"You."
My heartbeat came to an abrupt halt. Sure, Edward and I kissed before but I never guessed this was the possible outcome.
"Pardon?" I sputtered, hoping to receive some clarification.
"You heard me, Kai."
"But, Edward, Twilight," I managed to say, "I promised I wouldn't interfere but you two are meant to be. I shouldn't come between that bond."
"She's your... erm, fuck," I trailed off, realising how soppy the word 'soulmate' sounded in casual conversation. "She's your... soulmate."
Edward's features contorted into a grimace at the idea.
"Is she now?" he challenged.
"Yeah," I sighed, still disgusted at my use of the word 'soulmate'.
Edward pressed his forehead against mine, building a fiery intensity between us.
"What if I felt a stronger pull towards you?" he asked. He moved his finger to trace my bottom lip. He peppered the side of my face with soft kisses, avoiding my lips.
"I don't belong here, Edward," I sighed. "I'm the outlier."
"I don't care. Be with me."
Eventually, I gave up. I stood up on my tippy toes and places a long kiss on his lips, my hands slowly finding their way into his hair. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, almost instinctively, and pulled me in closer.
He made his way down, his lips slowly departing from mine and trailing down to my jaw and neck, pecking and biting anywhere he could reach. He pulled down the neckline of my frayed cotton t-shirt, kissing furiously on my collarbone.
"Edward," I murmured.
"Edward!" I scolded once I realised this would leave a hickey.
He pulled away with great difficulty, admiring what he left on my body. Rain began speckling my face, hitting my face gently as the clouds began darkening.
"I should get you home," he sighed.
Edward's running wasn't any more pleasant than it was the first time, and the addition of the rain wasn't helping at all. The small sprinkle of rain led to a shower of pouring water, running down my and Edward's bodies.
By the time we reached my house, I was a cold, wet, shivering mess. I ran upstairs, my teeth chattering, stopping myself from slipping multiple times on the stairs.
I turned on the water on the hottest shower setting it could give, which was to say, not very hot. The just barely steaming water did a great job of soothing my nerves. I stepped out of a shower, putting on my clothes with a towel over my head.
I stepped out of the bathroom to see Edward's frame awkwardly standing with his arms at his sides, his clothes still just as wet as mine once were.
"Take off your clothes but keep your knickers on."
"What?" his eyes were visibly wide.
"Oh, don't be such a twit, I'm tossing them in the dryer," I explained. "It can't possibly be comfortable to be wearing wet clothing."
I turned around, hoping to give him some privacy while he stripped rummaging my drawers for something for him to wear. I pulled out a large Nirvana t-shirt and frayed black sweatpants that belonged to my father. I nicked them ages ago when he wasn't watching and kept them ever since.
I tossed Edward the clothes, not turning around in worries of making him uncomfortable. Edward was a fast changer, it took him a minute at most to change out of his wet clothes and get into the ones I gave him.
He tapped my shoulder, telling me it was okay to turn around. Something about seeing him in my own made heat rise to my cheeks. My Nirvana shirt was stretched thinly over the bust area and on him, it hung loosely from his chest, making the shirt baggy and ill-fitting yet still not losing any charming nature.
I tossed Edward's clothes in the dryer, choosing the setting for delicate clothing. With the cheap look of Edward's Levi's, I assumed they were dryer safe. I walked slowly up the stairs, careful not to let my excitement show.
"Sit with me," Edward asked once I'd returned.
Edward sat on my bed his arms carelessly, his legs hanging off of my footboard. He looked so ridiculous, I couldn't help but laugh. I sat down beside him, my legs crossed.
"Kai," he began solemnly. My heart dropped, nothing good ever happened when he said my name like that. "You mention a book."
I looked away from him as I felt his eyes burning holes in the back of my head and I instantly understood the purpose of his posture. He wanted to seem approachable and silly so I wouldn't feel threatened.
"Uh, yes, I did," I said, swallowing the bile growing in my throat. I balled my hands tightly into fists.
"Would you mind if I read it?"
