I put the suitcase down on my bed and sighed, it was six in the morning and I did not feel like being awake. "When you're there, always be around your teachers. Never walk away from them, and if you do call them. If your phone doesn't have more battery, what do you do?"
Dad asked, he had been going on about this for hours now. My brain was about to fall apart if I heard the same sentence again.
"I ask someone for help, and if I can find a cop, I'll ask for help," I repeated the words he had been saying. Dad nodded proudly as he patted my back while watching me squeeze all my things into the suitcase. It wasn't clothes, even though I almost put my whole closet in there. It was mostly things like shampoo, or toothbrushes and hairbrushes. My mom and dad had been buying twice as much as I needed, so I decided to just work with it and do as they say.
I looked out of the window and saw the bad weather, I don't get why they chose to make a trip when it's almost winter. Maybe they were thinking that France would look even prettier with snow and shit like that? I don't know, I can't think for others. "Sweetheart, I'm gonna text you every morning and night, okay?" Mom asked, I nodded and zipped the suitcase.
"It's so exciting for you, sissy." Hailey came from behind and ran her fingers through my hair and slowly pulled it harshly, making me gasp quietly but not too loud for someone to hear. "Thank you, Hailey." I forced it out of my mouth, even though I have nothing to thank her for. Benjamin came into the bedroom and noticed her hand in my hair. I was so happy that he noticed, I wasn't feeling comfortable with her around at all.
"What are you even doing here, Hailey?" Ben asked her and pulled me closer to him by putting his hand on my shoulder and removing me from her.
"I'm here to say bye to my favorite sister. Why is that a problem, Benjamin?" Hailey asked him. Benjamin looked at her and raised his eyebrows at her.
"No, I'm just wondering how you could wake up at six to say bye to the sister that you always yell at and—" Hailey took a step closer to him as a threat but dad interrupted. "Enough." Was what it took to shut them up, which wasn't much. I bit my lip nervously and looked away.
I looked at my younger brother and shook my head as I sighed. I got the suitcase down on the ground as I checked my phone to see if anyone had texted me, nothing from anyone. I was about to text Jasmine and Sophia until mom took the suitcase from me and walked out of my bedroom.
"Get dressed, we have to leave soon," Dad said, patting my back for the last time as he left with Benjamin and Hailey following behind.
The day before I had planned out what I was gonna wear, my black hoodie and sweatpants. That was the most comfortable thing I could find for a plane trip that was gonna last for hours, not to mention that we have to switch to a ship as well. I looked at myself in the mirror, changing the way my hair was sitting to try and look extra good. I wanted to impress Ryder, prove that I can look good even with sweatpants on. I nodded to myself and walked out of our bedroom as I closed the door behind me.
"Mom! Dad! I'm ready!" I yelled out for them to hear. They came over to me and got the last things that we had to put down in the car.
"I'm leaving, the kids need me at home. Have a fun trip." Hailey said with a sarcastic smile. I rolled my eyes as she left the apartment. We all got downstairs and out to the parking lot as we found our car and put it in the luggage room.
My mom and dad sat upfront, my dad driving. As I sat in the back with Benjamin holding my hand as my support. It took so long to get to the airport, but we live pretty far away so it was understandable. It just made me more anxious, that everything felt like it was going slow. I was so nervous about everything, so many things could go wrong and my parents telling me stories about teenagers never coming home from a school trip, wasn't helping. I didn't know if they were trying to convince me not to go, if they did, it would already be a little late.
I was so thankful for Ryder, and that he spent money on me just so I could come. I don't want to argue more about it with him, I just wanna spend my time with him while feeling grateful for what he has helped me out with. I realized that we had arrived when my brother poked my shoulder and made me snap out of my fucked up thoughts. I stepped out of the car as my parents were already outside. My dad handed me my suitcase as I grabbed the handle and began walking out of the inside parking garage with my family beside me.
We walked inside the airport, I looked to the right and left as I noticed the big amount of people to the left. I could spot Mrs. Eastwood and a bunch of other kids from my grade. I turned to my parents and little brother with a forced smile. I've never been so far away from my parents before, and I think that scared me.
