1st April 1978
"Oh hun... you don't look good. Not at all." Connie frowned, stood in front of the door with her arms waiting to hug me and eyes trying to observe as much as they could. "I'm sorry."
"Don't say sorry. There's nothing that can change what happened." I shrugged a little, peeling the door back further to watch her frame walk through it. Her arms wrapped around me the second the handle left my grasp, catching me by a slight surprise before letting my arms crawl around her.
"Have you even slept ? Or showered ? Or eaten ?"
"No, no, and no." I huffed, chuckling only slightly when she pulled her self back and gently shook her head. "I'm fine though Connie... it was hardly a long lived love. It was a literal affair. With apparently no feelings behind it at all."
"It just... it doesn't make sense. Being with that french lass I get... but using you for a shag can't be true. You two were so wrapped up in one another." She replied sympathetically, her smile not sat how I hoped it would've been. But I knew part of what she was saying was right, because really after everything we did do together I did think I was more to him than another girl to sleep with.
"Yeah... I thought that. But I don't know anymore. For all I know everything he's ever said to me is a lie. I really did think he was different. A nice guy who wasn't selfish and didn't need to sleep with someone else. But turns out I was the someone else. And I didn't even know."
"Jesus Christ. You gotta stop thinking about it... it's not your fault. Just... try and take your mind of it. Did you want something to eat ? I'll even make you your favourite- peanut butter sarnie." I shook my head frantically, the thought instantly kicking off the memories of me and him giggling and smiling in his kitchen.
"No thanks... I might try and get some sleep. I just can't stop thinking about her. I mean... do you think she even knows about it ? I've had so many people find someone else, and that shit hurts, and now I've done it to her."
"Yeah but you didn't know. It's not your fault- it's his." Connie reassured me again, watching as I fell onto the sofa and pulled a blanket over myself. I'd struggled to sleep last night, only because my head was so consumed by every little thought it could be I didn't even know how to fall asleep.
Everything was so sudden. Only two nights prior to the article he was telling me he loved me and that we were gonna tell the world about us. It didn't make sense. I'd had the one thing I was so heavily addicted to snatched from me, which inevitably left me on the dreaded come down. The blur of days that I couldn't pull apart, the spinning of my mind than wouldn't stop, and the tears that hurt to roll down my cheek.
"Don't let it get to you. Focus on your job or something... maybe now would be a good chance to go into acting. Only for a distraction. But just... don't fucking drink yourself to death. Find a better distraction than vodka. Please Addy." She almost pleaded, her frame preparing to leave the door I felt as if it had only just entered. I nodded slightly, partly agreeing with her. But only the part about me needing a distraction. Acting was still a no.
"I love you. But let me sleep." We both laughed a little, the door closing quietly behind her. I slumped down against the sofa, cold and almost lonely, of course missing the feeling of the arms that held more than just me. I had no idea what to do. I was stuck. And confused. And so fucking tired.
-
Now it wasn't necessarily a shock, but I did wind up stood at Charlie's back door in a pair of joggers and undeniably the same jumper I'd stolen from Roger not even a week ago. I knocked the door loudly, hoping the bar wasn't too crammed, and hoping desperately the drummer I needed to avoid didn't have the same idea I did.
"I thought I'd be seeing you here." Charlie opened the door, a glint of sympathy in his eyes and a frown sat on his lips that usually always smiled at me. "You always wind up here after a break up."
"It wasn't a break up."
"That's what he said it was." Charlie shrugged, the door closing behind the two of us after I'd stepped through it. "He left half an hour ago. He had his much needed rant and thought I was best not to leave Dom waiting."
"Did you know about her ?" I asked quietly, following closely behind his frame as he led me through to the same bar stool I would always sit at on my own.
"I really thought they were done in all honesty. He was gonna end it before he left for the tour apparently. She's never really been happy with him I don't think. She hates the lifestyle. So her sister being ill was a good excuse to bugger off."
"Jesus Christ. I need a drink. Please." I chuckled slightly, Charlie nodding with a small smile as I took a glance around the bar. It was practically empty, unsurprisingly, but that was perfect really.
"Are you alright though ? I heard about your mum. It's been all in the news before you ask." He passed me the drink, his head sat slightly titled as I nodded slowly, biting the corner of my bottom lip nervously.
"Yeah, I'm ok." We shared a little smile, one perfectly pulled at our lips as we took a small pause. Just a little moment to make sense of reality. Because clearly neither of us thought I was going to be sat there without the blonde by my side. But we didn't have long to simply take a breath, because the door almost crashed open, which grabbed both of our attentions immediately.
"I knew it !" Julian cried, relief hitting him as he sighed. His face was red and hot, hair slightly ruffled and Summer was panting behind him. "Thank god."
"Right... an explanation wouldn't go missed..." I laughed slightly, my eyebrows sat slightly higher than they usually did as the pair slumped down onto the stools either side of me.