I knew it wasn't a question that left much choice up to me. The choices were clear: a) say yes and let him read it b) say no and let him ransack my room till he finds it.
It is at moments like these that I fear Edward more than I ever could. It is when I realise how truly little control I have over anything when he's around that I fear him.
Tears began slowly prickling my eyes and I sharply swallowed again.
"Erm, yeah. It's in the drawer on the nightstand next to you," I informed him, not wanting to lay eyes on it.
I heard the drawer slowly open. He set down the distinct polaroid of Ashton and I beside me almost separating us. I sat there and stared at the picture of Ash with a glass bottle of lager in their hand and a cigarette between their fingers.
Why couldn't I have two good things? Why couldn't I meet Edward the way a guy meets a girl at a coffee shop or something? That way could at least get to keep my past life.
I could hardly hear the sound of the pages flipping over my hammering heart. Would he realise he's been in denial and finally leave me?
"That was... enlightening," Edward sighed.
"I'm sure it was."
He returned the book to where it was, slumping his head back into my pillow.
"Lay with me."
I obliged. I feared any refusal would let my tears escape. It never quite occurred to me how often I cried in Forks. The lack of space didn't allow for much mobility, so for optimal comfort, I laid my head on his chest. I softly traced shapes onto his cold, hard stomach, my fingers delicately grazing the fabric of his shirt.
The coldness of his skin managed to leak through his shirt as I continued drawing invisible shapes on his body.
I inhaled his musky scent deeply, staring at my footboard, refusing to meet his eyes. "So what are we now— just two friends who kiss occasionally?"
Edward pressed his lips to the top of my head, his nose buried in my hair. "If that's what you want us to be," he shrugged. "I'm fine with anything you want, Kai."
"You know, this makes me feel really guilty," I admitted.
"Because of Bella?" He asked.
I didn't answer but my silence told him enough.
"If Bella makes you feel guilty about... us—" the way he said 'us' made a fleet of flutters erupt in my stomach— "then she doesn't have to know."
He gently lifted my chin up to face him, his fingers sliding up from my chin to my cheek as he began stroking the warm flesh.
"No one has to know."
I closed my eyes, pulling myself closer to Edward, draping an arm over his torso.
"Just one favour I have to ask of you, Kai," he whispered. I sat up to look at him.
I saw his intoxicating topaz eyes peering at my face, surveying every part of my face. Instinctively, I found my gaze dropping to his plump lips, wondering how good it would feel to have them... nope! Not thinking about that.
I snapped my eyes back to his eyebrows, hoping to recover from the trance his lips placed on me. At that moment, I couldn't have been more grateful that Edward couldn't read my thoughts.
He sighed.
"Please don't push me away when anything happens between us."
"I won't."
My voice could hardly be anything over a whisper, I doubted my vocal cords could muster anything above.
His fingers tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as his eyes drifted down to my lips. He began tracing his fingers gingerly over my face. My cheeks, my nose, my eyelids then to my cupids bow. His index finger lingered on my bottom lip.
He brought his fingers below my chin and raised his thumb to trace my lip, running it back and forth, my heart pulsing with suspense.
"Just kiss me, goddammit," I breathed out.
"Impatient, aren't we?" Edward chuckled, his cool breath tickling my upper lip.
"Please?" I requested, my voice almost begging.
He slowly brought his lips closer my face, just barely skimming my skin. He remained teasing me as I stayed still expectantly. He pulled away, his eyes staring at me with a new-found intensity.
I slowly began feeling insecure. Was he realising that I wasn't as great as he thought I was?
"What?" I chuckled nervously, self-consciousness riddling my thoughts. "Is there something on my fa-"
My diffident questions were interrupted by his cold lips against mine. I laid there, too stunned to do anything as I felt his hand push my face closer to his.
"There's nothing on your face," he assured me once he pulled away.
"Your face looks beautiful," he whispered, "it always does." I gnawed on my bottom lip, trying to conceal the smile threatening to break through.
This would be enough.
For now.