"I'll text you every night, okay?" Mom asked as she reached out for a hug. I hugged her and nodded my head.
"Of course," I mumbled and she pulled away. I looked at my dad and saw the sad smile on his face. I hated that this felt like a goodbye than a see you later. I hugged him tightly and closed my eyes to embrace the moment I was having with him.
"You take care of yourself when you're there, understood?" Dad asked and pulled away as he gently clapped my cheek while I was nodding at his question.
I looked over at the last person standing which was my little brother, Ben. I kissed his forehead before hugging him for some very long minutes.
"I love you so much. Don't ever stop being so brave, not even when I come back, okay?" I asked and could feel him nod. I pulled away from the hug and looked at him with a smile. "I'm so proud of you," I whispered and put my hands on his cheeks.
"I love you." He answered and hugged me again, this time a very quick and short hug.
"Now go, we don't want you to be late," Benjamin said as he sent my parents a smile, and they just nodded. I nodded back and walked over to the big amount of people standing to the left. I dragged my suitcase along and walked over to Mrs. Eastwood that was standing with Mrs. Gomes and Mr. Benson.
"Hello there, I just wanted to let you know that I'm here," I said with a smile. Mrs. Gomes smiled and nodded at me as Mrs. Eastwood wrote something down in her journal. I tried to see what she was writing down and saw my name but then someone hugged me from behind, of course, it was two different bodies around me. Jasmine and Sophia pulled away as they stood in front of me. "I'm so happy that you could make it!" Sophia said as she hugged me again.
"Me too! This is going to be an experience." I said and smiled, looking around in the crowd to see Ryder sitting there with that Stephanie girl and Milan beside him. I don't know why I got so jealous all of a sudden. Did he do that on purpose? Sit beside her on purpose because he knew it would make me jealous? No, I'm overthinking and overreacting. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't realized that Ryder was looking right back at me.
I immediately looked away and acted like I was interested in the girls' conversation. "I talked with Alina and Amelia yesterday, they told me that they saw them making out like down the street," Jasmine said and made a disgusted face. I was interested now, of course, I wanted to know what was going on around us.
"Who?" I asked, I was completely clueless.
"Oscar and that girl... Sabrina? Well, she's older than us." Sophia answered for Jasmine. I nodded while trying to think back... who the fuck is Sabrina? If she's older than us, then I have a picture in my mind that I could imagine was her. But I wasn't sure, because I honestly did not know any Sabrina. I looked over at Oscar, who had just sat down beside Milan. He had a hickey close to his throat. I wonder how it felt like getting it. Oscar was looking at me, he knew I was looking.
That's so embarrassing. I fucking hate myself sometimes. He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes and looked away. Oscar was not my type, he was blond-haired and tall and skinny, which I don't have anything against, I just have my preferences. I looked at the entrance and saw that Mrs. Dunn was joining us as well, she came closer and I hugged her as quick as I could. "Okay, kids! We are all here, that's great..." Mrs. Eastwood said and put her journal in her bag. This was getting even more exciting.
"We are going to go through the security screening and baggage security too, everything else we have to. Be ready with your passports, I don't want trouble or issues with any of the staff here. Understood?" She asked everyone, and everyone responded with a nod and some humming. Jasmine, Sophia, and I were one of the last ones in the queue, but we got through it without any issues. What annoyed me was that Mrs. Dunn had to go through extra security because of her hijab.
A hijab is so beautiful, especially on her. And I hate that it's so normalized for things like these to happen. She was allowed to move on, which was no surprise. Mrs. Dunn would never be a threat, not to anyone. Every student got through even if they had to go through the security search again, or more. Thankfully I didn't have to go through more than the usual one. We got to the airport lounge, kinda like a waiting room, and found seats. The teachers told us that they weren't sure when the plane was ready for us. Sounded worse every time a student asked them over and over.
"I'll just go over there and talk to Mrs. Dunn," I said and got up, smiling at my best friends to confirm that everything was okay. Mrs. Dunn was sitting on her phone, on Instagram, as she scrolled on her feed and looked at the hair tutorials. I sat down beside her and smiled. "Hi there," I said and she looked up at me and turned her phone off, putting it on her lap. She seemed a bit surprised, but she has no idea what impact she had on me.
