"I think you need stitches." Edmund mutters under his breath. We've returned to our room, and I already cleaned off my face. He holds my hand in his, looking at the clean slice from all angles.
"Stitches? It's not that serious."
He looks at me incredulously and rolls his eyes, "It's like you try to get injured just so you can not take care of it. Speaking of, your back?"
"It's okay, surprisingly." I quip.
"Are there any bandages on it?" He asks seriously. I look at him shamefully and laugh. "Y/N!"
"What? You were too busy throwing a temper tantrum to help me, so what was I supposed to do?" I raise my eyebrows at him and he looks away.
"Don't remind me." He bends down beside me and reaches into the bathroom cabinet, coming back with the roll of bandages, my best friend and my worst enemy.
As he wraps the cut on my hand—I guess he decided stitches weren't necessary—I study his face. The focused look he has, his dark hair falling onto his forehead. I'm going to miss him so much. But after everything, I know he doesn't feel the same about me. Not anymore.
"So...you're not mad about all that Peter stuff anymore?" I ask softly, trying to fill the silence.
"I think I'm just concerned with bigger things at the moment." He huffs, and I don't push the topic. He finishes my hand in silence, smoothing the bandage carefully. "Turn around." He stifles, unrolling more of the crisp white material.
I hesitate for a second, then do as he says. He lifts up my shirt like he did once before, a time that seems so long ago, and my breath hitches in my throat when his cold hands press to the skin of my back. I feel his hair graze my shoulder a few times as he sets to work, spreading the soft gauze over my healing wounds.
"I have no idea how this isn't infected." He says quietly, his mouth not far from my ear, "We even swam in that lake."
"Yeah, I know." I'm not sure what else to say, the only thing I can really focus on anymore is the proximity between the two of us. It's dizzying. He soon pulls back and drops my shirt down, relieving me of the struggle.
"Can you show me what the next step is now?" He reaches past me to sit the bandages on the counter, and at the same time I spin around to face him. His nose bumps against mine and he quickly pulls back, clearing his throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and walk out of the room, like doing so will make that entire exchange, that fraction of a second, disappear.
"Yeah, I'll show you." I rub my temple in embarrassment and go into our bedroom, grabbing the spell book from my bedside table. When I go back into the living room he sits on the couch, face red and hands fidgeting.
I hand him the opener book, and Lucy's helpful flower diagram falls out from in between the pages into his lap. I grab it as he examines the new step we've been given, my fingers grazing the fabric of his pants.
"You already know what flower it is?" He questions, eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah, I talked to Lucy today. There's only one type of flower in Narnia that blooms uber the full moon. It's this." I hand him the labeled picture and he studies it.
"Brugsmania?" He asks, testing the word on his mouth. He looks at the diagram a while longer before leveling with me, "Did you ask her when the next full moon is? It could be a while..."
"It's tomorrow."
He blinks at me a few times, my words settling over him, "Tomorrow? That's...soon."
"I know." I smile nervously, "I can't believe it." I settle back into the couch, and then something amazing happens. Eva bounds over to me and leaps onto my lap, purring and rubbing her head into my chest.
I have to leave her.
The realization hits me at once and it takes a lot a
of strength to not start crying. He moves on from me to Edmund, who smiles when she nuzzles her face into his neck.
"It's good to know she'll be well taken care of when I'm gone." I say, trying to sound as not-sad as possible. Edmund doesn't say anything, only pets her until she falls fast asleep in his lap, crumpling the flower diagram that rests there. I carefully pull it and the spell book out from under her and stand up.
"I think it's time I go to bed."
"Okay, I'll be in in a minute. Good night. Last one in Narnia!"
A forced a smile is my only response, and then leave him and Eva on the couch. I throw myself into the bed and bury my face in the pillow, anxiety coursing through my veins. I think of tomorrow, of leaving, a new world, new opportunities. I am going to miss this country and the people in it. But I know I have to leave.
—
After many restless hours, tossing and turning, resisting to urge to curl up in Edmund's arms, I fall asleep. Morning comes quickly, and I think I would be exhausted if it weren't for how nervous I am. I may have until midnight before the flowers will even begin to bloom, but the prospect still puts me on edge.
I sit up in this bed for the last time ever, placing my feet on the ground and looking around me. Edmund is still asleep, his hair stuck to his temple and his face peaceful. It's the last time I'll ever see him sleep, the last time I'll see his face in the streaming morning light. So I decide to appreciate it.
I shiver and slip back into bed, pressing my back against him despite the scratching pain that still throbs there anytime it touches something. Still sleeping, his arm hooks over my hips and pulls me against him, nestling his face into my shoulder. I find myself wondering if he would do this if he was awake and conscious, but I also find that I don't care. All of this will be insignificant in less than 24 hours. None of it will matter.
I fall back asleep easily. We both wake up some time later, and I'm still held close to him.
"Morning." He mumbles groggily next to my ear. Just as I'm about to snuggle closer to him, Edmund pulls his arm away. He stands up, stretching and yawning.
I gaze up at him, "Today is a big day."
"Very big."
"Are you excited to finally get ride of me?" I smart, remembering that this had all originally started as Edmund's attempt at being rid of me and my attempt at escape. I don't know if the motives have changed.
He frowns but doesn't say anything, walking out into the living room. I lay staring at the ceiling, thinking, wow, I'm never going to look at this ceiling again after today. Very deep philosophical thoughts, I know, but for some reason things like this feel significant to me.
"I got you this." Edmund's words make me sit up, leaning back on a few pillows.
"Breakfast?" I question, noticing the full tray in his hand.
"Well, yes but also..." He slides into the bed next to me, sitting the tray on my lap. He takes a dainty gold chain out of his pocket and dangles it in front of my face. A dragon tooth is set into the necklace, held by thin gold wire fastened around it. I gape at him, unable to find words.
"It's one of the extra dragon teeth. You grabbed like, a hundred."
I smile gratefully and snatch the necklace from his hand, examining it, "This is beautiful." I manage, poking my finger on the tooth's sharp tip.
"It's so you'll never, ever forget the noble king who helped you have a better life." He says sarcastically.
"I don't think I could forget you even if I tried."
We eat breakfast together, talking and laughing, I try to avoid the topic of leaving as much as possible.
The day drags on.
—
When it's time for Caspian's training session, Edmund goes buy I don't. It makes sense that I wouldn't, given our argument turned sword fight, but it would be suspicious if Edmund didn't go.
I sit in our room the whole time, having nothing to think about except for the last journey that Edmund and I will embark on when he returns. I'm more anxious than ever, studying maps repeatedly and inspecting the diagram of the flower time and time again.
Eventually, he comes back, sweaty and wearing a nervous smile. My hand wanders to the new necklace situated around my neck.
"Are you ready?" He asks, disappearing into our room to change as quickly as possible.
"I think so." I breathe out when he returns. I feel like a fist is closing around my throat and—I'm not anxious anymore, just sad.
I pick up Eva and hold her close to me, she purrs into my ear and nuzzles my shoulder. I cry into her fur as quietly as possible and wipe the tears before Edmund can see.
"Bye Eva." I whisper hoarsely, "I love you." She meows in return and I drop her back to the couch, sniffing.
"Everything okay?" Edmund asks from the door.
"It will be." I turn and walk toward him, giving my room one last once-over. Both of us have swords hilted on our hips and I have a secret book tucked into my pants, for the last time.
—
We ride away quickly and in silence, no one sees us go. He's ahead of me the whole time, so I occasionally press my face into my horse's mane and sob. Then I get my bearings and realize this is the last time I'll ride through this country, so I need to savor every single tear-blurred moment. It's absolutely freezing, so wind stings my eyes painfully. I relish in it.
We get to the portal and begin the search. We examine every closed flower, looking for leaves that match the diagram, blooms that could one day be the same shape as the Brugsmania I have memorized in my mind. Hours pass, and the sun is gone. Stars twinkle in the inky dark of the sky.
"Y/N, does this look right?" Edmund calls me over and I walk to him, almost stumbling in my nerves. I take one of the leaves in my palm and he holds up the diagram next to it. Perfect match.
I take a stuttering breath, "That's it. That's the flower."
"So now we wait." He plops down on the ground and stairs at the bloom. We sit in silence for a bit, which I hate because then I have to think and thinking makes me nervous.
