Me: Ben... You're adopted.
Ben: Oh...
Me: By me. Sign here.
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Darius: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Ben: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Yaz: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Ben, learn to listen.
Sammy: What if it bites itself and I die?
Brooklynn: That's voodoo.
Kenji: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Ben: That's correlation, not causation.
Sammy: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Brooklynn: That's kinky.
Darius: Oh my God.
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**the squad standing around a broken walkie-talkie at camp**
Darius: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Ben: ... I did. I broke it.
Darius: No, no you didn't. Yaz?
Yaz: Don't look at me. Look at Brooklynn.
Brooklynn: What?! I didn't break it!
Yaz: Funny. How'd you even know it was broken?
Brooklynn: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.
Yaz: ... Suspicious.
Brooklynn: No, it's not!
Sammy: If it matters, probably not, but Kenji was the last one to use it.
Kenji: Liar! I don't really even use that stuff!
Sammy: Oh, really? Then what were you doing next to it earlier?
Kenji: I mess with it to entertain myself. Everyone knows that, Sammy!
Ben: Okay, let's not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it Darius.
Darius: No! Who broke it?
Everyone:
Brooklynn: Darius... Yaz has been awfully quiet.
Yaz: rEALLY?!
**everyone starts arguing**
Darius, being interviewed: I broke it. It wasn't working so I punched it.
Darius: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll all go at each other looking like Ben.
Darius:
Darius: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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Sammy: Hewwo.
Brooklynn: Hihiiii!!
Yaz: Greetings, humans.
Ben: Three kinds of people.
Darius: I want pudding.
Ben: Four kinds of people.
Kenji: WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS-
Ben: Five kinds of people.
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Sammy: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Brooklynn: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Sammy: Mhm!
Yaz: I feel a bit bad for you.
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Yaz: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?!
Darius: Someone that fell from a train and has a pet dinosaur.
Yaz, desperately, as Darius bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE!
Darius: Oh, uh, red.
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Darius: If me and Kenji were drowning, who would you save?
Yaz: You guys can't swim?
Darius: It's a hypothetical question! Who would you save?
Yaz: My time and energy.
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Sammy: I made tea.
Darius: I don't want tea.
Sammy: It isn't for you.
Darius: Then why'd you say you made tea?
Sammy: It's a conversation starter.
Darius: That's a pretty bad conversation starter.
Sammy: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
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Yaz: **taps table**
Brooklynn: **taps back**
Ben: What are they doing?
Sammy: Morse code.
Yaz: **aggressively taps table**
Brooklynn: **slams table** YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
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Brooklynn: You use humor to deflect trauma.
Kenji: Thanks.
Brooklynn: That's not a good thing.
Kenji: What I heard, was you think I'm funny.
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Kenji: I just found out the 'bad vibes' I feel are actually signs of severe psychological stress.
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Ben: **kicks down the door, looking panicked**
Darius: What did you do?
Ben: Nobody died.
Darius: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
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Kenji: Is stabbing someone illegal?
Ben: Depends if they've consented to it.
Yaz: Depends on who you're stabbing.
Brooklynn: YES?!?!?
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Ben, holding a snake: Guys, I accidentally made a baby snake imprint on me. What do I name it?
Darius: You did WHAT?!
Yaz: William Snakespeare.
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Sammy: Change is inedible.
Yaz: Don't you mean inevitable?
Sammy, spitting out a concerning amount of coins: No, I don't.
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Sammy: Do you ever wanna talk about your emotions, Yaz?
Yaz: No.
Ben: I do!
Sammy: I know, Ben.
Ben: I'm sad!
Sammy: I know, Ben.
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Darius: I kinda like this 'bad guy, good guy' thing you guys have going on.
Yaz: It isn't an act. It's just that I'm mean and Sammy isn't.
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Darius: Violence isn't the answer.
Ben: You're right.
Ben: It's a question.
Darius: Wait-
Ben, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Darius, running after him: NO-
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Kenji: If you had to choose between Brooklynn and the amount of money in my pocket, which would you choose?
Yaz: That depends, how much money are we talking?
Brooklynn: Yaz!
Kenji: 63 cents.
Yaz: I'll take the money.
Brooklynn: YAZ!!
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That's it for now!