She's truly one of the best teachers I've ever had. She knew her shit and knew how to make us understand whatever we needed help with.
"Hi there, sweetheart. What's up?" She asked and played with my hair.
"Not much. Just wanted to check up on you, are you excited?" I asked and looked around, seeing Ryder and Stephanie talking again, but with Mrs. Eastwood standing and being in the conversation with them.
"Of course I'm excited. Are you? You don't seem like it." Mrs. Dunn told me.
"I am excited, just a bit nervous too," I explained and forced a smile on my lips. I was honestly so nervous, I don't even know why. I'm usually not allowed to leave my town when I ask my parents, but they allowed me to go to another whole country just like that? I don't know what to think. Was this a mistake?
"There's nothing to be nervous about. If you need anything, I'll always be here to help." She assured me as she put her hands in mine and squeezed them in a comforting way. I never understood how she was single, she's beautiful and wifey material. Everything about her is so perfect, she is beautiful. She knew how to put makeup on well, not too much, but the exact right fit. Her hijab was also so beautiful on her. I'll always be jealous of how beautiful she is on the inside and outside.
"Can I ask you something?" Mrs. Dunn asked, before asking her real question. I nodded.
"Why aren't you with Ryder?" She questioned, while I could feel her eyes almost pointing at him from the distance we were at. I looked behind me and watched them talk together, when I rolled my eyes at them I accidentally looked at Mrs. Gomes, so I was hoping she wouldn't notice. I don't want her to think that I was rolling my eyes at her.
"I don't know, he finds that bitch Stephanie more interesting, so," I mumbled and slapped my hand over my mouth when I realized what I just called her.
"I don't think you have anything to worry about, she used to be in my class, and she talks so much." Mrs. Dunn joked, which made me laugh and feel so much better about it. I looked back at them and suddenly a very angry Mrs. Gomes was storming over to us.
"Why did you roll your eyes at me? Did I do something to make you annoyed? Or mad?"
I sighed and shook my head at her as a no.
"No, it didn't mean to be at you. It was at Stephanie and Ryder, but I accidentally looked at you when I was about to roll my eyes. Well, I am upset! A few weeks ago you didn't even ask how I was, you just asked where Jasmine was and walked away again." I said, changing the subject as quickly as I could.
"Someone's jealous." She laughed out, talking about the Ryder and Stephanie thing. I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I'm not jealous, I just don't like her. That's all." Bad excuse, I was so fucking jealous of her. Why does he hang out with her all the time and not me? Why does he want to keep things private between us but he doesn't even try to hide anything when he's around her? I guess I'm just more confused than I'm jealous.
"I would say that if I was jealous too. Anyway, we'll talk about that some other time. That thing about me ignoring you, it wasn't on purpose, I was stressed and I had plans with Jasmine so I had to cut it short with you." Mrs. Gomes explained, and Mrs. Dunn put her arm around my neck, pulling me close.
"I would never do that to you, Alissa. That's why I'm your favorite teacher, right?" Mrs. Dunn teased Mrs. Gomes. I decided to just join in on it. "Of course, you would never do such a thing to me." I nodded my head and smiled.
Mrs. Gomes gasped and shook her head. "You two are so mean, I was apologizing!" I was about to answer her but then we all heard Mrs. Eastwood yell at someone because of how quiet it just got suddenly, so we looked over and saw who it was. Sophia and Milan? Really? I did not expect that, I've never seen those two interact, like ever. It genuinely confused me.
"Stop arguing! If this is how you're gonna act, I'm gonna call your parents and tell them to come and pick you up. Act like kids and you'll get treated like some as well." Mrs. Eastwood shouted at them. My eyes widened as I got up from the seat I had been sitting on beside Mrs. Dunn and excused myself as I walked over to the girls.
"What happened?" I asked them. I had been away for five minutes at least and I missed out on all of the drama.
"Jasmine rejected Milan yesterday, he wanted her to come over and she didn't. So he got so angry that he decided to come over here and call her a bitch and a whore. It's crazy how men can't handle rejection." Sophia shook her head at her own words. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Jasmine.
"Why did I not know about any of this?" I asked her, but instead, Sophia answered for her again.
