Fade in to the Blues... more or less. Church stares at Andy for awhile then looks at Tex.
Church: You have got to be kidding me. There is no way I'm gonna let this happen.
Tex: I told you, he can do it.
Andy: Yeah, I'm qualified.
Church: Listen I don't doubt, that he can do it. I doubt that I want him to do it.
Andy: Why?
Church: Well you know what Andy? You're not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals.
Andy: That's bullshit! You're only saying that 'cause you're a racist.
Church: Racist- bombs are not a race!
Andy: Eh, shut up ya dirty Shisno.
Church: We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a bomb? Am I the only person who has a problem with this?
Andy: Well unless you've got your English to Blarg-blarg dictionary like Sabine, I don't think you got a choice, now do ya.
Caboose: I had one of those, but I threw it out. It didn't have many pictures.
Tex: I'm sure this'll be fine.
Church: You know I feel that I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more that I just don't care, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kinda interesting. Go for it.
Tex: Alright, where's the alien?
Church: Oh shit, I forgot.
Cut to the alien still hiding while Sabine patched up Tucker
Tucker: (groans in pain) It hurts so much. Just like me die.
Sabine: Not gonna happen.
Cut to Donut riding around in the purple thing looking for Grif.
Donut: Grif. Oh Griiiiiiiif... ...Grif!
Donut finds him and gets out.
Grif: Huh, great.
Donut: There you are, where've you been?
Grif: Right here.
Donut: I've been lookin' all over for you. I looked in the base, I looked around the base, I looked on top of the base, I looked in the base again-
Grif: I think you need to learn what "all over" means.
Donut: Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back to the base, and-
Grif: No, I'm not going to do it.
Donut: No? But I didn't tell you what he wants.
Grif: Donut, it's Sarge. I know he doesn't want me to come in to the base to help him eat ice cream, he wants me to do stuff. Work stuff.
Donut: But-
Grif: Listen Donut, I know you're ridin' high on your new promotion right now, but don't think you can order me around. Me and Simmons we had a system. He didn't try to tell me what to do, and I didn't ignore him.
Donut: Wait, you ignored him all the time.
Grif: I'm sorry, wha-? I wasn't listening to you. See, the system works. Learn the system Donut.
Cut to Simmons painted blue on top of the cliff, spying on Grif and Donut through the sniper rifle
Simmons: Look at those jerks. They don't know how good they have it. Alright Sheila, remember the plan. We don't wanna hurt them, I just wanna make them totally jealous for kicking me out. How does my armor look, am I all blue?
Sheila: Yes!
Simmons: Okay, let's start Operation Blue with Envy. You know 'cause normally it's green, but I'm gon- I'm blue, but it doesn't make any sense to say y- you know. Attack! (loudly so Grif can hear) Hey Sheila, you know what's great? Being on Blue team, it's so awesome. Way more awesome than being on that ol' Red team. Anyone can be on Red team where you have to share a base, on Blue team, I get my own base.
Grif looks over his shoulder when Donut leaves a sees a poorly blue Simmons on top of the cliff.
Grif: Is that Simmons? Hey Simmons, why are you painted blue!? Have you finally lost it!?
Simmons: This isn't working, they don't care. Sheila just shoot at them.
Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)
Cut to Donut and Sarge. Donut looks at Sarge panicked.
Donut: I did my best Sarge, but Grif said he wouldn't come help.
Sarge: Son of a Ben 'n' Jerry, who's gonna help me eat all this ice cream we found?
Sheila's first shot hits the side of Red Base
Donut: Aaaahh, we're under attack!
Sheila: Target locked.
Sarge: Donut, you formulate a retaliation strategy. I'll secure the rum raisin.
Cut back to the Blues and Sabine... except for Simmons. Tucker on the ground groaning in pain.
Tucker: Oh-hohohoh, man. I'm gonna die.