"Well we went to your place to check on you and no one answered-"
"So he made us practically sprint here !" Summer interrupted, shooting Julian a glare that made me laugh slightly as he ordered the two of them a drink.
"Are you alright ? In all seriousness. Don't lie to me doll."
"I feel like an idiot. A prized twat. I honestly thought it was gonna be me and him... I don't know for how long but I was set on it. And now it's all over. Gone. And the worst part is it all makes sense now. The phone calls from 'old mates' and why he couldn't spend certain nights at his place. It wasn't because he was busy... it was because of her. And I fell for it too."
"I saw the way he looked at you. And I'm telling you now he looked at you like you were the only girl that ever mattered to him. I mean... his his eyes treasured you. And the way he smiled at you. Regardless of wether he was with someone else... there's no way he didn't love you." Summer added, Julian nodding frantically, almost giving himself whiplash as I gave Charlie a note to cover the cost of their drinks.
"He cared you know ? He was there to drive me down the beach or watch shitty movies with me. I thought that made me more than a shag." I huffed, Julian's arm wrapping around my frame to pull my head against his shoulder. "I mean... all his mates must've known. Freddie Mercury probably thinks I'm just another stupid fling. Another unfaithful shag."
"That I doubt." Julian reassured me, his hands pushing my hair back as I shrugged a little. "But I will not sit here and let Adelynn Petrov drink her sorrows away. We've come to rescue you, which means really you're getting dragged back to ours so you don't bloody go insane sat at home all by yourself... alright?"
"You're really ruining my evening plans here Jules. But I won't say no if we can get a bottle of vodka to compliment the evening." He nodded, laughing as the three of us threw back the last of our drinks, my lips being soothed by the feeling of a cigarette between them as I gave a small wave and nod to Charlie. "Next time I'll stay longer... but it seems my rescuers have arrived."
"You be careful Addy."
"I will. Of course I will." I smiled again, but not for long as Julian's hand grabbed me and pulled me into the cold London air, Summer immediately pulling her jacket more tightly around her as the coldness hit the three of us.
"Right... first stop the shop. Second stop... home. And then you can drink and cry as much as you want doll."
-
"You need a distraction ! And one that's better than a new shag. Cause you are far too hurt to just hop on top of someone else !" Summer exclaimed, her words mumbled and wine glass titling in all kinds of directions as the three of us sat on the couch, the music playing loudly in the background as the two of them tried to reassure me.
"I know I do. But I don't know what. I mean... he only just left yesterday. I've still not even processed it all !"
"I still can't believe it. I mean... the way he smiled at you. That was... well it was like looking at true love." Julian had his arm wrapped around me, my head almost permanently glued to his shoulders like the glasses that were tight in our grasps.
"It felt like it was. It's all just kinda... numb. Nothing feels real. I feel like someone's gonna wake me up in a minute and tell me it's all just a dream." Julian clicked his tongue, sighing heavily, filling the gap caused by the lack of response they both had.
We all sat in silence, the air settled and clear of any smoke Roger would've easily filled it with, the only sound being the music and the steadiness of our breathes. I felt like I always needed to take a moment to adjust to what was really happening, to who was really gone and what I was supposed to do.
I didn't have anyone else. I lived alone, worked a shit job, and I couldn't always rely on my few friends to be there when I got lonely. I had nothing to throw myself into, nor anyone to try and move on with. I never really realised how much I truly relied on Roger until he was gone, but that was always the way it worked. No one ever knows how much they miss them until they're gone.
The record stopped spinning, the needle stopping, causing Summer to jump up and flick through their collection to find another album to spin. I wasn't sure what she'd picked, nor what to suggest, but it didn't take long before I heard the crackling sound of another record.
Now I didn't realise for a few seconds what she'd put on, but it turned out to be the same song Roger had danced to with me. John Lennon's Imagine. The same song he told all those apparent lies that I was certain to be true. That left me now completely lost on Julian's sofa. Completely empty.
"What the fuck am I gonna do ? This is so pathetic. I'm sat here miserable over someone I barely know !" I lifted my head from Julian's shoulder, sitting upright to let it drop into my cold hands once they'd emptied of their glass.
"It's not pathetic. It's what happens. He's sat with me countless times after some chick or some guy's broken my heart..." Summer reassured me again, nodding slowly as the track continued playing. "I mean... I've only met you once and... I knew that you liked him. You know when people have that little look in that eyes."
"I'm not heart broken though..."
"Oh doll, you know only love can hurt like this." Julian sighed, as if he didn't want to tell me what he did. "But I have no clue what you're gonna do."
"Wow... now that is helpful."
An- sorry this part was shorter and poorer than most... ngl I almost forgot to post it so consider yourselves lucky 😭
Anyways... thank you all so much for reading, commenting and voting :)))))