"I didn't even know until five minutes ago." I sighed and took a seat beside them. One thing is that Milan has to calm the fuck down and stop being so aggressive, something else is that Jasmine kept it away from us, which rarely happens so it's pretty weird for her to do.
"Why didn't you tell us about it, Jasmine?"
She looked at me and shrugged. I had a feeling that there was even more that she wasn't telling us, but I didn't want to force her into telling us about whatever it was. I could suddenly feel something between my legs, and I was praying that it wasn't my period.
"I'll go to the bathroom, real quick," I said and smiled at them and they just nodded.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Sophia asked, and I shook my head.
"It's alright," I answered and informed Mrs. Eastwood that I would be going to the bathroom, in case they would be looking for me. I knew that wouldn't happen, but you never know with this grade. I quickly got to the bathroom and went into one of the bathroom stalls, checking my underwear as quickly as I could. Nothing. I sighed in relief and got out of the stall as I washed my hands.
I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring my looks for once. "What the fuck are you doing?" I looked to the entrance and saw Milan standing there.
"What are you doing here? This is the girls' bathroom." I snapped back at him. He rolled his eyes at me and took his cap off, frustratedly fixing his hair before putting it on again.
"I need help with Jasmine," Milan told me, making me chuckle in response. I didn't expect him to answer with that. He looked at himself in the mirror and leaned in over the sink while putting his hands on the side of it.
"You already fucked that up, buddy," I answered and took a step back as the wall touched my back and I crossed my arms over my chest. Milan looked at me and stood up straight again, facing me.
"Is it because of the virginity thing? Is that why she refuses to see me again?" He asked and I gasped so loudly. Louder than you even can imagine.
"You're fucking kidding me, you took her virginity?" I asked and got no answer. I knew that that meant yes but I wanted to hear it from him, which I didn't get to hear.
"What happened after you took her virginity? Since she doesn't want to see you." I questioned something else, hoping he would answer this time.
"I just... left and ignored her messages and avoided her." I honestly wouldn't have expected anything different from him. It's his image, and I don't assume that was his first time doing that so I didn't understand why it was a problem.
"Can I punch you?" I asked. I was mad, really mad. I couldn't believe she gave him her virginity and got this in return.
"Why would you ask me?" Milan asked and furrowed his eyebrows like I was the stupid one.
"So I know you're not going to be a pussy about it and get me in trouble," I explained. It took Milan a few minutes to respond, but he did look like someone who was considering it. "Okay, fine. Just not too hard—"
I punched him in the face a bit too hard, making him fall on the ground and groan, stopping the blood from coming out of his nose with his hand. I was disgusted by the blood on him and reached my hand down for him to grab it and get up. I took some paper towels and handed them over to him, and he took them out of my hand and put them up to his nose.
"How do you hit that fucking hard?" Milan groaned and looked at himself in the mirror. A woman stepped into the bathroom and looked at us weirdly.
"He's my son," I said with a big smile and it was obvious that she didn't believe me. I patted his head quickly and watched the woman go into the bathroom stall and lock the door.
"Oh right, because she believed that." Milan rolled his eyes. "Remind me of why you're in here again? Oh right. To get my help, so if you're gonna be complaining about my actions, then get the fuck out of here." I whisper-yelled at him angrily. He removed the paper from his nose and sighed while staying quiet for a while.
"How do I make her forgive me?" Milan asked and avoided looking into my eyes. He probably felt embarrassed about it, he doesn't seem like the guy to ask for help, especially not his enemy's help.
"Give her space, let her anger and sadness cool off. When we get in France, buy her some nice flowers with—"
"Flowers? Are you being fucking serious?"
"Well you can't give her virginity back, flowers is the least you can do," I answered in a harsh tone, the tone he deserved to hear. The woman stepped out of the stall and stood between us as she washed her hands and grabbed some paper towels to dry her hands. "How old were you when you got him?" She asked me. I licked my bottom lip nervously.
"Around fourteen or fifteen? I was one horny teenager." I said and tried to laugh like my mom does when she talks to my aunt. "Oh! A teen mom, how old are you now?" I cleared my throat and looked at Milan, gripping onto the counter nervously as I looked back at the woman. I laughed again but this time in a nervous way than before.
