James was getting better.
He had fewer and fewer headaches since he started taking his pills. It's been over a month since he moved in with Sebastian and his friends. They were yet to catch up with the fact that James knew everything. He still had to play along if he wanted to run away. He had to be patient and wait for the right time to come and leave. The pills helped him with the headaches and the glass-breaking pain in his head, but the fact that he could do whatever he wanted without getting hurt verbally or physically by these men as of right now helped him with his overall mental thinking.
Ever since James got home from the hospital he has been having an ongoing nightmare of his father chasing him through the woods. He started to lack sleep as he was afraid that they would return so he spent most nights up in the gaming room. It's not a good way to deal with the stress, but it is what helped James get his mind off of it all, it was his safe space where he could spend however much time he wanted without his kidnappers being in his business like before. He hated that they acted so nicely, it was a façade they put on but James wasn't any better, pretending to be happy around the men was suffocating but he felt like Sebastian suspected him.
Something about the way he acted around James made him anxious.
Just like any other day, the young man was once up late in the gaming room. It was something after two in the morning when his body finally got enough of him and tried to shut down on its own. His eyes were drooping as he finally finished another quest at The Beginning of Isaac: Rebirth. It was an exciting game and tiring but he got the hang of it after many tries to get used to the controls.
James yawned as he took the headset off, the whole house was silent so he tried to stay as silent as possible. He turned off the PC and got up tucking the chair in as he made his way to the door, shutting the lights off on his way out. He made his way down the hall and straight for the stairs heading up to his room. As he was about to open his door he heard a noise coming from their room. The curiosity got the best of him as he tip-toed his way down the hall towards their bedrooms. As he approached that's when he heard it and froze in place. Now apparent moans could be heard coming through the door, the moans coming from no other than Marcos. James was wide-eyed as he gawked at the sounds, he felt disgusted but in a way flushed bright red. He hates these guys but this was just embarrassing.
He slowly backed away as moans and grunts came from Marcos and Sebastian. James quickly turned on his heels and bucked it down the hall towards his bedroom, shutting the door quickly once he made it inside his room. His breathing was ragged, hands, and legs shaking. He slid against the wooden door as the realization dawned on him. He felt embarrassed, he didn't know if it was for himself or for them. He just wanted to curl up and die, he hoped that no one spotted him, they might think he is a pervert or some shit.
Of course, they were way too familiar with each other what did James expect, of course, they would fuck. This just made James feel weird. He hated these men but something deep in his mind was attracted to them and he hated it. These men were assholes, abusers, and kidnappers and here he is thinking about how hot those moans are. James didn't know what to do, he was perplexed, he hated the effect that just had on him, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Maybe it was because the past month the guys took care of him and showed him care but deep down he knew it was just a game to them, to try and persuade James they were nice and gentle and then turn on him when he lets his guard down.
His hands were over his mouth as he tried to get his breathing under control. He knew it was really stupid but after a while of spending his time with these men, he started developing small feelings towards them and hearing them fuck made his hormones spike up. The more he thought about it the more his body started to react in ways it never did. Of course, he knows about sex and everything and they aren't doing anything wrong, it's just James was a totally good child, who never really did stuff like this and after what Sebastian and Oliver did to him he vowed he would never have sex but here he is. James never smoked, drank, went to parties, or hooked up with someone. He just didn't find any of that shit fun or interesting. He sighed in annoyance as his dick stood up and he groaned. 'This isn't fucking happening right now. Get your shit together James these men are your kidnappers, the men who abused you, assaulted you, get your mind straight.'
James never labelled himself as straight as he did find some men attractive but even when he watched porn no matter the gender he was never able to feel like he was feeling now, maybe it's the fact that these men are dangerous and somewhat hot but they are fucking pieces of crap and James had no idea what the actual fuck was happening with him right now. He hated that he was feeling these things. 'Is this what they call Stockholm Syndrome? What the fuck!'
