Lennox invited us to watch Neticia's dance competition at her university. He handed us a ticket first before we proceeded. Marami ng tao stadium. Punuan na. But him being a supportive the ticket is VIP standing. We all gather infront which we can see them fully. "You see Neticia?" its just a whisper but I heard it. "Can't find," Dalton answered. They both look around and even ask Laurence and Finer to look for Neticia. Though he didn't ask me I still look for her.
"Excuse me,"
Only two words but I already recognize her voice. Tumangkad siya. She gain weight. Mas lalong nadepina ang ganda. Kung dati gandang ganda na ako sa kanya pero mas lalong gumanda siya ngayon. Hindi niya kami napansin dahil ang atensyon niya ay nakay Lennox lang. "Love... " she said before kissing Lennox cheeks and hug him. "Hey. I was looking for you." iniwas ko ang tingin pero hindi nakalagpas ang ginawa nitong paghalik at pagyakap. I can feel the stare of Laurence and I saw how surprised Zander and Silver seeing Neticia with Lennox. They glance at me but I remain looking in front.
Ito naman ang gusto ko diba? I want to see her but not in this situation. The girl I love is now inlove with the man I know.
"Kinakabahan ako.."
"But I know you can do this. Slay it."
"Pero kinakabahan ako," the first time I heard him Laugh. "Just do your best. When you started own it." in my peripheral vision I saw how she surrender herself to Lennox. They both hugging each other without minding us. Laurence stand beside me to cover up the two. Too late for him. I already saw it all. "Get a room guys!" Finer suddenly interrupted. "Uy andyan pala kayo," and then Neticia laugh. The saga of laughing continue. Rinig ko pa ang paglolokon ng tatlo at ang tawa. Years past and her laugh still the same.
"The fucking shit. What a fucking plot twist." Zander murmured beside me. I feel the stare of Silver but he remained silent. I know they pity me. They know that I still love her.
"Gotta go. I love you."
"Goodluck. Love you."
They also said goodbye and just said thank you. That's the time I look at her. She is now running away from us. Minutes pass and the competition started. People are kept cheering and cheering. And when their school called Lennox start to film the camere he brought? I didn't notice that he have that!
"GO! LAUREN!"
They are now cheering when they all started to dance. She is at the center and happily dancing. The first time that I saw her dancing in the crowd. I can feel her happiness same with the man she love. Lennox is now happily watching her while holding a camera.
During the duration of the dance his smiling. Finer and Dalton keep teasing them until the dance end and when the winner announced. He excitedly clap his hand and excuse his self since he'll be going to the backstage. To wait for Neticia.
"Let's go. May sarili na namang mundo ang dalawa. " Dalton laughed. We all follow him exited at the stadium and my attention still at the backstage thinking what they do. Laurence tap my shoulder. "Let's go. Hindi na sila sasabay satin." I just nodded. 'Cause truth to be told hindi na sila sumabay samin. Nalaman na lang namin na may date pala silang dalawa dahil sa posts ni Lennox. He congratulated Neticia. He even gave her a flower. So, para sa kanya pala yung bulaklak kanina.
"Wow. Shit. Hindi ko alam na si Neticia pala yung tinutukoy niya. The sorcerer is that!" Zander said. "Natameme ako. Wala ako masabi."Silver second motion. Just like I imagine they both shock. "You didn't told us, Laurence!" pag-aatake nila sa natatawangsi Laurence. "You didn't ask me, though."
"Alam mo ba ito, Samuel?"I simply nodded. "Wow. We feel betrayed," Zander being O. A. "Kami lang pala ang hindi nakakaalam." Silver added again. They team up. "Pero gumanda siya ha. When is the last time I saw her? Last 6 years go?."
"Nasa tamang tao---Aww!" Silver reacted 'cause Laurence throw him a pillow. He even glance at me. At first Silver is clueless but when he realized he cover his mouth and laugh. An akward laugh.