"Thirty-one!" I said and smiled. I know this woman heard our conversation, so I don't understand why she was lying about this. I had to say thirty-one so the math was adding up.
"You do not age! Wow, you look so young." She answered. I giggled with her shook my head and walked over to Milan so we were standing beside each other, side to side.
"Thank you! I get that a lot. My baby is seventeen now, so crazy how fast they grow. He's already taller than me!" I exclaimed and hugged him from the side and messed his hair up. I gave Milan the eyes, forcing him to say something.
"Mom, you're so embarrassing when you say those things." He said it in a way where it was able to tell that he was forced to say it. I let go of him and sighed while having the biggest smile on my lips.
"I'm just so proud of you sweetheart." I laughed out, not being able to keep my shit together. I could tell how annoyed he was at me for doing this.
"I'm happy for you! I know how hard it is to be a mom. Can't imagine what it's like as a teen mom! Have a nice flight." The random woman said and smiled as she walked past us and left the bathroom. I burst out laughing and distanced myself from Milan, not being able to breathe properly. Milan ignored me and rolled his eyes annoyedly. I took a deep breath when I was done laughing and exhaled.
"Shut the fuck up, we're never speaking of this again. Help me with fixing things with Jasmine." It was almost like a demand, this guy fucked it up with her, not me. But honestly, I love the idea of them being together. The emo and the popular stoner and jerk, are not something you're used to seeing. So maybe it would be a good idea if I helped him, but I'm not gonna let him get off so easy.
"What's the magic word?" I asked and smiled.
He groaned and shook his head at me. "Don't tell me you're being fucking serious right now," Milan said. I nodded and smirked because I knew that he hated this more than anything else. "More serious than ever. Come on." I told him and raised an eyebrow at him. I knew he wasn't gonna do it but it was fun pushing him to the edge anyway.
"Please?" He added to his sentence. I laughed and nodded in response. While Milan stood there and waited for a serious answer, I had my fun.
"Okay, okay. Give her those flowers, maybe put a poem down there too, oh and stop being a jerk to her. Just be patient. Don't leave her alone for too long though, she might lose feelings quickly. Be a bit flirty and annoying, a mix! A mix is always good." I advised him. Milan nodded.
"That doesn't sound that stupid. I'll add you on Snapchat so we can talk further whenever the fuck I fuck it up again." He said and walked toward the door.
"No! You can't. If you go out of the girls' bathroom before I do, it'll look suspicious. I'll go first and you'll come after fifteen minutes, okay?" I said and he nodded.
I nodded back to him and walked over to the door, pushing it open and walking out and back to my seat beside Jasmine and Sophia. When Sophia saw Milan leaving the bathroom too, she looked at me suspiciously but said nothing. I looked around and saw that Ryder was sitting with his friends now, he looked up from his phone and rolled his eyes when our eyes met. I was in utter shock, he had no right to be annoyed and why was he even annoyed?
I grabbed my phone to check if he had texted, and he had. I clicked on the notification and read the message that he had sent.
Ryder : what were you doing with Milan in the girls' bathroom?
Me : What are you talking about?
Ryder : he came out of the bathroom like five minutes after you. Don't tell me that's not suspicious. Do you like him?
Me : you gotta be fucking kidding me. You are the one saying this? You've been up Stephanie's ass all day and when I spend five minutes with another guy I'm suddenly committing a crime?
I didn't mean to snap at him through the messages like that, and he didn't even answer after seeing the message. I sighed to myself and looked at Sophia beside me, who had been reading my messages. She tried mouthing something with her lips, but I didn't even want to try to understand what she was saying so I just pointed at my phone. Sophia was already holding her phone so she just logged on and texted me.
Sophia : Are you fucking Milan?
Me : me? What! No! Are you goddamn crazy? I would never do that to myself or Jasmine. He's annoying and disgusting and nasty and I hate him, I refused to be in the same group as him and you think we're fucking? Definitely not.
Sophia : then what the fuck is going on? I'm so confused.
Me : I can't tell you everything, but I'm just helping him out. He wants help to make it up to Jasmine. Seems like he likes her.