James hated that he felt safe around them this past month, he hated that they showed him the attention he never asked for, made him food and didn't hurt him. It was like he was living with whole new people and if they have met in a different circumstance James was sure that he would have fallen head over heels for these men but he knows what kind of monsters they really are so why the fuck is his heart pounding. What the actual fuck is wrong with him?
He doesn't know what made him feel like this, but he knew it is something wrong. He groaned, grabbing his brown hair in frustration. James was never like this and he don't even know why it has to be these men. He doesn't know why but this was bad, really fucking bad, this can't be happening to him, he has to be crazy. He knows what they were like before his accident and to be fair he didn't want to know what caused his accident and a head injury but he was sure it had to be Sebastian as he was the last thing he remembers and that makes this situation even crazier, these men are dangerous and crazy he can't let this happen, never. He sighed finally getting his body under control.
James stood up from the door and made his way to the bed where he grabbed his blanket, he looked at the clock on the bedside table and gasped in surprise, it was already half-past four in the morning. He didn't know how fast the time went but he didn't feel tired anymore so he moved back towards the door. He opened it and slowly made his way out, closing it slowly to not wake anyone up. He then made his way down the stairs and headed for the living room. It was empty and he sighed in relief, he wouldn't be able to face any of them right now. He plopped down on the sofa sighing as he turned on the TV. James didn't pay attention to it though, sitting there quietly.
He was caught up in his head as he didn't hear anyone approach him until someone grabbed his shoulder and James jumped in surprise. He calmed down when he realized that it was Elijah and Oliver, who were laughing at him. He hated that he started acknowledging these men and hated that they made him less and less guarded, not afraid anymore. This was dangerous. He gave them an annoyed stare as he turned back around. They both made their way to the other side of the sofa both sitting on either side of James. He placed his knees up to his chest, leaning his head on his knees.
He felt embarrassed and made even more now as thoughts of hearing Marcos and Sebastian having sex crept back into his mind and his body started to heat up again, face flushed as his dick stood up in attention. He groaned in annoyance and anger, he didn't know why his body was doing this to him but he felt like crying, this was wrong. Sebastian and these men are dangerous, they hurt him so why, so why was this happening now?
The two men were quiet and just sat there with James, for a second he thought he might have been hallucinating if it wasn't for Elijah who wrapped his hand around his shoulder smiling at James with a toothy grin. James sighed heavily trying to hide his face in his blanket. This made both men laugh. He just wanted to disappear from the earth right now, dig up a hole, jump in it, and bury it over with soil, he know he was acting stupid and childish but seeing these two after hearing Sebastian and Marcos fuck made him embarrassed to even look at them - even though they weren't the ones who had sex, but the fact that he heard their friends fucking made him feel funny, embarrassed and disgusted, his mind was tricking him, making him go crazy, lost in his thoughts.
The younger was going to pretend like it never happened and forget about it, but he can't. He sighed in defeat. Just then he felt Oliver grab a strand of his hair and play with it, both of them looking at the younger. He doesn't know why but it made him feel shy and suffocated freezing on the spot. What came out of Oliver's mouth made James shocked to his core. He was frozen in place. "Did you enjoy listening to Sebastian fuck Marcos?" The younger man was stunned, he couldn't move, his breath was stuck in his throat, and he was scared. He heard a chuckle as he looked at Oliver. His eyes were open wide and he didn't know what to say or do, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He was lost for words as his hands shook, a tight grip on the blanket.
Just then the younger man felt Elijah grab him from the back, hugging him against his chest as he looked into Oliver's eyes, he felt scared and shy, embarrassment creeping up as the man looked at him too. He chuckled at James' shocked face. "I di-didn't m-mean to. I'm so sorry. I didn't me-mean to." His hands were shaking as he looked down at his feet, and he felt tears start to creep up. He once again felt the feeling of fear with these men, that hasn't happened for a while and he hated how vulnerable he felt, after such a long time of letting his guard down he was once again scared of these men, they had the upper hand now.
He choked out a sob as tears finally fell. His chin was lifted by Oliver, who gave him a questioning look the younger couldn't decipher. "Oh it's okay lovely, it's okay. You were just curious. It's fine." More tears fell down his cheeks as Oliver wiped them away with his fingers. It felt sensual and his face started to heat up even though he wanted to kill Oliver. This man is the same man who assaulted him for his enjoyment which made James shake more even though he yarns for his touch which made his head hurt. Just then he felt Elijah kiss his neck, at which the younger gasped, it was creepy but his body reacted to it in ways he wished it didn't. He looked back at Elijah, who had a smirk on his face. He was really confused and mad so he quickly covered his mouth with his hands as he let out a small moan when the older man bit a certain spot on his neck. He looked at him with puffy eyes, tears still dripping down his face, nose a little runny and face flushed. The man just chuckled at James, wiping away his tears.
Someone cleared their throat and James was shocked in his place, shaking as he saw Sebastian and Marcos standing there, looking at him with raised brows, their faces cocky making James turn pale. He quickly got up in shock. He didn't know what to say, he was scared of what these men would do to him, after such a long time he knew these men would snap and hurt him, they must know he was faking it, yeah they must know. They all looked at him, his hands shaking. 'How could I do that? They're my kidnappers, what the hell is wrong with you James.' His inner voice was killing him as he stared at them, tears now streaming like waterfalls down his face as his mouth opened and closed once again taking a short step back. He hiccupped and sobbed as he apologized to them, scared of what they'll do to him.
"I didn't me-mean to, I'm n-not like th-that. I don't know. I'm so so-sorry. I won't do it again. Ple-please believe me, I d-didn't mean to, I'll be good." He choked out as he backed away from them, Marcos making his way towards him while he kept backing up. He couldn't hear anything at this point. His breathing was uneven and James had a hard time breathing, a small panic attack creeping its way up. He looked up at Marcos but couldn't hear what he said as he finally backed into a wall. James looked around and then quickly sunk, curling up into a ball. Hiding away from them, back like he did when they first took him, he was afraid.
He felt someone touch him and he flinched away. "I'm sorry, please don't hurt me. It won't happen again. I swear!" It was Marcos and he gently stroked James' cheek, his face was full of worry rather than anger. The younger released another sob as he hugged him, calming James down but also making him scared, there was this fear lurking in the back of his head, something telling him to run rather than let these men get to him. It took a while as the sobs wouldn't stop coming. He doesn't know how long they sat there but Marcos never let go, stroking his brown hair as he gave James praising words.
His hands were still shaking but he could feel his breathing start to even out and his tears finally stopped falling as he hiccupped away. His face was all puffy from his sobbing and his nose was running. Marcos and James sat there for a little while longer until James started feeling embarrassed and tried to move away from him. The younger man couldn't face him, no he didn't want to face him, it's been a while since he showed this side to them, it was emulating and after everything that happened with them, he was scared. He just couldn't get himself to hate these men, something in the back of his mind was telling him to keep things the way they were, something telling him this could be the right thing to do, to stay with these men forever but he didn't want to, he hated them, he should hate them so why was he even thinking about staying, about giving these men another chance, a chance to change.
James tried getting up but Marcos wouldn't budge. "You can let go now, Marcos."
He looked James in the eyes and the younger flushed a bright red colour, cheeks heating up from the proximity as Marcos grabbed his face. "Look James, we aren't mad at you. You did nothing wrong, okay." The younger tried to look away, tried to get out of his grasp as his body started feeling funny once again and dirty thoughts came crashing down, the memory of Marcos moaning and Sebastian groaning was making him feel vacillated, shy and embarrassed. He couldn't look Marcos in the eyes but he held his face in a tight grip not letting go holding him close. He was finally able to push off Marcos and he fell back, James was a little shocked that he was able to push him. The younger quickly got up as he saw Marcos look at him, he looked up and saw Sebastian, Elijah, and Oliver looking at him which made his fear peek up again, scared he would get punished.
He turned his face away and quickly made a run for the stairs. Ran up the stairs to his room which he quickly locked before any of them could get near him. He slid against the door and grabbed his hair in frustration. He was mad at himself for being such a weirdo, for thinking of these men in ways he shouldn't hate how much he wanted to kiss them but also stab them with a knife so he could escape this hell, he was perplexed.