"Hehe"
I agreed with it. I think Lennox is really a good man between us. They will never have the long relationship and counting if he's not good. But I can still not accept that fact.
After two days. The plan to have a mini outing finally happened. It was 2 hours flight before we headed to Dalton's resort. Yes. Kanina ko lang nalaman na kanila pala yun kaya pala todo welcome samin kanina. No one speak her name so I don't know why she still not here.
With the first day we both rest in the afternoon then do extreme rides for the rest. Them being so sociable. Finer, Laurence, Silver and Zander they even both us girls in our table! They also brought girls for me and Dalton but Dalton curse them loudly at pinaalis ang babae. Yeah. Pinaalis niya sadya. Pinasama ko na rin ang akin. I think hindi pa ri siya nakakamove on sa ex siya. Same with me but the thing is that I can't title her as my ex since we don't hsave the relationship. We only know that time that we really love each other but it's different now.
For the case of Lennox napamessage agad ito kay Neticia at sinabi ang kalokohan. Tumabi pa ito sa'kin kaya hindi sinasadyang nakikita ko ang usapan nila. His lockscreen is Neticia's giggling face and the wallpaper is collage of their photo. Mostly her photo.
From: Beloved
HAHAHA. Send pic of Dalton. Papakita ko kay Silcany.
Maybe Dalton's Ex.
From: Beloved
Kailan uwi mo?
From: Beloved
Daya niyo. Hindi niyo ako sinama!
From:Beloved
Nasa bahay niyo. Gagala daw kami ni Mommy mamaya. Daig😋
From: Beloved
Ate Niyalla gonna sleep here. Baby Niya is here!
From: Beloved
Love ehem Baby. Ehem HAHAHA
From: Beloved
Loveeee. I forgot the magazine:(. Nasa condo. Titingin sana ako ng mga wedding gown hihihi
From: Beloved
Gotta go. Alis na kami nina Mommy mo. Bye. Enjoy, Love. Loveyouuu😘
That was the cue when he stop using his phone. He have the smile on his face. The last message he sent is 'love you too'. He also the first one who excuse his self since he'll call Neticia. Nahingi daw kasi ng video call bago matulog. Napaglokohan naman ito pero tumawa lang ito ng pasimple bago iniwan kami.
The next morning. Nagyaya si Silver na pumunta sa mga souvenir shop baka raw kasi hindi na kami makapunta sa sobrang saya. Lol. I can say that Dalton's resort is excellent. From the place, its view, the people, the food, the service and even the shop it was all nice. Trully one of the best place here in the country.
"Bagay yan sayo." Laurence teased him who is so serious holding a flower dress. Hindi niya pinansin ang pangloloko but he ask for some advice if bagay ba yun kay Neticia. Instead of buying for himself. A lot of things that she buy is for her fiancee. From the shirts, shirt, dress, hat and accessorries. Finer told us na ganun talaga siya. Kapag umaalis hindi pwedeng wala siyang pasalubong kay Neticia. From the start up to now hindi pa rin nagbabago.
"Bro.. " I look at him. May hawak na naman itong isang dress. "You saw my girlfriend right?" Bigla akong nagulat sa tanong niya. Matagal bago ako nakasagot. "Hmm. Yeah?"
"Do you think it's okay for her?" Never in my dreamed that I would do this for her by another man. That's what I do on the past but right now someone do this for her. "Yup. Probably it will look good on her."
"Thanks bro,"
He get another pair of that dresses with different style before looking for another side of the shop. All in all siya yung may pinakamalaking nagastos dahil sa lahat ng shop na napasukan namin lahat may binili siya.
On the evening we came to the resort's bar. Minus Lennox since he's busy talking to Neticia. It's okay to his friend since sanay na naman sila na ganun. They respect Lennox and Neticia's time since they are fiancee. They have the right to talk whenever they want.