Sophia put her phone down and nodded at me, smiling proudly. I looked over at Jasmine and she had fallen asleep on Sophia's lap, which was so cute. I looked at the other people around the airport, waiting for their flights as well. It felt good to know that we were getting away soon but at the same time, there was a feeling in my chest. I hate waiting, the flights always take so goddamn fucking long. Don't mess this up for yourself, Alissa. The only thing I wanted was for me to be happy for one day.
I remember once Mrs. Gomes tried to be poetic about me saying that there's something wrong with me. She told me that I wasn't my anxiety, anxiety isn't me, anxiety is just something I'm dealing with sometimes. I wish I could stand up against it, see the real side of me that I haven't even discovered yet. Everything was going so well and now it's just so dark and sad. I always mess the mood up. When I was younger I used to tell myself that I shouldn't mess up the day for myself, but I always ended up doing exactly that.
"The plane is here! Get up and form into a line! Mrs. Dunn will give you some paper, it's the name of your seats. You can't switch seats but if a teacher decided to change it, that's the only thing acceptable." Mrs. Eastwood yelled at everyone. Everyone got into the line and the teacher handed us some paper. I was sitting at 14D next to Jasmine that was sitting on 14C.
We got inside and it was so hard to walk between the seats because of all the many people inside of the plane, our baggage was already taken care of. I sat down on my seat and Jasmine beside me, Sophia was placed with Amelia, she seemed neutral about it.
"No! Change of seats before we take off! Ryder switched seats with Jasmine. I don't know what idiot put Milan and Ryder beside each other, but it's not gonna work." Mrs. Gomes shook her head. Jasmine and Ryder got up as they switched seats.
When Ryder sat down beside me I just looked out of the window and pretended not to care. We sat quietly until the flight took off, he had tried to get my attention multiple times, kicking his leg into mine, pushing his elbow against me on purpose. It made me want to hit him even more, he knows how to take a hint he just refuses to take it right now. He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked at me with a smile. "You're mad at me."
"Great observation, buddy." I looked over at him and said, when he chuckled I looked back out of the window and saw how we were moving higher and higher up. The skies were starting to show and it was very pretty up there, making me less scared and more admirable about the whole thing about flying.
"Aliss, I'm sorry. I don't like Stephanie in any way, at all. You're the only girl I could ever like. If it's a problem I'll stop talking to her and block her on everything, I don't want us to get disagreements over someone who doesn't know the difference between a free kick and a penalty. It's so ridiculous, and I'm sorry about what I said about you and Milan too. I got a bit jealous and annoyed but that isn't an excuse. I'm sorry." Ryder apologized, making me smile.
"Did you just call me Aliss?" I asked and chuckled, he chuckled back nervously and nodded. "It's okay... just please don't assume such a thing about me and Milan ever again. That's so disgusting." I said and looked behind our seats and saw Milan trying to speak with Jasmine, which wasn't working since she was ignoring the shit out of him.
"I can't believe she doesn't know the difference between a free kick and a penalty," I exclaimed and laughed with him. I put my lips on his and kissed him shortly. He hugged me from the side and I put my arm around him and ran my fingers through his hair while pushing his hood down. I knew he hated it when I did that, but it was easier for me to get access to touching his hair. He didn't say anything though, I was expecting him to complain about it but he didn't.
"Did you download all of the music you could?" Ryder asked me. I answered with a nod.
"Did you bring your AirPods with you?" He asked again, and I answered with a nod too.
Ryder sat up properly as I grabbed my AirPods out of my jacket's pocket and connected it to my phone as I put the left AirPod in his ear, making the music start again. He laid his head on my shoulder and I put my head on him, closing my eyes and slowly drifting to sleep.
_______________________
Hello everyone! I hope you had a nice day. I also hope that you are doing good and everything is okay in your life! You deserve that. And don't forget to take care of yourself, that's very important.
If you don't like the Muslim teacher reputation I gave, get the fuck out of here. I hate racist bitches and there's no room for any racist people in here. I support everything and everyone, no matter what it is. I love you no matter who you are, how you look, nothing but you matter to me. You are so important.
I love you all so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it means so much to me when you vote so please do<3(: