caught more easily.
As he was talking, Jin started frowning. He had realised the existence of a crack in his theory, and it made him wonder.
- But, I don't understand... Why was JiMin allowed to go out from time to time with his father if it's forbidden to go out for anyone under 16?
Ji-Eun suddenly stopped in track when she heard the boy's words. Jin had raised a problematic issue. The woman sighed, she seemed disheartened hearing the question. Jin was suddenly embarrassed, but the young women shook her head. She took some time to think, something about Jin's words seemed off. He did not seem to know everything about the infamous outing at sixteen. She calmly spoke up.
- His father is one of the best hunters in the entire bunker. He thinks that hidding the children in the bunker won't make them stronger. Since he wants to teach survival skill to JiMin, he illegally takes him out to hunt together, and to show him how the outside looks like, the real one.
Astonished by her words, Jin hesitated.
- ... And you're not afraid?
She gently smiled.
- I was at first, but not anymore.
Jin stared at the young woman, waiting for explanation.
- If I let fear takes over me now, then I won't be able to stand strong for others. I won't be there for JiMin, my husband, the bunker resident... nor even for myself.
Jin was once again surprised by Ji-Eun. Somehow, he was envious of how she could trust the people around her. The young boy did not know how to do that anymore. He played with his fingers while staring at the ground once again.
- As I decided to trust, despite being really angry at first, but we're never safe from an unexpected catastrophe... so I'd rather know that JiMin is able to defend himself as a child instead of... Anyway, she said.
- Ah... And do you trust me then? To go outside?
Ji-Eun gently laughed as she crossed her arms on her chest.
- Of course, but this is a particular situation. Why do you want to go outside and where to exactly?
Jin slightly frowned. Why did he need to justify his outing? He was 16, he could do whatever he wanted to. Jin was fed up of being monitored like that. Lying again and again just to live peacefully. Jin had more than enough of all of the lies that filled his life here, just to protect an artificial happiness. So, Jin mumbled.
- I'm not asking for anything special, I've always been a good boy... even if no one welcome me since I'm a stranger's child. I did not do anything wrong...
Ji-Eun listened to him carefully, without interrupting him. Her heart felt heavy hearing he still considered himself as a "stranger" in the bunker.
- ... I just want to go out and go back to my old bunker.
She remained silent once again. Jin felt like he needed to justify himself again and again, he could not stand it anymore. He just wanted to go there. He just wanted to understand, to find answers, and the truth about that day. He raised his face, frowning.
- I trained every day to be able to fight! I read a lot of books about life outside the bunker. I did everything NamJoon told me to do so we could go out and run away! It was his promise!
Yet, with every word that Jin uttered... his voice cracked.
- ... It was our promise, only between the two of us...
A broken promise.
He lowered his eyes once again, and silence followed. Ji-Eun did not say anything, nor did she write anything anymore since his pen bid goodbye to the already over inked pages. Jin did not know what he should say to be allowed out, he did not know how to cope with his feelings. He did not know what to do at all.
Why was he still here in the end?
Suddenly, the young woman stood up and put his notebook on the table. Yet she went to the chair the closest to Jin, and comfortably sat back. Did she have nothing to write anymore? Was the session finished? Jin felt beat, abandoned, nearly betrayed... he had wished for this conversation to help him greatly, yet it seemed like...
- I have one condition.
Jin stopped breathing for an instant, and then thought about Ji-Eun's words. He looked at her with surprise, making her smile. This woman was still completely unpredictable.
- Tell me about NamJoon.
Jin nearly chocked on air. NamJoon. How long had it been since he heard this name from someone else's lips? Too many years. He was the only one repeating this name again and again in his head, with the frail hope to never forget it. Yet... what could he say about NamJoon? And why should he talk about him with Ji-Eun? Jin did not understand. Nonetheless, as if she magically read his mind, Ji-Eun answered his questions.
- You already mentioned the name "NamJoon" during our sessions, but you never give any details about him, you never linger on it. Yet, it seems like this person is really important for you.
Jin held his breath, not daring to look the doctoress directly.
- ... Tell me about him, even just a little.
The young boy scratched his hand, a habit that he was unable to control when he was stressed and that she noticed years ago. She gently put her hand on his to reassure him, to appease him. Jin looked at her in the eyes even though it was difficult for him at the moment. Ji-Eun knew that the subject was touchy for Jin... she knew, even when she was unaware of Jin's story, that what he kept secret was really painful to him. She put a bit of distance between the two of them, and Jin started talking.
- NamJoon... I don't know exactly how we met anymore, but I know he saved me from something. It was not too long after my dad and my mom disappeared.
He paused. Then spoke again.
- He never stayed in the bunker with me. He went out to do what he had to do, to fetch food or clothes for example. But he made sure to come back at night, he played with me, he read stories of the outside. He did a lot for me. It was... like... I don't know. NamJoon isn't family, but he was there for me.
- And, you were alone most of the time? Ji-Eun asked.
- Yes.
The young woman raised an eyebrow, which did not go unnoticed. What could be going inside her mind? Truth be told, did it even matter... Jin went back to his story telling.
- My memories are blurry. But even if I know NamJoon is someone important to me... there are things he did or said that I never understood.
- Like what?
Jin laughed a bit, not out of happiness though.
- ... That's the reason why I made my request. I want to go to the bunker. To find answers, to retrieve my memories and maybe... understand why I'm here.
The silence following these words was heavy. Jin sank into the sofa, showing he had finished his story. He could not say anything else, he did not know what else to say. NamJoon is NamJoon... But Jin never really knew who NamJoon was. Did he have a family? Why did he travel alone? Was he...
Was he still alive?
-If he really wanted me to come here for my own safety, to be saved... if he knew... then why did he never come to see me?
With the simple thought, Jin's eyes watered, but not a single tear rolled down. He did not want Ji-Eun to worry about him. He did not want to talk about it. He did not need to talk about it. Jin just wanted to understand, and no one here would be able to help him. He lowered his head, hoping his long black hair would hide his eyes. The room was stilled for a moment.
Then a voice echoed.
- Let's do this.
Jin raised his head as he heard the answer.
- You'll go with my husband when you'll feel ready. JiMin will accompany you, just in case the journey would get boring with just the two of you.
The young adolescent looked at the doctoress with amazement. He did not know how to react, yet his hands and lips were shaking. He could not believe it... at long last, Jin was finally allowed to go out, and Jimin would accompany him too. He stood up and walked closer to Ji-Eun with a wide smile stretching his lips.
- Th... Thank you, Ji-Eun!
She waved at him as the boy walked toward the door. When it closed behind him, she sat back at her desk and wrote all the information she gathered about NamJoon. This man was such a mystery for her. His behaviour was nothing but suspicious, yet it looked perfectly normal to Jin. Things did not add up... She needed to know more about him. She had to know more about Jin... it was her duty.
Because things did not add up.
She closed her notebook and sighed. Ji-Eun slouched in her chair with a soft smile. It was quite a peculiar day. If someone had told her she would have seen the brightest smile on Jin's face... she would have doubted it with all her might.
This smile had been an entirely new reason to help Jin.
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TO BE CONTINUED;