On the third day staying here. We do again extreme rides. It is all free courtesy by Dalton so we really try all the offers. Indeed a best service. On the evening we just drink casually talking about things. They are talking, the five of them, while I personally choose not to meddle with them since I am very curious with Lennox amd Neticia.
They are talking and even I know that eavesdropping is bad I still do it since this is the only way to hear her voice again even it cause me too much pain. "I invited you. I told you, you are allowed to come but you refuse, remember?" I saw the way she pouted. One glance and I easily saw their pictured hanging on the wall. "I have class..."
"So don't cry. We'll go again here,"
"I'm not crying. Who told you that I'm crying?" I hear Lennox chuckled. "Daya niyo. Lagot sakin yang si Dalton. Tinaon niya sadya na may klase ako!"
"Where are you know?"
"I'm here at our room. Uuwi ako bukas sa bahay."
"Why?"
"Sinasama ako ni Mommy sa dinner nila pero hindi ako sasama. Kakahiya. Date with friends yun."
"Mom actually invited you,"
"Kahit na. Kaya uuwi na lang muna ko. Babalik ako the other day." he repeatedly nodded. "By the way. Where's the card of our condo?"
I close my eyes. All they say is our.
"Why?"
"May dadaanan ako bukas. Kukuhanin ko na rin labahin natin. Tambak na."
"We'll work on that laundry when I get back?"
"Kelan pa?"
"Miss me?"
"Yah. Super,"
"Hahaha. One more night."
"Aww too long."
"Want me to go home?"
"Ikaw,"
"I'm asking you."
"Why asking me?"
"I want too. You want me?"
"Ako pa sadya tinanong mo. Of course. Miss you."
"Miss you too."
"So where's the card muna?"
"Nasa drawer. Look for it."
In my pheripheral vision I saw Neticia stand. Searching for the card then when she came back on the screen I close my eyes again. "My tummy is aching love."
"You have your period?"
"Yah,"
"That's why you're grumpy."
"No kaya!"
"Whatever HHAHAH. Do you still have your hot compress?"
"Kinuha ko na kanina sa baba. Hindi naman gaano na masakit compared kanina."
"My baby is kawawa,"
"Baby, Love? HAHAH sign na ba?"
"Hahaha lol. You really want na ha?"
"Yah. Million times ko na ata nasabi.. Pero uwi ka muna. Miss na kita argh. It's been 3 days? Tagal mo naman diyan."
"One more night."
"Aww. Love you."
"Hey why are you crying?" may pag-aalala sa boses nito. "Shss. Stop crying."
"It's my mood swing. Too sensitive. I just miss you."
"Miss you too,"
"Yah," I heard Neticia's cry. I feel the sudden move of Lennox so I open my eyes. I saw him standing and start distancing his self to us while still talking to Neticia. "Love. Stop crying. Let's talk until you sleep. I'm just here." the last word I heard from their conversation.
The next morning. Nauna kami ni Laurence bumaba sa breakfast area. Sumunod si Zander and Silver and then Dalton and Finer. We still waiting for Lennox. Normally siya yung nauuna samin.
"Where's Lennox?"
"Hindi niyo ba alam?" we all look to Finer. "The what?"
"He leave the place around 3am? Nagsabi siya sakin na mauuna na siya."
"Why?"
"Miss na si Neticia. I guess." Dalton simply nodded. Okay lang sa kanila na mauna si Lennox since they understand him. As what I said. They respected the two. "Know him naman. Kapag usapang Neticia go agad. Kahit saan man yan." Dalton added. The three glance at me. I still continue eating and chewing my food. "I want that kind of relationship. For four years and half. their love is too strong. From the start until now they still the same." manghang kwento ni Finer. "They love each other." he also added.
I want that kind of relationship too. Minsan na sa'kin si Neticia pero kasalanan ko kung bakit siya nawala. Hindi sapat ang pagmamahal lang dapat may tiwala at respeto sa isa't-isa.
