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CHAPTER 4
『Attack of the Lady Manager!』
❝I keep having the same dream... Over and over again.❞
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"SHINJIRO-KUN! YOU LOOK so handsome on your kimono!" Yukiko Okada, one of Shinjiro's regular guest's squealed.
"Yeah! It suits you really well!" Airi Bando, another of his regular guest's agreed.
"Ah, thank you so much. I see that you're looking as beautiful as ever, ladies." Shinjiro said, using one of the phrases Tamaki taught him.
He bowed at the girls and approached Haruhi, who was talking — listening to Kyoya threaten her, "Hello, Kyoya-sama!" One girl with curly brown hair said, "I can't get over how great you look in that kimono. Are you planning on releasing new picture books of the Host Club?"
"Unfortunately, we don't have anything planned right now, ladies." He smiled.
The twins peeked through the paper wall, "But doesn't the club make a lot of money? From the sale of promotional items?" They asked.
Kyoya turned around, "That's true, but the items are poor quality. Those picture books were full of nothing but amateur hidden camera shots. However, if you want to create some higher quality money making products, I'm afraid we'd have to draw money from the school's budget." He took out a calculator, "Hmmm..."
'If it wasn't for him, the Host Club would be broke.' Shinjiro thought, sitting down next to Haruhi, who smiled at him.
"Haru-chan, Shin-chan!" Honey said, "I don't know how but I lost one of my sandals!" He cried, and the two honor students approached him.
"But senpai, weren't you just wearing them?" Shinjiro asked. Mori approached Honey and took his ankle, putting on Honey's lost sandal on his feet. "Takashi..."
"I noticed that you dropped it." Mori said, and Honey happily hugged him.
"Tadashiiii!"
"Looks like tears are popular with the ladies today." Haruhi told Shinjiro, who nodded.
"But how are they able to cry so easily?" Shinjiro asked before bumping into Kaoru and making him drop a small bottle of eye drops.
Haruhi picked it up, "What's this?" She asked with a sweatdrop.
"For your information, it's common for a Host to use eye drops." Hikaru informed.
"No woman alive could resist a man on the brink of tears." Kaoru smirked.
"That's cheating." Haruhi told them, making Hikaru put one arm around her, "Oh don't be such a party pooper!"
"Here, Haruhi, Shinjiro." Kaoru took out two small fancy candies, "These are for you." He handed them to the pair.
"For us?" Shinjiro asked cutely.
"Aren't you the cutest?" The twins smiled.
Two girls approached Shinjiro with heart eyes, "I didn't know you liked sweets, Shinjiro!"
Shinjiro nodded, "Well, I like them a lot, but I'm going to give this to mom. She likes them more than I do. And she works really hard so it can count as a reward."
Tamaki approached him, "How admirable of you! Such devotion to your mother! Please Shinjiro, take as many of these as you like!" He started putting several of the same fancy candies on his hands.
Haruhi stared at them with a blank face, "Let me guess, the tears are fake." She said, causing Tamaki to pause and turn to her.
"How could you?! My tears are always genuine, Haruhi! Being able to cry without the use of eye drops is the mark of the true host." Tamaki turned to Shinjiro once again, "Tell me, do I impress you? Have you fallen for me yet?"
"Sorry senpai, but I haven't." Shinjiro said.
"My romantic overdose doesn't seem to be reaching you for some reason. Perhaps I should add a little more penage to my character!" Tamaki said and extended a hand towards Shinjiro, only to stop when he noticed a girl peeking through a wall.
"Looks like the Host Club has a brand new guest." The twins said, also staring at the newcomer. They then approached her, "Come on in, what are you waiting for?" Kaoru offered a rose to her, "Watching from afar is no fun," Hikaru offered her another, "Please miss."
Tamaki suddenly appeared behind the girl, "Stop that. How many times do I have to tell you boys to be more curtious to out first time guests?" He turned to the girl with a chraming smile and took her chin, "Please, you don't have to be afraid, my princess. I welcome you to the Ouran Host Club."
The girl seemed to want to say something, and Tamaki noticed, "Yes?"