Sabine: I've been hearing you say that for an hour doofus. I swear men are such babies when it comes to pain, for gods sake they think women are drama queens and we're always treated like glass. Am I the only one who thinks that?
Tex: No you are not.
Alien: Blargh arg-honk, largh, lwargh.
Caboose looks at Andy curiously.
Caboose: What's he saying now Andy?
Andy: Look guy, if you want me to translate for ya, you can't keep asking me every four seconds, what's he sayin' now Andy, what's he sayin' now? I'm gonna tell you what he's sayin', that's my freakin' job!
Caboose: That's what he said? That's a weird thing to say. Uh, tell him I said okay, I will not ask any, more of uh... that and also, no.
Sabine: I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not but nice one Caboose.
Church: Its Caboose what did you expect. On the plus side your the closest thing to a translator for Caboose that we got.
Alien: Wuarrrrgh!
Andy: Okay basically he's uh, he says he's pissed and terrified.
Church: Oh rea- yea- no kidding. Tex, are we paying for this service?
Tex: Just give him a chance.
Alien: Blargh, largh, wahublargh.
Andy: He says he came to claim some type of thing, and that the teal one took the thing...
Alien: Blarg blaargh.
Andy: And that now the thing is gone.
Tucker stands up groaning while holding his side.
Tucker: Who's the teal one?
Sabine: Seriously?
Tex: You are, idiot.
Tucker: No way, I'm aqua. Teal's out.
Church: That thing that he's talkin' about must be that sword, and it's not broken it's right there.
Church points to the sword that's off to the side as the alien get upset.
Alien: Argh blargh!
Andy: He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill, and retrieves it from his resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken.
Tex: Uh oh.
Tucker: Trial? Please, Me and Sabine fell in a hole,
Sabine activities her sword scaring Tucker.
Tucker: And that was it! I'm startin' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God.
Alien: B-blarg blarg!
Andy: He's begging you to turn it off.
Sabine looks at him confused.
Sabine: Why?
Alien: Largh largh blarg blarg.
Andy: The black sword used to belong to a warrior that defined their way of living. Basically no weapons allowed.
Alien: Blarg honk honk.
Andy: The warrior made that sword and got a bunch of other aliens to follow him and killed a bunch of other aliens that tried to stop him. Who ever wields the sword is the clans leader. In basic terms it's their version of the boogeyman. Congratulations your a murderous bitch now.
Sabine: I will slice you in half.
Alien: BLARG!
Andy: He's saying to have mercy.
Sabine: I'm talking to you Andy.
Sabine turns off the sword as church crosses his arms.
Church: This all sounds like bullshit to me.
Tex: No he's right. It didn't work for me, remember?
Sabine: Why'd you have it?
Tex: I needed a better weapon against the robots, I was only trying to help.
Church: Of course it didn't work for you, you're a girl. Means you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us.
Tex glares at him and crosses her arms.
Tex: Alright then you little smartass, you pick it up and try it.
Church looks at the sword, then at the alien who was chuckling then at Tucker holding his side.
Alien: (silently chuckling) Hur hur hur hur.
Church: Nah, I'll take his word for it.
Alien: Blargh blurg blabu blarg.
Andy: And now you gotta go with him, to fulfill the prophecy.
Tucker: Screw you.
Alien: Blar blarg blargh, hnnk hnnk!
Andy: Heh heh heh, good one. Uh oh yeah, he... he's not too thrilled about it either.
Tucker: See I knew this was a bad idea. Sorry to screw up your quest, dude, but I'm not goin'.
Andy: Aaand if you don't go, he'll destroy the base, and kill everybody here, except the scary black sword wielding bitch.
Sabine: (sarcastic) Thanks. That makes me feel better.
After a moment of silence they all knew what was gonna happen.
Church: ...Alright well have fun guys.
Tex: Hey a quest sounds fun, come on Tucker!
Andy: Aheh, I think he should stay here, 'cause, I like that killin' everybody option.
Sabine: I hate my life.