Hindi sapat na mahal mo lang dahil may tiwala ka. I respect her but I am lack on trusting her to the point that I also direspect her.
We continue staying here while I saw Lennox posts that they are together. Si Neticia ang nagpost at nirepost niya ito. I tried to search her account but it was private. So I can only stalk is Lennox account with too many pictures of Neticia.
After we came back from the mini outing. We really cherished every moment here in New York. We spend a lot and stroll around. Minsan na lang sumama si Laurence since his back on working so he allow us to stroll with our own. We're not really new here since we also go here a lot of times everytime that we visited him. And as for me, naging kapitbahay ko na ito since in that past years I always come back here with the purpose. And I am still here again for that reason.
Just like now. Inabangan ko talaga siya sa labas ng university with my disguise. She's with a friend and they are happily talking. I remember what Laurence told me that in that years. When Neticia came here in New York she became aloof. Hindi lumalabas at nagkukulong lang sa kwarto. Afraid to go outside and to socialize since she is afraid that people will recognize who she is with that video. For one year. Nahirapan siyang makisalamuha sa mga tao. Hindi siya nanonood ng TV or even holding a phone may trauma siya kaya it is a miracle that one time lumabas ito at nagsabi na gusto niyang mag-aral ulit. With the guidance and support of her family she try to regain again. Day by day. Month by month and that years nabawi na niya ang sarili niya. She have the confidence now and back to being active again.
Just like now. She is comfortably again in socialzing.
"To the bus station, Lauren?" I remember that she hate people calling her with her second name but look at now. Most people used to call her by that. "No. Lennox will come here I already informed him. Any minute now his here."
"Oww. Cute,"
"Text Dalton---
"Stop saying bad words, Lauren!" Neticia laugh. Dalton? Maybe this is the girl that Dalton talking about. His ex.
Accidentally I caught the girl looking at me so I act that i was not looking at them. Shit. I saw in my peripheral vision that she whisper something to Neticia and they both look to us. Mabubuking pa ata ako.
"Let's change place. Let's go,"
Fuck.
They walk away far from me. Tinalikuran pa ako! Wala sa oras na napapasok ako sa coffee shop para tanaw ko pa rin sila. I'm look line a stalker here with bad agenda. Remove the bad because my only agenda is too saw her.
Only her not her with Lennox. Not her while hugging him. Not her while kissing and not her while excited meeting him. She runs to Lennox side, kiss and hug. That should be me. That was me before but now. The only thing that I can do is to watched them. The moment they leave. That's the time that I feel being lonely again.
How can I move on if I still holding on?
One morning came here filled with snow. Malakas ang pag-ulan ng snow sa labas. Balot na balot ang dalawa ng jacket and knowing Zander mahinaito sa lamig. He said that it was his greatest weakness 'cause he can't really enjoy the snow. Too much exposed on it, the next day he has fever. Just like now jacket is not the only answer but he had also blanket while cursing repeatedly. We have plan pa naman later since we are going to eat dinner outside with Finer. Lennox said his pass since may pupuntahan sila ni Neticia so the six of us only but we're wrong. When we came inside the restaurant we saw him with Finer and Dalton.
"I though you're not gonna come?" Laurence first asked. "I'm waiting for Neticia. HE only have a meeting."
"Okay. Umorder na kayo?"
"Were waiting for you," this time Dalton answered. He lend us the menu. "You're trembling Zander," Silver said after we tell the waiter our order. Zander now is a little bit shaking. "Too cold man." he said while hugging himself. He had two jacket but still feeling cold so Silver lend his jacket same with Finer.
While we' re talking about something. My eye caugh a very familiar person. Sunod ko na lang naramdaman ang pagtayo ni Lennox at ang paglabas nito. "Ow. Lauren's here." with the announcement of Finer. My friend immediately look at me. They all caught me looking outside.
Looking Neticia. Her face glowed when she saw Lennox. He immediately run and surrender her self to him. He even hide onto his jacket. She's like that before but the only thing is she is more happy right now. Kung masaya na siya sakin dati. Mas masaya siya ngayon. Mas tumindi ang tingin ng tatlo ng maglakad ang dalawa papasok sa loob. Papunta kung nasaan kami.
My eyes remain looking where they are a while ago 'cause I don't know where to stand the moment that we saw each other. She sit in front of me and the surprise expression is very visible on her face. What I feel for her boost more when I saw her again face to face after six years. I thought I love her from afar but meeting in person I proved to myself that indeed my love for her is beyond. Seeing her now after long years I miss her a lot. I miss her more.
I want to hug how I used to.
I want to kiss how I used to.
But I just can't.
Wala na akong karapatan dahil matagal na kaming tapos but for me she remained on my heart. She's still the one.
She removed her stare at me then move to Zander and Silver. She is shock but she still gave the two a smile before she smiles me a little bit because Lennox caught her attention. "You left you gloves at my car. I forgot to bring it to."
"Who's fault is that now?" Lennox just shook his head while placing his own gloves to Neticia since our food is not still here. I diverted my eyes somewhere the moment that she kiss Lennox cheeks infront of us!
Putcha.
"Pasintabi po. May kasama kayo." pagrereklamo ni Finer sa dalawa. "Oh andyan pala kayo," the same line she said at the University. "Kaya hindi kita sinama sa resort eh." Dalton teased but the table turned when Neticia fireback using Dalton's ex name. Lennox stop her so she only pouted then simply hug him in the side. Umayos pa ng upo si Lennox sa gustong mangyari ni Neticia.
The fucking shit. Sa harap ko pa talaga!
"Hay naku. Mga hindi nakikinig." instead of answering Dalton she only rolled her eyes then smile. A playfull one. She's very comfortable doing and acting what she want infront of me while me? I don't know what should I act. She really move on while still I'm stuck on my own feelings.
"Love.. Saan tayo uuwi mamaya?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"Samin muna?"
"Okay. Do we have enough clothes in your room?"
"I think so too." She then glance to Laurence. "Kuya Laurence pinapasabi nga pala ni Mama punta ka sa bahay mamaya."
"Why?"
"Don't know. Tumawag lang naman sakin kanina nung nasa bahay pa ako ni Lennox."
"Okay. Remind me that again."
"Sabay ka na samin mamaya. Sa bahay kami uuwi mamaya."
"Manners please" Finer teased again. Neticia look to Lennox again at point Finer. "Fire him nga!"
"Foul, Lauren!"
"Your fired," walang ganang sunod ng fiancee niya. Nagkaroon ng tawanan sa lugar pero hindi ko nagawang makitawa. I have my own problem to deal now.
After the dinner. Laurence never try to invite us since he knows that I don't have the good relationship with his family so he lend us to drive his car. Magpapahatid na lang daw siya sa dalawa. Nauna akong pumasok sa kwarto at hindi ko naman inaasahan na maririnig kong may pinag-uusapan ang dalawa.
"Can't believe na ikakasal na si Neticia!" with the voice of Zander I know he's surprise. Same with Silver. "Same here. Dati lang nakikita natin na hindi mapaghiwalay si Samuel at Neticia--
"Gago! Hinaan mo boses mo. Marinig ka ni Samuel!" saway ni Zander. "Tangina oo nga pala---pero totoo naman. Kakapanibago ngayon. Neticia being inlove with another man."
"Deserved naman niya after what happen to her kita mo naman kung paano siya nahirapan. Nakita rin naman natin kung gaano naghirap si Lennox that time. Even his company face an issue because on what he did. Tingnan mo naman hindi nagpatinag."
"Ewan ko ba. Halata naman na mahal nila ang isa't-isa masaya na ako para sa kanila."
"I hope Samuel too. Even he didn't said about what his feeling. I know she still love her. I hope one day magising na siya."
I hope too.
But right now I still know what I feel and that is I am still in love with her.