And suddenly, she smaked his face, "No! Don't touch me, you phony!" That surprised all of the hosts.
"What do you mean?! I'm phony?!" Tamaki said with tears on his eyes.
"Just what I said!" The girl pointed at him, "You're phony! I find it hard to believe that someone like you is the prince character of this Host Club! You shouldn't be spreading your love around so easily like that you stupid!" An arrow pierced through Tamaki's back, "You must be a dimwit and a narcissist!" Another arrow. "You're incompetent!" Another one. "You're a commoner!" Another, "You're disgusting!" Another one. Critical hit!
"I don't suppose you are..." Kyoya started, not minding his friend's 'death'.
The girl stared at him surprised before she cried and ran to him, "It's you! Kyoya!" She threw herself at him. Of course, not before stepping on Tamaki. "Oh how I longed to meet you! My one and only prince charming!"
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"Your fiancée? Kyoya-senpai?!"
The girl in from of them smiled, "Of course! My name is Renge Houshakuji and I'm transfering into Ouran Academy's first year class A tomorrow."
The hosts stared at the sulking Tamaki, "Why is he sulking?" Shinjiro asked.
"Because mommy was keeping a secret from daddy." Kaoru chuckled.
"Whatever. Why is everyone insisting on refering to us like we're husband and wife?" Kyoya asked.
Renge took their attention once again, "Oh this is a story of love at first sight! I couldn't resist the way you were adoring those flowers in the backyard when you thought no one else was looking! And how sweet it was when you reached out to that poor little injured kitten!" Renge blushed.
"Do you have the wrong person?" Shinjiro innocently asked.
"No way! I could recognize my love anywhere!" Renge yelled at him, "He's a gentlemen who's kind to everyone and doesn't ask anything in return! He likes solitude but in fact sometimes he gets lonely! He looks like the star of the popular dating sim 'Uki Doki Memorial'! You're my real life Ichijo Miyabi!" She pointed at Kyoya, making everyone pause.
"Uki... Doki?"
"Otaku!" Tamaki suddenly yelled.
"Otaku?!" Hikaru widened his eyes.
"I've never seen one!" Kaoru exclaimed.
Kyoya put a hand on his chin, "I get it now. You're in love with that character. You're projecting that love onto me and somehow deluded yourself into thinking that we're engaged. I assume this Miyabi character probably wears glasses as well." He concluded.
"So she... Made it up?" You're not really her fiancée, right?" Tamaki asked from behind the couch Kyoya was sitting.
"Well no. I don't remember asking for her hand in marriage." Kyoya crossed his arms, "Besides, this is the first time I've ever met the woman."
Tamaki sighed, glad that his platonic wife wasn't actually engaged.
"According to my research I understand that you're in charge of managing the club. Is that true Kyoya-sama?"
"That's right! Kyo-chan is our director!" Honey told the female.
"You're the club's director? That's perfect! Oh wow, I've always wanted to wear a sandwich board to advertise a business."
The twins stared at her with blank faces, "We don't advertise, we're just a host club."
Renge ignored them, "I made up my mind. For now on, I'm gonna be the manager of this Host Club!"
"Umm... Listen Kyoya." Tamaki said.
"Miss Houshakuji is the only daughter of a very important Ootori Family client. So please be polite and try not to offend her, alright?" He interrupted Tamaki, who looked like a kicked puppy.
Renge smiled at all of them, "Well boys, I can't wait to work with you!"
.
.
.
"I though about it last night, and maybe having a lady manager isn't such a bad idea." Tamaki told the club members.
"Why do you say that?" The twins asked.
"Well, it's fairly obvious, isn't it? Renge transfered into the same class as Haruhi, so if Harhui has a girl friend around, it could bring out the female within her. Renge's girlish air of tenderness might be able to stimulate Haruhi's own sense of femininity. Now's our chance to help Haruhi get in touch with her feminine side, this is an important project, men! She doesn't have any female friends in class right now except for this two shady twins! That's no good for her! And our lovely Shinjiro, but he doesn't count!"
"Like you have room to talk." The twins muttered.
Then the door suddenly opened and the female peeked through it, "Hey everyone, you'll be happy to know that your new manager Renge has baked all of you some cookies!"
Tamaki appeared in front of her, "Oh, isn't she lady like! I'm so moved by your generousity—"
"I didn't bake this cookies for you you phony prince." Renge told Tamaki, who went to his emo corner. The female approached Kyoya, "I'm sorry I burnt them a little bit. I did the best I could, and I already know what you're going to say."
"Anything that you make for me is going to taste delicious, my dear." The Kyoya inside Renge's mind said, "Aww, you're always so sweet to me Kyoya!"
Honey ate one, "She wasn't kidding this cookies really are burnt." He said and Mori ran to him.
"Don't eat that Mitsukuni, it's bad for you."
That comment made Renge mad.
"Wahhh! She's scaryyy!" Honey cried out.
Haruhi stared at them while holding the bag of cookies. She then took a bite out of one, "They're not that bad at all. They've got a good flavour to them." Hikaru approached her and took a bite of the same cookie she had on her mouth.
"You're right, Haruhi-san. They just need more sugar, though." Shinjiro said, also taking a bite out of one. Kaoru pat his head, "Oh Shinjiro, you've got crumbs on your face." And he licked him.
"You could have just told me and I would have wiped it off, Kaoru-san." Shinjiro said, touching the spot Kaoru licked while ignoring the yelling Tamaki, who was cursing out on the twins.
"That's not the way you're supposed to react, Shinjiro! You have to stay strong and reject them and then casually brush them to the side!" Tamaki told him, "Do you understand?!"
"Tamaki-senpai, this could easily count as sexual harrassment." Haruhi told Tamaki, who was holding Shinjiro's face with both of his hands.
"Sexual harrassment?! If that comes to sexual harrassment then they're twice as guilty! Someone call the police!" Tamaki yelled.
"Cut it out boss, we're sorry." The twins told him
Honey then approached Renge. "Renge-chan, Renge-chan! Want some? It's milk." He held up a cute cup filled with warm milk.
"Lukewarm..." Renge muttered. "Huh?"
"Every single one of you, except for Kyoya! All of your characters are lukewarm!" Renge yelled, pointing at them. "Each of you needs to have some sort of dark side, you understand? Girls are vulnerable to handsome young man who are troubled. If you keep going on lke this it's only a matter of time before the girls get tired of you and stop coming all together! Are you trying to ruing my precious Kyoya-sama's business?! As your manager, it's my duty to change your character backgrounds!"
She then pointed at Honey, who screamed in fear and hugged Mori closer to him, "If all you are is cute inside and out then you're no diferent than a baby! Therefore, from now on you're the baby faced thug! And Mori-senpai you're his childhoor friend, the flunkie! The twins will be basketball players who are enslaved in their own world. Haruhi-kun, you're an honor student who's constantly being bullied. Tamaki-senpai, you're the school idol who's admired for your good looks but you actually have an inferiority complex you're hiding from the world. The lonely prince."
Tamaki widened his eyes.
"And as for you, Shinjiro-kun, you're the other honor student who seems emotionally stable but in reality is depressed because your crush, the lonely prince, seems so out of reach!" She said before turning to Kyoya, "And Kyoya-sama you're perfect just the way you are now! So I want you to stay as kind and affectionate as ever, 'kay?"
"Thank you, I'm honored."
A bright light shined on Tamaki as he said, "The lonely prince... It's true, that title is perfect for me!"
'Right, that couldn't be further from the truth.' Shinjiro thought.
The twins approached Kyoya and bent him down to their level, "Come on, Kyoya-senpai! You've gotta do something!"
"Why? It seems like the boss is up for it." Kyoya pointed at Tamaki, who was trying to fit in the role of the lonely prince.
"How is this Renge? Do you think this poses work... For a lonely prince?" Tamaki dramatically asked.
"Oh wow! You're pretty good, Tamaki-senpai! But you know, it would be even more effective if you were standing in the rain."
The twins groaned.
"Let's just wait and see how things turn out. I bet it will be interesting, it always is." Kyoya smirked.
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Girls where cheering on Hikaru, who just scored a point. The male cheered before turning around and seeing Kaoru, his twin brother, on the floor.
"Get a stretcher, take him to the infirmary immediately!" The coach said.
Hikaru approached his brother, who was surrounded by his teammates, "Kaoru!" He yelled, "Kaoru!"
"You've got to get back in the game Hikaru, we need you." One male said, grabbing Hikaru's arm only for the male to push him off, "Shut up!"
"Hikaru..." Kaoru whimpered, "Listen to me. Please don't worry, there's nothing you can do. You can't share my pain." He reached out to Hikaru's face and gently held it, "You're not the one who got hurt. Now go on."
Hikaru started crying, "I can't! It hurts. It hurts, Kaoru!
"Your pain is my pain. It doesn't matter to me if no one else understands. As long as we have each other we can go on living." A voice of a female was heard as the scenario changed, showing a blonde male in the middle of the rain.
"I'm sorry. But I'm envious." Tamaki said, staring at the twins, "The way the two of you support each other like that..."
"But Suoh-senpai..." Hikaru trailed off.
"How can you be envious of us?" Kaoru asked, "You're the school's idol!"
"An idol, right." Tamaki moved the hair out of his face, "I hate that people worship me for something so superficial as my appereance. I think it would be much better for me to be alone."
The same female started talking again, "One lonely heart meets another, they pass each other, wound in one another, unaware of the newly broken hearts."
Shinjiro was now seen, staring at Tamaki through the window, "So close yet so far..." He murmured, hugging his guitar close, "I can only wonder if he'll ever notice me... If he'd want to be with someone as pathetic as me..." He turned to look at the melody he composed for his crush.
"What are the hearts of these young men made of?" The scene changed and Haruhi could be seen running.
She paused to take a breather, not knowing that that was a big mistake on her part, "You can't run away forever." She heard Honey say from behind her, making her quickly turn around and gasp, falling to the floor.
"I'm gonna show you what happens to anyone that crosses me." Honey said.
"Don't do it Mitsukuni, you should have realized by now that whenever you hurt others, you're really just hurting yourself." Mori told him.
"I didn't ask you for any advice. You want me to punch you with my knee again?" Honey retorted.
"Will it the the light of salvation that ultimately awaits this boys? Or will it be something else?" The narrator said.
"You know, it really pisses me off when people don't know their place." Honey smirked.
But that smirk was washed off his face immediately once he started crying, throwing himself at Haruhi, "I'm so sorry Haru-chan! I can't do this anymore!"
"CUT, CUT, CUT!" Renge yelled, "What's wrong with you?! You gotta stick to the script!"
"But I can't!" Honey yelled back, still hugging Haruhi.
Renge turned to one of the staff members, "Stop rolling, cameraman!"
"Yes boss!"
"I want the rain to make things more tragic!" Renge exclaimed.
Shinjiro sighed as he walked towards Haruhi, who was now drying herself off, "Why is there an entire film crew to shot it?" She asked.
Kyoya smiled, "Apparently, she flew them in from Hollywood. Don't you recognize the director? He directed the vampire movie 'millennium snow'. It was the number one grossing box office hit in America last year."
"And another thing, how come the stupid script portrays Kaoru as the pitcher?" Hikaru slapped his script.
Haruhi looked over them with a confused face, "What does that mean?" She asked.
"There's no need to know what that means Haruhi." Shinjiro told the female, who stared at him with her big doe eyes.
.
.
.
"Shinjiro!" Tamaki ran towards the said male, who was sitting next to a pillar with his guitar close to him, "So how was I? Did you like my performance?"
Shinjiro got up, "It was really cool. I'm surprised, senpai, you did great. It was really believable." He said, handing the taller male a towel.
"I discovered a new entire side of myself. I'm starting to think it might be a good idea to explore it." Tamaki dried his hair.
"Are you sure about that? I think you're fine just the way you're now, Tamaki-senpai." Shinjiro sincerely told Tamaki, who stared at him for a moment before blushing.
"Eh? You do?" He quietly asked, hiding his face on the towel he had on his head. "Well, if you say so, Shinjiro..."
Shinjiro stared at Tamaki for while before hearing a loud noise. He looked at where the noise came from and ran.
There, he saw Haruhi with tears on his eyes and two boys in front of her. He got in between then and glared at the boys, "Which one of you started this?" He asked with a deadly calm voice, pushing the two boys away from Haruhi.
"Wait, it's not what you think!" One of the boys said before pointing at Renge, "That girl started it, she was giving us a hard time!"
Haruhi got up, "He's telling the truth, Shinjiro. It wasn't their fault, they were provoked." Shinjiro turned to Haruhi, disregarding the fact that the two males ran away.
"That's still no excuse to hurt someone else." He crouched to Haruhi's level, "Are you in any pain? You're crying."
"Yeah... It's my contact." She showed her contact to Shinjiro, "I guess it must have slipped out."
Shinjiro sighed, "Thank god. I don't want the only sane person in Ouran to be in any pain." Haruhi smiled at him.
And Renge had to ruin the moment, "Please tell me you got that, cameraman!"
"Yes, boss!"
"Other than Haruhi's contact falling out, that was an ideal final scene! All it needs now is a moving narration by my sweet Kyoya!"
Kyoya suddenly appeared and broke the lense of the camera. "...What? Is something wrong?" Renge asked in a small voice.
"I'm terribly sorry, but I cannot allow there to be any record of a club member engaging in violence. I think you caused enough trouble around here, Renge. Please stop being such a pest." Kyoya told her, surprising the girl and making her tear up.
"A pest...? But you're supposed to pat me on the headand tell me not to worry! You're supposed to be kind and affectionate, Kyoya-sama! Why are you acting so differently now?! Tell me why!"
Tamaki approached her, "Because that's not the real Kyoya." He told the female, who turned to him with a sad expression. She fell down to the floor and continued crying.
"Does it really matter?" Haruhi asked, "Who cares if Kyoya is a little diferent than you expected him to be? Take a good look at the person inside and get to know them little by little. It's a lot more fun that way!"
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"I bought that video of that film you made!" One girl exclaimed.
"I bought it too!"
"And so did I!"
The hosts except Kyoya stared at them confused, "Huh? You did?" Tamaki asked.
"That scene in the rain was just phenomenal!"
"I loved the lonely prince!"
"And the loving relationship between Hikaru-kun and Kaoru-kun was so sweet!" The squealed.
"I want to see more of a lovestruck Shinjiro!"
"And Honey-senpai was so cute!"
"I can't get enough of Haruhi's pained expressions!"
Tamaki sighed, "Kyoya."
"I may have broken the camera's lense but the footage that we had already shot wasn't damaged. And the only thing that needed to be cut off was that one violence scene." He turned to them, "Sales have been pretty good so far. That Hollywood film crew did a fantastic job, but I guess that's to be expected."
Hikaru and Kaoru sweatdropped, "So that's what you meant by 'interesting'?"
"It's best to have as much money as we can." Kyoya told them brefore Renge came in.
"Good day everyone." She greeted, surprising the hosts.
"Renge? But I thought you had gone back to France already."
"I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner, it was so chivalrous of you to risk your life to protect me! I can feel the love when you lectured me about judging people!" She took Haruhi's hands in hers, "When you said it was fun to get to know people little by little you were talking about me!" She then took Shinjiro's hand, "And the way you protected Haruhi and I was so princely! Come on Haruhi, Shinjiro, let's go to my house and play some games together! I think it's time we know each other better!"
"W-wait, I have band practice, I can't!" Shinjiro exclaimed, only to be ignored by the female.
The twins stared at Kyoya with suspicious looks, "Hey Kyoya-senpai, did you come up with that?" They asked.
"Why wouldn't I have? Everything Renge said is true." Kyoya calmly told them.
"No it isn't!" Tamaki yelled.
"But I thought you were the one who wanted her to have a female friend in the first place." Kyoya said.
"Well yeah, I wanted Haruhi to have one, not Shinjiro!" He then turned to Renge, "No wait! Don't take Shinjiro from me!"
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i loved writing this chapter lol
anyway, guess who spent three hours writing this instead of making their homework!!
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