"What's your plan for when you get to England?" He finally asks, filling the void of quiet.
I consider this for a second. I've thought about it several times, but find it hard to think clearly when my mind is occupied on other things. "I want to find a city. Like the one you mentioned—what's it called?"
"Finchley." He laughs, "You would think you would know that by now, how much you look at those maps." Of course I knew it, I just wanted to hear him laugh, to make fun of me one last time.
His laughter is cut short because the object of our focus starts to change. The buds begin to open, creating beautiful trumpets of deep orange and heavy pink. We watch them bloom silently, our shoulders touching and shivering in the bitter cold of a winter night.
When the process is done, Edmund reaches out and plucks one of the blooms away. He silently turns and so do I, our faces centimeters away. He hands the bloom to me and our fingers touch. He stands up and overs me a hand, I take it and stand with him. I release his hand, because this is the last time I will see him. I don't need to make this harder than it already is. Together we walk over to the portal. I am silent, nervous, and sad.
When we reach it, I kneel and break the long petals away from the bloom, placing them where they need to be. I hold the last one for a second in the air, knowing that the second I drop it in, the portal will be opened. I stand up, petal held carefully in between my fingers.
"I guess this is it, then." I look at him sadly, blinking away tears. If this will make everything good, why does it feel so bad? I remind myself of why I am leaving. Caspian, arranged marriage, Peter, Selene, the list goes on.
"I guess so." He takes me by the shoulders and hugs me close to him, so tight I think my ribs might break. I don't care. I'm fact, I welcome it. "Do something great. On Earth. Make the most of your time there."
"I will." I sigh, a tear slipping from my eye to his shoulder. "Goodbye, Edmund." He doesn't feel how he used to, there would be no point in staying, you have to do this, you have to.
Hands shaking, I kneel again. The last petal quivers between my fingers and I feel like I can't release it. I won't. But I do. It dwindles down to join the others. I step back and watch the portal expectantly, grabbing the spell book and clutching it close to my chest nervously.
Absolutely nothing happens.
"Why didn't it work?" I gape, feeling like something is wrong. Something is definitely wrong. Edmund furrows his eyebrows, stepping forward and sweeping his hand where a portal should be.
"It didn't work. Wait—open the book." He comes to stand in front of me and I flip through the book, my hands sweaty and twitching. I get to the page.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Congratulations! You finished the spell, you found the flower shaped like a bell. You must know that you'll be missed,
The last words make my heart leap to my throat, and I slap my hand over my mouth.
To activate this portal, you need the power of a true love's kiss.
"What is it?" Edmund questions worriedly, grabbing for the book. I pull it away from him. This can't be happening. Cannot be happening. "Give it to me Y/N!" I hand him the book timidly and stare at the ground as he reads it.
Do I love Edmund? Do I? I don't know for sure, and there is no way I will kiss him not knowing. What if I do and it still doesn't work? Then we're just left standing here? Would he have to love me too in order for the portal to be activated?
"Selene!" I exclaim suddenly, "Selene—she loves you. And she'll do anything to get rid of me. We can go—"
"No, she doesn't love me." He pushes the book back into my hands and meets my eyes. "It wouldn't work."
"What are we going to do?" I have no idea. And I was so close. So close.
And then, suddenly, Edmund's hands are gripping my face and he's kissing me so desperately and deeply I can't even think straight. I can't do anything but kiss him back, my free hand tugging his hair.
His hands move down to my shoulders and he pulls away, looking at me for a seconds before kissing me again. Harder, faster. I feel like I'm on fire.
We'll figure this out, I think, I'll stay in Narnia and Edmund and I will figure everything out. It will be perfect.
I pull away from him to tell him all of these things, and his grip tightens on my shoulders.
"I'll miss you so much." It takes me a second to realize there are tears streaming down his face. But I'm not leaving, Edmund.
I notice the portal beside me, alive. It looks like the reflection of stars in a deep sea has been suspended in air, swirling around, welcoming me. He loves me. It's ready for me to walk through. But I will not go.
I never get the chance to tell Edmund this, though, because his grip tightens again. He shoves me back, and I fall through the swimming stars,
I land in the same forest, an entire world away. Not in Narnia anymore, on Earth.