Marcos was just trying to calm him down and here he was getting all worked up over it when he should beat the man and made him hurt. He is disgusting, dirty, and weird. He grabbed his hair tighter, pulling a few chunks out in frustration as anger and sadness clouded his senses. He got up and started trashing his room in anger a sense of deja vu washing over him. Throwing his stuff all over the room in anger. The lamp crashed to the ground, shattering as pillows flew across the room feather flying across the room. He was not in the right mindset and he wasn't able to calm down, angry at himself for sinking so low, for liking these men.
James started punching a nearby wall in frustration, after a while, his knuckles started bruising up and later started bleeding from the hard concrete wall. He groaned but wasn't able to stop. He finally pulled away from the wall as he screamed out his frustration, stomping his feet in anger. He heard someone knock on the door but he didn't even care to pay it any mind. The door handle started moving fast, someone trying to get in so he threw a pillow at the door. James heard voices outside the door and then they disappeared. 'I must be hallucinating again, you're nothing but a worthless piss of shit. Nobody. An orphan who would be better off dead.' James yelled, even more, his breathing was fast and different emotions were passing right through him.
Anger, guilt, sadness and fear lurked up, making him go crazy.
He finally spilt over, his cup now full, all of the built-up emotions coming down in a huge blow. James was far too gone. All these emotions he has been piling up these past months and they have finally come crashing down, causing him to have a panic attack. His heart was beating fast as he threw his alarm clock to the floor smashing it to bits and pieces. His emotions overtook him and he wasn't able to stop them. He was too gone to even realize what he was doing. His eyes showed so many different emotions and it was heartbreaking. The door was thrown open and there stood Sebastian and Elijah.
They rushed into the room, catching James off guard. Elijah came up to James who started backing up. He was now scared and disoriented. "Hey James, it's me, Elijah. You need to calm down." Out of nowhere, James froze in his spot as a huge glass-breaking pain shot through his head and images started flashing. He saw Sebastian and the lot, he had dislocated his shoulder after trying to escape. The next day he was greeted at the door by Sebastian, he remembered challenging the man, remembered making him pissed to the point he beat the shit out of him, he now had the missing pieces. The pieces confirmed he was right about these men, about Sebastian. All the memories came back and they finally stopped when he saw Sebastian punching him and then he hit the wall, passing out.
James panted heavily as he leaned against the wall, all the missing memories were back, and he was sweating and breathing hard. He couldn't believe it. Tears streamed down his face. He looked up at Elijah and quickly tried to get away. Elijah reached out for James but the younger hit his hand away looking at him with a pain-filled look. He knew that this was going to happen sooner or later but he felt lied to as he looked at them.
"You're monsters. I hate you! Fuck you all!" The guys were taken aback.
Marcos came into the room trying to get to James who gave him a hate-filled look which made Marcos stop in his tracks. That look was heart-shattering but James was angry, he hated that he felt pity for them when he should hate them. The pure hatred that radiated off of James made them all stand frozen. He can finally let it all go, he can finally express his real emotions, now that he has put everything together he can fuck them up, he can make them regret everything, and make their lives a living hell. "How could you lie to me? You did this to me. You killed my father. You all lied to me. I trusted you!"
Marcos looked at James in shock. They were told that James would regain his memories over time but it hasn't been that long and he already remembers. James remembered everything already but played along to their game, now he could let go of it all, get mad at them, hate them, crush them out without a worry.
Marco looks at him with a glare. He wanted to yell at him but he held back, he was kind of pissed that this game didn't last long. He wanted to grab the younger man and hurt him for raising his voice at them, for acting like a fucking brat, after all, they did for him, they were patient but all of it just went down the drain. James sobbed out as Marcos approached him, even after glaring daggers at him he never stopped until he was face to face with James who started to punch him in the chest and he took it, he was fucking fuming but let the younger man take it out on him, he knew he would tire himself out.
Just like he thought, a while later James was finally exhausted and dropped his hands and Marcos hugged him tightly. "James, what to do with you, we tried to be nice, to give you time, everything you could wish for but this is how you repay us? With harsh words, did you forget your place? Shall we remind you again?" James shook. Marcos' words were harsh and brought back scary memories, memories of their abuse, of their assaults. The way they harshly acted towards him, the way they belittled him, the way they made him nothing but a worthless piece of shit and James broke down sobbing as Marcos hugged him, James grabbed onto him for dear life. He knew they were right he was worthless, just a waste of space, he was scared and they were the only ones who showed him their good sides. Even if it was all fake they were nice, they tried their hardest to help him out, to make him feel welcomed and here he was taking it all for granted. He knew it was wrong but these men were right, Marcos was right, James was nothing, they were above him, he was lucky that they even tried to be nice to him, and he was lucky he was alive.
He was once again sobbing his heart out and they were the ones who did this to him, they broke him to the point of breaking down. He no longer felt human, he felt like a rag doll, a useless piece of flesh. He felt so betrayed, but he knew what Marcos said was the truth, they tried but he was selfish and it broke his heart. He wanted to forgive them, wanted to give into them and let them do what they pleased if it meant they would be nice to him, even if it was fake, even if they treated him like trash if they let him be free, he would let them, he had nothing else, nothing to go back to, he was no longer a human, that long stripped away from him. He wanted to stay how it was, he remembers the good times, and he just wants to forget all the bad times and stay here forever, stay here with them when they were nice and treated him with care. Even after everything that happened, he felt safe and sound with them and he hated it, hated this so much. He betrayed no one but himself. He never had anyone. Even when James' father was alive they didn't spend much time together, they argued a lot and the only reason that James went to visit his father was to pick up some of the stuff that he left there.
James was furious at them, he felt so miserable as well as relieved. He felt relieved that they have yet to kill him, even if they acted to be nice to him he was glad they did, it made him feel humane, made him feel wanted. The truth hurts and this time it did, he knew they were the best thing he came across, even if they abused him, humiliated him and stripped him of everything he had nothing else.
Over the past month, he felt like he got to know a different side of Sebastian, Oliver, Elijah, and Marcos and that's what made it special. They were different. They tried to make him feel welcome, they didn't have to do so, they could have hurt him like before but they tried hard to make him feel welcome and he appreciated it in a way, he was confused. He just needs some time. He pulled away from Marcos and he did too, looking at James with a glare, raising a brow. James looked away and pushed him. He quickly grabbed a hoodie and left the room, passing Oliver, Elijah, and Sebastian headed down the stairs. He made it to the door and put on some red sneakers as he opened the front door. He heard footsteps rushing down the stairs and in the corner of his eyes, James saw Marcos look at him with a look which could cut you in half. It was dangerous and scary, looking back he saw Sebastian next to him ready to run at James but Marcos stopped him.
"You can go, James, have some time. You'll be back. You have nowhere to go, you need us." James sobbed and ran out of the house and down the driveway. He ran until he reached a gate where two people stood, he stopped in his tracks looking between the men who had a walkie-talkie in their hands, they looked at James then backed away opening the gate. James looked back at the house one last time and ran out of the gate as the rain started pouring his tears falling down his now swollen and puffy cheeks.
James didn't know where he was or where he was heading, but James needed to get away from them, get some space and breath. He needed some time alone, away from them and everything he knew for the last month. He ran and ran for hours not knowing where to go and he didn't intend to stop. James kept running without a care in the world. He didn't know where he would go but he just let his feet take him as far as they can. The younger man didn't intend to stop at any point either. The rain already soaked through the red hoodie and sneakers. A few cars went past James but neither stopped to check on him and he was glad that they didn't. He bit his bottom lip as he stopped in the middle of the road taking a breather and then as loudly as he could scream out all his frustration.
The pain and sorrow all were let out with his scream, all the pent-up tension and anger that he felt at the moment was let loose and he felt the weight get lifted off his chest, and for once he felt free.